My Nephew was outted, and then kicked out of school (by Florida4Obama)

[kpete]

My Nephew was outted, and then kicked out of school
by Florida4Obama
Wed Mar 03, 2010 at 06:00:30 PM PST

I am just beside myself tonight. This afternoon I got a frantic call from my sister in North Carolina. Her 18 year old son was outted at his school today. She had expected he was gay, but due to her religious beliefs, never wanted to believe it. Well today, he was outed at his private Christian school. The principal called him in to his office to ask if the allegations against him were true, and he admitted that they were. He was immediately kicked out of school. He's a senior and was scheduled to graduate with honors in just 4 months. Can they do this?

The whole thing started with some bigoted holier than thou kid playing a prank. My nephew is on two sports teams at school and is very athletic. Nobody would consider him the stereotypical gay guy. Apparently a classmate thought it would be funny to play a prank on him and signed up with a fake Facebook account. On that Facebook account, he pretended to be gay. He contacted my nephew and one thing led to another and my nephew admitted to this "fake" person that he was gay. Well, that kid took a screen shot, printed it out and showed it to several people at school. My nephew apparently then said he knew it was a prank, but the damage was done. He was outted. The school has a strict policy about "alternative lifestyles" and he was called in to the principal's office. To make matters worse, my nephew sent a few graphic photos of himself and those had been turned in to the principal's office too. The school said that alone was enough to kick him out.

My sister and her zealot husband both confronted him when he arrived home. They told him that he needed to speak to the family minister and pray for forgiveness and "deliverance from this sin". Well, instead of meeting with the family minister, he skipped town. He called me and told me he is on the way to my house in Florida. This is probably a 12 hour drive for him. My sister has told me to turn him away, but I can't do that. I know I risk the relationship I have with her by taking him in, but how could I possibly turn him away? He is scared and incredibly hurt. He knows that we do not judge in my home and is seeking refuge here.

What do I do? What do I say? The kid was just outted, then kicked out of school because of it. I really don't know how to handle the situation.

more
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2010/3/3/842722/-My-Nephew-was-outted,-and-then-kicked-out-of-school-

[dugaresa]

1. his mother told his aunt to turn him away? what mother does that?

i would welcome him to my home with open arms.

[donquijoterocket]

63. second that

My two cents.I'd welcome the young man with open arms,if for no other reason than he seems to have the courage to confront the reality of his life and the bigots who'd condemn him for it. I know the supposed good book says we're to honor our mother and father; but what if they're not honorable?
I'd take him in and give him the support he needs to work his way around this.Again IMO if it chills your relationship with your sibling who really needs people like that in their life anyway? Ugly school and he's probably better off out of it.

[elehhhhna]

81. If honoring our parents was easy it woudn't need to ba a COMMANDMENT...

eh?

The trouble starts when the parents think they get to define how you "honor" them.

[Deep13]

85. Based on what I am reading they are not worthy of honor.

Honorable people don't need to insist on commandments to be honored.

[ooglymoogly]

108. To Florida4Obama...Do not pass go...Go directly to PFLAG!

http://www.pflagorlando.org/

They know this horrendous situation inside out and know where the help resources are and are there to help in any way they can.

[Enthusiast]

121. Good one. nt

[whathehell]

231. ..Another interesting point about the "Honor they father and mother" commandment

The second part is: "Parents, bring not thy children to wrath".

You notice you don't hear to much about that.:eyes:

[Bombero1956]

65. a mother with a bible where her brain should be

Typical fundie idiots.

[Ken Burch]

93. To say nothing of a mess of pottage where her heart should be.

n/t.

[Enthusiast]

122. The son can be "cured" of

da' gay.

[grace0418]

248. +1,000,000.

Is there anyone LESS Christian than fundie nutjobs?

[elehhhhna]

never turn that child away. his Mom has. you mustn't.

time may heal all but he needs you BAD, now.

you may be saving his life.

You know all this already of course but when/if you get family pressure, be strong. your heart has all the answers.

[Ken Burch]

91. And turn his hatebag mother away for good, while you're at it.

(at least until SHE prays for "deliverance from sin"...the sin of betraying your own child in an hour of need.

[niceypoo]

107. My next door RW zealot neighbor kicked out her 17 year old daughter

...for bringing home a Harry Potter memo pad. Religious brainwashing erases the motherly instincts in certain highly gullible individuals.

If this were my nephew I would take him in and get him back into school so he can finish and graduate, his mother be damned.

[Enthusiast]

123. Those Harry Potter

memo pads can be seriously dangerous.

[niceypoo]

132. As my neighbor went ballistic, her other daughter told me through the fence:

'My mom's crazy'

A few days later the lunatic told me that Harry Potter is evil because 'the story has unicorns.' She claimed that unicorns were witchcraft.

'Pssssst!! Unicorns dont exist!!'

[JHB]

226. Yeah, that's the part that always drove me crazy, back in the day...

...when their freak-out du jour was Dungeons & Dragons (since the first HP book was still a good decade or so from being written).

All I could think was: "To me, magic and demons and possession and things are fiction. These people are the ones who believe it's all real, so why the hell is it that they are taken seriously when they question my grip on reality?"

(answer: They were "concerned parents", and I was just some punk teenager.)

[InfiniteThoughts]

245. What beats me ...

What beats me is that fundies are OK when we say that dragons didn't exist but believe that humans & dinosaurs co-existed!

[tavalon]

252. psst: Witchcraft does exist

Wicca is the more common name.

[liberalhistorian]

163. You know what really gets me about the fundie outrage

over Harry Potter? As a Christian myself, and an avid Potter fan, I have seen some very strong parallels in the stories to basic Christianity itself. Those parallels become more apparent the farther along the story gets; the latest movie version of the next-to-last book especially shows that. This ridiculous hysteria over it all from fundies really drives me crazy.

[Hekate]

165. If you have already read the last book, you will know how true this is. JKRowling said ...

... in an interview after it was published, that she became much more firmly rooted in her Christian faith as she went along. Rowling has put herself into the British tradition of deeply Christian writers of books and poetry -- excellent literature with major theological themes expressed with artistry and subtlety. Harry becomes the willing sacrifice who redeems society; but since this is a kids' book, he doesn't die but instead gets to grow up and marry Ginnie Weasley. ;-)

American fanatical fundies* seem to be incapable of recognizing anyone else's Christian faith if it's not expressed exactly the way American fundies express it -- which has nothing of artistry and subtlety about it. I'd ignore their knuckleheadedness entirely, if they weren't so dangerous at this moment in our history.

* It doesn't have to be like this. My next door neighbor is a fundie, but he absolutely loves the Harry Potter saga.

Hekate

[liberalhistorian]

196. You are quite correct, especially about the last book

being the culmination of the Christian parallels. And that's an excellent point about the British tradition of Christian literature authors. Many have done and are still doing quite a good job of using theological underpinnings in their work, but without the overt preachiness. This simply makes the work even stronger for their purposes, as the beliefs and doctrines of their faith come through in a variety of ways and on their own, without pushing. You see the universality of it without getting it pushed on you, if you're not a Christian. C.S. Lewis is a major example, with his Narnia series.

There are many more parallels besides Harry being the "sacrifice"; one of these days, I'm gonna sit down and write a little essay outlining them.

[Hekate]

200. Harry Potter embodies some major mythological themes of Western civilization...

... from the ancient Near East to Greece to Europe and the British Isles. When you write your essay you'll have some rich material.

Joe Campbell would have had fun with this: Harry is taking an archetypal Hero's Journey. Rowling is a thoughtful and deeply literate writer -- there's good reason why her books are as popular among adults as among kids, and why I think they will endure past the "fad" stage.

You're right: she's never preachy, she just shows how it is. Didn't you love how in The Order of the Phoenix she demonstrated (without saying so) what happens when fascists take over? And she showed how even kids could organize to resist this evil, how youngsters can develop their inner moral strength and resist.

Heros on a journey can never go it alone past the first phase; they have to gather friends who will journey with them and befriend others who will reappear to help when the hero is in peril. Harry is used to being friendless; he has a hard time accepting Hermione's and Ron's help, but they insist. He befriends a house elf, who later saves his life. And so on...

Cheers,

Hekate

[liberalhistorian]

253. Yes, that's a very good point about

the Order of the Phoenix! I noted that as well, and I think that's one of the reasons why it was so mucn more powerful than if it had been openly preached and pushed. The parallel to that is the "fascism" of the Pharisees during Jesus's time, and how oppressive and unbiblical they truly were, while thinking they were doing "God's will." They didn't like Jesus calling them out on it, just as Harry called out the Ministry of Magic for it as well as Voldemort. But Jesus didn't act alone, either, just as Harry doesn't. Then again, I've always believed that when you have God on your side, as Jesus did, you have it all!

[Enthusiast]

216. My in-laws are fundamentalist Christians

yet all their grandchildren are enthusiastic Harry Potter fans. I guess there are degrees of fundamentalism.

[JHB]

233. Not only are there degrees, but what's on the "bad" list can change over time...

In the 70s and 80s, in fundy warnings against the "Oh-Cult" (you can add "occult" to the list of words they can't pronounce correctly), The Lord of the Rings and Chronicles of Narnia were routinely listed as "occult books" to be avoided. (To these people any sort of magic is satanic, so anything, even unambiguous fiction, that doesn't specifically condemn magic as satanic is itself satanic (if only as a sort of "gateway drug" thing)).

Yet when the movies came out, some of the very same people lauded them for the Christian allegory which had been there all along.

I think a lot of it has to do with what is stressed by the preacher(s) they pay attention to, whether the TV biggies or the guy in their local church. Some treat some things not only as a "slippery slope" to the devil's influence but as a greased power-slide. Others may have a different list of hot buttons, and their respective flocks will show as much or more variation in what does or doesn't set them foaming.

[Enthusiast]

250. I agree with what

you say because I have seen the same thing.

[liberalhistorian]

255. What especially surprises me about fundie animosity

toward the Narnia series is that C.S. Lewis (for Clive Stapleton-hell, I'd use just my initials, too, lol) was one of the strongest, staunchest Christian apologists of the twentieth century. He certainly influenced me, and I've referred people, including my son, to his "Mere Christianity", to help explain why I believe and why I'm the Christian that I am. Lewis was certainly more conservative than I am, but even he would be both amused and appalled at some of the fundie reaction to what he intended to be Christian allegorical stories for children.

