Yes. I'm being "selfish"... I have to be.

[ScreamingMeemie]

We are always saying, "they'll change their minds when it happens to them."

"It" has happened here in my house.
3 years ago my husband had a great health insurance plan. We were lucky because I ended up really, really needing it. I am(was) a compliant patient. I took my medications, submitted to treatments, faithfully kept doctors appointments. I never thought about what would happen IF. And then "if" happened. I lost my husband and was, luckily, able to continue on Cobra (at a very high price of $2400/month). It was still less than the cost of treatment, medicine, and dr.'s visits. We were smart, at age 28, to take out life insurance policies. I was lucky because my daughter became very ill (she was 17 at the time) and insurance took care of it all. It was worth the $2400/month. I made the decision to move to Texas for reasons that many have heard and few have need to care about. What I didn't do was realize just what was going to happen when I tried to transfer over into an "in network" insurance plan. Although my heart had beat steadily for over 2 years, my blood pressure was within normal limits and my immune system (with the help of steroids and courses of antibiotics) had served me rather well, I was deemed un-insurable. My preexisting conditions were too much of a gamble. Luckily I could still cover my son. 34 times I was told sorry. I got an agent. Mr "No worries, we'll find something for you" who turned into "Gee Whiz bang, have you thought about the Texas High Risk Pool". A pool that won't cover the preexisting condition medications, that will only allow for the bare minimum of visits, that would allow me to get treatment at any hospital...with a high deductible. The cost? More than my mortgage payment a month. The girl who had moved to Texas with high hopes for carving out some kind of future out of ashes gave up. So here we are. My blood pressure? 155/92 today. My tachycardia has begun again. Because I am now non-compliant. I can't afford to comply anymore. So I sit here, the fool. Mad at myself for moving, for buying a new house...for all of it.

I have a son. A son that needs his mom. So yes I'm being selfish. Four years is a hell of a time to wait and worry. I don't have an option to not be there for my son because who will care? Conversely I don't have an option to help myself have a better shot at being here for him, short of internet medications shipped from India.

Yes, I'm being Selfish. It has been a year of steadily losing hope. Hope died.

[emilyg]

1. **

:hug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

2. Emilyg

Thanks and I hope you are well. :pals:

[Bluebear]

3. I am so sorry.

I'm trying to raise awareness of this injustice and I am just getting shouted down. By Democrats no less. I am so sorry for you. Believe me that many of us have not forgotten people like you and your situation. :hug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

4. To be called selfish for just wanting to be able to keep up my care

slays me Bluebear. Thanks for caring.

[Suich]

5. I'm not used to your "new" screen name...almost missed this post.

I've had a bit too much to drink tonight so I'm going to bookmark this and respond tomorrow, ok? I read your blog all the time, btw.

Peace, Laura

:hug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

6. I have been trying to get back into more faithful blog entries.

I've hit a real rough patch and it's kept me from it.

Thanks Suich. :hug:

[housewolf]

7. I am so sorry

for all that you have been through, and for being in such a hopeless place. I don't know what your former screen name was or any more of your situation other that what you've said in this post. The only think I know is that I wish I could give you a big hug and cry along with you....

I hope that Obama's plan will provide you with some help and SOON!

Big hugs to you,

[ScreamingMeemie]

25. Thanks.

But, in a lot of ways, I brought it on myself by not looking into the trouble I would have with insurance before moving.

I dropped the former screen name because I wished for a bit of anonymity on the boards. :)

[dave29]

8. My heart is with you and yours

you deserve some peace. As a fellow Texan who is hoping for help from the bill (insured, but with my medical issues, who knows for how long), I am sending you all my best.

:hug:

Dave

[ScreamingMeemie]

26. Thanks dave...

I hope you are never told that the high risk pool here is your only option.

[Solly Mack]

9. (((SM)))

I'm so sorry.

[ScreamingMeemie]

27. Thanks Solly.

Don't be sorry. I did a lot of it to myself with the move.

[Cleobulus]

10. I'm so sorry you have to go though all this.

:(

[ScreamingMeemie]

28. Thanks Cleo

[tango-tee]

11. Sometimes words are insufficient...

...but my heart is with you and yours. What a terrible struggle you are going through. No one should have to endure this.

As a former resident of Texas (my son and his family still live there) who has returned to Europe to take care of aging parents, I watch this inhumane health "care" debacle/spectacle in the United States from over here. How can a country call itself "civilized" while forcing too many citizens (even one is one too many!) to forego treatment, suffer and die. And in the process force them into bankruptcy and poverty.

