I have three other healthy kids. Please send me $8000 so I can adopt a baby from China!

[Missy Vixen]

I was minding my own business on Twitter over the past 48 hours when I found myself assaulted with the following. Multiple times. After all, who can resist?

A woman has put up a website asking for donations. You see, their family isn't "complete" yet. She can't have any more children herself due to cervical cancer, so she's asking random people to chip in, so they can adopt a baby from China. They already have three healthy kids of their own.

http://cjredwine.blogspot.com/

Perhaps some of the parents here could enlighten me.

There are STILL a quarter of a million kids languishing in the US foster care system. It is hard to believe that there is not a female child there that would love to find a forever family, and the price tag would be significantly lower. Plus, doesn't that child deserve a stable, loving home, too?

Would you contribute to a fund like this, or would you prefer contributing to the adoption of a child that has little to no chance of finding a family in the USA?

[hlthe2b]

1. Hardly responsible parent material....

I'm betting she will be set straight by countless peers-- and pronto.

[Missy Vixen]

3. I seem to be the only malcontent

Everyone else is cooing over this like it's the greatest thing since sliced bread.

I just keep thinking about some poor little girl who woke up this morning and wished she had even one parent.

:cry:

[MedicalAdmin]

21. Likely a scam.

I smell Nigeria or a replublican. Maybe it's the Duggars.


And I agree with you totally about the US system. There are tons of kids here who need homes. My wife and I tried to get apporved to foster or adopt but because of my disability (spinal injury) we don't qualify. And also because of my disability I am unable to have kids of my own.

And then I read about fucktwits like this lady (if she isn't one of the Duggars) shilling for donations so that she can adopt from overseas. I beggars the imagination.

[LostinVA]

33. The Duggars at least have their own kids

Although I think they are revolting.

[SCantiGOP]

2. too much chance it's a scam

and you're right about American kids needing adoption.

[Dulcinea]

5. We have a winner! *ding*ding*

Wonder if anyone's Googled this woman? Bet it's a scam.

[blondeatlast]

11. Yup on all counts. nt

[dsc]

4. no the cost wouldn't be less

adoption is very expensive. There are home studies, legal fees, and a ton of other things. Maybe about 2k of that 8k, if that, comes from the Chinese vs regular adoption.

[mzteris]

7. if you go through the foster system

it doesn't cost you anything.

[dsc]

16. that is just plain, baldly false

You have to have a home study, paid for by you and would be a total fool not to have a lawyer of your own.

[mzteris]

18. no - that is NOT false -

if you go through the STATE"s foster system - not become licensed through an independent group, then no, you DON"T have to pay for your own home study!! The County paid for everything and provided legal counsel for us.

I am a former foster mom and a current adoptive mom.


Although, I had a thought - maybe it varies by state?

[dsc]

22. you must have an exceptionally generous state

I have investigated adoption here and know others who have adopted and they have paid for their homestudies no matter where they were getting the kids from.

[mzteris]

23. have you called your local DHS about being a foster parent

THROUGH them - not through any other agency?

edit to add: We adopted when we lived in NC.

[Missy Vixen]

13. I understand that adoption is not a walk in the park

I wonder about the mindset of a family that would believe it's perfectly normal to ask complete strangers for a large sum of money because they can't "afford" an adoption. It's expensive to raise the child, too, is it not?

[mzteris]

6. chinese girls are all the rage

it's trendy and cool....

don't get me wrong, I actually know a whole damn lot of Chinese Daughter families - and for *most* of them, they had to adopt out of country because at the time, they didn't "qualify" - single parent, too old, gay/lesbian . . .

Another "trendy" adoption is Russia, and more recently Guatamala or Peru or other Central/South American countries. Of course, now you have people adopting from Africa because Madonna and Angelina did... :eyes:


There are hundreds of thousands of foster/adoptive children available here in the US. . . unless there's a "reason" you can't qualify in this country, I suspect other "motives" behind going overseas.

the fact is, a whole damn lot of people in America WON'T adopt African American or bi-racial children. They will adopt any "other race", but black. It infuriates me.

[madmom]

8. My daughter told me a long time ago that she didn't want kids and if she decided she did, she

would adopt. Then she asked me if I would be upset if she adopted a bi-racial or black child. I told her I would not be the least bit upset with it, but was upset that she thought had to ask.

edited to add ..we are white, BTW

[hfojvt]

9. one other motive

is to get an infant. Adopting a 12 year old or a seven year old can bring you trouble, depending on how they were raised for those first few years, especially if foster kids are coming from broken/abusive homes. Plus the 7 year old KNOWS he is not really part of this family. He/she will almost always feel like an outsider, whereas an infant has never known any other family.