[paulsby]

201. in regards to fundies vs. mormons

i have many mormon friends and almost all of them encourage their kids to read harry potter and see the movies.

ditto for the percy jackson greek god books and movies.

i'm not sure if this is universally true of mormons, but they seem very open to that kind of stuff.

recall that the woman who wrote the twilight series is a mormon.

i have another mormon friend who is WAY into science and fantasy fiction, etc.

at least in this regard, they are polar opposites from what i hear about fundies and potter

[defendandprotect]

177. A mother who believes she's a "Christian" and should abandon here son because of

screwed up religious teachings!!!

Wow -- awful!!

[gtar100]

183. Yes, welcome him and honor him as a dear, dear person in need.

I am so glad your post was the first. He needs to be around people who accept him for who he is. Period.

[Brickbat]

2. "Can they do this?" Yup. It's a private school.

Enroll him in the local public school and get him graduated, and support him as he tries to make his way in life without his mother.

[eecumings]

182. Best plan.

I taught in Florida for a while. We got new students with less than a month to go until graduation. If they were good students, we helped them get ready for finals...and they graduated. It is not as difficult as it may seem. Your sister and brother-in-law are "dead from the neck up." (eecummings)

[paulsby]

203. if he;s under 18 and he sent explicit photos of himself over the internet

as you say, they could likely do a lot worse.

like call the police.

laws vary somewhat, but GENERALLY speaking it is illegal to create or disseminate sexually explicit etc. photos of minors.

that holds true even if the "author" of the photos is the one doing the disseminating.

[paulsby]

204. if he;s under 18 and he sent explicit photos of himself over the internet

as you say, they could likely do a lot worse.

like call the police.

laws vary somewhat, but GENERALLY speaking it is illegal to create or disseminate sexually explicit etc. photos of minors.

that holds true even if the "author" of the photos is the one doing the disseminating.

[TankLV]

234. very interesting what YOU choose to concentrate on in this thread

which is about the horrible treatment of the BOY by his fucking Fundy nut job PARENTS...

way to go there...

but we expect as much from you...

[paulsby]

254. what you choose to concentrate on

is personal attacks

how interesting

just what we expect

hth

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

257. Yes, maybe it's a personal attack.

But it's an ACCURATE personal attack.

[paulsby]

258. no, it;'s not

i had four responses in the thread. YOU chose to concentrate on one.

regardless, my thoughts are this

1) no parent should try to change the sexual orientation of their progeny
2) private schools are well within their rights to prohibit certain activities (such as sending explicit photos of oneself over the net etc.) . as long as they make those restrictions clear to APPLICANTS, they are well within their rights to expel students for violating their code of conduct. i went to a quaker (quakers are generally quite liberal) school with a code of conduct on AND off campus
3) mormons ime are quite different from fundies in that ime they often embrace stuff like harry potter


hth

[HillbillyBob]

256. The nephew did not send the photos the impostor did

whole thing started with some bigoted holier than thou kid playing a prank. My nephew is on two sports teams at school and is very athletic. Nobody would consider him the stereotypical gay guy. Apparently a classmate thought it would be funny to play a prank on him and signed up with a fake Facebook account. On that Facebook account, he pretended to be gay. He contacted my nephew and one thing led to another and my nephew admitted to this "fake" person that he was gay. Well, that kid took a screen shot, printed it out and showed it to several people at school. My nephew apparently then said he knew it was a prank, but the damage was done. He was outted. The school has a strict policy about "alternative li
The Screen shot is of what was on the screen, there was no mention of x rated pictures.
on edit.
My appologies
I mistake, though graphic does not necessarily mean x rated

[TwilightGardener]

3. What a sad mess--and I don't see how anyone can be kicked

out of even a private school for sexual orientation. Hope this kid gets some support--he probably feels very alone.

[paulsby]

205. if they make it clear in their admissions material

they have every right.

iow, if he entered with the knowledge of what the rules were.

[YOY]

4. How "Christian" of them.

And perfectly legal as far as I know.

[malaise]

5. Let him apply for college

If he's an honor student with four months left, he'll be accepted. Fuck the bigots.

[AlbertCat]

71. If he's an honor student with four months left, he'll be accepted.

If he learned anything at that Christian "school".


Well, he was smart enough to leave home!

[niceypoo]

110. I went to a religious school from K-8

And, though we learned about the evils of lesbians in the 2nd grade, academically it was the best school in half of the state.

Having said all that he should do exactly that, get into college, put the nightmare behind him, and chalk it up as an important learning experience.

[wolfgangmo]

137. One word of follow up advice.

Just in case his former school gives you any shit about transfering his credits/transcript to his new school, do not argue. Simply document what the obstructionist douche says, hire a lawyer to write a demand letter (you might be able to get someone to do this for free but if not a letter is only about $75 or so) and then report the school to the accrediting agency and ask for their help.

If you don't waste time pussy footing around with the douches, show them that you mean business and are ready to play serious hardball and the administration will fold like a cheap suit. Administrators are much like people, but without the spine.

[nilram]

170. ditto that, schools sh-t bricks over accrediting agencies

even "Christian" schools.

[nankerphelge]

189. Or call ACLU Florida...

they may write the letter.

[pnwmom]

171. But he won't get a scholarship unless his parents fill out the FISA forms.

He'll need to become an emancipated minor in order not to have his parents income taken into account -- and I don't know how fast that can be done.

[rucky]

156. He'll have an hell of an essay to write about on the app.

[bullwinkle428]

6. Words can't describe the level of disgust I feel for the parents of this kid!

:mad:

[Nordmadr]

22. What you said. How sad that they have no true love in their

hearts for their son; their love for a potentially imaginary deity doctrine being greater than that for the flesh and blood in front of them.

Take him in and help him if you are able. Tell your sister to piss up a rope.

[Posteritatis]

155. They can for me, but I'd probably violate a few laws if I voiced them in full. (nt)

[TexasObserver]

7. The relative should take him in. He's 18. He's an adult.

As for the mother of the boy, she should be quoted Jesus.

Pull all the quotes of Jesus which admonish people not to judge, not to condemn, to be accepting, and to point one's criticisms at one's self. Send them to her.

The mother needs a swift kick in the ass, and her sibling is the person to do it.

[KittyWampus]

8. That's quite a story. Interesting twists- the young man is 18 and sent graphic photos

to someone else he didn't know via email. Also, no mention of a father.

I hope the young man can get his GED or find a way to get his diploma and then reconcile with his Mother.

[Celebration]

11. yes, he was probably kicked out for that

And a heterosexual person would have been kicked out for the same thing, probably.

[ooglymoogly]

95. Off campus is not the schools to meddle. nt

[paulsby]

206. in a private school it most definitely is

maybe it SHOULDn'T be. but it is.

my school (a quaker school, and they tend to be very liberal fwiw) had an honor code, and some aspects of that code most definitely applied to off campus behavior

[nuxvomica]

239. Then one should expect that the bigot prankster was expelled too

No mention of that but I doubt he was.

[Romulox]

18. His mother is the one who needs to do the "reconciling". She's supposed to be the adult here...

:shrug:

[KittyWampus]

30. No shit.

[ooglymoogly]

94. sd

[Bluenorthwest]

19. Why would you even comment? How callous.

And his parents should be the least of his concern. If they can reconcile with him, fine, but it is on them, kiddo, for they are the ones that rejected their own child. Many young people in his situation have parents that will never, ever accept him. Others have parents that will. But it is up to them, and he needs to know he is free to excel and to take his place in society with or without the approval of his genetic donors, who at this moment are as far from parents as they can be.
The one thing he no longer needs is them. If they come around, fine. If not, also fine. He can not control their superstitions, and because of that, his happiness should not have to hang upon their petty prejudices in any way.

[KittyWampus]

29. An expression that the young man not go to his grave estranged from his mother is callous?

[Occulus]

67. Okay. Listen to me very carefully. I will say this ONCE.

Apologies in advance if I suond a little offensive here, but this is a deeply personal issue for me. My mother did the exact same thing to me. It ruined my life and my budding career.

I was a musician, and a very talented one. Note the past tense. PAST tense, as in "was, and won't be ever again", past tense. I was the best musician to have gone through my school system during the time my band and choir directors had been teaching there. I was also a good student; I graduated with a 3.85 GPS, both NHS cords, and an oboe scholarship for college. I played piano (self-taught, since my mom refused to get me lessons for the piano I bought even though I asked over and over), oboe, percussion, sang in choir (both regional and state honors choir), sat first chair oboe in an all-state arts festival, and was composing when I was 14. I marched colorguard with the Madison Scouts Drum and Bugle Corps in 1994 despite never having touched a flag or rifle in my life- at a time when they were in the top six in the world. My parents never came to a single one of those shows, even though I actually begged.

My mom found out I was gay and literally threw me out into the dark and the rain with nothing but my oboe, a couple schoolbooks, a change of clothes, and my bike (she wouldn't even let me take my own car). The following year, she and my dearly-departed father decided that my grades in college were too low, so they yanked the rug out from under me, denying me the funding help I needed to continue my education after all aid had been awarded, financial aid I didn't apply for because they were covering what I couldn't pay. Well, gee, Mom and Dad, do ya think my grades were falling because of what you did the previous year?

Naaaahhh, couldn't be. More the fool, me, for living with them after they gave me the boot and then let me move back in. They only let me do that so they could find a way to further punish me. They only did that to have something to hold over my head.

I will never forgive them that. Never.

Everything I ever dreamed I could be died because of what they did. It certainly was not for lack of trying on my part; I was doing more in that direction than anyone else around me. I can't even listen to the radio any more, I can't stand to listen to instrumental music, and a simple oboe solo in a piece still rips my heart to pieces. There's a great gaping hole in me that won't ever be properly filled again, and believe me, in the more than fifteen years since it all happened, I have tried. Music, for me, equals pain.

My family still doesn't speak to me all that much. Nobody goes out of their way even to say hello, much less to see if my life is going okay. I can't share any loves I might have, or had, since that happened. In the first nine years afterward, my parents visited my "home" (apartments, all) five times in the space of that nine years despite the fact that they live only twenty miles away.

