I just told a very old friend on Facebook that I was going to put him on ignore

[hyphenate]

Or the equivalent thereof. The right-wing propaganda was too much for me, and I lost it.

He isn't a close friend, but we knew each other 30 years ago, and hung around for a couple of years, with each other and some others. We were never involved in anything else, though.

When I came back here to Massachusetts, he contacted me, and I saw him with another friend, but he has become an alcoholic, and since that is a factor in my own family, I absolutely detest it.

He's about 6 years younger than I am, and is divorced, with about three grown kids. He also looks terrible, something I very firmly believe is a consequence of alcohol. He doesn't seem to have any serious jobs, live in NH with one of his female friends, and appears to be pretty aimless. Whether that is a consequence of alcohol, or just lack of direction in his life, I don't know.

Seriously--how many of you have found yourself in a smiliar situation? Someone close from out of the past finds you, but you know there is little to talk about, both of you going in opposite directions?

When I signed up for Facebook, I did so as a result of old school mates putting together a reunion, but there have only been a handful of people there that I thought still embodied some of the things we chose to do with our lives so long ago. One of my friends was a bleeding heart liberal, and wanted to be an archaeologist or anthropologist, ended up a lawyer, and spends her life in New Mexico fighting as a defense attorney for the state. Another became the archaeologist she wanted to be, but got married and had a couple of kids. She still works on digs, but not as much as she once did, but she's as outspoken as I am about liberal causes.

But it's not always going to be that easy, I know, to find people you can still relate to from so long ago. But you like to think that if you once had something in common with someone, you would hope that didn't change over time. I think I have it firmly planted in my brain that you can't change your moral compass, as it is something imbued within you from when you were a child, listening to adults, and gaining insight into people as a result. Granted, our views will either sharpen or blur along the way, but there is still a good chance you will always hold some specific values.

So I guess I'm going to have to find a way to get him to accept that I'm not going to be able to agree with him very much, and that I will just have to hide him on FB. I will still be able to know where he is, but his posts won't make me angry, because I won't have to see them!

Yes, I know the inverse is true. And that is why I won't mind if he ends up hiding me as well. However, I hope he has just lost his way, and needs to be reminded that as an Irish-Catholic, he's supposed to be a liberal, and NOT aconservative!

:hide:

[crim son]

1. It certainly isn't your duty to deal with his alcoholism but

since it's a disease and not a personality flaw, "I detest it" sounds a wee bit heartless. Sometimes you must act to preserve your peace of mind, though, and I have defriended two or three people because of their RW crap. Luckily, none of them have been old friends.

[hyphenate]

11. i suppose it could sound like that

but I grew up with alcoholics around me--my biological mother, uncles, sister, and more. I was able to keep from becoming one myself, but it has played a significant role in my life, and yes, I detest it. It stole many souls, and took a lot of energy as a result.

While I am very aware of the disease that alcoholism is, I know there are ways to fight it. And while I know not everyone can do so, I feel that someone who hits rock bottom has to decide when they will be courageous enough to come back to their lives.

Being unable to face themselves becomes their crutch to hide from reality. But if someone wants to wallow in self-defeat, that, too, is their choice, but I don't have to deal with it. I'll always help someone who tries to help themselves, though, and have done so on many occasions.

[virgogal]

2. Irish-Catholics are against abortion,birth control,and gay marriage.

If they aren't against these thing they aren't Catholics.

Remember William F Buckley Jr-----an Irish Catholic.

That's why I dropped out 45 years ago.

[Celeborn Skywalker]

5. I'm Catholic and I'm for all those things.

As are many other of my left-wing, Catholic friends.

[virgogal]

9. Then you're not a Roman Catholic. They believe The Pope is

infallible.

Going to Mass doesn't make you a Catholic.

As I said,I left the church because I could not believe in some of the teachings.

That,I assume,is what anyone would do.

[abelenkpe]

12. I'm Catholic

and for all those things too. Many of my friends would say the same. You don't need to agree with William F. Buckley to call yourself a Catholic. Geez.

[hyphenate]

13. Me, too, BTW

And yes, those are definitely button-pushing issues. But most, at least here in Massachusetts, also hold more liberal views. I only wish that we had more politicians like John Kennedy and John Kerry.

[liberalmuse]

3. I had to hide a long time friend on Facebook.

We were best friends from 6th through 9th grades, until I moved. I suppose it's our age, but she's NUTS, and a bigot to boot. I ended up hiding her in order to avoid the temptation of responding to her rants. I almost deleted her altogether, but realize it's the politics and religion I loathe, not her.

