Just an observation about the Mid-40s being the most difficult time for most humans in the USA

[Mike 03]

I posted some links to some studies that revealed that being in your 40s is just about the most depressing time of your life and that things get better from here on out. Just happened to go back and watch one of my favorite movies of all time, MY DINNER WITH ANDRE, directed by Louis Malle, and it made me feel okay for being confused at this time of my life. It is really inspiring. If you feel lost, confused, unfocused, and too old to be all of the above, check out this amazing film. It will revitalize your sense of hope.

The movie: My Dinner With Andre
You can find it on You Tube, or you can buy it on DVD.

I hope this link works. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXZMwcNNvrQ&feature=related

Let us know what you think.

[crim son]

1. I sure as hell hope you're right.

I'm 46 and can't figure out why I'm supposed to continue playing this game. If it weren't for my kids I'd be long gone.

[Mike 03]

2. I hear you, believe me.

Thanks for posting. My sister has a daughter and she has said the same thing to me.

[Mike 03]

3. Just to share, I am exactly your age, asking exactly your questions.

Just please know you are not alone. You have a lot of company.

Be well

[crim son]

15. Thank you Mike 03.

I haven't given up yet! And it is good to know I'm not alone.

[htuttle]

5. "You may ask yourself, where does that highway lead to?"

"You may ask yourself, am I right, am I wrong?
You may say to yourself, my god, what have I done?"

Same age, same questions.

I think I'm supposed to buy a red corvette or something right around now, but I can only afford a scooter...

:shrug:

[crim son]

16. I drive The Pimpmobile -

a 1993 Lincoln towncar. It isn't pretty.

[HughMoran]

19. Pimpmobile!

:rofl:

love that! BTW, I'm just a couple years older than you and can relate to what you're saying.

[crim son]

24. Then you can probably relate to

the fuzzy pink dice that hang from my rearview mirror. :hi:

[HughMoran]

38. lol

uh-huh. We used to crack jokes about those back in the city (Boston).

[Control-Z]

29. Sadly, I believe I'm riding

lower than you. I waited, saved, and finally bought a car that wasn't embarrassing. The engine blew just about a month ago. (There is a class action law suit I'm trying to join, based on this particular engine going bad at as little as 18,000 miles.)

But for now I am driving my (future ex) husband's girlfriend's old car (when my son hasn't already taken it for the day).

Damn, do I feel pathetic.

[seabeyond]

31. lol... ahhh

that is horrible. and glass half full??? that your soon to be x husbands girlfriend is nice enough to let you use her old car?

the thing. they say, hearing others woes makes one feel better about themself. not true.

i hope you win your suit. no one should be in a position to have to use a soon to be x husbands girlfriends old car. no one.

[Control-Z]

36. I am actully laughing out loud right now. Seriously.

The girlfriend wasn't nice enough to let me use her car. She was going to junk it but decided to give it to my husband for my son to use about a month before my car blew. That is why my son takes it and leaves me with no transportation at times. He thinks he has a right to the use of the car before I. (Btw, he already has a car that we bought him.) It's pretty effed up. Lol.

[crim son]

35. You seriously deserve a break.

I'm going to will the universe to send you one. Moi, I'm going to win the lottery tomorrow and then take a long vacation in Costa Rica. You're welcome to join me, heh.

Seriously, it is amazing how bad things get and how we march onward nonetheless. Then I think of those less fortunate than I am and feel guilty for being sad, or lonely, or whatever the hell.

Off to bed now. G'night.

[demwing]

9. Holy shit. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

lol. I could have written that word for word, down to our ages.

[crim son]

18. I'm sorry!

But I like it here; it's comfy.

[seabeyond]

14. tellin ya. it is the 44-46 that gets ya. hopefully you can resolve the issues

and get them in place and then zoooom, you go. ready for it to come your way.

i was working on 45 and was feelin it all. 46 i resolved, done playing the games, i have one life and i am going to enjoy. and here i am at 48 feeling damn good and loving life.

my husband is turning 45 soon. he is talking the same talk i was feeling. he was clueless when i was going thru it. now i know exactly what he is feeling.

if you "zin" it, then life truly gets good.

or like when a teen deciding on the path, take the wrong turn to hold on to youth (that cant happen anyway) and have a fucked up life.

[crim son]

20. That's what I'm afraid of.

I'm posed to screw up, bad.

[seabeyond]

22. hm..... lol lol

yet still you arch the feet on the board, tighten the muscles, raise your arms high above your head, bend your knees, ready..... to dive in?

sounds interesting, anyway.

i looked at your my space? *sigh* and i seem to recall some posts of the past. maybe. you have more than the mid life going on, dont you?

the best to you.

[crim son]

25. Thank you.

Just about four years of hell under my belt right now. Employment would go a long way to improving my outlook.

[Control-Z]

21. I'm right there with you, crim son.

I try not to say it for anyone to hear, but I think it all the time.

"If it weren't for my kids I'd be long gone."

[crim son]

26. There is an upside to that thought though:

the kids are so wonderful that we have stayed! I still have a ten-year-old son so he will be my motivation for at least another seven years.

:hug:

[Control-Z]

32. Lol. I actually do that too -

count how many years they'll continue to be my motivation.

[ixion]

4. It's a great film, however

as my mother said, rest her soul, "It's all downhill from here."