When my dad died, I couldn't bring myself to shed one single tear. I tried to feel bad about his loss. I tried to show grief and sadness and all the things you expect a family member to show when one of their own dies, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. The damage the two of them did to my life far, far outweighed any love I might have felt for him, and it certainly outweighs any love I might otherwise still feel for my mom. I'm only waiting for her to die, and being polite to her, so I can inherit. That's it. She doesn't deserve more than that from me.

So, yeah, you're being callous by expecting "the young man not go to his grave estranged from his mother". That estrangement is exactly what she deserves, and nothing less. The very, very best thing he can do for himself is to have a good life for himself and in spite of her.

She doesn't deserve his love. She doesn't deserve his presence. She doesn't deserve him as a son. She doesn't deserve his aid in her old age, when she's shitting herself and asking her grown children whether they did their homework while the cold machines connected to her failing body click and clack her last moments and reveal the innermost secrets of her body to any passing observer. And neither does my own mom. He didn't estrange himself from her, nor did I; it was the other way around.

Do you get it now? Do you now understand what she did to him? She's lucky he didn't try to kill himself. I almost did the very night it happened to me, and in the years after, and some days even now I still wish I had. My parents, and especially my mom, ripped my heart out of my chest and stamped it into the dirt, deliberately ruined my future forever, and then left me in the mud on the side of the road while she and my father went off on their merry way.

When someone comes along with the sort of comment you just made, well, my fury burns white-hot with the violence of a thousand exploding stars. He is not the one with the problem, but he is the one who will pay for it if he doesn't completely abandon the ignorant, bigoted witch that raised him.

He's better off without her in his life. End of fucking story.

[KittyWampus]

72. Listen to me. I'll say this once. I didn't say or imply that HE was the problem.

And just because YOU were unable to make some kind of peace with your parents before they died doesn't mean others haven't, can't or shouldn't.

I did. I was fortunate. I ended up reconnecting with my Mother before she died way too soon from complications stemming from a genetic disorder. I ended up essentially being the "adult" in that relationship. And it involved letting a lot of the toxic past go. Against all odds, after a lifetime of pain, I am able to say there's are times I do miss my Mom. Up until the age of maybe 30 I couldn't imagine ever feeling that sort of emotion about her.

Your pain and your experience is not the only valid possibility.

For anyone interested, here's link to a good book on Amazon:

Straight Parents, Gay Children: Keeping Families Together by Robert Bernstein.


http://www.amazon.com/Straight-Parents-Gay-Children-Families/dp/1560254521/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267733702&sr=8-1-catcorr

[AlbertCat]

83. A 3rd take.

I was such a sissy when I was young, how could you not know I was gay???? My parents didn't believe it (I never came out in school because I never had sex with anyone of either sex.... so the "gay" was never mentioned.) But "something" was wrong with me because I wasn't making good grades at the all boy jock prep-school they sent me to live at. I wonder why? Maybe there was something wrong with me, or maybe it was the 24/7 harassment and humiliation getting to me. Whada you think? They thought it was me, of course.... so it's off to the psychologist!

After 2 sessions and long talks with my parents the Psychologist suggested that maybe both my parents should come in for some sessions too. BAM.... end of therapy! My Psych, who obviously knew I was gay, wisely told my parents I wasn't, knowing they could never handle it and told me, though not directly, as much. I never told them anything about my personal life and that was OK because my parents weren't interested anyway. The fear of the gay thing was just because I was an embarrassment to them. This worked because I finished my 4 grueling years at prep-school....then went of to college and wasn't living at home. So they could pretend I wasn't gay because I wasn't THERE.

My mother ended up in the dementia unit and my father became a useless old man, depressed because he was old. I of course was very nice to them and helped hugely in taking care of my mother and father. I think my father actually figured out I was a nice guy before he died.... but neither of my parents "liked" me from what I can remember. But as you see... we had a "DADT" situation that kept things pretty much in balance. But it only "worked" because my parents were the ones in denial. Meanwhile I was living my gay lifestyle on my own.

When I was 40 I told my sister I was gay.... as a preliminary test to telling the folks. She looked shocked :eyes: and asked me "Are you sure?" :eyes: :eyes:. No... I'm forty, sleep with other men and have no desire to have sex with women, but I'm not sure! This convinced me to just never tell them. My parents, especially my father, would have agonized over it for the rest of their lives. So I did THEM a favor.

So my lesson is to live your life, and if your family can't come along, it's their problem. Remember, you can pick your friends, but your family you're stuck with.... until YOU deal with it.

[Name removed]

235. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[AlbertCat]

74. The accident of biology is no guarantee of love or affection.

Not all kids should stay with their parents. And he is an adult anyway. He won't need them. It's sad but... welcome to the real world.

There are many people and groups in FL he can go to for support.... emotional and lifestyle.

He needs friends.... not parents.

[KittyWampus]

79. and very often, people want to find a way to reconnect to their parents before they die.

I'll post this link one more time. For those who might want a way to bridge the gap.

http://www.amazon.com/Straight-Parents-Gay-Children-Families/dp/1560254521/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267733702&sr=8-1-catcorr

[Ken Burch]

97. Why do you still insist it's up to HIM to reconcile?

It's all THEIR fault that the estrangement exists. Saying that HE should be doing the reconciling implies that he is partly to blame. This kid is innocent of all wrongdoing and did nothing to deserve his parents' betrayal of him.

[KittyWampus]

125. Weird, not only am I not saying its up to him to reconcile I post a link to a book for PARENTS.

Whatever.

Sadly, the original poster says the Mother is talking about her son being "cured".

As for you, sanctimonious bullshit comes on either side of the political aisle.

[Occulus]

208. Actually, that's about all you have said.

Go reread your own posts. You're all about the injured party doing the reconciling.

If you need help dissecting your own words, let me know. I'll be happy to do so, publicly.

But that is all you've said. For you to claim otherwise, in the very same thread, is just... laughable.

[GinaMaria]

236. and very often they don't. It's a personal choice

Some gaps cannot be bridged. Do what you need to do to live ypur life peacefully. If you wouldn't tolerate abusive behavior from a stranger why tolerate it from family? just because you share some DNA? Your choice worked for you, but it is not for everyone.

[readmoreoften]

100. +1

[wolfgangmo]

138. I hope you find peace.

I too have lost my music but in my case it was through a car accident that left me partially paralyzed in my arms. It's pretty hard to play without fine motor control.

But I am trying to make peace with that. It isn't easy but I do.

I would like to comment that you may have given up too soon. If you had that much talent and are still really interested then get back to school (see about a performance scholarship). It might not be to a big school but it is still available at some very good smaller schools if you want it bad enough. I do not presume to know your heart in this matter. I am just trying to say that you should find a way to make peace with the beauty within yourself.

If nothing else rejoice that you did more with music than most ever get a chance to.

Peace.

[KatyaR]

139. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I was a musician, too--WAS, just like you. Between getting to the age where you lose all of your family because they just grow old and die and the loss of my two best friends in the world, people with whom I shared my love of music and the arts, one to suicide and the other to cancer, both before the age of 35, and just getting stomped generally by Life, and I can't sing anymore either.

I went a very long time before I could listen to music again, and I can still only take it in small doses. I haven't been to the theatre or to a concert in probably 15 years, and I haven't touched an instrument in at least that long. I can barely sing any more--every time I open my mouth I just feel this incredible weight on my chest like a giant foot is standing on me, and I can't take a breath. It breaks my heart every time.

Big hugs to you--you're not alone. :hug: :hug:

[varelse]

152. You've got every right to feel as you do

I doubt that anyone who has not had a similar experience could even begin to understand the gap between your life and theirs, though.

[UndertheOcean]

160. oh how very heart wrenching ..

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

[BlueJazz]

174. I truly understand your feelings. Same type of situation happen to me.

It wasn't because of any sexual orientation but because of career choice..(They wanted a Doctor in the Family). Became a Jazz Musician. Started on Clarinet..bassoon.. Now Sax and Piano mostly.

I have no answer to your pain ...can only offer support and kindness. :)

[DaveinJapan]

190. Madison Scouts, eh? Way cool.

<--former Blue Devil



(EDIT..sorry..didn't mean that casual comment to take away from your story, just noticed that part as I was reading and thought "small world")

[Occulus]

207. No offense taken at all. What year? n/t

[DaveinJapan]

209. 1990 (a lil before your time, I was teaching Crusaders in 94). nt

[Occulus]

212. Sweet! I just watched the last four minutes of it on YouTube

That was one smokin' drumline. Jeebus.

That was the show with the shapes overlaid on the field, yes?

[DaveinJapan]

230. Thanks. I played snare, actually. :D

Nice to hear such a great compliment!

Yes, the show with the shapes.

[Bluebear]

218. With you on every word, brother.

And major respect for conquering the oboe, I didn't last a semester when my band director handed me one :)

[defendandprotect]

178. His Mother has abandoned him and you want him to do the "reconciling" . ..???

And, especially with someone who will still hold on to ridiculous religisous

notions which are obviously harming her son -- and the family?

This is a "callous" mother -- following dictates of organized patriarchal religion --

male-supremacy.

Wow --

[spiritual_gunfighter]

32. "no mention of a father"???

What the fuck is your problem?

[KittyWampus]

35. I'm sorry, how is an empirical observation of a story on the internet indicating I have a problem?

[petronius]

38. "And her zealot husband" seems to imply father

Although I'm hard-pressed to imagine why it would be relevant or worth commenting on (empirically or not). :shrug:

I think empirical observations of tangential points are more useful when they're coupled with some discussion of why the poster feels inclined to make them...

[KittyWampus]

40. Ah, thanks. Missed that.

[Boudica the Lyoness]

114. You missed a lot

You are so wrong about this.

[defendandprotect]

180. You didn't "observe" that his father is also a Christian "zealot" . . ..???

Why would you want this young man to subject himself to more Christian insanities

than he's just seen from his school, his "friends" -- and his Mother/Father?

[1monster]

77. Where does it say antything about "graphic photos" being sent via e-mail?

The way I read this was that the "prankster" printed out a screen shot of the 18 year old admitting that he was gay.

As to the "no mention of a father" did you miss the part about "my sister and her zealot husband"?

Way to read information into the story that isn't there and to ignore information that is there.

[KittyWampus]

80. Here's the relevant quote, since you missed it.

To make matters worse, my nephew sent a few graphic photos of himself and those had been turned in to the principal's office too. The school said that alone was enough to kick him out.

