Sarah Palin's appearances on Fox to be simulcast in English

[Contrary1]

Fox: Palin's Appearances to be Simulcast in English
Millions to Understand Governor for First Time

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - One day after announcing that she would be a commentator on the Fox News Channel, the network revealed that former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin's appearances would be simulcast in English.

"We are delighted that Gov. Palin will, for the first time, be understandable to the English-speaking audience," said Fox News chief Roger Ailes. "This should create a whole new fan base for her."

Gov. Palin praised the decision, adding, "I know many Americans will be interested in understanding what I have to say and I will also too."

In a related story, Fox said it had "no interest" in hiring funnyman Conan O'Brien, explaining, "Sarah Palin takes care of our comedy needs."

:rofl:

[zbdent]

1. they couldn't pay enough for that translating position ...

[gratuitous]

7. I foresee high turnover

"Uh oh, another translator killed himself. Messy one, this time."
"Well, call the service. We pay them good money. Rupert's gonna be sore, though."
"We got another one in the pipeline? No? Short straw 'volunteers'?"
"Not a chance. Let's just run some 'encore' presentations until I can get a new Craig's List ad in place."

[zbdent]

17. killed himself?

Only if you "kill yourself" when your head explodes from trying to figure out what the Mouth of the North says ...

[HopeHoops]

2. Now where the hell are they going to find a dumbfuck-to-English translator?

:shrug:

[xultar]

3. Dubya is looking for work. Dumbfuck translation may be up his alley...but who will translate him?

[HopeHoops]

4. Dumbfuck-to-Drunkfuck isn't going to help.

They'll have to do one of those "mash-up" things on six months of Palin tapes to get one sentence they can use.

[47of74]

9. They could hire Benito Guiliani for the job

The only problem there is that you have dumbfuck to 9/11. That's a dialect of English where every third word is 9/11.

[HopeHoops]

10. It is similar to pig latin. Guiliani has mastered it.

[Dollface]

11. Republican Party donor list?

[Demeter]

5. When I Read the Title, Just HAD to Click!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[lpbk2713]

6. Will the Turkey Guy be one of her regular guests?

[47of74]

8. Here's a link to the story on Huffington Post

Here's the link to the article over on Huffington Post.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andy-borowitz/fox-palins-appearances-to_b_419519.html

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Bitwit1234]

12. Does she have bush's translator.

[marmar]

13. So I won't need my Idiot-to-English dictionary?

nt

[Scurrilous]

14. LOL

:thumbsup:

[Lucy Goosey]

15. For kicks, I tried transcribing her once during the campaign...

This is what I got:

I don’t know, but I’m gonna work harder on that if anything ever happens in the future in terms of me runnin for offices to, um, kinda put more women, ah, at ease, I guess with the idea of me or any other woman serving in higher office. I think that it’s really important, because I truly believe that we have more in common than we have differences when we wanna make sure that our communities are healthy and safe, and that we have health care for our children, and that our daughters have equal opportunities in the workforce, all those things that we have in common, um, again, certainly outweigh the differences that perhaps we have, so I would like to see perhaps some of these feminist women, and and, you know, sometimes I consider myself, too, as a feminist, whatever that means, in fact I subscribe to Feminists for Life. I’m a pro life woman who wants to make sure that, you know, we cherish the sanctity of life, and this group, Feminists for Life, sort of encapsulates everything that I believe in with that, with the pro-life movement, but I would like to see more of these feminist women open their minds, too, and not be, perhaps, narrow minded in consideration of a working mom who represents much of what they have fought for all these years also with equal opportunity and I would like them to just be bold and brave, and kinda at least explore someone like me, and I guess “like me” means I, I am a conservative in terms of not believing that goverment is the answer to all of our problems and challenges. I believe that individuals and our families, and then on a local level a local government, ah, can make better decisions than, for what we need, what our priorities are than big government on a federal level can make for us. So in that sense, you know, they’re gonna put me in the conservative box, then so be it, but I would like to be able to meet more of these women, and, um, find that common ground and similarities and have them not be afraid of findin’ out what perhaps a conservative woman represents and believes in.

