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From what I understand, the perfect tea party paradise is a land where the evil government will never bother you. Where you can have any gun you want without fear of having it grabbed by Constitution-hating Democrats. The freedom to worship as you see fit without any intrusion by the Democrats, and total freedom from paying taxes instead of spending, saving and investing as you choose.
There's only one city like that anywhere--Mogadishu, the capital of Somalia. Okay, the socialist governments of the world have rated Mogadishu as the most lawless city in the Universe. There is a planet out there somewhere with little green men walking around on it, and Mogadishu is more lawless than their worst place. But that's okay, there are plenty of people ready to hire as your own private security force. And they don't speak English in Somalia. Before you go you might want to learn a few phrases. Right now the most important ones are "don't kill me" and "do you have any khat?"
So if you're totally committed to living in tea party paradise-or your doctor said yes when you asked him if Thorazine was right for you--here's how to get there.
First, fly from John F. Kennedy International Airport to Dubai. I realize flying from an airport named after a Democrat is an abomination to you, but the other airport in NYC is named after someone who liked FDR so I guess you're screwed. Besides, you won't be back so stop your whining. The cheapest flight to Dubai is on Aeroflot. Don't worry, they quit putting cast iron plumbing in Russian planes so you're safe.
Once in Dubai, catch Jubba Airways to Mogadishu. Be prepared to wait in Dubai: Jubba has one airplane, it only goes to Mogadishu once a week, and sometimes the runway in Mogadishu is being shelled by the Ethiopian Army and they have to fix the holes. They haven't had any accidents yet, so I wouldn't worry too much. You might want to know, though, the plane they use is the Ilyushin-18, which really WAS made by communists. Four props, the airport's a hot LZ, traditional Somali meals...how can you go wrong?
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