Men-hating women (a rant)

[hyphenate]

Those of us who are women aren't normally man-hating. Personally, I love men for the most part, unless the guys are super-assholes (and who coincidentally are often ones with a (R) beside their name), or have some other major problems.

And then there are the women who blame everything on the men, even if it's a ludicrous assertion. ("It's raining! I'm going to kill my husband!")

On another board, (CNN, in fact) there is a discussion going on about Charlie Sheen, and how his "bad boy" rep gives him a pass when it comes to certain scandals. There are a couple of posters there who keep up the falsehood that the women in Charlie's life (real life, NOT reel life) are completely blameless and that Charlie Sheen needs to be in jail for abusing women.

Yes, there are abusive men out there--I know it, and have known some of them personally--but I have my doubts as to how guilty Charlie Sheen is in this area. His current wife was loaded on XMas Day, and she was trying to attack Charlie, NOT vice versa. But the shit-storm continues against him, and I think he's getting a very raw deal.

Why are so many of these women out there so nasty toward him? Are they projecting their fears onto him, seeing as he is one of the visible poster "bad" boys in the world? I get angry when I see ignorant people talking through their asses about politics, but some lack of intelligence can be expected on a complex subject: entertainment is one of the most transparent topics the world over, and people STILL allow themselves to be in the dark about pop culture??!!

As I said earlier on one of those posts, Somewhere between the two sides of an argument is the truth--and no one should assume someone is "guilty as charged" unless there have been more witnesses, and objective ones at that.

I am constantly seeing the extremists on the RR who bemoan all the scandals, killings, etc., and try to pin all the bad stuff on the "godless liberals" and their "secular" society. I've seen the opposite: too many of those hypocritical assholes with their self-righteousness and "holier than thou" arrogance. If people accepted each other on the basis that no one of us is inherently better than another, it would be a much better world. (Except for those fundies, who are just assholes, no matter how you slice them!)

[Hello_Kitty]

1. The most man-hating women I see are traditional conservative ones.

They view their husbands as walking wallets who are barely better than animals, otherwise.

[Darth_Kitten]

9. If I ever found a man worthy of being a wallet for me.....

I'd dig my claws in and never let go. :evilgrin: ;)

[tabatha]

2. I am so tired of people (mostly on the right)

pontificating on subjects without a shred of evidence or facts.

"Somewhere between the two sides of an argument is the truth" - as someone said there are two sides to a story and the truth.

[joeunderdog]

11. On balance...

did you see the Duke (fraudulent) Rape case thread? Lot of people calling themselves Liberal weren't too fair-minded in their comments.

[omega minimo]

3. You're dragging that stuff you don't like from another board over here with inflammatory OP title

because ............................................... ?

Consider the source.

[hyphenate]

10. Validation?

Some kind of "we're with ya!" sentimentality?

After becoming interested in politics to some degree for awhile now, I can see that politics permeates every other topic on the planet. I used to hate politics when I was an entertainment/TV nut, but now I see that personal politics, where people constantly put themselves above others, has no bounds. I have some wishful thinking that people like those women are in a minority, and I would like to see some kind of proof that it is true.

But like msny other things, I am afraid that it remains just that: wishful thinking.

[omega minimo]

14. You can honor yourself by not paying attention to them. It sounds frustrating.

[Sanity Claws]

4. Did you listen to the 911 tape?

The wife's family was with them when the incident occurred. The family separated them and he had a knife.

I'm not a man-hater but I don't like people pulling weapons of any sort in an argument. People fight all the time -- an adult learns to control himself or walk away.

[FreakinDJ]

5. Thanks for your sincerity

Ex-wife (very short marriage) was an incest survivor. I don't think she was in control of her "Man-hating" episodes.

Destructive would be an understatement

[hyphenate]

16. Traumatic events in one's life can definitely set off

PTSD. It doesn't just have to be a soldier in an unjust war, or something as big as 9-11, but it's becoming more clear all the time that we are living in a world that often moves far too fast for us. The violence alone creeps me out--I hardly go to the movies anymore unless I know there is not going to be a lot of graphic violence in it. We've got our priorities backward--violence is okay, love and sex is not.

I feel bad for your ex-wife--growing up, and living under that kind of fear with the people you are supposed to trust is a soul killer.

My first novel talked a great deal about creepy men and what kind of abuse they subjected their friends and "loved ones" to. It's a fictional work that has quite a few elements in it, but the protagonist talks about how some abusers just use psychological abuse, which can be worse in some ways than physical abuse. You can't "see" an emotional scar for proof of abuse and mind games have their own stigma.

But abuse is still abuse, no matter what it looks like.

[FreakinDJ]

17. She had a unique trigger - "when things go too good"

It was always out of the blue.