I'm not sure, but I think she might have called me (and other actual feminists) narrow-minded in there.

[malaise]

21. The rantings of a seriously 'not well'

raving lunatic. :rofl:

[Raine]

16. Oh geeesh

:spray: :rofl:

[ehrnst]

18. Here's an effort a friend of mine made to decode Palinspeak:

But I can't imagine him lasting a day working for Fox (he's hyper-intelligent with a low tolerance for absurdity...)

Here's the Palinspeak response to Bill O'Reilly's question to her asking if she was smart enough to be President.

"I believe that I am because I have common sense and I have I believe the values that I think are reflective of so many other American values, and I believe that what Americans are seeking is not the elitism, the uhm, the ah, a kind of spineless, spinelessness that perhaps is made up for that with some kind of elite, Ivy league education and, and a fat resume that is based on anything but hard work and private sector, free enterprise principles. Americans are could be seeking something like that in positive change in their leadership, I'm not saying that that has to be me."


And the Translation...

"I believe {for lack of evidence} that I am {qualified to be President} because I have common sense {and nobody else does], and I have -- I believe -- the {conservative} values that I think are reflective of so many other {uneducated} American values {and so imply that Democrats do not]; and I believe that what Americans are seeking is not the ... See Moreelitism {that I associate with intelligence} ... a kind of spineless spinelessness {courtesy of the Department of Redundancy Department} that perhaps {since I've lost my train of thought} is made up for ... with some kind of elite, Ivy League education {which I assure you, I will never qualify for} and a fat resume {which again, I will never qualify for} that is based on anything but hard work {because I don't understand state government nor community organization nor teaching law, and therefore do not associate it with 'hard work'} and private sector {which I understand perfectly, being a mayor and first-term governor seeking federal office], free enterprise principles {which I'm told are good, even though deregulation has crushed the economy]. Americans ... could be {since I really don't know} seeking something like that in positive change in their leadership {although Dubyeah Bush could never have been accused of being intellectually elite, and despite the number of "values" he and I share} ... I'm not saying this has to be me {especially since I'm radically unqualified for any federal position]."

[ehrnst]

19. Here's one attempt at translating her response to Bill O'Reilly's question

to her if she is really qualified for the presidency.

Here's the Palinspeak:

"I believe that I am because I have common sense and I have I believe the values that I think are reflective of so many other American values, and I believe that what Americans are seeking is not the elitism, the uhm, the ah, a kind of spineless, spinelessness that perhaps is made up for that with some kind of elite, Ivy league education and, and a fat resume that is based on anything but hard work and private sector, free enterprise principles. Americans are could be seeking something like that in positive change in their leadership, I'm not saying that that has to be me."


And the Translation...

"I believe {for lack of evidence} that I am {qualified to be President} because I have common sense {and nobody else does], and I have -- I believe -- the {conservative} values that I think are reflective of so many other {uneducated} American values {and so imply that Democrats do not]; and I believe that what Americans are seeking is not the ... elitism {that I associate with intelligence} ... a kind of spineless spinelessness {courtesy of the Department of Redundancy Department} that perhaps {since I've lost my train of thought} is made up for ... with some kind of elite, Ivy League education {which I assure you, I will never qualify for} and a fat resume {which again, I will never qualify for} that is based on anything but hard work {because I don't understand state government nor community organization nor teaching law, and therefore do not associate it with 'hard work'} and private sector {which I understand perfectly, being a mayor and first-term governor seeking federal office], free enterprise principles {which I'm told are good, even though deregulation has crushed the economy]. Americans ... could be {since I really don't know} seeking something like that in positive change in their leadership {although Dubyeah Bush could never have been accused of being intellectually elite, and despite the number of "values" he and I share} ... I'm not saying this has to be me {especially since I'm radically unqualified for any federal position]."

[lunatica]

20. It's easier to teach Americans how to Palin Speak instead

We already know how to talk and understand Bush Speak, so the further dumbing down that's needed shouldn't be too hard to manage.

[Midwest_Doc]

22. Thanks for the post

You made me smile!

[Mithreal]

23. Thanks to zulchzulu, sharing this in case anyone missed