[1monster]

89. Okay. Dumb of him, but still not the principal's business. I realize that this is a PRIVATE school

but I am damned sick of schools (and not just private schools) interfering with the private lives of students and regarding things that happen outside of school and are none of the school's business.

Last time I checked, Facebook is not a school sponsored business.

[Occulus]

213. Given the nature of the school, it could have been something as prosaic as

a shirtless photo, or a fully-clothed crotch grab.

I hate the morality of Christian schools. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

[TankLV]

237. Ahh yes - another idiot focusing on the wrong thing...

you guys hang out in groups, don't you...

[GentryDixon]

9. Your sister chose her religion over her son.

How shameful of her.

You and your nephew will be the winners in this struggle. Good luck to you.

[Botany]

10. Take him in and contact a local public school and see if he can finish out ...

.... there. He can also get a job and make new friends.
He is family and you have family values.

[nilram]

172. ditto this one, too.

Tough one, though, practically having to choose a sister over a nephew. Knowing my sisters, and my nephews, though, I'd choose the nephew. Two out of three of my sisters would eventually come around in this situation. The third might or might not, or would just take longer.

[Soylent Brice]

12. bigoted assholes.

[OneTenthofOnePercent]

13. Sending graphic photos will certainly be grounds for removal from a private school,

There is typically a code of conduct expectation that extends beyond school grounds. If you are caught well outside of school doing things like fighting or using drugs or getting arrested, the school can take disciplinary action against the student up to and including expulsion. Students of private schools are expected to be ambassadors and representative for their school. In fact, my cousin was expelled from our school (back in the 90's) for getting pregnant her senior and not getting married to the guy. Another girl in my class got pregnant but did get engaged/married... she was allowed to stay.

Not to be an asshole, but if one of my students (at a private school) distributed any sort of graphic images they would face at least mild suspension. Gay would have nothing to do with that. It appears in this case that the religious school may be expelling him due to a dislike of homosexuality despite jointly disapproving of graphic photographs as well as being gay. It would be extremely difficult to "prove" he was expelled for being gay with other objectionable offenses. Hopefully the parents can request a refund of tuition fees.

You are right to take him in. He sounds like a great kid that needs removed from a toxic environment.
Please look into the legality of houseing a runaway against their parents' wishes - I'm not about this aspect.
Urge him to return home when he's ready and attend a public school to get his degree.
Much better than a GED for college application and he can focus on AP courses in his "fifth" year.

[Bluenorthwest]

24. And they slander mongering kid who foisted false witness on

Facebook, you see that kid as fine and dandy? Did the alleged Christians take any action against that illegal public attack on one of their own students? Would you? I mean, if you see this as being about violation of a code or set of rules, you must be claiming that what the other student did was honorable, within the code you enforce, or you would have mentioned that as well, I assume. At your school, kids are allowed to slander, lie, and spread malicious rumors with impunity, but if they send sexy pictures, you come down like hell, have I got that right? If a kid harasses and bullies another, you stand with the bully, not the kid who was the victim of such actions, correct?
I just see one really vile child here, and another who is a typical teen dealing with sexuality. One is malicious and harmful, the other is not.
Odd takes some of you have on who got harmed here. Odd that you see only one set of possible infractions here. What about that other kid? Why do his actions get no notice?

[OneTenthofOnePercent]

46. You assume too much. Are there any other assumptions you wish to deride me about?

My post deals only with the OP's nephew's actions.
I merely added some real life examples of my past experiences to illustrate the the subject.
Please don't make wild assumptions about my views and then continue to build upon those incorrect assumptions.

Since you mention it... the manner in which the other kid deceived the gay student is certainly not upstanding. I would expect some sort of punishment for him despite the fact that misrepresentation on facebook is hardly against the law or slanderous (keep in mind, neither kid likely broke any laws). This student's acts certainly weren't upstanding and made with malicious intent. Frankly, I'd be surprised if nothing happens to that kid - after all, he was being a malicious antagonist in getting the evidence.

The fact still remains, the gay student is responsible for distributing any sort of graphic content. If his school wished to hide behind that fact to expel a homosexual... that is their business. It's not right but you'd have a helluva time proving that one in court. I would have given BOTH of them a couple saturday detentions or maybe a 3 day suspension of sorts (and kept it off their record).

[Nordmadr]

26. He's 18. Assuming the recipient of the photos was also 18

or that the expelled student was lead to believe the other person was 18 through deliberate lies and misrepresentation, I do not see why he should be expelled. I gather private schools have much more leeway though.

[OneTenthofOnePercent]

47. I never said the student "should be expelled".

Neither student should be.

However, I'm certain the posting of graphic photos on the internet violates a school's C.O.C.
It is obvious the school is using this infraction unjustly as grounds for expulsion.
However, C.O.C. violations and punishments are very arbitrary... it would be difficult to fight this decision.

[OneTenthofOnePercent]

48. double-tap ... self delete.

[julian09]

111. The other guy is probably gay as well

Why did the informer choose to communicate with another guy he knew, with a
conversation of a personal sexual nature. Why did the outed student
feel comfortable confiding in him about his sexuality; did the informer ask for the photos.
Was it pretense or desire on the informers part to get the jocks attention.
What was the relationship between the two before this happened, was the imformer seeking his
attention. Were they rivals in sports or for someones attention is school co-ed?

[tblue37]

I believe the informant registered under a fake name, so the gay kid did not

know who it was he was exchanging emails with.

[tblue37]

135. I believe the informant registered under a fake name, so the gay kid did not

know who it was he was exchanging emails with.

[bullwinkle428]

37. I wonder how many straight kids at that school have "sexted" as well?

[shimmergal]

68. If he's 18, he's legally an adult.

The OP shouldn't run into any problem about housing him as a "runaway."

I'm sure he needs moral support right now, and somebody who cares. If she can give him that when his own parents can't -- or won't -- it will make all the difference in the world. The young man should have the chance to finish school without being demonized. Good luck to you both.

[Xithras]

76. Yep. Virtually every Christian school I've seen has a "morality" clause like that.

18 or not, these schools generally expel BOTH gay and straight students who engage in "morally unacceptable" behaviors like sending nude photos across the Internet.

Back in the 1990's an 18 year old friend was expelled from his Catholic school two weeks before graduation. His "crime"? He'd been cited for possession of pot at some Pink Floyd laser light show, and the school found out about it. They cited his drug use as being "morally objectionable" and threw him out. TWO WEEKS before he was going to graduate. He eventually lawyered up and they provided him with a diploma, but he had long since missed the actual graduation ceremonies and his transcript still showed the disciplinary expulsion, but stated that it had been reduced to a two week suspension. He was apparently also barred from ever attending a reunion, though I have no clue how they'd enforce that.

Kids in private schools don't have the same protections as kids in public schools.

[1monster]

90. He's eighteen. In Florida, that makes him an adult and his aunt would have no legal problem

in giving him a home.

[DaveinJapan]

Kindly note, we are taking the word of the fundies as to what "graphic" means exactly.

If they'd been nude or pornographic in nature, I'll bet they'd have said so.

For all we know, the kid sent a picture of himself "looking suggestive" or something like that. Or with his shirt off.

Whatever. It sounds like he's headed for a better place and I say good riddance to parents like that. They suck. And I hope they DON'T get a refund on the tuition. I hope some other stuff for those prejudiced pieces of shit too but I won't write it down.

[JHB]

247. That's an important point to stress.

Fundies, especially the craziest subset of them, get a lot of milage out of different connotations of common words.

Words that have definitions and certain connotations in regular English can have much broader or narrower connotations within fundy jargon. The most blatant case here is the word "christian" itself, which in fundese excludes Catholics, Orthodox, and a list of Protestant denominations that can vary widely depending on the individual speaker.

Does "graphic" here mean what most of us think of what that word is used? Or something closer to what's in the "hunk of the month" calendar I give to my own mother as a stocking stuffer on Christmas? That's a word whose meaning can vary a lot, especially when the situation combines it with sex and homosexuality.

[DaveinJapan]

260. Exactly.

I'm reasonably sure if there was any "indecent exposure" or the like, they'd have happily said so in graphic terms.

They can't, so "graphic" will suffice (and many on this thread bought right into it and blamed the kid).

Perhaps not, anything is possible, but this doesn't pass the smell test as far as I'm concerned...

[DaveinJapan]

192. Duplicate. nt

[Occulus]

214. "Hopefully the parents can request a refund of tuition fees."

They don't deserve that. Were I in his shoes, I would do everything in my power to make certain they don't get it back.

I never repaid my parents for what they paid for me to go to college, and I never will. My mom is well-heeled enough to eat the loss. I sincerely hope this kid decides to do the same. Parents who do this to their children deserve all the pain they get, financial and otherwise.

[MineralMan]

14. What lovely parents...

Take him in, help him however you can, and try to get him done with school. If the local public school won't do it, let him take the GED and start off at the local community college before transferring elsewhere.

As for your relationship with your sister, tell her what you are doing and why. Remind her that Jesus wasn't about kicking kids out of families, and let here stew in her own juices for a while.

Thank goodness the boy has you to turn to.

[Botany]

17. Tell the mother Jesus never mentioned "teh gays"

n/t

[joeybee12]

15. Take him in..he's 18, he's an adult...it will certainly cool, if not ruin

your relationship with your sister, but if they want to see their son again, tell them they need to pray for deliverance from their ignorance.

[krabigirl]

42. I would not be caring aboutmy sister at this point if she did something like that..

I hate people like that and don't think they deserve custody of their kids.

[joeglow3]

56. Not always true

In our state, 19 is the age of majority. Thus, you could face charges for doing this.

[harkadog]

64. BS. What state is that?

[joeglow3]

70. Nebraska

They have a law in the legislature right now to move it to 18.

[SemperEadem]

101. dupe

[SemperEadem]

102. bring them in line with the rest of the country

[harkadog]

131. That's for signing contracts and getting credit

Not for living on your own which is what this case is about.

[Romulox]

16. The kid needs unconditional acceptance and love. Just like everybody.

This is such a sad story. Once in a while, one of these things will just get to you... :cry:

[WeDidIt]

20. Damn the sister, take the nephew in!

End the relationship with the sister and help that poor boy.

[GreenPartyVoter]

134. Yes, take the boy in.

[Bettie]

21. I'd take him in

Right now, he needs support more than his mother needs to punish her son for not being what she wants him to be.

