by wilbur:
The announcement of Byron Dorgan’s retirement brought back one of the most searing memories from my childhood – and a lesson that I learn over and over again – when you screw over your friends because you think they have nowhere to go, they go home. I grew up in a suburb of New York. There was this rivalry between our neighborhood and one a block down. We always seemed to be at war with each other. The first snow often brought a massive snowball fight, and for the last couple of years our neighborhood had suffered humiliating retreats. I was younger and a soldier in these snowball fights. But this year I was growing taller and stronger and more athletic and more sure of myself and I was rising through the ranks. By my side was my best friend Michael. Even has a pre-teen he was a solid guy, very quiet, but also determined and exceptionally loyal. He was always there with me and took my side in every dispute. We hung out together quite a bit. It was good having him around, knowing Michael would always have my back.
The first big snow came that year. I went over to Michael’s house early in the morning and we plotted our strategy. Snow ball fight aren’t as easy as they seem – I mean you have the people that are with you, that you play ball with, that you watch television with, but that’s never enough. Often times the difference are the kids who really aren’t connected to any group, who go with whichever group has the best athletes at the moment or whosever houses have the best snacks. It is a fact of snowball fights – you need allies. And you need a great fort. I guess it is more of a symbol than anything else – a place where you will make your stand. Michael was really interested in the fort, he really wanted to design it, said he had been thinking about the fort the whole year. He said what he wanted to do was pour water over it so it had an ice coating and couldn’t be knocked down so easily. I was only eleven but I thought it was a great idea. And when we went to meet our friends they all thought it was a pretty good idea as well.
<snip>
We started building the fort. Ricky, one of these floater kids I was talking about, started nosing around with a friend of his. I don’t know why now but I was convinced that Ricky was be a really good get for a snowball fight. I asked him if he would like to join us. He held back a little, but he started to help building the fort, and melding in with us. Just as we finished Michael came out of his house with this big pot of water.
<snip>
Ricky wasn’t really making any sense, but I wanted to keep him around. I didn’t trust crossing him and I knew Michael had my back. I went up to Michael and said, "Maybe we shouldn’t do the water thing."
Michael looked shocked and hurt, "But you said it was a great idea."
"Listen," I said. "If we do the water thing I think Ricky is going to walk away."
"Come on," Michael said. "I really want to do this. I really think it will work." He started ahead to pour the water.
"No," I said in a stern voice. "No water. We’re not doing the water thing." Everybody else was silent. Michael could have confronted me. A lot of the guys agreed with this idea I knew. But like I said, he had my back. He took the pot of water slump shouldered back to his house.
<snip>
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And it is a lesson I have learned over and over again throughout my life. If you screw over your friends because you think they have no place to go, they go home. The good ones, the ones who can be really meaningful in your life, won’t complain and won’t betray you the way you betrayed them. They will just go home. The price that you pay is that you must go on without them. It is stunning reading about Byron Dorgan tonight. Only one person mentioned the drug re-importation bill that Dorgan championed. Was nobody else seeing what I was seeing at the time – the disappointment and shock in Dorgan’s face when he was being undermined. It reminded me so much of Michael years ago. This was so important to him. It was his legacy. He had been such a good soldier, such a stand up guy on everything else. He was not a drama queen, he did not try and undermine Obama, he did not try and make himself the center of attention like so many other senators. You could go weeks without hearing Dorgan’s name. But this was his idea, what he had promised his constituents, something everybody knew was the right thing to do. And then Obama comes in and like Terry’s brother in "On the Waterfront" tells Dorgan that it’s "not his night." Rahm and Jim had made a backroom deal with the drug companies and they were going to keep that deal. Dorgan was a good guy, Dorgan had Obama’s back. Dorgan would learn to live with it. Go back and look at the pictures, you can see the hurt in his eyes. What more could he have done as a soldier. But it wasn’t his night. Obama had to keep the Washington Rickys happy. The same Rickys that won’t think twice about turning on him when he is no longer useful to them.
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So Dorgan said he’s going home. He didn’t say it was because of the drug re-importation bill. That’s because he is a good guy, a stand up guy, one that doesn’t stab you in the back even when you have taken everything from him. He is the type of guy who will stand with you when the world turns against you. He is the type of guy that you really miss.
Why do we have to learn this lesson over and over again? When you screw over your friends they go home – and you are alone. You are worse than alone, you are among the Rahms, and the Joes, and the Rickys of the world.
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2010/1/5/212631/6856 This is exactly how people feel. It's not just Dorgan. When somebody continually has your back, don't take them for granted. They may not ask for a lot. They may be content to be with you fighting the good fight. However, every now and then something may come up that means a great deal to them. You need to think carefully about all the ramifications of what you decide.
The very worst thing you can do is tell that person one thing, and then later tell him the plan has changed without so much as a by your leave. If he leaves, he isn't going home to pout or bitch and moan constantly. He'll be going home because if he can't trust you to have HIS back, then the entire game has changed. He won't know who to trust. The loss of confidence in believing that he mattered will finally break the spirit he had. He's not a fragile flower, but even the strongest among us can be broken by betrayal.
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