What it's like to have a tea-bagger for a father

[Robyn66]

I could write a page in a half of what my life was like growing up but I won't because some of you already know and also because it is just too painful to go too far into it but here is the gist.

My father is an alcoholic cop who shot at me with blanks when I was a teen when he was pissed at me and when he thought it was funny.

I was dragged by my hair into the kitchen more than once and had a gun in my face because my parents didn't like a boy I was dating and I was told the boy would just "disappear"

So basic ly most of my childhood was spent in an abusive home both parents were pretty bad and left me pretty scarred.

Both were HARD core Republicans.

My Mom died in 1996 but my Father is still around. My husband and I keep my kids away as much as possible.

Anyway, as some of you know, I went through breast cancer last year and have been having reconstruction this year (I just finished YAYY!!!)

My father calls on me to "check" on how I am doing. Asks how I am, and then launches into OBAMA CARE WOULD HAVE KILLED YOU! THEY HAVE TO KILL THE BILL. DEATH PANELS! THEY WANT VETERANS TO COMMIT SUICIDE! (He's a Vietnam vet I just want to say not all just you Dad) PILOSI IS RUINING THE COUNTRY SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE!
:puke:
I mean the day after surgery and beyond!

I have long since given up.

I think he has Faux beamed directly into his skull.

AND he says he is NOT a racist. (Like I don't know him) He has just always referred to black people as THEM. As in "We just got one of THEM on the police force." " I guess we were going to have one of THEM sooner or later and THAT ONE IS A GOOD ONE!"

I wish I could cut him off completely but its not as easy as that. It would mean cutting off my brother and other family so I do have to tolerate him and his wife to a point but let me JUST TELL YOU ITS NOT FUN!!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent!!!!!!!


:nuke:

[DFab420]

1. *HUG*

We can't choose our family..but we can choose how much we deal with them.

:hug:

[Robyn66]

3. Very true!!

And thank GOD for caller ID!!! LOL!!!

[Warpy]

2. Our job is never to educate our parents

Our job is to outlive them and live better in any way that we can, while attempting to raise children who will challenge our own blind spots and do better than we did.

[Gman2]

9. That sounds too much like parental rivalry.

[Warpy]

11. It sounds more like progress to me.

After all, my parents were racists and both had a great deal of internalized sexism, even my mother who worked for a living and was the daughter of a Sufragette. I've worked damned hard to overcome those things and have had a certain amount of success. I see my friends with kids, and those kids are getting even farther away from old prejudices.

Identifying problems and solving them down the generations is the issue, not setting up a stupid rivalry with people who are not going to change to suit us.

[Fleshdancer]

4. I wouldn't wish your upbringing on my worst enemy

I am so sorry you had to endure that insanity growing up. :hug:

Good job keeping your kids away from the abuse. There's beauty and wisdom in being the parent you never had. Congratulations for that.

[Robyn66]

15. Thanks!

I do my best

[Blue Owl]

5. Stay strong

You're doing the right thing...

[gratuitous]

6. You've probably gotten lots of advice

And the only thing I can proffer is "You don't need this." As has been mentioned, you can't choose your family members, but you can choose how you deal with them, and perhaps it's time to consider whether or not you should even deal with this man at all.

[a la izquierda]

7. holy crap

and i thought my tea bagger sister in law was insane.
hugs

[CreekDog]

8. Wow that's rough, but I won't second-guess any of your decisions

:hug:

[muffin1]

10. I can certainly relate, Robyn66.

My father is one, too...a right-wing crazy AND a birther. He wasn't always this way - it started a decade or so ago. Now, when I listen to him, I almost think I'm talking to Sean Hannity or Glen Beck. He has all the talking points down pat - death panels, bill being shoved down our throats, etc.
Like your Dad, he is racist, but doesn't think he is. He told me last year that he wished he could go back to the time when only white, male landowners could vote. :puke:

Although I sometimes want to cut him off completely, I just can't do it. So now, I try to confine our conversations to movies and the weather! The only advice I can possibly give is to keep doing what you are already doing - seeing him as little as possible. You would probably regret it later down the road if you never see him.

Congratulations, BTW, on your successful fight with cancer and reconstruction.:-)

[Robyn66]

12. Are you my long lost sister????

Kind of scary that there is more than one like him!

I am just lucky that I married a man who is his ABSOLUTE opposite and his family is wonderful. I absolutely ADORE my father in law. I just sit there with him some times and bask in his dad-ness. :) He totally gets it and we have talked about it many times. I met hubby when we were 18 and we are 43 now which is why I am as sane as I am (which I sometimes question because I wound up bi-polar) But I am stable on my meds and loved by my husband and kids.

I know there are a lot of people down on faith in God here, but I have a fabulous minister who spent three days in jail with Dr. King in Selma. And he said "going back to see my father was like volunteering to be punched in the face" so I am really re-thinking how much I even see him now. My priority is protecting my family. :)

[muffin1]

13. I LOVE that ...

...bask in dad-ness. I might have to ask to share him - I don't have one!:hi:

[queenjane]

14. My brother is a teabagger , or would be

IF the teabaggers weren't TOO LIBERAL for him! Fortunately, he rarely contacts me or our mother, and then only if he needs a favor. He suffers from Angry White Male Syndrome. His own life is a disaster, he's in his 2nd bankruptcy, and in his 2nd disastrous marriage. Of course, none of this is HIS fault. He knocked me around when we were kids (he's 8 years my senior), tells everyone I must be a lesbian since I've never married (because that would be the only viable reason for not marrying, in his world view), uses racist and homophobic language in front of everyone, and insults my political beliefs. My veganism enranged him so I thought he would have an aneurism.

Again, he lives 2 hours away, I haven't seen in in almost 4 years, and he can't be bothered to call or email. I am very, very lucky . . .

[Robyn66]

16. WOW

All I can say :wow:

My father is all "You should let me take the kids for the weekend"

First of all, HELL NO

Second of all one daughter has Aspergers, and he already said he knows how to "Straighten her out"
So HELL NO!

So when he starts that I just avoid the phone for a while because he really doesn't want to spend time with his granddaughters anyway I think he just feels he needs to offer every once in a while.

But if he just moved away and never contacted me again that would be a dream come true!

[Robyn66]

19. Any time! LOL!

He is conservative and I don't agree with his politics much but he is in incredibly intelligent DECENT man who I respect immensely. He is proof that you can disagree strongly on many levels and still be a family!

[NNN0LHI]

17. If he has money about all you can do is humor him until the day you can spend it all

Thats the way I would handle it.

You are not going to change him.

Spend his money with a big smile some day.

Thats about all you can do.

Sorry to hear about your predicament.

Don

[Robyn66]

18. I WISH he had money!

There are definitely times that I honestly look forward to the day of his funeral.

But knowing how I am, when he finally dies, I will be a total mess and be all down on myself because I will feel that some how I didn't do enough for him.

SO many years of expensive therapy and some damage just can't be un-done!

My husband told me if that happened he would remind me of what a wonderful daughter I was and what an piece of abusive shit my father was!

I adore my husband with my entire soul!!!

[FarLeftFist]

20. What an A-Hole, me and you should just go to his house one day unexpectedly and kick his ass

Really, we should.

[deaniac21]

21. Wow, your father teabagged you? OWNED!