Breaking: Supreme Court rules private citizens illegal

[Orrex]

Or maybe I misread that.


Where's Nina Totenberg when I need her?

[kenny blankenship]

1. We're not illegal per se, but as unclaimed property our present legal status is "murky"

What with our ownership being unresolved at this time, and with possession being nine tenths of the law, the law knows not whether we are fish or flesh.

For example, does a human person have the right to bring suit in federal court? Probably not, but the justices can't dispose of that question until they receive a test case on appeal.

[change_notfinetuning]

2. And the free speech clause doesn't apply to non-craporate citizens. n/t

[gratuitous]

3. The legal term of art will be "non-corporeals"

To call individuals of indeterminate status "citizens" is to confer a status that they may not merit. Status will be determined by the outstanding characteristic of an individual, whether that be "consumer," "revenue center" or "worthless dead weight fit only for the front lines and marked for death." We're working on that last one; it's a bit cumbersome.

[change_notfinetuning]

4. One man, one votes remains. Changes include one lobbyist, two votes and

one craporattion, however many votes they deem necessary to achieve unlimited freedom of everything, so long as no larger corporate entity is harmed.