And, he needs some guidance on why it isn't OK to send graphic photos to anonymous people on the internet!

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

23. Even though the school has the legal right to expel, I voted "No" on that poll.

Because, frankly, fuck the law. </rudepundit>

[southernyankeebelle]

25. You did the right thing. I would do the very same if my sister called me. Shame on her and her

creepy husband. Put your nephew first. I suggest you contact a gay organization in your area to help your nephew and you to get through this. His parents can't do anything since he is 18 yrs old.

[peacetalksforall]

27. A heart so controlled by church-hate that it throws out a son. We speak about hate-crime, it seems

so pitiful when it is a mother-son.

[peacetalksforall]

28. I hope something good happens so that the boy can get money for college.

[Jennicut]

31. This makes me so terribly sad. Why do parents do this to their own kids?

The private school makes me sick too but his own parents? I have two little girls. I want them to make the choices in life that will make THEM happy, not me. You cannot force someone who is gay to be something they are not. If it was my nephew, I would take him in and get him enrolled in a public school where he could graduate high school.

[Bicoastal]

33. Jesus would TOTALLY have endorsed what the kid's school and parents did.

:sarcasm::sarcasm::sarcasm::sarcasm:

[SemperEadem]

103. these people are paulists, not christians

it's too bad they won't tell the truth about themselves.

[Betty Karlson]

202. Paulists?

You know Paul was less conservative than most of his interpretors, right?

(It's a matter of selectively determining where to cut off chapters, and where to put the interpunction.)

[Deep13]

241. Christianity was founded by Paul.

If Jesus existed and was anything like what is described in the NT, he was a Jew, not a Christian. Paul created Christianity by attaching Roman values and the Persian notion of a single, all-knowing god to the mythology of Judaism. What is more is that Paul's epistles predate the cannonical gospels (or any gospels, really). Paul mentions no details about JC's life in his writings lending credence to the idea that they were made-up afterwards, probably based on earlier myths.

So, with respect, I find the distinction between Paulism and Christianity to be entirely artificial.

[QC]

34. Another example of why equality is not a "pony."

KICK!

[MuseRider]

36. !

:applause:

[QC]

50. Thanks! n/t

[Starry Messenger]

225. If it were up to me all the pony posters would be eating granite

I'd do it with the wrath of the Old Testament.

[MuseRider]

39. Here is a plan.

You take him in, give him what he needs to live, hold him and love him and listen listen listen. He is just another human, a very hurt and young human. Give him what he needs to get back to some kind of balance and let him tell you what he wants to do. Help him do it.

Your sister? Give up. On this you may have to draw the line because she is most likely not going to come around for a while if ever. Over this you may lose your relationship and that is sad but you KNOW this is not the right thing for her to do. Real Christians do not behave like this. Shoot, real humans, any humans who can think past their own tiny little lives would not behave like that.

I would take him in a heartbeat. Love him and listen. Provide for him and let him decide what he wants and needs but do not force him back with his parents unless they calm the fuck down and think for themselves and can accept him for who he is.

I just last night cut the ties with the long lost brother (last I heard he was murdered but did not know anything certain) who showed up to live with me after being gone for 12 years. I threw him out. His alcoholism fuels violence and my life nor my husbands will tolerate his intoxicated abuse. No job, no place to go and I threw him out since he refused to help himself. Tell Florida4Obama if she needs to talk to message me here. It is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done, it will be for her too but her nephew is a human being with all the same wishes and desires and needs that we all have. To toss your own child into the guilt that they would at home or out into the world for nothing but being something that has ever hurt another soul is unforgivable.

[MissMarple]

86. I'll just double what you said...well done.

The aunt is doing the Christian thing, the parents, most assuredly, are not. They should be embarrassed at the very least.

[wolfgangmo]

141. Tell the kid that if he needs a crappy home in MN in the winter, it's his.

On the upside my wife and I are in the medical field and well connected so we might be able to get him a scholarship ... maybe?

Peace.

[TankLV]

238. Well said...I fully concurr...

[krabigirl]

41. Those "parents" should never have been allowed to be parents at all.

[Carni]

59. That's exactly what I think eom

[Hell Hath No Fury]

43. Dump the sister, keep the nephew.

Real simple. Your sister can manage just fine -- your nephew needs strong support right now. He needs stability, love, and a physically and emotionally safe place to be. Step up and do the right thing. If not, send him out here to stay with me. And I am dead serious about that.

[BoWanZi]

44. I can't stand religous nutjobs like that...

...more power to you in taking your nephew in. I would much rather give up a relationship with the sister and build one with your nephew rather than the other way around.

He is probably in very very deep depression and needs as much help and guidance from someone who is not a nutjob.

good luck!

[M155Y_A1CH]

45. Just show him his room

and explain the house rules.
If Sis wants him home she can talk to him on the phone about it.
He is 18: let him decide.

[Echo In Light]

49. "...deliverance from this sin?" Deliverance from our Dumb, she meant

[Dappleganger]

51. This is why my best friend in high school kept quiet...

he was scared to death of being kicked out before graduating and had a lot riding on his diploma (Catholic school). I knew but was sworn to secrecy, his dad would have caused more trouble than anyone else probably. The SHTF of course when he told them that summer.

OTOH, if it was my friend who'd gone through something like in the OP I would advise him to transfer to another private school and graduate w/them so he would never have to have a diploma from that shitty school.

Kids are so damn mean it drives me crazy. :(

[RedCappedBandit]

52. Shit mom, shit school. Not much of a loss to lose either of them, imo.

Sucks that he was born into such a situation to begin with, though

[mzteris]

53. of course take him

f your sister if she's that psychotic.

Forget the school, except immediately get a transcript of his grades - up to his current one. If they balk, tell them you'll have your attorney contact them. Hell - call LAMBDA Legal - they're a really good group and can help.

Review the transcript, he may have enough to graduate already. Register him as a homeschooler (don't know about FL laws - NC would be perfect if other relatives are available) - finish up what he needs and get his Diploma. Or get a GED.

Get him with a support group for teen gays asap. Again Lambda probably has help in FL where you are.



http://www.lambdalegal.org/

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At Lambda Legal, we imagine a different world — a world of full equality for LGBT people and people living with HIV — and we work to create that world every day. We pursue impact litigation, education and advocacy to make the case for equality in state and federal court, the Supreme Court and in the court of public opinion.

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Lambda’s Legal Help Desk staff respond directly to members of our communit(ies) who are seeking legal information and assistance with discrimination related to sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, and HIV status. When calling one of our Help Desks, it is most efficient to call the regional office associated with your state. Contact information for your region can be found here.

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Good luck.

:hug: for you and :hug: :hug: for him. It'll be okay. He can start living HIS LIFE instead of living a lie. This is a good thing.

[wolfgangmo]

143. Don't get him a GED.

He is interested in college and a GED will knock him out of the running for a lot of scholarship and grant money.

He can graduate if you help him.

[Bette Noir]

54. Take the kid in, and enroll him at the local public high school.

I don't think you'd need to go to court to establish guardianship, since he's 18.

He is going through a rough time-- no need to make it worse by interrupting his education.

And give him a hug, from me.

[Ohio Joe]

55. Stand by him Kpete

This guy needs to understand he is normal. I'm sorry your sister and her husband are fundy nuts but you need to protect this boy, he has done nothing wrong. Protect him.

[JCMach1]

57. He is 18... get him into HS straight away... even if it is Florida's electronic HS just to finish

Take care of him and try (if possible) to at least keep the door open to your sis. They may come around after awhile.

[wolfgangmo]

145. Look at it this way.

He will have one hell of a story for his college app and scholarship letter.

If the kid survives this, he might very well qualify for some serious scholarship money.

Just a thought.

[Carni]

58. "Parents" like that should not be parents

How disgusting...if I were the writer I would take the kid in and not worry about ever speaking to my sister again.

First the kid gets humiliated and then tossed out of his house? WTF?

[snooper2]

60. I don't know if anybody caught on to this fact that's posting here...

but FYI, I don't think it's kpete's nephew...

Just a story he posted off dailykos

[mnhtnbb]

61. As the mother of a gay son (now 23) please, take this young man in.

Since he's 18, he doesn't need parental permission to remain with you. Let him talk. Find out what he wants. He's been hiding who he is for several years; give him the security to let him be who he is.
Please. Enroll him in local public school. If he's already been accepted to a college he wants to attend, get in touch with them and discuss the situation. No doubt, they will be expecting him
to graduate, with grades at the same level as his average. If he hasn't been accepted, he needs to call and find out when the acceptances are going out. The last thing he needs is for the private school to contact any of his college options and screw things up. You may need to contact an attorney to discuss
prohibiting his private school from having any further contact with any of his college choices.

Tell your sister it's HER choice to sever the relationship with you (if she does, and she probably will,
because her husband will make her).

This young man needs a lot of support right now. Get in touch with your local PFLAG chapter
and see if you can get him not only some professional help, but support from people who have been there.

Contact The Point Foundation http://www.pointfoundation.org/ and see what they might do to help
regarding college. My guess is that if he was relying on parental support for college, they will
withhold that in an effort to power trip him.

My heart goes out to your nephew...and to you. Good luck.

[Zoigal]

62. No question in my mind...open your door to him with a welcome hug...z

[CoffeeCat]

66. SICK parents, who don't deserve to be parents!

How could a mother or father kick out their son, and then
want to further punish their own son by sabotaging future
help that he would get?

Is their son supposed to end up on the streets--miserable
and destitute? They want pain and misery for their son?

Idiots!

Have people lost their ever lovin minds? If people like
this would just slow down, sit with themselves and THINK
rationally for a second--the world would be a much better
place.

To behave this way to your own child--all in the name of
religion--is the epitome of ignorance and stupidity.

[unc70]

69. Be careful about losing NC resident status -- lots of financial help

I don't know what his college plans had been, but NC has many of the best-values among both public and private schools. This might be particularly important if he remains estranged from his parents and their financial support. Let him have an extended visit with you in Florida, but I see no reason to take any immediate actions that might jeopardize his current NC residency. No school enrollmentuntil you know more, and don't even think about changing anything like drivers license or voter registration.

You and he need to contact the admissions office at the colleges where he applied to determine methods available to him for completing admissions requirements. He may need to revise his list of possible schools in order to be in a tolerant and supportive environment.

Go to the College Foundation of North Carolina (http://www.cfnc.org) for information on all the types of financial assistance available to NC residents enrolled in NC public and private higher education.

If one of his options is UNC Chapel Hill, he should strongly consider enrolling here.The environment at Carolina is very tolerant and supportive. Send me a private message and I give some insight gained by my family.

He might now qualify for the Carolina Covenant or one of the other aid options. http://www.unc.edu It is a program mainly endowed by alumni that enables low-income students to complete their undergraduate education without needing any student loans.

Good luck

[supernova]

82. very worth thinking about

out of state tuition for our state universities can be quite high.

The converse is also true. If he decides he might like to stay with you in FL and go to college down there, how long beforehand does he have to establish perm residency before he can enroll in FL as an in-state student?

This is a long term thing he must decide.

For now, just take him in and give him a loving home.

Rotten school. Rotten parents. I could never see treating my child like that.

[tammywammy]

136. 12 months to establish residency for in-state tuition n/t

[wolfgangmo]

146. Backdate the paperwork.

It's only 12 months on paper, not in reality. Just find the right person to help.

[Cleita]

73. Unbelievable.

The same thing happened to a gay cousin of mine, not because of religion though, but because of his homophobic, ex-cop, macho man father. His mother and brothers kept up a relationship with him behind the father's back. Things worked out mostly okay in the end even though his estrangement from his father lasted until the day his father died. Relatives need to be supportive even if the parents can't.

[ourbluenation]

75. THANK GOD HE HAS YOU IN HIS LIFE.

His parents don't deserve him. He should get a lawyer.

[The Wizard]

78. Can the mother

be charged with bigamy for being married to Jesus and another man?

[Initech]

84. This is why I'll never understand fundamentalism as long as I live.

[Deep13]

87. You're doing the right thing, unlike his parents or school.

Deliverance from his sin--how idiotic!

[Deep13]

88. How's he going to finish school?

Can he enroll in your town for the last few months?

[pasto76]

92. fuck your sister

sounds like your nephew is a model teenager. And he happens to be gay. Im guessing this affects his plans for college, which is bullshit.

Maybe if they repeal DADT he can serve for a while and get his college paid for by Post 9/11 GI Bill.

Very unfortunate. Your sister and brother in law are an embarrassment to humanity. Sounds liek he has a safe place to go. Good job on that.

SGT PASTO

[Stuckinthebush]

96. Bring him in to your home

Hug him. Tell him he is just fine and that he is safe.

Then, tell his mother to get his transcripts transferred to your district. Talk to the local public school administrators and see if he can transfer for four months and graduate from a public school. Keep him there. He must be 18 or near. He can make that call as an adult I'd assume if he is 18.

Then take him to a counselor to help him work through his pain. Help him get into college. Love him. Keep him close.

Forget about the relationship with your sister. It is what it is. A young man's life is at stake here. Really.

Good luck.

[SemperEadem]

98. do the right thing

What do I do? What do I say?

"Welcome to my home. You can stay with me as long as you need to and you don't have to worry about me turning my back on you."

He's 18--therefore, he's no longer a minor and he can live wherever he chooses.

He needs to find out how to either obtain his diploma if he's met the requirements for graduation or to have his transcript sent down to the school district you live in so that he can finish out his year and graduate.

Your sister is the one who has chosen to put your relationship with her in jeopardy, not you.

[begin_within]

99. "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me" - Jesus Christ, Nazareth

Matthew 25:40

[jesus_of_suburbia]

104. PLEASE SUPPORT HIM. He is desperate right now.

Do the right thing, not what will insure your relationship with your sister.

[ooglymoogly]

105. With as much love as you can muster. Tell the sister

You are sorry but you just can't do that. If he needs help you must be there for him as much as you can; you will never regret it; The others will ruin his, theirs and yours if you let them. Go on the internet and type GED. He can get a diploma at an online school if he can pass the test. Help him, (if you can) with whatever talents he has, to realize them. I don't know your situation, but if you do not have the resources to help him; Seek help and advise from PFLAG.

http://www.pflagorlando.org/

You may have to do some online research but help is out there for this kind of situation. There are well funded homes around the country for young gay kids, thrown from their homes; Particularly those who have not finished high school and beyond. There is one in NY city for instance where he could pursue design or just about any other career. PFLAG will have the answers if you are at a loss.

http://www.pflagorlando.org/

[dsc]

106. I would like to reiterate the advice you got in regards to NC

If you can afford it, you might want to set him up in a cheap apartment in his district and have him finish his last semester in a NC public school. Our colleges are very affordable for residents. He might want to go straight to community college and then transfer. But if that isn't possible then get him in your house, have him finish in Florida, and then get him a point of light scholarship.

[wolfgangmo]

147. Heck if his past school was REALLY that good then ...

... he could CLEP test and get college credit before he even gets officially enrolled in college.

http://www.collegeboard.com/student/testing/clep/about.html

[Odin2005]

109. Bigots are the scum of the Earth.

:grr:

[DFW]

112. What do you say?

If there is any way in the world you can take him in and make him feel welcomed by close family, I think it
would provide him with some VERY much needed reassurance that he is OK, and he is not the one that's fucked up.

Since his immediate environment is pretty much united in wanting to either make him totally miserable or wanting
him to feel he is abnormal or sick, if there is any way in the world you can counter that, then I'd say do whatever
you can/want/must. If your sister thinks this is worth a rupture in the family, I'd feel awful about it, and then
accept it. This is very easy for me to say, though, as all of my siblings couldn't care less about anyone else's
sexual preferences. If one of my nephews were gay (or one of my daughters), it wouldn't make a bit of difference
to me or my siblings, so this is a really easy call for me to make, and it's really easy for me to dish out advice,
being in the comfortable position I'm in. I couldn't imagine the anguish it would provide someone being forced to
choose between their own sister and the anguished nephew. My advice, being based only on theory and not practice,
is, I fear, not good for much.

[onpatrol98]

113. Open Door To Nephew AND Sister

I assume your sister and husband thought that if you didn't open your door to your nephew, he would be forced to return to them. But, often that's not the case. Who knows where he could end up? However, I hope that there will be many efforts to reunify the family.

As easy as it is to belittle this young man's family's values, they are still his family. I think every effort should be made to help him reconnect with his family. I think he'll be better for it. And, so will they. It won't be easy. But, I think this is (IMO) the best outcome for this young man. I can't imagine anything separating me from my parents (apart from death) and I certainly wouldn't wish that separation on anyone else.

I think the idea of honoring parents has very little do with the parents, but rather with the individual doing the honoring. Kind of like...we forgive people, because it's good for us. Not because its good for them.

Your nephew has been very brave. And, I have to wonder if the kids who set him up should have been the ones to be sent home. Of course, kids can be cruel.

Me personally, I think its better to resist the urge to tar and feather your sibling. It doesn't help your nephew or your sister. And, I think they both need you.

Pick the one thing that your mind tells you, you don't want for your child...and man, it'll happen. For your sister...this might have been it. But, honestly, it could be anything. Now, all of a sudden, here you are, left trying to hold your family and your senses together. While the rest of the world, ASSUMES, they know exactly what to do. I don't know what to do. But, I sympathize with your nephew and your sister.

I wish you and your family the best. I have no doubt your nephew will be in good hands with you.

[OKNancy]

115. This is from dailykos, it is not kpete's story

for those of you asking her what she has done, etc... ( unless kpete is FloridaforObama...)

Here is the update from Florida4Obama

Let me say, I am not going to turn him away. He is welcome in my home as long as he needs a place to stay. I will be the open arms, the listen ear, the loving heart, and the best aunt I can be. Thank you all for the advice about trying to get him in to a local school so he can graduate on time. He is a very bright boy and has the potential for a full athletic scholarship to at least one school. He must graduate though in order to receive the scholarship.

I just don't know what to say to him when he gets here. I guess I can offer him love and understanding. I will work on my sister and her husband and hope that they see how wonderful their son is. I would expect him to be to my home around midnight. I'm very nervous. I do not know what his state of mind is. When he called me a few hours ago, I could tell in his voice that he had been crying. I confirmed my address with him and told him to drive safely. He thanked me and hung up the phone.

My sister has called me since I wrote this diary and commanded me to tell her son to go to a Tampa church that can "cure" him. I told her he didn't need to be cured and she hung up on me.

[Jax]

211. wtf? kick

kpete rocks.


you OkNancy....

[julian09]

116. The informer is probably gay as well

Why did he choose to communicate in a sexual nature with
the school jock, and get sexually explicit photos.
Was it a prank or desire, methinks you protest too much.
What was their relationship before the outing, was the informer
vying for the jocks attention or jock. Like the Cal congressman
in another thread against all gay issues, but caught comming out of gay bar.
I'd like to see the informer in this story get more scrutiny.

[NorthCarolina]

117. Send your sister a copy of the comments posted in this thread. eom

[rcrush]

118. He's 18 he can stay where he wants.

If he wants to stay with you then let him. (If you want to) But he doesn't have to listen to his parents anymore and he doesn't have to go home.

[TK421]

119. Well that really sucks! It is a good thing some of his relatives care about him

good of you to take him in, because if he had remained in that situation who knows what would have happened? He needs all the support he can get now, especially since none of it is coming from his own mother

[crim son]

120. Poor kid.

Take him in, let him stay or find him a loving home where he can stay and deal with his new circumstance. He must be in absolute shock.

I realize the school may be within its rights to kick him out - but to have his mother reject him on top of that is just unbelievable, inhumane and evil.

Hell, let him come live with me. We have a great local high school and there are any number of *out* kids who are accepted and respected by their peers.

Fucking "christians." I could never be one again, because the "good" ones don't stop this shit from happening.

[Christa]

124. As a mother, I would welcome this young man with open arms. nt

[The Backlash Cometh]

126. I'm sure he has all of DU for support.

Let us know what we can do.

[Autumn]

127. Take him in and love him.

That's all you can do. Hugs to you and your Nephew, and thank you for being a good person. They are all too rare these days.

[valerief]

128. More vouchers for more of these HATE SCHOOLS and HATE PARENTS

who stick their kids in them.

:sarcasm:

[era veteran]

129. Get LAMBDA, or a good crusader lawyer, and file a nuisance lawsuit

They may graduate him without ceremony to avoid publicity. Good luck.

