****DUzy Awards for week ending 3-5-10****

[Ghost in the Machine]

Welcome to the "Short Edition" of the DUzy Awards

Sorry so short, but I've been dealing with a sick kid this week.

Special thanks to: dixiegrrrrl, CaliforniaPeggy, AwakeAtLast, Mira, JeffR and Hatchling for their invaluable assistance in bringing you the DUzy Awards this week

OP by babylonsister: An Exclusive Transcript of the Obama-Cheney Phone Call

http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2010/02/an_exclusive_transcript_of_the.html


An Exclusive Transcript of the Obama-Cheney Phone Call

On Wednesday, President Obama called former vice-president Dick Cheney at home to "wish him a speedy recovery from his latest heart attack," the Times reports. A spokesman says Cheney “thanked {Obama} for the call and they enjoyed a pleasant, non-substantive conversation.” This is not true. Daily Intel, which has tapped the phone of every major political figure for the past four decades, has the transcript of the phone call, which we reproduce here for posterity.

{Ring ring ... ring ring}

Cheney: Mreh, hello, who is this?
Obama: Hello, Dick, it's Barack Obama.
Cheney: C'mon, George, cut it out already, it's getting old.
Obama: No, Dick, this really is Barack Obama. I'm calling to see how you're doing.

Cheney: Oh, uh, Mr. President. That's very considerate of you. I haven't exactly been your strongest advocate.
Obama: Ha ha, no ... you certainly have not. But even though we've sort of become adversaries over the past year, we shouldn't let our policy differences overshadow what's truly important in life.
Cheney: Yes, Mr. President, I agree completely.
Obama: Good. So, what do the doctors say?
Cheney: Well, just that I should take things really easy on my heart for a while. You know, stay calm, not get too excited or upset.
Obama: Of course, that's good advice. You really have to be careful — your weak little heart is very delicate right now.
Cheney: Well, yes.
Obama: Hey, Dick, while I have you on the line, would you mind if I ran a few things by you? Just some national-security stuff I've been thinking about.
Cheney: Me? You ... you want my advice?
Obama: Sure, I mean, I know we disagree on some things, but I would really value an outside opinion from someone as experienced as yourself.
Cheney: I appreciate that, Mr. President. How can I help?
Obama: Well, I've been thinking about how to handle these terrorists we keep capturing.
Cheney: Yes, Mr. President.
Obama: And I think we need a whole new approach to how we treat them.
Cheney: I would certainly agree with that, Mr. President.
Obama: We need to get information out of these people, regardless of the methods.
Cheney: Yes, Mr. President, this is exactly what I've been saying.
Obama: So what I'd like to do ...
Cheney: Yes ...
Obama: ... is take these terrorists ...
Cheney: Yes...
Obama: ... lay them out on a table ...
Cheney: YES ...
Obama: And give them a nice, relaxing massage.
Cheney: What? Mr. President, you must be kidding.
Obama: No, I'm completely serious, Dick. I know it might be unsavory to treat our enemies so kindly, but I really think if we just pamper them to no end, give them some incentives, they'll be more likely to cooperate.
Cheney: This can't be serious.
Obama: Oh, it's entirely serious. I've already put the wheels in motion by secretly placing my Social secretary, Desirée Rogers, in charge of all future interrogations.
Cheney: Mr. President, that's completely irresponsible.
Obama: I'm thinking after the massage they'll probably be hungry, so we'll provide them with a big buffet cooked by our White House chef. And then after the buffet, maybe a soothing aromatherapy bubble bath. Oooh, and candles.
Cheney: I can't believe what I'm hearing!
Obama: And then we'll just let them stay in our government-run, taxpayer-funded spa until they decide to start talking. A lot of Ivy League academics tell me they think it'll work.
Cheney: Mr. President, this is outrageous!
Obama: Dick, please, you're overreacting.
Cheney: Overreacting?!? Overreacting! This cannot stand, Mr. President! This is absurd! I swear to God I'll do everything in my power to stop this!
Obama: Chill out, bro.
Cheney: Don't you dare tell me to "chill out, bro"! You're turning America into ... into ...
Obama: Oh, Dick, I'm sorry, but it's Reverend Wright on the other line; I have to take this. Get better soon, Dick. Peace out.

General Discussion: Presidency, Feb-27-10: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=433x201559

OP by Bicoastal: Did Obama MAKE UP the tsunami story...

...in order to smuggle a fake birth certificate into Honolulu's hall of records while everyone else had their back turned?

Inquiring minds want to know!

      laconicsax: 1. If he did, he'd certainly deny it.


If he denies it, it must be true!