[mike r]

10. Kinda like exotic pets

Hey, look at what I bought!!

[Missy Vixen]

15. Our neighbor's daughter is Chinese

Their older girl is now fourteen. The little girl they adopted is probably seven or eight. I believe they went this route because they were a bit older than most adoption agencies will accept.

One thing's for sure, they are wonderful parents, and I am thrilled for their family.

[Sea Witch]

12. I think it's a scam.

I do know a couple who have 4 adopted children from China. The oldest boy was adopted after being found wandering the streets at age 12, he had raised himself, the 2 girls were abandoned for not being boys and the other boy was abandoned for not being a perfect boy and having a cleft palate. All 4 kids are amazing. The oldest just spent a year working with City Year. The parents spend a great deal of time making sure the kids learn their heritage. It's amusing to hear their very long polish last name being called at events and seeing them all take the stage.

I was also adopted at a young age from the foster care system. I think it doesn't make much difference where the child comes from, every child needs a home. Maybe someday humanity will evolve enough to ensure all children have a real home.

[lunamagica]

14. One problem (and I'm not saying this is the case here)

Is all those stories of American children being taken away from their adoptive parents even after the adoption is final. That fear doesn't exist with a foreign child.

But I agree this is a probably a scam

[frogmarch]

19. I'm interested

in reading some of the stories about American children being taken from their adoptive parents after the adoption is final. Can you direct me to sources for some of these stories please?

My son and his wife are now in a Florida hospital visiting the young woman who has chosen them to be the adoptive parents of the child she gave birth to last night. My son and his wife were told by the adoption agency that once the birth mom signs the authorization papers, she will have 48 hours in which to change her mind and call off the adoption.

So, this isn't the way it really is?

[mzteris]

24. it used to happen, but laws have been changed

in the past few years to make it damn near impossible just because of the horror of tearing a child away from their family & the only parents they've ever known.

[frogmarch]

27. Thanks. We hope

this adoption works out with no snags. The baby is African American. His birth parents are 20-year-old college students and seem like thoughtful, responsible people with regards to what they want for the child. The birth father relinquished his parental rights months ago at the birth mom's request but didn't abandon the mother during the pregnancy, as many birth dads do. The birth mother signed the adoption papers without hesitation soon after the birth in the presence of the lawyers and adoption agency representatives. Her parents were there too, and fully supported her decision to give up the baby. It's an open adoption, and my son and his wife will welcome visits from the baby's birth mom. They have a biracial son too, whose birth mom visits a few times a year.

[mzteris]

35. your son sounds like a wonderful person

and his wife.

Good luck with that new grandbaby! Give lots and lots of hugs and kisses for me, 'kay? :hug:

[IdaBriggs]

25. Happened in Michigan to a friend of ours - and her brother-in-law.

Michigan law says the birth parents can change their mind for any reason for one year (as I understand it). For the in-laws (who we have met), they got "their" son as a newborn in June/July; in December, his birth-mother demanded him back - and he was returned to her. (A second adoption two years later turned out better.) For our friend (adopting as a single woman), she happily accepted a bi-racial little girl, but the birth mother took her back after about a week and a half due to pressure from the "rest" of the family. (This was a 5th child/no daddy situation, with birth mom being underemployed.)

There are people it works for, and there are people it doesn't. I don't know anyone who adopted in the last 15 years who didn't spend tens of thousands to do it - and don't get me started on the Michigan foster system, and the challenges of adopting a child from it. The last stats I got (from a foster parent *in* the system) were the kids having to re-enter the system on average of 5 times before being released as available for adoption....

[frogmarch]

31. Oh, no, how awful! Michigan adoption

laws sound ridiculous. My son and his wife are adopting an African American child from Florida. I hope Florida adoption laws are nothing like Michigan's! The Michigan foster system sounds atrocious too.

My son and his wife adopted a biracial child in Colorado about 7 years ago. The birth father and his family contested it, but a judge declared the birth father unfit because of his lengthy prison record for violent crimes (he was even in prison when he contested the adoption), and in Colorado birth grandparents have no legal rights regarding adoption. The birth father is out of prison for the time being, and my son and his wife live in constant fear that he'll somehow track them down and try to steal the child.

You are right that adoption is very expensive. I don't know why.

[LostinVA]

34. It's expensive mainly because of legal fees

[mzteris]

36. Well - you know one now

- we spent not one dime on the adoption - the county/state covered it all. And when were these stories?