This is so horribly wrong. And it so wrong on many, many levels.

Dear ScreamingMeemie, I know this is of little help but please accept a big :hug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

29. Thanks tango...

I'm not giving up entirely, just giving up on this bill. :pals:

[kiva]

12. A kick to remind some people of an inconvenient truth. n/t

[OhioChick]

13. I'm sorry....

:hug:

[Bluebear]

14. kick

[demmiblue]

15. Take care, SM.

You have every right to feel the way you do.

I truly hope that things improve for you.

:hug:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

16. Good Lord, $2400 a month?

And the insurance in Texas was MORE? That is simply obscene.

If you lived in a CIVILIZED country, you wouldn't have these worries.

[ScreamingMeemie]

30. The insurance in TX is not more.

It is just now more than I can afford after buying a house, and it doesn't cover nearly what the COBRA covered.

[treestar]

17. But then if others are; how can you fault them?

If you have no idea of the greater good whatsoever, then how can we respond but with our own selfish concerns?

[kiva]

19. That's reasonable, but have you posted this to the people

who wanted this bill because it would help them or their nephew? I think the OP is being more honest than many of those who wax poetic about how this will help everyone, and oh yes, will really help them/their family.

[ScreamingMeemie]

20. I haven't faulted them, I haven't called them selfish.

I only wish to have my point made, as they have made theirs, without being called selfish.

Thank you.

[upi402]

18. I wont say anything about the DLC this weekend

And after that... :nuke:

:kick: rec'd

[ScreamingMeemie]

31. Thanks upi

[Lorien]

21. Oh crap, ScreamingMeemie

it's situations like yours that make me wish that I could just win the lottery and take care of the problem asap. It shouldn't be this hard. I just don't understand how we as a Nation can allow this kind of thing to happen to our fellow citizens! You deserve much better. :hug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

33. It's why I'm trying to do what MrG always wanted and "get that book wrote"

:hug:

[Texasgal]

22. I think of you often...

If you need some help with some Texan health offerings ( albeit limited ) please PM me. I may have some insight for you. I've worked in the shitty Texan healthcare industry for almost 20 years, we may be able to find something for you.

:hugs: You are NOT selfish, you are a human being trying to survive. Please, take care sweety.

[ScreamingMeemie]

32. Thanks TG.

I might take you up on that. The "pool" and what it offers me is daunting.

[W_HAMILTON]

23. Look into making a doctor's appointment just to get you a blood pressure prescription.

Even without insurance, they should work with you on the price. It should cost no more than $50. Tell the doctor your situation, and let them know that you have uncontrolled high blood pressure, and you need a prescription. Print out Wal-Mart's list of $4 dollar prescriptions, and ask the doctor to give you something from that list. If you take the prescription and list to another national chain pharmacy (RiteAid, Walgreens, etc), they will match the price. That way you can at least control your blood pressure for around $4 per month.

They may be able to give a similar prescription for the tachycardia, I'm not sure. But blood pressure is a common problem. You may even be able to go to a clinic type setting and get them to work with you on a prescription. You can definitely get your blood pressure under control with a minimal amount of money.

[ScreamingMeemie]

24. It should be so easy.

Not all heart meds will work the same. The reading I gave you was with a generic brand, purchased for $1 a pill. The other medication I am on I have forgone. The generic is not available at Walmart for $4 and costs 3/pill purchased online. Still another has no generic offered at all.

One's best bet (I am not just sitting here) is to take any of the herbal blood supplements out there. Which I do, and am trying to find a homeopathic way to regulate.

***A cardiologist visit is far more than a gp's visit. My GP had referred me to a cardiologist for prescriptions and monitoring x3 months. It's not do able, so I do what I can.

Unfortunately, those of us with heart troubles connected with HBP and immune system diseases cannot get our BP's under control with minimal money. Thanks for your input though.

[prolesunited]

43. Check into the Costco pharmacy

You don't have to be a member to get meds online there and they ship them for free. I found some stuff not on the $4 lists for much lower costs than the local pharmacy.

Also, check out this thread. Lots of resources here:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=389&topic_id=7871197

Perhaps you can go back to your GP and tell him the cardiologist isn't going to happen, so write for what he can.

I'm so sorry things aren't turning out better for you. Hang in there.

[W_HAMILTON]

45. Your doctor can most likely find you one of the $4 prescriptions that work...

...for your high blood pressure. Of course all medicines work differently -- that's one reason why there are so many. But there are many high blood pressure medications on the prescription list, and I'm sure the doctor can work with you to find one that better controls your blood pressure.