      BeatleBoot: 2. The eyelashes don't match the shades

And I don't even want to know about the carpet.



      boobooday: 3. She looks like she is being attacked by tarantulas. n/t


General Discussion, Feb-27-10: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x7810245

On a thread by Dinger
: If You Had To Stake Your DU Membership On It, Who Would You Say WILL Be The repuke nominee in 2012?

      saltpoint: 50. If we grocery-list the GOP's options, it sure looks like a weak bench:

Dick Cheney. I don't think so.
Condi. I don't think so.
Petraeus. Not out of the question but he doesn't seem that interested in the job.
Mitch Daniels.
Mike Pence.
Rudy Giuliani. Snowball-in-Hell Division candidate.
Ron Paul. I doubt it.
Tom Ridge. I think Ridge is too thick to be a presidential candidate.
Thune. Maybe for 2016.
Mark Sanders. Uh, no.
John Ensign. Uh, no.
Pawlenty. He wants the job but currently there are only I think 29 people pledged to vote for him.
Jindal. If only the electorate were more inclined toward clueless right-wing exorcists, he'd have a chance.
John Boehner. Agent Orange. In his defense, I will say he dresses nicely.
Jeb. His older brother kind of ruined it for Jeb.
Paul Ryan. Prepubescent neocon.
Newt Gingrich. Hybrid outcome of a Pokemon character and The Michelin Man.
Santorum. He's...I don't know... too repellent to win over voters' hearts.
Romney. He's loaded but the base still is edgy on that Mormon thing. Plus he's a creep.
Huckabee. He doesn't seem to crave the job at this point. Charming, but unstable.
Barbour. Good god, y'all.
Palin. If she loses in Iowa, which she will, I think she bolts for a (probably) long-planned third party fringe run on a burn-the-Constitution platform.

Evan Bayh. He sounds to me post-announcement like the candidate he has in mind for an "independent" ticket is himself.

Michael Bloomberg. The demographics don't favor it but money does talk. And the man doesn't have anything else to do.

General Discussion: Presidency, Feb-27-10: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=433x201845#top

On a thread by AwakeAtLast
: Neil Young on the Olympic Closing Ceremonies - "Long May You Run"

      AnnieBW: 16. My first thoughts on seeing the inflatable moose

"Put the gun down, Sarah!"

General Discussion, Feb-28-10: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=7816231&mesg_id=7816231

OP by Parche: Wash. man electrocuted after urinating on power line

MONTESANO, Wash. (AP) -- Police say a man was killed when he urinated on a live power line knocked down when his car crashed near Montesano.

Roy Messenger, 50, was not seriously hurt in the collision Friday night, and called a relative to pull his car out of the ditch, according to Grays Harbor County sheriff's Deputy Dave Pimentel.

When family members arrived, they found Messenger electrocuted.
http://www.kgw.com/news/Wash-man-electrocuted-after-urinating-on-power-line-85852292.html

Thats a big pisser..... :hi:


The DU Lounge, Mar-01-10: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=9277443#top

OP by NightWatcher : You know you are in the DEEP SOUTH when....

your bag of pork skins has John 3:16 on the back of the bag




Um, wash a few of these down with some Miller High Life (the champagne of beers, my ass, but a steal at $9.99 for 18)

Ok, this whole thread desrves a DUzy :-)

The DU Lounge, Mar-02-10: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9278069

On a thread by ensho
: update #4 on Antarctic event

      MineralMan: 4. Note: This is a Hungarian hide under your bed site.

The dates are in dd/mm/yy format. It can be confusing.

If it were a US hide under your bed site, the format would be mm/dd/yy

Please hide under your beds now. The iceberg will destroy all life. And if it doesn't, there are many more catastrophes listed on that Hungarian site. Take your pick.

General Discussion, Mar-02-10 : http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=7826532&mesg_id=7826532

On a thread by moobu2: Vatican hit by gay prostitution sex scandal reaching into Pope Benedict's household

      RagAss: 7. Worldwide search is on for someone who is surprised !


      Silent3: 9. I was shocked.

This scandal appears to involve clergy looking for adult males.

Religion/Theology, Mar-04-10: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=214x238109#238140

On a thread by Guy Whitey Corngood: It's official: An asteroid wiped out the dinosaurs

      Demeter
: 38. I've Never Dated Carbon


It might be an improvement over men....


      HereSince1628
: 11. Well, that's how we see it, truth is it was The Saurian Rapture

And Messiahsaurus called all the GOOD dinos to their celestial home, leaving the terrestrial remainder to live out the flaming and darkness of the Cretaceous endtime!


      teknomanzer: 17. Lo... It was a great tribulation...

The angelsauruses did blow upon the final trumpet and the last seal was broken from the book of the holy triceratops. All who were decieved by the false brontosaurus howled and gnashed their teeth. The skies darkened and the moon bacame as sackcloth. And behold there came a plague of mammals, diseased little hairy beasts with needlesharp teeth that did feast upon the flesh of the wickedsauruses.


      HereSince1628: 18. My understanding is that was actually an Archeoangelasaurus with resonant chambers

reaching over the head, much like a winged Paralaughosaurhahaus.


      dave29: 12. Asteroid confesses and tells all on Barbara Walters special next week

His life had been crumbling for some time, felt like he was in a void, and he could not take the pressure.


      Brother Buzz: 28. Dinosaurs visit my area but black helicopters are used to relocate the pesky Brachiosaurus

They become a real nuisance in late fall when they discover and devour the budding illicit marijuana plots in the hills, then wander down and rampage lethargically through the local farmers markets. They've grown extremely fond of the baked goods. They favor the sticky buns and raisin bread in particular. After consuming all the pot and baked goods they fall over in the streets and slumber. That's when men wearing dark glasses fly in with their helicopter and relocate them far back in the hills only to have the event repeat itself the following year.

The pot farmers want the pesky Brachiosaurus removed from the endangered species list. The baker is spearheading the movement.

I did not take this photo but I witnessed the event. The photograph is not photoshopped.




      Turbineguy: 24. Now if we can figure out

when and where the next one hits, we can organize a GOP convention.


      Mithreal: 44. +1 Don't forget the rapture-ready.

See picture for special Visual Achievement Award

Latest Breaking News, Mar-05-10: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x4295051

OP by lame54: A Tea-Baggers Wet Dream

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-sarah-palin-sex-doll-now-on-sale

Sarah Palin Sex Doll Now On Sale
Posted by: Susannah Breslin
7:30AM, Thursday October 9th 2008

Considering how obsessed the nation is with Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, it was only a matter of time before someone created a love doll in her likeness. After the jump, all the details on what may be America’s first political sex doll.

Created by adult product purveyors Topco, the Sarah Palin blowup doll is known as the “This is NOT Sarah Palin Inflatable Love Doll.” Featuring a busty, conservatively dressed Palin lookalike, the box cover promises: “Cross party lines with your own inflatable running mate!” The political love doll’s suggested uses include: “Blow her up and show her how you’re going to vote,” “Let her pound your gavel over and over,” and “It’s time some male interns caused a scandal in the Capitol.” In addition, the company suggests, the Palin doll could stand in for the candidate at her next debate with Democratic vice presidential candidate Joe Biden. “This blow-up sex doll could really satisfy the swing voters.” Who knew the coming presidential election could be decided by a sex doll?


      damyank913: 2. I read that this doll is so authentic...

...that it and Sarah have the same IQ.


      Blue Owl: 3. You can write your own customized notes on her vinyl hand!


      billybob537: 4. Don't do it !!!


Its a trick.
It'll suck your brain out!!!!


General Discussion, Mar-01-10: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=389&topic_id=7820762

On a thread by Liberal_in_LA: Former US Rep. Foley opens Fla. consignment shop

      DJ13: 1. "Boy's underwear half off"


General Discussion, Mar-02-10: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=389&topic_id=7826891

On a thread by MrScorpio: Hey... Check out our planet

      imnKOgnito: 7. Did you take those?

I kid

General Discussion, Mar-05-10: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=389&topic_id=7847510

[annabanana]

1. Thank you!. . k&r . .

[northofdenali]

2. K&R, Ghost - DUzy's keep me sane.

Thanks so much for started my weekend out on a giggle. There were a LOT of DUzy-type posts this week; those you posted seem to be the cream of the crop!

:hug::thumbsup::hug:

[RagAss]

3. Kicked.. !....and Recc'ed

[scarletwoman]

4. Good health to your kid and you!

Thanks for pulling these together. :applause:

sw

[alfredo]

5. kick

[dixiegrrrrl]

6. good to see we can find some humor out there, still.

Sick kid...oh no.
Hope it is nothing serious, Ghost.

Thanks for getting these out for us.
:woohoo: :woohoo:

[AnnieBW]

7. Thank you!

Thankyouverymuch!

Does anyone have the DUzy Winner graphic?

[SalmonChantedEvening]

8. Kick! Rec! Hide the baked goods!

Great selection Ghost, and thanks to the Academy for their assistance. :grouphug:

[NecklyTyler]

9. K&R

[MineralMan]

10. Thanks for doing the DUZY-tracking. You're great!