[Individualist]

33. Your mother was right.

[Mike 03]

6. It looks like, perhaps understandably, folks here don't think much of the wisdom in this film.

I offerred it sincerely, but Truth is the bottom line for me, and if you all think this is worthless, I accept that. I am too tired to fight about this nonsense.

[HughMoran]

42. Well, it takes time to watch and absorb

I'm watching it. You posted a topic that takes 2 hours before you can get a response - lol.

I feel lucky that my TV has the YouTube built in so I can watch on my living room TV.

[DailyGrind51]

7. I never get tired of viewing "My Dinner with Andre"!

I have it on VHS, and it helped me adjust to being content in the little pleasures of life, when I lost a job in 2000. Thanks to you, I might watch it again this weekend.:-)

[Bluenorthwest]

8. This is one of my favorite of all films

A treasure, a jewel. Wally and Andre, and what more do you need...
I recommend this movie constantly, and join you is recommending it to any DUer, of any age.

[Hannah Bell]

10. nah. it gets worse, unless you have lots of money.

[zazen]

11. I wonder how much is those of us born in 60s have really unusual experience

I mean, we haven't been slaughtered by Kossacks or Stalin or anything, but we were born towards the end of the cheap-energy-sustained limitless growth (fiat currency and bubbles started running up in the 70s, but are only coming due now), _and_ we were raised to expect "progress" not just in terms of technology and a comfortable way of life but in terms of social change, esp for women (maybe only white women--can't speak for African American women's experience).

We've already compromised with a system where we knew that merit wasn't enough, but we feel we already made the compromises. . . we've put in the time/effort/sacrifice and accepted the scripts of therapeutic awareness and identity politics. Wasn't that enough? Didn't we already grieve the inflated expecations and adjust accordingly? Well, no. The bottom's falling out--we're losing employment and what wealth we have and can't get work due to how we threaten potential employers/clients, or because nothing's there-- primarily because our cheap-energy-fueled industrial civilization is unsustainable. Its fruits are certainly unjustly distributed, and patriarchy's been with us since ancient times (at least). But what we thought were the resolutions to the primary traumas of our lives are no longer providing the defining meaning.

Well, it's late and I've stopped making sense (thank you again, David Byrne.) I'd like to take a look at your links (and that film, which I've never seen) to see if there's something that transcends time and place about being in our 40s (since so many humans died by then in other times and in other current cultures). But I relate to the despair and hanging on only for the kids. I thought it was only me.

Mindfulness teachings and meditation are the only thing that ground me now, apart from my kids.

So I really appreciate your baring yourself and bringing this up.

[lunatica]

12. My 40s were pretty bad but my 50s were the best decade of my life

and my 60s really good so far. See, as a woman once you go through menopause, life gets 100% better. As you let go of all the crap that you used to get all hung up on you realize that you're finally getting wiser. There is something very liberating that older people know about that no amount of explanation can convince younger people exists. Even if things are lousy in the outer world, like today's economy, you find you've got lots of mileage under the hood and that you run like a well oiled machine. You become the person with the institutional memory that everyone depends on. You become the historian to younger people. You can tell them how things got the way they've gotten. You can remember how things really do change even if it looks like they're permanent.

Wisdom truly is priceless. I wouldn't trade anything for it. Not youth, not good looks, not anything.

[zazen]

13. what a great post to read! n/t

[seabeyond]

28. there is a peace and contentment like no other time in my life. nt

[KT2000]

17. Aging does improve one's life

in many respects. That whole area of the brain dedicated to giving a crap what other people think of you atrophies and life is more fun.

[BrklynLiberal]

23. I guess myl ife is the exception. I had a great life when I was in my forties.

It all went down hill as I got past my 55th birthday...

[seabeyond]

27. you

didnt have to acceptance of aging? letting youth go?

[Robeson]

30. Well, I never thought I'd say I look forward to my 50's.

[Speck Tater]

34. I'm 64 and very happy, but my mid-40's were MISERABLE! I'm glad I'm through with them. nt

[gvstn]

37. I haven't seen that movie in years

I can't remember much at all of it. But I do love my electric blanket. ;)

[Cresent City Kid]

39. I'm 45, but luckily avoiding the symptoms you mentioned.

Part of me never grew up, but in some ways I'm extremely settled into my likes and dislikes in a way most often attributed to old men.

I don't usually worry about age, but it was funny getting carded for cigarettes the other day. If I was smart, I'd worry about what the cigarettes will do to me in my old age, but that's another story.

[femmedem]

40. Wallace Shawn! Swoon! Such a genius.

But I didn't know that the mid-40's are supposed to be rough. I'm in my mid-40's...okay, pushing late 40's...and I'd have to say I'm happier and less prone to depression now than in my '30's, and my '30's were better than my '20's. Good to know my '50's are likely to be better yet.

And I can't say my current happiness has anything to do with finances--I'm at least as broke as I ever was. I just handle things better, am surrounded by good people, and have found some direction.

[liberalmuse]

41. I'm 46 and totally batshit.

And depressed. And a bitch (I used to be nice at one point). And totally batshit. When I was a kid, my friends and I would think that some of the mean old ladies in the neighborhood were witches that would turn us into toads if we went near their houses. No. They were just middle-aged. I've heard it gets better. I'm hanging on because of my daughter because otherwise I don't get this BS called, 'life' and wouldn't see the need for it. It makes no sense at all. There is so much to be incredibly grateful for, but my filter is so clogged it's hard to see these days. Thanks for the movie recommendation.