[naaman fletcher]

130. Fuck your sister

not literally, i mean, "fuck her", if your relationship is ruined over it, too bad for her. What a bitch. Oh yeah, the fucking school is a bunch of assholes, too.

[midnight]

133. This young man needs support that his parents are not able to give him, and

hopefully the aunt who wrote this can extend a place for this young man.

[ingac70]

140. If my sister asked me to turn away my nephew....

I would tell her to kiss my ass.

[sulphurdunn]

142. Everything about this is very sad.

If there is an upside, it's that the kid is out of the closet and away from his homophobic parents. On an even brighter note, in time, the parents may come around. That happens a lot when you realize that one of you is also one of them.

[webDude]

144. What should you do? What would Jesus do? I think you are ...

...right to take him in. I am so sick of what has been called the "Leviticans" that it turns me off of trying out ANY Church. My God, if these hypocrites wanted to get down to it, I have no doubt they are doing an enormity of "sins and abominations", according to the readings from Leviticus. What, I thought when Jesus came along, there was a "new covenant" with God, anyway? Cherry pick the Bible and you can rationalize about anything.

[Sebastian Doyle]

148. And if Arnie Duncan gets his way, ALL schools will be like this

Yay!! :sarcasm:

[greiner3]

149. Do you think someone could introduce him to;

Senator Ashburn?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x7842818

Just saying.

[Raster]

150. Take the boy in and show him love. Help the young man understand he has done nothing wrong, nor

does he have anything to apologize to anyone for. Help this child. Do whatever you can to let him know that being gay is as natural as having black hair. Hug him and let him know you believe in him and that you have his back, no matter the consequences. This boy needs you, and needs you desperately.

This is your opportunity to have a profound effect on this young man's life. Please, help him to understand that he is a wonderful and unique human being. Just be you.

[nahant]

151. Outed!

What do I do? What do I say? The kid was just outted, then kicked out of school because of it. I really don't know how to handle the situation.

Text

As was said "This is some kind of Mother"! No mater what he is family and give him the love and respect that comes with being family. As to you sister you should just tell her she is not worthy of calling him her son if she would treat him that way... After this is the way he was born just as all our gay friends are! This is not a choice it is a fact they must live with! We should all support our gay friends in any way we can. After all they are brothers and sisters! Hey what Jesus do?? Love maybe??

[demigoddess]

153. a kid in high school doesn't have an alternative life style.

the adults should grow up.

[Raine]

154. Poor kid, I wish I could give him a hug

:hug: I would be proud if he was my son and I would love him always. I'll never understand people who treat their own flesh and blood this way. :-(

[alp227]

157. Religion can be just so inane at times

When religious schools expel honour students just because the student and admin don't agree on each other's morals, that's a sign of detachment from reality.

I'm glad that Auntie is providing support for said student. :hug: I can't believe it's the second decade of the 2000s and people STILL think that being gay is a choice despite the overflowhelming evidence that it ain't.

[kpete]

158. UPDATE

My nephew arrived safely after being outed & kicked out of school

by Florida4Obama

Thu Mar 04, 2010 at 05:15:23 PM PST

I want to thank this community for being there for me and my nephew last night. I cannot believe the diary is still on the rec list. I imagined it would be overlooked like so many other diaries, but I was wrong. I wanted to update everyone on my nephew.

He arrived safely at my home last night just after midnight. As soon as I opened the door, he rushed into my arms and began to sob. I just held him there and let him cry. My husband came and told him he was there for him if he needed to talk. My nephew told me the full story of what happened to him, and it breaks my heart that the world can be so cruel.

more:
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2010/3/4/843067/-My-nephew-arrived-safely-after-being-outtedkicked-out-of-school

[Posteritatis]

162. Is your sister trying to draw a line in the sand about "turning him away"?

I'm still trying to get past that demand in the first place, but your DKos post implies that she's content to "just" write the kid out of her own life now, which I suppose is better than chasing after him to make things worse.

I hope she doesn't try dialing up the malice again or something; you both have enough to worry about without more of that going on. :mad:

[Garbo 2004]

181. Kos blogger is not kpete. nt

[Posteritatis]

188. Doh! (nt)

[Vogon_Glory]

249. You're Doing The Right Thing!

Good for you!

You're doing the right thing by taking him in. You're as much family as his non-supportive parents, and you're being there and giving him the emotional support he needs during this crisis.

I don't know what you should tell your sister and her husband. But "No," is a good start.

As for teenagers, I can well believe that they'll pull such stunts. A lot of teenagers are vicious and act like pack animals, whether they're ostensibly "Christian" (Or whatever) or merely secular jerks. That's why there were so many teenagers involved with Fascism and Nazism.

I fear that your nephew just found out who his real friends are (Or aren't). I hope there's a way for emotional counseling; he needs it.

I am not one for giving advice to your nephew, but he'll presently be feeling a lot of anger. There is a saying I'm fond of, though. It's "A life well-lived is the best revenge."

[Pretty_in_CodePink]

159. I don't know what to do about the school

but I recommend you all see "For the Bible Tells Me So". It's a brillant film about the intersection of homosexuality and Christianity. www.forthebibletellsmeso.org

Best of luck to your nephew and family.

[rtassi]

161. Accept him for the gift from God that he is, and love him with all your heart...

[Stumbler]

164. I don't know what to say

But I am sorry about this entire mess. If it were up to me, religious zealots would keep their ideas in the closet, as your nephew was expected to with respect to his sexuality. I suspect the classmate who "outted" him will make a wonderful future Senator from North Carolina....

[tpsbmam]

166. Nothing to add -- it's been said, and said well....

Just wanted to add (in addition to a K&R) a big hug to your nephew, and to those who truly love him and will help him through this terrible time in his life (you and others). :grouphug: The above are right -- take him in, show him the acceptance & love he's being denied, and help him become the good man he's on his way to becoming. And, as others have offered, there's a room, friendship & acceptance in Western NC for him should he need a welcoming space in a welcoming town.

[Autonomy]

167. What do you do? You take him in. Sign him up for school.

He is lucky he is 18 and has you to go to. Many in his situation are not so fortunate.

[maxomai2]

168. Florida4Obama posted a follow-up

Nephew is safe and sound at F40's place; Kossacks are chock full of advice. More here.

[LWolf]

169. Are y'all sure you want to support

the privatizers and union-busters at war with public education?

Sure we need more private control of schools?

[marshall]

173. Unfortunately those "graphic photos" are probably making the rounds on the internet

Kids don't realize that the internet keeps stuff like that forever.

[colsohlibgal]

175. How Parents Can Do This Is Beyond Me

If it were me I'd not only take him in, I'd read my sis the riot act. I have two children, a daughter and a son, and I can't imagine anything they could do that could cause me to turn my back on them - and certainly either or both of them being gay would not. I can't see how any parent can spurn their child that way. It's disgusting.

[liberalhistorian]

197. I don't understand it, either, and I never will.

And, as a Christian, I know that, for those who claim to be Christian and do this, they're fucking full of it. Turning your back on family, especially your OWN CHILDREN, is simply unacceptable. Period. Then again, I've never understood why anyone cared whether someone was gay or not; as if it's any of their business to begin with.

[defendandprotect]

176. Yeah . .. I hear that NC is kinda religiously nuts . . .

I think you have to find out what he wants to do --

and thankfully you are there to help him --

Lucky him!!

[unc70]

262. Probably no more so in NC than elsewhere

In NC we have much the same mix of nuts as other places. Too many like those described in this thread, but they are outnumbered by those who are tolerant, accepting, welcoming, and supportive of gays and others.

BTW was is the source/context of the quote in your sig? Have not noticed it before, and it is contrary to the scientific evidence. Just curious.

[ruggerson]

179. Can't Donnie McClurkin fix this somehow?

[jonnyblitz]

184. ....

:spank: :o

[grattsl]

185. Where in NC is this school?

I'm in NC and would be happy to stand just off school property with an "END the BIGOTRY" sign.

[SteveG]

186. Hold firm to your beliefs

He is your nephew, he has been outed and rejected by his parents. Think about it this way, if you sister and her husband reject him, what kind of people are they? Are they really the people you want to endorse and associate with? If my sister did that to one of her children, I know what I would do, I would accept him and protect him. And if it meant that I never spoke to my sister again, so be it. This comes from a sixtyish, white, heterosexual, happily married male, so take it for what it's worth.

[mitchtv]

187. heartbreaking, however

not uncommon

[Riverman]

191. You Know How to Handle It! - Love Him, Shelter Him, Listen to Him

Hug Him - a lot, Encourage Him to talk about it, his feelings, let him have his feelings. He will be ok and so will you. Not so sure about his mother or the school bigots. Better he not be there.

Wish I had support of a loving relative or friend when I was in High School and trying to hide my true self- as a guy teenager in an all boys Catholic School taught by the Augustinians, among the most conservative and reactionary of the Catholic priestly orders.

Now in middle age after two attempts at marriage and raising two wonderful now adult children, I am coming out to my son this weekend and my daughter when she comes home for a visit in a few weeks.

Thank you for being there for your nephew!

[Jamastiene]

193. If the Christian school in this case is anything like the Christian school I went to here in NC...

getting expelled would be par for the course. Only in the school I went to, he would have been practically tarred and feathered and run out of town first, THEN kicked out of school.

No bones about it, you wouldn't believe what it is like in Christian schools here in NC. The public schools aren't a walk in the park, but the Christian school are enough to make a gay kid want to die, no kidding.

Been there, done that.

If I never step foot in a Christian school again, I'll be happy. My definition of Hell would be ever having to go back to Temple Christian School.

I'd rather have all my fingernails pulled out one by one, followed by my toenails pulled out one by one, followed by my eyelashes pulled out one by one, followed by every single hair on my head pulled out one by one, and that's just the intro to what I'd rather do than ever even look at Temple Christian school again.

Think I'm kidding? Try me. Christian schools in North Carolina make Revelations look like a fucking walk in the park.

I feel for this young man. I feel for the unspeakable torture, the unspeakable nightmare, he is going through. I've been there. It takes decades to recover, and still, you never feel "right" again. You look at the thought of eternity in Hell as a break from the Christians that inhabit this shithole state. You long for the day you never have to be around them again.

I wish there was a way I could send him a message to get the fuck away from them before they do things to him. Once they start doing things to a gay person, the damage and the agony and the bad bad memories are so ingrained, you never really get over it.

:(

[craigmatic]

194. damn that sucks. I'd sue the school

[Withywindle]

195. OK, reading the post at DailyKos, I am *blown away* by how malicious and evil the outing was.

Remember the case a couple years ago of the 13-year-old girl who committed suicide after a Myspace hoax had convinced her that there was a boy who liked her and then cruelly rejected her? What fake-"Jacob" did is very similar. Imagine being led to believe you finally have a confidante you can tell the truth about your life to--when you're in an oppressive right-wing Christian family and right-wing Christian school and are VERY used to having to hide--and then find it was nothing but a sadistic trap meant to humiliate you.

And imagine every single authority figure you know who has power over you sides with your abuser, your psychic rapist--including your PARENTS, who display to you in flaming loud colors that the only love there is in this world that's supposed to be unconditional, is really so very, VERY subject to conditions and terms and fine print, and just by being yourself, you've placed yourself outside the conditions.

Most people on DU would not tolerate their BANKS treating them like that. Just like with banks, he should take his "money" and "business" elsewhere. He owes them nothing, and fortunately, he's old enough to legally tell them to pound sand. I'm so happy he has an aunt and uncle who understand.

He's probably going to be in a lot of pain, though. PFLAG, PFLAG, PFLAG, I agree with that poster. Also The Trevor Project: http://thetrevorproject.org/helpline.aspx It's a hotline and website for GLBT youth, 24 hours. Recently made headlines because Daniel Radcliffe, the young English actor who plays Harry Potter, did charity work for it, donated, and talked it up. The suicide rates for GLBT youth are obscenely, disproportionately high, and it's largely because of hateful, superstitious rejection by their own families, which is an intensely acute and painful form of discrimination that few other oppressed groups in the US experience.

I can only say, blessings on those who give young people in need a safe place to lay their heads, and curses on those who drive them out for such a bigoted reason.

[upi402]

210. You saved me a lot of typing

I feel the exact same way, think the same, and act on it. But wish I could write it all out the same.
I'm waiting for kpete to check back in though.

[David Zephyr]

198. K&R.

Thanks for this, kpete.

[Trillo]

199. Just be his friend. That's all you can do.

Right about now, he really needs a friend. Not the kind of friend that manipulates and judges as "bad", but the kind that loves and accepts him as he is.

[pundaint]

215. I'm guessing those parents better hope they're wrong about that whole religion thing.

If there really is a Jesus they'll have some 'splaining to do. And a humanistic shout out to the lad - it is in no part your fault, and you will find plenty of support as you move forward; peace and best wishes.

[Th1onein]

217. I'd sue that school, first thing.

They don't have the right to screw up someone's education just because of their religious beliefs. It would be different if he had broken the law or something, but sexual orientation? I think not. Sue their asses.

Second, I'd tell my sister to go get fucked. His parents are probably doing him irreparable damage by claiming that his sexual orientation is a "sin." What idiots. That poor kid. THIS is why gays have such a high rate of suicide in their teens.

Third, I'd cook all of his favorite dishes, invite all of the family that WAS supportive, and have a party for him, celebrating his rescue and survival from the nutcases.

[dsc]

228. yes they do

Private schools are not covered by non discrimination laws and even if they were, NC doesn't have one for gays.

[Th1onein]

264. Even if, in the exercise of that discrimination, it results in screwing up this kids' education?

They better walk on eggshells when it comes to a transcript. And how far away was this kid from his graduation? If he was close, he better get a diploma. I'd sue for damages, legal discrimination, or no legal discrimination. They should be ashamed of themselves. Hate the sin, love the sinner, my ass.

[dsc]

265. sadly they have the right

now if he had enough credits to graduate then they would need to give him his diploma but if he didn't, then I fail to see any liability for them. It sucks but they have the right.

[Th1onein]

266. I'd still sue. Bring it into the light.

Intentional infliction of emotional distress, or something. They have no right to screw up someone's education, no matter what. If they offer a service and they don't provide it, they need to be sued. It's THEIR problem they're discriminatory, not the kid's.

Fuck them. Cost the bastards some money; hit 'em in the pocketbook. That's ONE thing these assholes do love, is money.

[dsc]

268. unless they find an ideologically motivated lawyer

they won't find a lawyer. I can't see any way to win the suit. I do agree that these cases should be public so that others won't be forced to endure this.

[Th1onein]

269. I agree.

And I hope that they find one. Maybe the ACLU would take this on.

[HillbillyBob]

219. I didn t read it all , can you get him out of there? I have to leave here in few

Where in NC? I won't go into all of it, but my parents found out and were getting heavy in to that Southern talibaptist cult...
We live in Caswell County NC.

His school has no right to kick him out for that I guess its a kkkreestian school?

I think you are right to take him in, if his mother has a problem with it then its HER problem.
I ll be glad when there is a day when fundies are treated as any other mentally ill person.

[ingac70]

220. I know a guy who got kicked out of a Christian school for getting a girl pregnant.

he wasn't far from graduating either. He ended up in my public high school senior class.

The school didn't find out about his baby it she was four months old, another snotty ratted him out.

[Fearless]

221. Thankfully he was 18!

His parents have no legal recourse. Most aren't that lucky however... A truly pathetic turn of events.

[drmjg]

222. Blessings on you

You did nothing more than anyone would have done if they have a heart. Actually, especially if they are truly following Christ!

[crazyjoe]

223. I call BULLSHIT!!!

No, you can't do that. It is illegal, and the school would be opening itself up to a huge lawsuit. Unless there is more to this story.
I don't believe this story for a second. Unless of course you tell us the name of the school so I can verify......

[dsc]

229. You are flat out, gold carat, 100% wrong

Religious schools are not required to abide by most non discrimination laws and even if they somehow were required to do so, neither NC nor the US has any such law for gays. I am a gay who lives in NC and knows of at least one similar situation personally (I teach in a public school and some of my students went to a Christian school which threw out a friend of theirs for being gay).

[TankLV]

240. Wow - the trolls are sure coming out here today...

[Deep13]

243. How is it illegal?

1. Private schools and especially religious schools can set their own terms. Failing to comply with those terms constitutes breach of contract.

2. In many states it is not illegal to discriminate against homosexuals.

[saltpoint]

246. If our starting point is that fundamentalist Christian schools are

assertively discriminatory against lesbian and gay students, and are shown to be so over a sustained period, and who respond by expelling those students, then the issue at hand is how this one gay student should be treated from the point of his being turned out of his home forward.

[Posteritatis]

259. Read a newspaper sometime, private schools do this regularly. (nt)

[dsc]

263. gee not one answer

what a shock.

[EstimatedProphet]

267. I call you bullshit.

[bkohatlanta]

224. HL Mencken said that when the NAZIS Come to America they will call themselves Christians

And I remember the Armenians and Romani (Gypsies) TOO!
I don't need a moral compass, because I already have one.

[RainDog]

227. this child needs protection from that abusive cult

because the sickness is in them, not him.

NO TAX DOLLARS FOR PIECES OF SHIT LIKE THIS FUNDIE SCHOOL. NO TAX DOLLARS FOR HOMOPHOBIC AND WOMEN-HATING RELIGIOUS GROUPS.

CAN IT BE ANY CLEARER, DEMOCRATS?

[anachro1]

232. Get a very good lawyer

and sue their hateful asses until their school looks like the useless pile of rocks it really is.

Take ALL their money.

[saltpoint]

242. An 18-year old person has some adult clout that someone younger would

not have, which is good for 18-year olds by contrast and not very good for anyone younger, to whom the same sort of thing could happen.

Unless I simply read it incorrectly, the ministry of Jesus appears to sanction variance and makes a fierce and obvious point to include, not exile, everyone willing to try to employ the tenets of kindness and inclusion and so forth. There is a distinct emphasis on the common good, on the community outreach, on helping those in need. There is mention of feeding the hungry and of clothing the naked and of not throwing stones at others since no one can claim to be perfect.

If this is a "Christian" school, I'm a pink giraffe with a Mohawk.

You are right to give this young man shelter from the storm and if your relationship with your sister hinges on your rejecting her son for no good reason, the relationship with your sister is the emotionally negligible relationship. If there is a lesbian and gay organization near where you live you might go with him to talk with the person who runs it. PFLAG can be really terrific and they have links and connections to other supportive folks. Worth a try.

kpete, you've seen those bumper stickers that read 'What Would Jesus Do'? In my opinion he'd do what you're doing and not what your sister and her zealot husband are doing.

Good on ya.

[whatsthebuzz]

244. The savages in this town

... er, I meant nation and the religious right. Crazy story.

[jeremyfive]

251. "Christian" Schools No Longer That Christian

A terrible thing has happened to the Christian Church in recent years. Some despicable bigots have decided it is a great platform from which to launch campaigns of hate. This never would have taken place among real churches in my youth--there was far too much tolerance and respect for one another for that.

To look at the "Evangelical" Christian Church of today, one would think that Jesus Christ gave a series of Sermons on Many Mounts on the need to hate fags.

There are lots of people who need to hate apparently, and the current American church structure provides an excellent forum for that.

I say, count your blessings that you nephew is no longer in an environment of bigry, hatred and intolerance--masquerading as a "Christian school. That school has nothing whatsoever to do with Christianity--American laws regarding the "church" are broad enough to accept any nut group of bigots.

Encourage your nephew to seek out true Christians--they will not be practicing intolerance and hatred.

Bad as it is, it is sometimes better to lose those who are supposed to love you, but don't because they can't accept who you are. You're better off in the long run without them.

[Geek_Girl]

261. he's 18 so he should be to legally stay where he wants

I would let him stay with you until things settle down and your sister has some time to come to terms with it. You can always say you did not want him out on the street as a runaway which often happens to kids in these circumstances. Your sister maybe mad at you at first but one day she may thank for intervening and helping her son.

[Toasterlad]

270. They Should Take Him Into Their Home, And Tell His Parents That They're Stupid, Evil Assholes.

People who choose their little religious fantasy over their own children are the most horrible people on earth.

While I'm sure the nephew is devastated about being kicked out of school, and losing his friends and family all in one stroke, he is far better off away from those horrible bigoted people. Hopefully, he will realize that sooner rather than later. In the meantime, everything should be done to keep his parents away from him until he turns 18.

Florida4Obama needs to get in touch with her local PFLAG group; they will be able to provide practical legal advice and emotional support.

[kgnu_fan]

271. kick