Isaac Higham: Loud and Clear

[helderheid]

I don't know how to link to a facebook note, so I'm posting this in its entirety.

We've had 3 suicides in 3 weeks of gay men in Utah conflicted with their faith and sexuality. I thought this was a beautiful writing in response to that.

Isaac Higham: Loud and Clear

When I was a little boy, my beautiful mother would take me in her arms and together we would sing the words of the LDS primary song:

I am a Child of God
And he has sent me here
Has given me an earthly home
With parents kind and dear.

There was no qualifier of “unless I grow up to be gay.”

And yet nearly twenty years later things seemed to come full circle as I sat sobbing on the bathroom floor of a dirty missionary apartment where, after taking a knife from my hands and calling for help, my mission companion took me in his arms and began singing in a soft trembling voice “I am a Child of God”.

I had struggled since childhood to combat what I felt was my true nature in favor of what my church taught was the plan of God. Weary, beaten, and worn I couldn’t fight anymore.

I was lucky. I failed.

But sadly there are those we love who do not fail. Tearfully we learn of and mourn those who we cannot judge for being weary of the fight and succumbing to the constant barrage of lashes coming from Utah’s predominant religion and dominant political party; their invariable actions declaring that we are not worthy of the same treatment as everyone else—that we are less than.

When will we learn that this is not a game?

The harsh rhetoric is not something to be used to score political points or to climb the rungs on the ladder of piety.

When the stripping of legal status and protections from gay relationships is celebrated like a Super Bowl victory, what does the gay person feel? When a state senator tells gay adolescents they shouldn’t come together to talk about their struggles in accepting their sexuality, what message does that send? When a bishop stands at the pulpit and preaches that loving committed gay relationships will destroy their family and asks for time and money to ‘defeat’ them, what unimaginable fear shakes the soul of the gay child in the pews?

We MUST normalize gay relationships. Every day that passes where being gay is viewed as undesirable and gay relations viewed as abnormal, is one more day that pushes our loved ones one step closer to the edge—to the point of no return.

I’ve said it before and I reaffirm it now: This is a fight for life!

As an LDS missionary I was taught that my purpose was to “Invite others to come unto Christ.” The LDS Church has admittedly done much good and provided legitimate hope and peace to many, but my dear Latter-Day Saints, your actions as members and the actions of your church organization when it comes to your LGBT children, brothers, sisters, and friends has done anything but invite me to come unto Christ.

Gandhi put it beautifully: “I like your Christ; I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

Your message on LGBT related issues is a message of intolerance, of hatred (both external and internal self loathing), torment, and of death.

And regrettably, too many children of God are hearing that message loud and clear.

[Angry Dragon]

1. K&R

[helderheid]

2. Thanks, AD

[Q3JR4]

3. Indeed.

Q3JR4

[Q3JR4]

4. At one point I was toying with the idea of

going to bible study classes and researching Christian doctrine with the ultimate goal of starting my own church.

But then I grew up.

As a closeted gay man I saw how the rest of the world viewed homosexuals, and while in the closet I looked through the prism of my own pain at the world and that colored my views.

If the Christian faith, something that I had been raised in and had tremendous respect for, could be so wrong about this fundamental aspect of my life, what else could it be wrong about?

With that one realization I began to question my religious beliefs. If those were wrong, the next logical step would be to wonder what else I was wrong about.

My first year in college was spent researching political parties, religions I would be willing to follow, and everything else I had ever taken for granted.

For a while I considered myself to be pagan, but that initial skepticism that had been sparked in my heart and soul fueled an eventual disconnect from all religions.

As I look back on the last ten years of my life I wonder where I would be today if I hadn't questioned first my religion and then everything else I had ever been told. If I hadn't already been primed to look at religion with a skeptical eye, would I have given "The God Delusion" more than a passing glance? I can't answer those questions, but I will say that my path would have been different if there weren't so many religious folk out there bad talking our community.

Q3JR4.




Edited to add:

This all took place in a state that has it's fair share of mormons, so I've had a chance to see how mormon families operate. I'm sad to say that it doesn't surprise me that these poor men are committing suicide but it SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE THAT WAY.

I hate it how religions proclaim on these "moral issues" in completely illogical and contradictory ways, and I look forward to the day when they all realize that if they want to be viable they have to change.

It's coming, we all know it, but it won't get here soon enough as far as I'm concerned.

[Q3JR4]

5. To be clear,

I have meant many people both gay and straight who are religious and I do not begrudge them that comfort even though it is no longer for me, but even then I wonder what effect religious voices against this fundamental aspect of their lives has wrought.

Q3JR4

[helderheid]

6. I get what you're saying.

I think that was part of what was so painful for Todd who killed himself yesterday. He loved his religion. He was also gay and his religion taught him that what he was doing was evil. How does one reconcile that?

:cry:

[FreeState]

7. Thank you for posting this

I have tears in my eyes reading it. I grew up singing I Am A Child of God, it's amazing how such a simple song never leaves you (I left the church after prop 8 passed, return missionary etc).

[helderheid]

10. I can only imagine how hard that was for you to do!

:hug:

[racaulk]

8. K&R!

Thank you for posting this, helderheid. We need to speak out against homophobic bigotry masked as religious faith whenever and wherever we can. Human lives are literally at stake.

:pals:

[queerart]

9. K & R

[TriMera]

11. Rec &

Thank you for posting this. More people need to know what so many of us go through. I am a recovering Catholic. I just could no longer accept the teachings of a church that condemned who I am and teaches hate over love. Being taught to loathe yourself day in and day out takes a horrible toll on a human being, sooner or later.