BREAKING: CNN’s John Avlon Named Media Asshat of the Year

[Capers]

January 3, 2010
CNN’s John Avlon Named Media Asshat of the Year

John Avlon’s credentials as an independent are rock solid. Just ask him. Way back when, during the 2008 presidential campaign, John not only served as Rudy Giuliani’s Director for Speechwriting, but simultaneously as Rudy Giuliani’s Deputy Director for Policy. Now that’s independence.

These days John is an independent CNN contributor. From atop the shining pedestal of independent centrism he managed to construct in his parents basement using nothing more than independent bellybutton lint, John regularly shares with the CNN audience the names of people he’s independently determined to be “wingnuts.” With the coming of 2010 and all, John has unveiled 2009’s list of top five wingnuts.

By including a couple Democrats on his list of batshit crazy Republicans, John feebly pitches “they‘re all the same“ meme without falling victim to independicitis. So he hopes.

You see, John’s is very upset about healthcare. His team of independroids, after giving it their best shot, has not been able to convince Americans that all of the Republican Party’s death-panel talk is somehow on par with what Democrats (and all other sane people) know about healthcare: That if you don’t have it, you might die. Truth is so burdensome. As a leading independent, John knows this better than anyone.

Let’s be honest here. Wingnuttery is what Republicans are all about. You simply can’t sell a list of wingnuts if it features more Republicans than Democrats.

The formula was simple enough, thought John: Take two media loudmouths -- one Democratic and one Republican -- and two politicians -- again, one Democratic and one Republican -- and stir ’em together with a few cups of healthcare-debate indepencecy, and serve it up with the requisite portion of Sarah Palin.

Nudging the misinformed towards finding parity between Michelle Bachman and Alan Grayson should be a cakewalk. They’re both elected members of Congress, after all, and we know all politicians are the same. And Palin, well, Palin sells. But what to do about the leaders of the Republican Party? What to do about Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck? There’s no room for both of them on a list of five. It lacks independenticism. And what of the parity? One of them will have to go, John decided.

I know…

Let’s just say it’s been a big year for Glenn Beck. Yeah, that’s it! We’ll tell ’em it’s all relative. It’s about whoever’s holding the hot hand. That will draw attention from Limbaugh’s glaring absence. And who’s to question my methods? After all, I‘m the one promoting modern independentionalism, not them.

Ta-daaaaa! :

1. Michelle Bachman
2. Alan Grayson
3. Glenn Beck
4. Sarah Palin
5. Ed Schultz

http://tinyurl.com/y95jqs2

Nice work, John Avlon! You’ve managed to make light of one of the most pressing issues this country has ever faced while dismissing the untimely deaths of tens of thousands of human beings. All to promote yourself.

Viva la independencia!

For his work in this regard, for putting truth on par with insanity, CNN’s John Avlon is hereby named Media Asshat of the Year.

You wear it well, John.

[monmouth]

1. I do hope this is being sent to CNN. They should be updated ya know?...n/t

[louis-t]

2. Yes, they need time to rent the tuxes for the awards banquet

doncha know.

[bleever]

3. Nicely done.

Welcome to DU, Capers!