The Rapture is Coming Soon!!!

[BJ10]

This was professed to me at my work today. Here is as close to the actual quote from the little tea-bagger as I can remember.

"Did y'all hear about Obama and Israel? No? Obama's staff is saying that if Israel attacks Iran, we'll send fighter jets over there to take out the Jews." I said, "are you fucking serious dude?"

he says "Do you know where you're going when you die? I hope you do."

To which I reply: "same place as you, six feet under the ground."

Then I am informed that the rapture is soon and I better find Jesus or I'm gonna toast. I was also told I need to listen to (check this list out) Hannity, Rush, Boortz, etc. to learn the truth.

Another hell-bound atheist just looked at me and we shook our heads in disbelief...it is so fucking scary...

[NeedleCast]

1. Every generations thinks they are the special generation living in the end times

So far, they all have a 100% failure rate.

[emulatorloo]

7. So true.

[CommonSensePLZ]

24. If the Bible is true then it doesn't matter which one is last

Everyone that ever lived will be resurrected and judged, so there's no point competing. lol

Secondly I don't see us being Iran's ally, your co-worker sounded like he's just either anti-Obama or anti-Jews, or both, sorry.

With all the money we've poured into Israel I don't see us destroying it, if such a situation were to happen we'd need to stop it from progressing on either side.

[Echo In Light]

12. ...except this is the first & only to live among extinction-ensuring weapons w/mass delivery systems

Now, I don't give 'The Rapture' any credence whatsoever, but that fact is a quite notable difference between what's come before

[lazarus]

2. you should have asked

if you could have all their stuff when they were raptured away.

[pinboy3niner]

3. Yuck!--Cooties nt

[Ian David]

4. Leave piles of clothes on the sidewalk outside his house.

So he thinks people are already being raptured.

[YOY]

6. +1

Leave several. It could be so much fun fucking with these people.

[IDemo]

25. In compromising positions

[lbrtbell]

31. OMG ROTFLMAO!!

Wouldn't he soil himself if he thought he wasn't among THE CHOSEN after all? :rofl:

[emulatorloo]

5. Wouldn't it be funny if it turned out that Glenn Beck is the Anti-Christ?

That is some wacky teacookie you have working with you! I don't envy you. . .

[Ian David]

9. The Antichrist is supposed to disguise himself as a Man of Peace.

Which is why Fundies always vote for the bloodthirsty warmonger.

[apnu]

8. Funny, I thought they were supposed to rapture away somewhere during *'s term.

But I didn't see people flying off into the sky or otherwise teleporting randomly off the street. I guess God rejected them. It would be funny to find out that the rapture did indeed happen, but on a small Polynesian island amongst a small tribe of natives who kept it real and all these Jesus Freaks were "left behind"

That would amuse me greatly

[stopbush]

10. These people are so fearful. That's why so many Xians are Rs - they're predisposed

to bite when the Rs play the fear card.

[DemocratSinceBirth]

14. Why Would A Christian Be Fearful Of The Rapture?

~

[stopbush]

21. Fear that they might get left behind. After all, only 144,000 people are to be raptured.

Right? I have a hard time keeping the myths straight.

Of course, it's their fear that leads them to believe in things like the rapture.

[14thColony]

22. That's Jehovah's Witnesses I think

or Calvanism or something. Fundamentalist Protestantism has no Rapture Cap, which is one of its big perks; Jesus will bring home every single born-again Republican and/or NRA member from around the world (but mostly America) without limits.

I grew up in a house with a mother who deeply indoctrinated me that the Rapture was imminent. Any day now. In the 1970s.

And she STILL thinks it's imminent.

[ThomThom]

27. They better be more careful about accusing people of being the

anti-christ isn't that bearing false witness if it is untrue
or not treating other people as you would have them treat you
or caring guns and threatening your neighbor (with your car also)
or plotting to murder police officers or congressmen or liberals
but I guess self examination is not part of the hype

What if they really studied what Jesus said and not followed blindly the teachings of religious anti-christs and TV personalities?

