God Hates Shrimp

[Earth_First]

Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels, all these are an abomination before the Lord, just as gays are an abomination. Why stop at protesting gay marriage? Bring all of God's law unto the heathens and the sodomites. We call upon all Christians to join the crusade against Long John Silver's and Red Lobster. Yea, even Popeye's shall be cleansed. The name of Bubba shall be anathema. We must stop the unbelievers from destroying the sanctity of our restaurants.

Leviticus 11 9-12 says:

9 These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.

10 And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:
11 They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.

12 Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

Deuteronomy 14 9-10 says:

9 These ye shall eat of all that are in the waters: all that have fins and scales shall ye eat:
10 And whatsoever hath not fins and scales ye may not eat; it is unclean unto you.

http://www.godhatesshrimp.com/

on edit: url

[mainer]

1. God hates a lot of things.

Rabbits. Pigs. And something about anything with a cloven hoof.

God seems to be more of a hater than a lover.

[Xipe Totec]

2. Why did God create tasty shrimp?

and yummy catfish?

Oh, Lord, thou art cruel to your tasty morsels!

[Tesha]

34. God loves to tempt you into sin so he can throw another *YOU* on the barby! (NT)

[Captain Hilts]

3. Rights for quahogs!

[slampoet]

4. I stopped eating Quahogs when i discovered they can live 125+ years.

Here is Rhode Island people joke that the quahog is the state "bird"


but once i found out they live longer that humans and most whales i decided that the just weren't renewable enough.

[Captain Hilts]

5. They can live over 200 years. There are quahogs out there that voted for Lincoln. nt

[slampoet]

12. I wasn't aware Lincoln carried the Bivalve vote.

I'm having a good laugh thinking about what Bivalves have for core issues.


"Sewage isn't as good for you as when i was a plankton."

"Obama doesn't address the Pea Crab menace."

"I'm against fluoridation of drinking water."

"I'm anti-breadcumb and anti-butter."

[old mark]

47. How does one pronounce Quahogs? I had some many years ago in

Cape Cod, but I have no idea how to say the word. They were great chowdah....


mark

[izquierdista]

6. Clams

Technically, they live UNDER the water, in the mud. And they don't "move" in the waters, they just sink. I'm sure that's enough to get some rabbis arguing for a couple centuries.

[Captain Hilts]

18. Clams move around a bit. Oysters are more sedentary. nt

[cascadiance]

7. Thanks for reminding me that I loved sinning in just eating a bowl of crab chowder

[tammywammy]

8. I'm about to sin with chicken stuffed with crawfish

*drool*

[slampoet]

13. OH MAN!! That really sounds good.

I wish we could get farm raised Crawdads here in New England.

My Cajun Creole girlfriend keeps promising me something like that when I can find the daddies to make it with.

[tammywammy]

15. I'm in North Texas

The only crawfish we have are the imported frozen tail meat. They're okay, but definitely not as good as the "real" kind.

This is what I had: http://shop.tonychachere.com/crawfish-stuffed-chicken-p-21637.html

Last weekend when I was down on the gulf I bought it from the grocery store.

It was yum. :)

[Solly Mack]

9. That's because god doesn't know butter

(I slay me)

[Tesha]

35. Oh clam up! With these jokes you're just floundering around.

Besides, you're probably putting your immortal sole in jeopardy!

Tesha

[Fumesucker]

37. God doesn't like people who carp..

[Tesha]

48. Such people give him a haddock. (NT)

[slackmaster]

10. Fins and scales

And a passport.

[immoderate]

11. Picky eaters are hard to deal with.

--imm

[SmileyRose]

14. God hates fat people too.

Proverbs 23:2 "And put a knife to thy throat, if thou be a man given to appetite."

[orion007]

22. Merci Beaucoup...I needed a good laugh

[hootinholler]

16. No trout either, probably salmon too

I'm not sure if salmon have scales, probably do since lox are eaten.

-Hoot

[Igel]

20. Trout have fins and scales.

Trust me, I've scaled and fileted trout. They have fins, too.

So do salmon. I never caught one, my brother did when I took him fishing when he visited me in Oregon. (The '80s were my "Eugene" decade, the '90s my "Los Angeles" decade, and the '00s were my "places with really annoying weather" decade.)

Turbot can be a problem. On the West Coast, they're hallibut. On the East Coast, they might be the European thing with bony lumps instead of scales.

People in my church didn't eat shrimp or shellfish. Or sturgeon. Or pig.

[alfredo]

38. No catfish. Oh no!

[deaniac21]

39. I have caught, cleaned, cooked and eaten thousands of trout

and salmon in my life. You can filet or slit from the gills through the stomach pulling out the guts. You don't scale them, come on....

[Spike89]

45. But they do have scales...

I've never really bothered to scale a trout, and it isn't much of an issue with small/young salmon, but a decent sized King/Chinook salmon most certainly gets at least a vigorous scraping before cooking. Those scales are pretty big and not appetizing. I was a commercial salmon fisher in Oregon for a while back in the 70s (when you could almost make a living fishing) and I can attest to rinsing more than a few slamon scales off the deck at the end of the day.

