How to Prove Your Citizenship after the GOOPers Win

[MineralMan]

Here's the official guide on proving your citizenship if the GOOPers get their way and demolish birthright citizenship to get rid of all the brown people. Follow the steps exactly, and you'll get the idea:

Proving Your US Citizenship

Step 1: If you can demonstrate at least 10 years membership and substantial annual contributions to the Republican Party or Tea Party, are a born-again Christian, can demonstrate that you are not a homosexual, and have a skin color of a shade that passes official review of your local Citizenship Council, you may skip all the remaining steps. You are a Patriotic US Citizen! Congratulations!

Step 2: Produce your Long Form Original Birth Certificate. Birth Certificates issued by states as replacements are not valid, unless they are photocopies of your Long Form Original Birth Certificate, fully notarized by an elected Republican Secretary of State in the state of your birth. If you have this document, can demonstrate that you are not a homosexual, are a born-again Christian, and have a skin color of a shade that passes official review of your local Citizenship Council, skip to the next step. If you cannot produce the document, report to the deportation center immediately with your entire family. Failure to report will result in your arrest and forcible deportation.

Step 3: Within 15 days of application for review of your Citizenship, produce the Long Form Original Birth Certificates or Original Naturalization Certificates of both of your parents. If you can produce these documents, can demonstrate that you are not a homosexual, are a born-again Christian, and have a skin color of a shade that passes official review of your local Citizenship Council, you may skip to the next step. If you cannot produce the required documents, report to the deportation center immediately with your entire family. Failure to report will result in your arrest and forcible deportation.

Step 4: Within 30 days of successfully completing Step 3, produce the Long Form Original Birth Certificates or Original Naturalization Certificates of both sets of your grandparents. If you can produce these documents, can demonstrate that you are not a homosexual, are a born-again Christian, and have a skin color of a shade that passes official review of your local Citizenship Council, you are a US Citizen. If you cannot produce the required documents, report to the deportation center immediately with your entire family. Failure to report will result in your arrest and forcible deportation.

Step 5: There is no Step Five! Go back where you came from, you filthy immigrant!

[uncommon]

1. Could you be a little more ridiculous?

While I agree with you in spirit, this OP is foolish and unfounded.

[MineralMan]

3. I could...yes. Would you like me to?

Now I know my satire was successful. Someone didn't recognize it. Thanks!

[malaise]

5. LOL

:rofl:

[uncommon]

7. I understand your point, I just still think

it is silly and not really very funny or biting.

[MineralMan]

12. Well, thanks for your wise counsel.

I'll add that to the others.

[blondeatlast]

15. You do know your response made his post evven more amusing than it already was, right? Thanks--

I needed a good laugh on top of a giggle!

[SargeUNN]

23. it is clear to me you don't know much about this issue

I have covered it here in Arizona and live with this issue on a daily basis. Also I see these religious extremist here as I did in Mississippi and even though this is satire I can assure there are many who actually believe these standards should be the law. So it isn't far fetched and sadly it is too close to reality not to be biting.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

8. Egads.

[MineralMan]

24. Jebus wept, eh? Well, maybe he's crying for all the people

who will be disenfranchised if the Republicans get their way. Ya think?

[blondeatlast]

11. Because whimsy is verboten on DU, it's in Rule Number

NONEXISTENT.

[Vincardog]

2. You forgot the part where you have your official membership number tattooed on your arm

[MineralMan]

4. Well, they don't tell you that, you see. It's a cool surprise you only

learn after you show up. The "in crowd" was informed. If you do not know it, then you're automatically under suspicion, you see.

[DevonRex]

6. Don't I have to have a flag decal on my car, too? I know it won't get me into heaven anymore

but it might help prove my citizenship, right?

Hopefully somebody here remembers that song. :)

[MineralMan]

9. Your fake flag doesn't fool anyone. Anyone can put a flag

on their car. Say...you look a little dark, too. Come with me. Do not resist.

[DevonRex]

17. It's just a tan!!! Really!1111!!!1 I tan easily!!!! Help!!!!!

:rofl:

[MineralMan]

18. You think I was born yesterday, Paaablo?

Just go along with this young man. He will show you where the deportation center is.

[DevonRex]

20. Damn you. Wait! I can speak Palin! You betcha and also too! I can see Russia from my house!

I read all of 'em! Obama is a socialismist muslin!

[asdjrocky]

10. Total tripe. nt

[MineralMan]

13. Thank you. It's rare when I do something that generates

such praise. I'll frame your post at once.

[HipChick]

14. I don't have a long form birth certificate...I cannot find my naturalization papers

Further more...they told me it would take them a year to get me a copy, and I would have to pay around $500 first...

[MineralMan]

16. Too bad for you, then. Now, had you been a loyal Republican,

none of that would have mattered, now, would it?

This young man will escort you to the deportation center.

[gratuitous]

19. After the GOOPers win, I don't know that I'd want to remain a citizen

The last time they had their greedy blood-stained mitts on the levers of power, we turned into an imperial power, invading other countries and torturing people we took from there. We emptied the Treasury into the overstuffed pockets of the wealthy, consigned millions of our fellow citizens to grinding poverty if not outright starvation, and told the have-nots it was their own fault for not being wealthy. Our economy hemorrhaged jobs while fatcats made billions trying to reinstitute slavery only without the free food, clothing and shelter. It was getting pretty hard to distinguish what our country had become from the Soviet Union of the Stalin era.

[joeybee12]

21. Rule #2 No Poofters! Rule #3, there is NO Rule #3, Rule # 4...

No Poofters!

[Scurrilous]

22. K & R

:thumbsup:

[Edweird]

25. At least it isn't another parable.

[MineralMan]

26. That gives me an idea...give me a couple of days to

work it out, and I'll give you another parable to unrecommend.

[Edweird]

27. Moi?

I'm not a 'kneejerk' or 'serial' unreccer. I use it sparingly and typically only on posts that are over the top. I don't believe I have ever ever unrecced any of your posts - even though we clearly have different takes on the current situation. You have used a unifying/reconciliation approach as opposed to the 'screw you hippies' or 'suck it - where else you gonna go' some of the others are flinging. I respect that. I simply think your parables are awful. Nothing personal.