[Renew Deal]

11. You get a D for creative writing

The only reason it's not an F is rapture threads crack me up.

[Turbineguy]

Hell isn't what it's cracked up to be...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co8lMEmU4Og

06:25

[DCKit]

13. Ask him to sign over all his stuff to you now.

Tell him you'll let him use it until The End.

[mrs_p]

15. it just can't come fast enough for me

i'm sick of these clowns, and can't wait until they are gone and we can have the earth back.

[ejpoeta]

16. good then the crazy people will be gone and we can get on with our lives.

the funny thing is.... how many of the 'christians' out there will be staying right here. i do believe in god, but i don't believe in this god tht they seem to think exists. he is good and kind but vengeful and mean at the same time. some kind of pschizo or something. i believe they'll have a rude awakening when they die. i always tell folks who tell me i'm going to hell that i'll see them there then.

[Judi Lynn]

17. You will be deeply affected by listening to the rapture song, "I'll Fly Away."

http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=j28-UJVmfXc&feature=related

http://www.boingboing.net.nyud.net:8090/images/th_rapture.jpg

[bobburgster]

18. Oh yeah, I'm deeply affected!

:puke:

[damntexdem]

19. About time! The sooner the better!

Buh bye, RW religious fanatics -- I won't miss you a bit.

;-)

And my auto sports the bumper sticker: "Come the Rapture, can I have your car?"

[Rincewind]

38. One of my favorite bumperstickers,

that I saw on a car a few years ago, said" The Rapture was last Thursday.... Sorry"

[MUAD_DIB]

20. Ask him what "soon" means then when it doesn't happen beat the stuffing

out of him for false prophesying in the eyes of the lord. Call him a dark agent of the fallen one.

[KathieG]

23. I wish it would hurry up...It would be so much more relaxing down here.

[tavalon]

26. Oh, please, please,please

Rapture already, you freaks of nature. Then maybe we can have a half decent world.

[HarveyDarkey]

28. It already happened, here's proof

[Strelnikov_]

29. "we'll send fighter jets over there to take out the Jews"

If they pop a cap in Iran, I think our 'fighters' will be a bit too occupied keeping 40% of the worlds oil exports online to act out this numbnuts fantasy.

[Caretha]

30. When that conversation

you said took place... you should have just gone ahead and slapped them.

Then said to them or whoever in that make believe world....wake the Fuck up man, are you that stupid?

...This post has been provide by the one who asks...is that true and did you really just stand there and act stupid yourself...

[BJ10]

32. WTF was I supposed to say...

I was dumb-fucking-founded! And for those that think this is a made up BS story, oh no, I assure you this really happened this morning. It's hard when others in the room are chiming in "I know Israel can't be touched, because it's in the bible, Jesus said Israel is his chosen people."

I know this sounds like bullshit but all I can say is: Welcome to southwest Virginia.

[Caretha]

33. Sorry

if I sounded abrupt or unfeeling, it is just this scenario is so way out there and the people/conversation you are describing sounds so surreal.

First you are supposed to fear the US is going to attack Israel? (shaking my head and rolling my eyes)

Then you are supposed to fear hell from some numb nuts who thinks he or his church are the only ones going to be saved? (again rolling eyes)

Next you are supposed to fear the fucking Rapture?

Jeez buddy you are doomed no matter what they say....go ahead and either kick them in the nuts (metaphorically speaking) or laugh your ass off at these neanderthals, otherwise don't get your panties in such a wad.

[BJ10]

34. Personally, I laugh...

As he was speaking I was already thinking of sharing the good times with my buds at DU...

[saltpoint]

35. In a revelatory vision I was told by floating elves that when I die I'm going to

a JCPenney store in Omaha.

I appreciate knowing in advance, yes, but I hope you won't blame me for being just a wee bit disappointed.

[Lithos]

36. Damn!

Time is running out - need to found one of those pre-pay pet-sitting companies to look after all of those pets who will be left behind...

L-

[BuelahWitch]

37. I have a Facebook friend who's been carrying on about "Jesus coming soon"

ever since HCR passed. I finally had to hide him.