Politicaholic's 2010 Predictions

[politicaholic]

What the Hell Is Going to Happen in 2010?

Afghanistan
Afghanistan?! I wish I lived there right now. After 30,000 troops are sent it'll be like Virginia where everything is cool as long as you don't go into the hills. Karzi will clean up the corruption by implementing a "politician's cooperation security fund" funded by local "farmers". Not a shot will be fired (until we realize that nothing happens until shots are fired and then it just turns into a huge mess).

Republicans
Swine flu will become very finicky after it realizes that republicans taste better. This will swing the vote and give the Democrats a 3/4 majority in the House and Senate. Then, not to look too partisan, Democrats will throw the remaining Republicans a bone by voting down health-care, re-invading Iraq, banning gay marriage, and making abortion illegal...and Fox News will still find something to bitch about.

Democrats
We will give Lieberman just one more chance...but this is it...really...we mean it this time Joe.

President Obama
Lightening will strike Mount Rushmore just precisely enough that his face will be carved in place of Teddy Roosevelt. A nation will be moved by the 4 minute YouTube breakdown of his SOTU address (like anyone has time to watch the whole thing, it's not like he's one of the greatest speakers of our generation or anything, yeesh). He'll also do something about the Patriot Act...yup...it still exists, but it's on his list...oh please God tell me it's on his list.

Da Eco-mo-ny
Everyone will get a job doing what they love.
(Warning: Love is limited to or may cause depression, feelings of inadequacy, and despondency. Hypertension or thoughts of suicide may result. Please consult a physician if these symptoms occur...that is if your new wonder job has benefits, which it most likely doesn't or you wouldn't enjoy it.)

Global Warming
Since the discovery in 2009 of a leaky memo by the Vast Global Scientific Conspiracy, the Earth is no longer considered "DOOMED!", but more just "doomed-like". The planet isn't warming per-say, rather its "adjusting" to it's new living situation with humans, not that humans are the cause. It's just like how the Earth adjusted to the dinosaurs, but different because we're not going to all die a horrible death, but rather get better because God is on our side, whereas He wasn't that keen on dinosaurs.

Terrorism
Terrorism will become more like an inconvenience than terror, like, a bunch of terrorists will get on a plane and right after take off start farting for the whole 8 hour flight and the farts will be so terrible that you won't be able to get used to the smell and you'll try to go to another part of the plane, but the smell won't go away, it'll just be different. Oh! The humanity!

Have a Happy and Safe 2010 Everyone!