[deaniac21]

51. Soft scales. If you tried to scale it, you would tear it to pieces.

[proud2BlibKansan]

17. I don't believe God hates anything. But if he did hate, he would hate Fred Phelps.

:)

[Mopar151]

33. He would certainly start there!

"Jesus just left Wesboro, bound for Colorado Springs...." James Dobson is an abomination unto the Lord.

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

19. Good thing we got the New Testament. I love me some shrimp.

[donheld]

21. So do I, but it makes me wonder

If he hates them, why did he make them?

[The Straight Story]

23. That is from the jews in the OT, not as civilized or advanced as the NT

;)

[lazarus]

32. OT rules still apply

Matthew
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.
5:19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

[MellowDem]

43. I don't see how that makes OT rules still apply...

Sorry, Christians have more fun. ;-)

Atheists, of course, have the most fun I guess, what with pre-marital sex and guilt-free porn. :P

[lazarus]

53. That was Jeebus talking

and saying that the Law (of Moses) hasn't changed, nor will it change, ever.

[The Straight Story]

54. in regards to JEWS not gentiles (nt)

[lazarus]

56. and

he said nothing about Christians, since "Christian" didn't exist. If you want to get into Heaven, you have to follow the rules.

[MilesColtrane]

24. Mollusks are an abomination.

"Yes, the mollusk is a randy little fellow whose primitive brain scarcely strays from the subject of the you know what.

The randiest of the gastropods is the limpet. This hot-blooded little beast with its tent-like shell is always on the job. Its extra-marital activities are something startling. Frankly I don't know how the female limpet finds the time to adhere to the rock-face. How am I doing?

Another loose-living gastropod is the periwinkle. This shameless little libertine with its characteristic ventral locomotion ... is not the marrying kind: 'Anywhere anytime' is its motto. Up with the shell and they're at it.

Then there's the great scallop ... this tatty, scrofulous old rapist, is second in depravity only to the common clam. This latter is a right whore, a harlot, a trollop, a cynical bed-hopping firm-breasted Rabelaisian bit of sea food that makes Fanny Hill look like a dead Pope... and finally among the lamellibranch bivalves, that most depraved of the whole sub-species - the whelk."

[Liquorice]

25. I think the warnings against eating them had to do with them being scavengers. nt

[Quantess]

26. Would you eat a geoduck?

[madamesilverspurs]

30. Didja see Mike Rowe when he was harvesting the things

on "Dirty Jobs"? Priceless!


---

[shireen]

27. the Leviticus writer probably had shellfish allergies

But really, why drag 'God' into this?

[Tesha]

36. Actually, shellfish can carry all sorts of interesting diseases.

How would the ancients have explained paralytic shellfish poisoning?
And what might they have done about it?

Even salmonella would have been a challenge.

In 2000 years, if some DUers have their way, the religious dietary laws
will probably bar the consumption of HFCS.

Tesha

[cherokeeprogressive]

28. God may hate 'em, but I loves me some! n/t

[rcrush]

29. kung pao shrimp

[AsahinaKimi]

31. So glad to be a Buddhist..

I can eat all the SASHIMI I want!

[deaniac21]

40. I go wild over basashi!!

[howard112211]

41. I am honestly unable to figure it out: Is this satire?

[ThomWV]

42. Are you for even a moment saying we can't eat Catfish?

Ya gotta skin a catfish.

"And whatsoever hath not fins and scales ye may not eat; it is unclean unto you."

Life without fried catfish, grits, and fresh sliced tomatoes would not be life.

[jmowreader]

49. You can't eat North American catfish. Sorry.

They hath fins but not scales, like eels. So...no catfish for you.

Then again...there are no catfish native to the Middle East, so maybe they're okay to eat. And of course you could eat a Panaque by calling the armor plates "scales." (Big Panaques grow to three feet in length, so one should be enough to feed the whole family.)

[Crabby Appleton]

44. Yo God, you gonna eat them shrimp? If not Can I have them

nom nom nom

[Xithras]

46. This rule actually had a practical benefit in ancient times.

Before the advent of refrigeration, and in the days before people understood the concept of bacteria, eating shellfish was a risky business. They could pick up disease from red tides, rapidly spoiled in the warm Mediterranean climate, and killed people with shellfish allergies very quickly. There's evidence that many primitive cultures prohibited eating shellfish. The ancient semitic peoples were no different.

5000 years ago, collecting shrimp for dinner was like playing russian roulette. Do it long enough, and eventually someone was going to die. Like all good societies, they banned stupidly suicidal behavior.

[NorthCarolina]

50. What about gay shrimp? Do two negatives equal a positive when factored together? eom

[Mari333]

52. READ THIS and you wont like it either

http://www.alternet.org/food/145369/shrimp%27s_dirty_secrets%3A_why_america%27s_favorite_seafood_is_a_health_and_environmental_nightmare

[Sultana]

55. Don't mix different fabrics together either

:scared: