Maureen Dowd gets the memo

[FourScore]

Maureen Dowd gets the memo
Mon Aug 09, 2010 at 07:10:03 AM PDT

NYT Internal Interoffice Administrative Bureaucratica Communication

MEMORANDUM

TO: Maureen Dowd

FR: Bill Keller

RE: Spock's Wife is in Spain??!!

First, put down that vodka tonic. It's eight in the morning.

Ready to get over that whole thing with plagiarizing Josh Marshall? Get this: Michelle Obama took her daughter to Spain. She was away while Spock had a birthday. Can you imagine? This will be awesome grist for you! You will rise again!

Approach it like this: What kind of woman lets her husband go out drinking with his buddies on his birthday instead of spending it with her? I mean seriously. I don't know about blacks and their cultural habits, but I know in any good proper Irish Catholic family like yours the wife is at home making her man a martini on his birthday. She's not all gutsy. She's not all Harvard. (Try to get that in there) You could use this as a lead in to a follow piece, which maybe could be something like "Michelle goes from Aunt Jemima to Angela Davis." Maybe say it in ebonics for more effect. Hey, here's an idea: use Spanish in your title! Get it? Spain and Spanish! Brilliant!

You need to do some "hint hint" that maybe this marriage is on the rocks. It cannot possibly be the case that two people love each other enough and are strong enough that one of many past and many future birthdays is spent apart without worry. He's cheating. He's gotta be cheating. And if he's cheating, then you know very well that you will have to write something praising him to high heaven. "Bambi becomes a Bull Moose." I'm loving this!

Anyhoo, back to first sista souljah. You know that Rush and the white boys are saying the homegirl from Chicago has gone all ghetto fabulous, so you need to include some obligatory talking points. Say something about optics. Obviously, the American people are gonna look at Michelle Obama in Spain and think..."Wait a minute...why the hell is the First Lady traveling overseas while I'm out of a job! I'm voting Republican!" Put a "some say" in there too about Democrats disapproving.

This will be the hot topic of this year's campaign. Obama is in big, big trouble. She should be at her husband's side, modestly fetching his pipe, slippers, and adult beverage. Especially on his birthday.

Get back to me with a column babe. I'll send over a carton of Marlboro Lights and a couple bottles of Volnay.

Bill

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