Perfect response to Alaskan Teabaggers "Dear feds: We loathe you. Please send money"

[happy_liberal]

Like Gov. Sean Parnell and a number of Republican legislators down in Juneau, I'm SUPER mad about the federal government and its "war with Alaska's interests."

Memo to the feds: Get out of our lives! We don't need you and your socialist government programs! We're Alaskans! We know how to handle things on our own!

I mean, except for a few things. Or, maybe, like about $10 billion worth of things.

We want you out of our business, period. But could you, like, keep funding a third of all our jobs? You know, the Coast Guard, Army, Air Force, National Weather Service, Transportation Safety Administration, Federal Aviation Administration, Veterans Administration, Immigration and Customs Enforcement, Federal Bureau of Investigation, Forest Service, Indian Health Service, U.S. Postal Service and all the other federal agencies?

Anyway, we'd also like our companies to keep getting federal contracts. And could you please continue to pay to get the mail to rural communities at a reduced price? And there's that little-over-a-billion in federal stimulus dollars. We'd like to keep that as well, but at the same time we're also going to complain about it. We hate bloated government spending! (But, since you insist, Nome wants a hospital. And we'd like the Glenn Highway to get resurfaced. Fairbanks wants its airport improvements. Juneau wants its buses. And we're counting on your help to fix the Tudor/Lake Otis intersection, OK? Waiting in that traffic is infuriating.)...

See, we have fed-hating, tea-bag-waving constituents to pander to. There's populist anti-government rage out there, born of economic frustrations, short on specifics and fed by the right-wing media. We want to harness it. Who cares what the facts are?

So, sure, we'll take your money. But you better watch it with your Outside-y rules. How dare you insert yourself into our lives, telling us how to manage our land and our animals, like our threatened polar bears and endangered beluga whales? You say your policies rely on science? So do ours. Like the scientific findings of Rep. Don Young, who recently declared, in reference to endangered Cook Inlet beluga whale species: "I personally don't believe this is a different species of beluga whale (than those) in Kotzebue that we kill and eat many times up there ... I don't believe there's a bit of difference."

Take that, fancy guys with Ph.D.s who determined the Cook Inlet belugas were genetically different from those anywhere else. This is Alaska. We know what we know. We don't need Outside government types around here making war on our interests. Unless they want to give us money. In that case, we'll take it.

http://community.adn.com/adn/node/147046?pageNum=9&&&mi_pluck_action=page_nav#Comments_Container

This is in the Anchorage Daily today and I was just :rofl: :rofl: so much I had to post it.

[belpejic]

1. I love Alaskans (well, except for one) and Alaska

But so many are such freaking hypocrites about government spending. Talk about wanting to have your cake and eat it too.

Then again, I feel the same way about conservative States that take way more Fed money than they contribute in taxes.

I'm happy to help any American in need, but really, if you don't want to play by the rules you're free to leave the money to my state, which needs the help and pays way more in taxes than it gets in benefits.

[happy_liberal]

2. Alaskans are the biggest complainers when it comes to paying taxes

but they keep on electing proven corrupt Don Young because he brings home the pork. Hypocrisy has no bounds.

[happy_liberal]

3. Some alaskans are so hypocritical

they don't realize this is sarcasm

[MineralMan]

4. Oh...I have an answer. Sell Alaska back to the Russians.

That'd work. Divide the money up amongst everyone who wants to move to the lower 48. The ones that stay can cope however they may.