Bill Clinton changed the foster laws back in the 90's. Parents have 18 months to "get their act together" or their parental rights are severed. Doesn't matter if they win the nobel prize after that - the parental rights are STILL severed.

[lunamagica]

26. Sorry, I don't have any links. I was remembering cases like that

of a little girl who was taken away because the bio father hadn't signed away his rights. This case brought to light other stories where grandparents, and sometimes even uncles/aunts were said to challenge adoptions. I don't know if these other cases were successful or not; regardless, many people started to fear that adopting nationally may not be as safe as an international adoption. Admittedly, this was long ago, and hopefully (like another poster said) laws have changed by now and currently adoptions are truly final.

[frogmarch]

30. I think I remember a case like that.

I was horrified that the child was snatched from her adoptive parents - and after such a long time!

My son said that their adoptive baby's birth father legally relinquished his parental rights months ago, and that the legal team present at the mother's signing yesterday was sure everything was air tight from a legal standpoint. The birth mom and dad seem like good people, and no problems are anticipated. We all hope there aren't any. We love this little person already and are so happy to welcome him into our family!

[lunamagica]

38. I hope with all my heart everything works out for your son.

Sound like the little boy will have a loving family to raise him. Good luck! :hug:

[mzteris]

37. operative words being "long ago". n/t

[seabeyond]

29. nt

[LibertyLover]

17. If she thinks that she can complete an adoption from China for $8,000

she is delusional. It cost my husband and I almost $26,000 by the time we brought our daughter home from China.

[TexasObserver]

20. She can be a foster parent of American kids and get paid to do it.

If she's really a good mother and she really has a good family, she and her family could provide invaluable love, support and direction to children who badly need it.

If that's not what she wants, they could try be a host family to exchange students - high school and college. There are many students from China who need host families.

This latest fad of getting a foreign baby seems more about the parents than the child. For families without kids who truly want a baby and the American system isn't working, though, I say "go for it."

[seabeyond]

28. my problem is she doesnt have the 8k. she has three kids to feed, care for and think of future

and obviously does not have the resources she will need for their future. yet wants to bring another in the fold and deprive those others.

[LostinVA]

32. Sandra Bullock adopted a healthy, absolutely adorable US baby

Of course, she had to wait a few years, and her son is either black or biracial, which I guess isn't as acceptable as an Asian baby, who at least are basically white.

[shimmergal]

39. As the grandmother of

three lovely and much-loved children adopted from China, I am appalled at the negative stereotyping and bad attitudes shown in many of the comments here.

Why on earth do people feel qualified to judge the motives and inner emotions of people whom they don't even know? I haven't seen DUers responding to other decisions this way, whether it's remaining childfree, spending many thousands on fertility treatments, or taking any other direction about family life. Is it just because international adoptions are expensive, so some posters feel entitled to bad-mouth those who do it with impunity?

Yes, there are too many American children in foster-care limbo, some of whom are available for adoption. But guilting those who've chosen another way of family-building isn't likely to solve this problem.

By the time they seriously enter the adoption process, most people have a fairly good idea of what they can cope with. The developmental challenges presented by a toddler, who may not even toddle yet, because she's spent her first two years confined to an orphanage bed, are different from those of a 10- or 12-year old who's been shuffled through a series of foster homes. Most responsible adults have a fairly good idea of what they feel competent to cope with.

I might add that if the "trendy" and "easier to adopt from China" memes were ever valid, they've certainly changed in the past decade. China now disallows ANY adoptions by single parents, lesbians, overweight people, anyone with an arrest in their past (even if dismissed as not guilty), non-high school graduates (college graduate couples are much preferred) or over fifty. If the Chinese adoption authority finds out that the Twitterer was soliciting donations to help pay for her adoption trip, I'm sure she'd be disqualified. You have to prove you are financially "stable;" in fact you even have to show you've made provisions for the child's care by another financially stable person in case of your demise. The waiting period is now four years and upward. Even so, a large proportion of the available children are now special needs babies. Our littlest one, who just came home to the U.S. at the end of July, is now awaiting a cleft palate repair.

Some of the reasons for this "tightening up" are positive: liberalization of China's one-child policy, so that not so many baby girls are abandoned. Greater prosperity so that more Chinese couples feel able to adopt, etc. Nevertheless the orphanages are still full of babies for whom the only chance of living a "normal" life is the random luck of being adopted. China has about 900 orphanages, and although most of them do their best to provide good care, there is no way it can match growing up in a loving family, whether within the country or outside. There's room for both kinds of families.

Thanks to all of you who responded in a more positive way, and especially to others who're greeting new grandchildren. I wish you many happy years with them.