Multi-Generation Study of Harvard Students Reveals Some Surprises

[Dr. Strange]

Multi-Generation Study of Harvard Students Reveals Some Surprises

Researchers at Harvard’s Institute of Behavioral Studies have recently completed a comprehensive review of psychological profiles of three generations of students. And the results contain a great deal of expected conclusions—and some much unexpected ones.

For example, as one might expect, the more time a student spends studying, the greater their GPA tends to be. At least up to a point. Surprisingly, none of the students who spent more than 150 hours per week studying ended up in the top 50% of their graduating class.

Also, of the students who self-identified as “conservative,” only 49% finished in the top half of their respective graduating class. Conversely, there were two-to-one odds of a student who identified themselves as having “liberal” or “progressive” values finishing in the top two-thirds of their class. Almost 26% of the female students finished in the top quartile of their graduating class, whereas a majority (as many as 78% in some years) of male students finished below that.

Professor Fred Zozo, who oversaw the last decade of the study, was astounded at some of the results. “I’d say 99% of the findings were completely predictable,” Zozo said, “but that final percent—there’s some fascinating stuff there.”

Some of the more surprising results:
• Students who were home-schooled were more likely to be “culturally aware”, meaning that they knew the words to most sit-com themes, were more likely to be able to identify a professional hockey player, and knew what the term “goatse” referred to.
• Students who grew up in a home having a pit bull as a pet were 5% more likely to support breast-feeding in public.
• Students who opposed vaccinations were 12 times more likely to take Jenny McCarthy seriously—even if she was nude.
• Students who had eaten at an Olive Garden at least once in their life were more likely to be circumcised as an adult.
• Just over 99% of the students admitted that narwhals were really awesome, often choosing all capital letters to express their opinions on the horned animals.

“How do you explain some of this?” Zozo asked. “I just don’t know. But I better fucking get tenure for this crap.”

science.dijest.com/4/1/10

[FBaggins]

1. A study that could only be released today, eh?

n/t

[RainDog]

2. you are so good.

[Canuckistanian]

3. LOL

You had me right up to "pit bulls" and "breastfeeding"

:rofl:

[Fleshdancer]

4. ROFL!!!!

:rofl:

This is teh awesome!

[motely36]

5. I alerted on this

This is obviously a thinly veiled callout of Midlo.

[Dr. Strange]

6. Clearly you don't know the meaning of the adverb "thinly."

:hide:

[xchrom]

7. Olive garden, cicumcision, breast feeding in public,

Pit bulls, harvard and narwhales all in one thread.

Not even Teh Gayz could top this.

[KittyWampus]

8. Students who grew up in a home having a pit bull as a pet were 5% more likely to support breast-feed

ing.

PAYDIRT!

[Iggo]

9. Bookmarking this important study. (n/t)

[RetroLounge]

10. You Are Legend

:hi:

RL

[Kitty Herder]

11. Brilliant! LOL

[AwakeAtLast]

12. Your link is supposed to be "science.surelyoujest.com", right?

:D

Brilliant!

:applause:

[redqueen]

13. K&R

Outstanding.

[Rosie1223]

14. Nice!

[AngryAmish]

15. fantastic!

[TZ]

16. .

FUCK YEAH! THe only thing that would have made this better if that link was to the Narwhal song!!
:rofl:

[Tommy_Carcetti]

17. I'd believe it. But why did Harvard waste so much time in researching the obvious?

Sounds like a waste of time to me for such a prestigious school to embark on a study about things we already knew.

[redqueen]

20. Of course *you'd* believe it.

[Dr. Strange]

21. Tommy_Carcetti isn't the brightest dog at the pound.

If you know what I mean.

[redqueen]

22. Well...

he thinks Billy Corgan is talented. So that pretty much says it all, really.

[eppur_se_muova]

18. Prof ZO-ZO ? Read that sideways ...

A masterfully done satire, funny even to "outsiders"!

[BlueIris]

19. I've also read that eating at Olive Garden greatly increases your chances of not vaccinating kids,

breastfeeding, or going to Harvard.

[applegrove]

23. You got me. But then I am terribly gullible.

[Odin2005]

24. Oh God, I am such a gullible idiot.

:rofl: