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Edited on Fri Apr-23-10 11:36 PM by IndianaJoe
A Teabagger’s Love Poem
I’m so sick o’ spics an’ Libruls And other left-wing terdz That I put my pen ta pa-per And spell’d out these here wurds!
They’ve got me all ex-cit-ed Yes, I’ve had it up ta here The Anti-christ’s a-comin’! There’s much out there ta fear!
The Libruls are now in pow’r Puttin’ all our kids in debt Grabbin’ hold a Gen’rul Motors So-shul-eye-zin’ us! You bet!
They’re letting the gays all marry Spreadin AIDS and H-I-V Lettin’ ‘em join our army Passin' on germs ta yew an’ me!
I’m for them old-time val-yoos Things’re were fine. Just let me be! And I don’t want no changes Screwin’ up this fine cunt-ree
I’ve taken ta dem-un-stra-tin’ Puttin’ bags on all my hats Dick Army’s gonna-pay me! Ta say “No!” ta Dem-o-crats
Now I’m a Par-ty mem-ber. Higher taxes give me fits. True, I don’t haveta pay ‘em, But it still disturbs my shits.
I’m proud ta be blue col-ler I work hard to earn a buck I read my Bye-bul daily And I love my pickup truck
I seldom read news-pa-pers Don’t watch M-S-N-B-C! Get my news from Glen and Rush And I love Sean Han-ni-ty
Ain’t no water in my lik-ker Stir my kawfee with my thumb I ain’t no union member No, I’d never be that dumb
Don’ like sex-scenes in moo-vees I follow the Gol-den Rule God’s werd's there in the Bye-bul Want it herd in my kid’s school!
There ain’t no e-vo-lu-shun Adam walked with dye-no-sars You can shove your solar pow’r And your fancee hybrid cars
A flag’s upon my jack-ut Got a gun in both my fists Ta ward off crooks ‘n burglars And ma-raw-din So-shul-ists
Don’t need no helth inshoo-runts If its canser, I’ll just die The Gummunt can’t run nuthin’ Ta say dif-frunt is a lie!
I hate our Fed-rul gummunt. Mexies, Com-mu-nists, and queers They’re all out there to get us Welfare cheets and profi-teers!
Don’t need new in-sti-tu-shuns Just say “No” to byoo-ro-crats!. I’m for that old Free Market Reg-u-lay-shuns drive me bats!
Can’t stand Nan-cy Pee-losi And her crew of fem-uh-nists Let’s fence her up in ‘Fris-co With them other Sod-o-mists!.
There ain’t no Globul Warm-in’ All them sci-un-tists is bent! I’m fine with newk-lyer power Don’t need no En-vi-ro-ment
I got a good hunt’n rye-ful Don’t buhleeve in huggin’ trees The N-R-A protects me So I always pays their fees.
Them blacks is sons-o-bitches! Gettin’ their checks an’ havin’ fun. We pay for all their ba-bies! No kid-a mine’ll mar-ry one!
The Tax Code’s id-ee-otick. It’s a mor-an’s jam-bo-ree!. Let’s just all pay ten per-cent That’d be e-quul, dontcha see?
I buh-leeve in human souls They’re a say-krid thing ta me. But aside from em-bree-os Death’s a real fine pen-ul-tee!
I’m okay with water-board-in’ A few Moozlim guys or two. No juries for them basterds! Let's ren-di-shun us a few!
I know the End’s a-comin’ It’s just right around the bend You’d bett’r get your shit straight And be born again, my friend.
So why’m I a Par-ty mem-ber? Why’m I holdin’ his here sign? It’s fer God’n Mitch McCon-nell! An’ this here fam-u-ly o’ mine!
Cause life’s so com-pli-ca-ted It’s so hard to un-der-stand A black guy’s in our White House What’s be-kum of our dear land?
But soon we’ll make all things bett’r. There’s a-goin’ ta come a day When we’ll kick ‘em outta office And have everything our way!
A-dyoo ta Reid and Bi-den Barney Fag-got and his kind We’ll send O-ba-ma pack-in’ His birth ser-ti-fi-cut to find.
We’ll say goodbye ta Wall Street To them mo-guls and fat cats We’ll drill up lots of oy-ul And we’ll spit on Dem-o-crats
We’ll tear down all their wind-farms We’ll burn coal just cause we can We’ll put in Sa-rah Palin, And e-lim-in-ate Eye-ran!
Say fare-thee-well to unions Send them wetbacks all back home We’ll dyna-mite the I-R-S Send them Cath’licks off ta Rome
Put them niggers back ta slavin’ Puttin’ cott’n in bur-lap bags We’ll vote righties inta Con-gress And we’ll fly Con-fed-rut flags!
No more o’ mane streem meedya We’ll a-void it like the pox We’ll take Maddow off the air- waves And get all our views from Fox
Then won’t it be a vizh-un? A real “City on a Hill” A place to raise your fam-lee! An’ do the good Lord’s will!
So if Hol-ly-wood and Commies Put yer stummicks outta whack, Join your fellow troglodytes! Become an Oolong-sipping hack!
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