If life was too good, our relationship too good, her having too much success - "BAMM, the world had to be upside down". I moved away but not soon enough, she was 2 months pregnant at the time. She came and stayed for a few months, long enough to leave when our son was 2 months old. But then the worst heart ache of all started as I had no contact with her and my son for the next 9 months.

When I did see my son again it was at the grandmother's request. Wasn't sure why then but I soon found out. With in 3 weeks the police in a town 40 miles away summoned me to a sleazy motel where her, her new boyfriend and my son had been staying. Her and the New Boyfriend had been contemplating suicide together with a .38 revolver when a shot went off through the walls of the hotel. God knows what they intended for the child.

A month later after she had been receiving treatment, was successfully getting back on her feet she began repeating the cycle molesting our son.

Thats when I pulled the plug, notified the authorities, and our son has not had an unsupervised visit with her since.

A few therapist kept tabs on him for years, but it happened at such a young age and for a short duration that it has been lost in the shuffle of his life's experiences. Life for him has returned to normal. I have since remarried to a wonderful, well balanced, highly educated woman who loves my son - well probably a little more then me. Poor thing, due to the injustice known as life is unable to have children of her own. So when she took on my son at 4 years old, she just made him her own

Gawd - that was years ago. I never talk about it. I suppose it is the anonymity of the internet and your writing that got me to tell it now.

Good Day and Good Luck

[pipi_k]

6. Well, the thing about guys like Charlie Sheen is...

they're pretty much enabled in their bad behavior by the women who get involved with them and stay with them because "I LOOOOOOOVVVVE HIM!!!" instead of kicking their sorry asses out and forcing them to get the help they need.

When you're an adult and you aren't under anyone's control (meaning nobody is holding a gun to your head) and you stay in a crappy situation (whether you're a man or a woman) then you cease to be a "victim".

I really have mixed feelings about people in situations like that. yeah, I understand how hard it is to leave...especially if you have children. I was with more than one abusive man over the years, and it was VERY hard, but I did get out. Even with kids.

I really hate to say it, but I honestly believe some people, on some subconscious level, want to be victims. No doubt my opinion will probably piss off lots of people, but I don't care.

If the person you're with is that much of an asshole, stop being a fucking doormat and get up off the floor and leave. Do something besides sticking around being a punching bag and making excuses for the person.


PS...not directing this rant at either gender, since abusers can be male or female...

[Tab]

7. I'm a male

and straight, and on my second marriage.

My first marriage might have convinced me all women are nuts, but I was aware enough to realize it was just her that had psychological problems.

I don't know about Charlie Sheen, but I've heard enough to gather that he has anger management problems. That shouldn't translate to all men, just him. There are plenty of women with anger management problems too, and I wouldn't want relationships with them, but nothing says they're the norm.

The problem often is that if you're mainly exposed to a certain personality type, e.g.: aggression/protection, you translate protection as positive and don't realize that the protection that comes with it is often controlling and negative.

There are lots of great men and women out there. There are also lots of men and women that I wouldn't be in a relationship with if you paid me.

Just be careful who you pick, and look out for red flags.

- Tab

[seabeyond]

8. exactly. nt

[Fleshdancer]

12. but, um, the reports say he strangled her, pulled a knife on her, then threatened to kill her.

(allegedly)

How loaded does a woman have to get on Christmas Day to deserve getting choked and threatened by her spouse? Two drinks? Five drinks? 10 drinks and a smart mouth to match? The only answer that makes ANY sense to me is: IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE YOU DON'T CHOKE AND THREATEN TO KILL YOUR SPOUSE.

This isn't a "blame the man" thing, it's a proper social response to a news report on domestic violence. If Sheen did this, then he's an asshole. Tiger's wife was also an asshole for (allegedly) beating her spouse with a golf club. If this makes me a self-righteous asshole, then so be it. One thing it will never make me is hypocritical though because deep down we all know that if the victim of domestic abuse was our mother, our sister, or our daughter, we ALL would be judging the abuser as an asshole.

[Mad_Dem_X]

18. +1

"The only answer that makes ANY sense to me is: IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE YOU DON'T CHOKE AND THREATEN TO KILL YOUR SPOUSE."

:applause:

[rantormusing]

13. It's raining! I'm going to kill my husband!")

That was wroth a rec, but i don't know much about Charlie SHeen's personal life, and probably wont try to find out. I see Omega is here, so that makes you more credible. Have fun.


:popcorn:

[noamnety]

15. Once you shoot a girlfriend

people tend not to give you the benefit of the doubt. People are meanies like that.

[mzmolly]

19. One might wish to familiarize themselves

with Charlie Sheen's history before believing his well paid spin masters.