[ScreamingMeemie]

46. I have dealt with this for far longer than you can ever imagine.

While I appreciate your input it isn't as simple as "high blood pressure medications" that work. Again, thanks.

[W_HAMILTON]

47. Well, you can continue to be snarky.

I apparently missed the point of your original post.

If you have already tried the 90+ variations of high blood pressure medication on the list, I wish you the best.

[ScreamingMeemie]

48. If you would like copies of my medical records dating back the past

10 years, I'll be glad to provide them. Yes, my heart, my blood presure (until being dropped) had been consistently monitored with many many cocktails of the several 100 blood pressure/heart meds out there.

I have not been snarky. I have thanked you for your input. That wasn't meant to be snark. My health and somehow obtaining insurance continue to be my main job these days. I am not sitting on a couch watching my blood pressure go up.

You can also send a PM to Passingfair, asking her of my journey. She's been there for most of it.

Thanks.

[saracat]

34. I hear ya. I am "selfish" too.And my hope has also dies.

I was told by some that I have no right to even care about my own position. I was called a Republican for knowing I will not benefit from HCR and wanting it to be better for all of us, including me.

[jonnyblitz]

35. k & r,

:hug: :hi:

[catrose]

36. Also from Texas

My husband has diabetes. I tried to buy insurance for him a few years ago, and the only thing he could get was the high risk pool, which, in addition to what you mention, had a low lifetime limit. As I recall, basically one good round in the hospital and you'd be dropped with NO option for insurance. Instead, I took a temporary job with crummy insurance that at least paid for some of his meds.

I don't know your financial situation, but my unemployed son has just gotten into the MAP program. I believe it's a state program. He's 28, and it's the first time he's had insurance since he became too old for my policy to cover him.

[Eyerish]

37. K&R

:hug: You and your son are in my thoughts.

[Bluebear]

38. Kick

[liberation]

39. Exactly! Basic human decency, compassion, and the ability to take care of each other is not a "pony"

I could never believe the level of demagoguery of some of the readers in this site, this is not a sports game where we root for a specific team for lord knows what reasons. This is real life, people's lives are going to be affected in a very significant fashion. And that should be the priority in terms of considerations, not whether or not a bill makes the president look good or bad.

I hope the best of luck to you and your family. I am deeply disappointed in our society and our country, being able to have access to health care should be a basic human right... not a matter of luck or social standing.

[davidthegnome]

40. That's not selfish

If you were the only person in that sort of situation, and had no one who relied on you, then perhaps it might possibly be construed by some jerks as selfish. I wouldn't consider it selfish even so.

You have every right to want and receive health care. I'm still so depressed that we couldn't get anywhere with single payer or even a strong PO, with no one able to tell me why except to say that, "We don't have the votes." Shouldn't they (our elected officials) be representing us? If only the American people, rather than politicians voted on such matters. I can't help but think that in such a scenario, we would get our public option. The interests of government seem to no longer even vaguely represent our own.

People I respect tell me that this bill is the best we can do, that if we don't pass this, we won't get anything at all. Based on my fears that they are right I'm trying to be optimistic regarding the bill (though I can't claim to any great optimism in general).

I sincerely hope you get the help you need. If my girlfriend wasn't dead set on living in MA, I'd try to move to France and take our families with us. I wonder how long it takes to become a citizen and what the requirements are. Maybe that really is the best option for some of us. If we can't get the treatment we need here. I've got some issues myself, no health insurance... and as far as I'm aware this bill won't help me either.

I just hope it helps some people.

[mudplanet]

41. $2400 a month is more than I've ever made in my life. A really good example

of why we HAVE TO HAVE single payer.

[faithnotgreed]

42. I wasn't sure I could read this post, seeing it was you

but knew I had to just so I could send you much love

it should not be this way, and not just for you, but for many others
fighting to not go under and take care of your family does not make you - or anyone who is in such need of health care - selfish

when there is a fight it brings out the worst in people. i am sorry you have been on the receiving end especially when you are fighting for your life

please always know there are many here and around the country who are fighting with you

on edit: i really don't like this bill but if it truly helps millions of people (like you) right now then i can understand the need to get something done
to call out people who are suffering just seems bizarre. again i am sorry this has happened to you
it does not represent the best of this community who wish you love and health and a bill that provides you some needed health care right away

[truedelphi]

44. i hope so much that there is some way that your situation improves.

No one should have to go through what you are dealing with. Much "beams" and love.