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Answer each of the questions with a 'yes' or a 'no'. The results of the test will be revealed below:
1. Do you believe President Obama is a terrorist sympathizer? YES, BECAUSE HE'S HALF MUSLIN.
2. Do you believe the health care reform bill will cause the death of your grandmother? DEFINATELY. IT WILL BRING HER BACK TO LIFE AND KILL HER AGAIN, THUS TURNING HER INTO A COOKIE-BAKING ZOMBIE.
3. Do you believe President Obama is not a citizen of the United States? HE WAS AN ANCHOR BABY FOR HIS WHITE, KANSAS MOTHER.
4. Do you believe Hawaii is one of the 50 states in our country? HOW CAN IT BE WHEN IT'S OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ATLANTIC OCEAN? DUH!
5. Do you believe President Obama is the anti-Christ? I DON'T HAVE AN AUNTIE CHRIST.
6. Do you believe God is a republican? WHO GOD VOTES FOR IS BETWEEN HIM AND--WELL--HIMSELF.
7. Do you believe every state should secede from the union? ONLY IF THE DUES GO UP AGAIN.
8. Do you believe President Obama is a communist? YOU BETCHA! WAIT, COMMUNIST IS BAD RIGHT? I THOUGHT SO. TOTAL COMMINIST.
9. Do you believe children and the insane should own guns as the Tennessee gubernatorial candidate Basil Marceaux proposed? WELL I'M INSANE AND HAVE THE MIND OF A CHILD, SO YES.
10. Do you believe Social Security should be eliminated? HELLO NO! YOU LIBRUL SOCIALISTS BETTER SAY AWAY FROM MY GUVERMENT BENEFITS!
11. Do you believe President Reagan balanced the budget? YES, AT GUN POINT.
12. Do you believe in repealing all regulations on off shore drilling? I BELIEVE I SHOULD BE ABLE TO GO OFFSHORE AND DO SOME DRILLING--IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
13. Do you believe President Obama is a fascist? THAT'S THAT WEBSITE THAT'S LIKE MYSPACE FOR ADULTS, RIGHT?
14. Do you believe global warming is a hoax? ONLY DURING THE WINTER.
15. Do you believe President Obama is a Maoist? THAT'S THAT RELIGION WITH THE YIN AND YANG, RIGHT?
16. Do you believe the US should withdraw from the United Nations? A CONDOM WOULD BE MORE EFFECTIVE.
17. Do you believe President Obama is a fascist? A FACIST? THAT MEANS HE DISCRIMINATES AGAINST UGLY PEOPLE RIGHT? WELL, I HOPE FOR MY SAKE HE ISN'T ONE.
18. Do you believe Wall Street banks should be completely unregulated? I DUNNO. MY BANK IS ON ELM ST.
19. Do you believe President Obama is a Stalinist? YES, HE SHOULD QUIT STALIN AND GET SOMETHING DONE!
20. Do you believe cutting taxes reduces the deficit? IT REDUCES MINE.
21. Do you believe President Obama is a Marxist? LET'S SEE, GROUCHO, CHICO, HARPO, ZIPPO. NOPE, PRETTY SURE OBAMA AIN'T ONE OF THOSE BLACK AND WHITE JEWISH COMEDIANS.
22. Do you believe the world is only 6,000 years old? CERTAINLY NOT. IT'S 10,000 IF IT'S A DAY.
23. Do you believe President Obama is going to take your guns away? ONLY IF HE'S BETTER ARMED THAN ME.
24. Do you believe the press should only ask questions candidates want to answer? HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT CANDIDATES WANT TO ANSWER BEFORE THEY ASK?
25. Do you believe President Obama will be opening internment camps for conservatives? THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN. WILL THEY SUPPLY THE INTERNS?
26. Do you believe the unemployed are spoiled? DUNNO. HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN IN THE FRIDGE?
27. Do you believe President Reagan left his successor with a surplus? SURE, REAGAN LEFT A SURPLUS OF NUCLEAR WEAPONS, POVERTY, MENTAL ILLNESS, HOSTILITY TO THE DESTITUTE. NO MONEY THOUGH.
28. Do you believe the 14th Amendment to the Constitution should be repealed? WHY, WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME IT WAS PEALED?
29. Do you believe President Obama is going to start a 'Hitlerish' youth program? YOU MEAN LIKE THE BOY SCOUTS?
30. Do you believe conservatives should use a violent overthrow of our government if they lose elections this coming November? WEREN'T THEY SUPPOSED TO DO THAT THE LAST TIME TWO TIMES THEY LOST?
31. Do you believe President Obama is a socialist? YEAH, I'M SURE HE'S A NICE GUY AND HAS A LOT OF FRIENDS.
32. Do you believe President Reagan proposed even one balanced budget in his eight years as president? I THINK HE LEFT THAT TO NANCY WHILE HE WAS BUSY PRESIDENTING.
33. Do you believe in feeding the hungry, healing the sick or helping the poor as a practicing Christian would? ABSOLUTELY. WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, YOU GOT ANYTHING TO EAT?
34. Do you believe the media is liberal even though the media is owned by corporations with a conservative fiscal agenda? WELL, THAT'S WHAT HANNITY SEZ.
35. Do you DISTRUST the government to handle healthcare, but TRUST the government to spy, torture, go to war, incarcerate, execute prisoners, hold people without charges and illegally wiretap citizens? AH-HEM. YES, I ABSOLUTELY TRUST THE GOVERMENT TO KEEP ME SAFE FROM TERRORISTS EVEN IF IT MEANS MONITORING INTERNET DISCUSSION. I WOULD NEVER PROTEST THAT AND THANK ALL THE FINE INTELLIGENCE OFFICERS FOR THEIR DEDICATED SERVICE. THANKS. WHEW!
36. Do you believe President Reagan ever vetoed one appropriations bill proposed by the democratic majority? HE DIDN'T RELY ON DEMOCRATS TO DETERMINE WHAT WAS APPROPRIATE.
37. Do you believe every person in the country should be forced to carry a gun as Tennessee gubernatorial candidate Basil Marceaux proposed? Yes ( ) No ( ) MARCEAUX? ARE YOU SURE THAT'S WHAT HE MENT? HE DOESN'T TALK YAH KNOW.
NOTE: If you answered any of the above questions with a 'yes' you are a 'conservative extremist' and your IQ is 36. For each additional question in which you answered 'yes' subtract 1 point from your base IQ. If you answered all of the questions 'yes' your IQ is a ZERO, or eligible to become a republican candidate for president.
POLL:
(This section applies to Conservatives Only)
What is your educational level?
( ) 1st Grade
( ) 2nd Grade
( ) 3rd Grade
( ) 4th Grade
( ) 5th Grade
( ) 6th Grade Yes, I am a grade school graduate!
( ) High School Dropout
( ) College Dropout
( ) I delivered pizza to a dorm on a college campus once!
( ) I was home schooled by my parents who are 3rd grade graduates!
MY DAD HIT ME WIFF A BOOK WHEN I WAS SMALL.
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