How gay marriage will destroy traditional marriage

[jmowreader]

The Republicans claim gay marriage will destroy traditional marriage. I believe it will, and here's how.

Envision a quiet neighborhood in Middle America. Suddenly the Supreme Court legalizes gay marriage, and the whole neighborhood is on edge. OMG the ladies say, that gay marriage is going to destroy our fine traditional, Godly marriages.

Then our evil Godless government announces: The Fair Housing Act applies to gay families too. So...a gay family buys a nice house in this quiet neighborhood.

It's moving day for the Gay family. A Mayflower van shows up, and in it is the one thing that makes every gay family different from every straight family: they've got a grill big enough to roast a water buffalo in.

The men of the neighborhood are intrigued. They start talking to the owners of this magical device, who turn out to be really good guys, and monogamous. "Hey!" says John Gay. "Frank and I are going to have a cookout on Saturday. Why don't you all come over and bring your families? Bring a covered dish, and we'll make ribs." All the men make plans to attend, just to see the Biggest Grill on Earth in action. The women will not come over as they are all good Christians who know if their husbands go there the magical Gay Virus (that doesn't actually exist, although Glen Beck and Sarah Palin think it does) will turn them all homosexual.

The weeks pass and every man in the neighborhood is drawn, magnet-like, to the Gay backyard. No one's turning any gayer, because gayness is inherited, but they spend all their nights on the Gay patio flipping burgers and drinking John and Frank's homebrew.

Six months later every man in the neighborhood is sleeping with other men...not because they're gay, but because they start crashing on John and Frank's living room floor after a hard night of burger flipping and homebrew drinking. All the wives leave.

So...if we want to defend "traditional" marriage from the ravages of "gay" marriage, forget about banning gay marriage and get rid of those monster grills. That's what's gonna do it.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

1. Really big BBQ? O.K. you can turn me. As long as it has

several burners and a wine cooler on the side.

[jmowreader]

3. Why would you want a wine cooler on the side of it?

Seriously, man, if you have a wine cooler on the side of the grill, you've got to fight the heat of the grill to get some wine out.

BTW, I was in a dollar store one day and saw the finest wine glasses ever made sitting there for a buck apiece. They hold half a bottle of wine and they're made in the USA of good-quality glass without weird discolorations or anything like that. Needless to say, I bought all they had.

[Scuba]

2. Rightwingers know that God intended ....

...marriage to be between a man and a hot, younger woman. Just ask Rush, McCain, etc.