[hyphenate]

15. In the past, I would have simply

disengaged from people like this, and let myself simply fade from them. But I know now that I can't always do that, and I do feel I owe someone more than just lip service. But it's hard to guage how much help you're giving, before it becomes co-dependency.

I went to some of the best schools in the country, and I'd say the majority of us ended up with liberal tendencies. It was hard to go to an all-girl schools--there used to be assumption that women would simply get married after school, but we were given educations to match those of any school devoted to boys. So we were never questioned about what we were going to do after high school, but rather what accomplishments we would make to society.

[Dennis Donovan]

4. I deactivated my Facebagger acct last week - got sick of the tiny-minded people on it...

DU has spoiled me when it comes to quality-of-conversation, and the Facebaggers' inanity proved too much for me to take.

[hyphenate]

16. I would have done so myself if I didn't think that I could

make a difference. I joined a few groups for atheism, and have discovered a whole network of people who think a lot like me. I don't have to explain that I'm a good person just because I don't believe in a god, because I have others who have gone through the same stuff.

Whenever there is a side ad on for a conservative cause or politician, I hit the delete key, and it will ask me why I want to get rid of it, and I consistenty say because it's offensive to me. They learn after awhile.

I think that, like DU, there is security in numbers. When FB first appeared on the horizon, it was filled with a lot more conservatives, but it's changing, and changing for the better.

[aquart]

6. I take it this post is because you're feeling guilty?

That's fine. You wish you could save him. You can't. It's okay to live with that regret.

Tell me, if he was bombarding you with right wing material without being an alcoholic, would you be better able to cope?

If he was alcoholic and sending you great liberal messages, would you be fine?

Rule of rescue: Only help the ones you can help, don't waste your energy on the ones you can't. Don't try to do more than you can, or there will be nothing left for the ones you can help. That's very hard for the great hearted. It seems cruel. There will always be so many beyond your reach. Always. Do what you can for those within your reach. Smile at a stranger today.

[hyphenate]

17. Thanks

:hug:

To be honest, it would likely have been the same whether he was right-winged or left-winged, but his alcoholism would have kept me from continuing further. As I say above, I've had it in my life so much that I've become intolerant of people who are drinking their lives away. It's not something I'm indifferent about, but it is something I am passionately against.

You are right. I have to decide who I can help, and who I can't help. It is definitely hard to do.


I don't know where I read or saw this tale, which is always in my mind since I heard it.

A girl is walking along a beach, and she constantly bends over, and throws something back into the water. An old man is walking his dog on the beach, and goes over to see what she is doing. He notices she is picking up starfish, throwing them back into the ocean.

He says, "You're never going to save them all. You might as well quit."

The girl smiles, bends over and picks up another one, throwing it back into the sea. She says, "While I know I can't save them all, I can save some of them."

The old man looks at her, and she says, "It mattered to that one. And that one. So while I can't save them all, I can continue to save those I can. And if more people thought that too, we could save a lot more of them."



I wish I could remember where I originally found that, because it says so much.


After looking for the reference, I found a YouTube video on it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wuSaNCIde4

[Proud_Lefty]

7. I run into this all the time lately on Facebook

Having gone to high school in an extremely conservative area (Orange County, California), old friends that I've recently reconnected with on Facebook are showing their right winged hatred, posting pictures from their tea parties, etc. and I've also been seriously re-evaluating what I want out of Facebook. Since it isn't meant to be a political forum, I choose not to respond to them and not to engage in any political conversations with them. If I find their posts too offensive, I hide them without their knowledge, and it sure has saved a lot of aggravation. Life's too short to spend this much time on someone who doesn't offer anything positive into your life.

Oh, and I completely agree with the other post on alcoholism being a disease. My father was a victim of it as well. He could have fought harder against it, but when I learned of what he was trying to endure throughout his entire life, I understood why he didn't have the strength to fight it. He's gone now and I will never forget the beautiful memories and try to understand the rest. Once you know more of the full picture, it tends to put a different light on the situation.

[Rhiannon12866]

8. I spent this past weekend with my closest friends from half a lifetime ago...

I went to a reunion of girls that I spent my childhood with at a camp on Lake Champlain in Vermont. The last time I saw them was in 1995, but we spent those summers together (and often visited during the winter) in the late '60s and early '70s. :)

I showed up in my car with my Obama-Kerry-Gillibrand bumper stickers and saw that my one friend had MoveOn stickers on hers. She's spent time in Haiti bringing medical care to children, is going back there next month. My other friend sells real estate, but she's supported liberal candidates since her parents supported Eugene McCarthy in the '60s. Another friend is working for the International Red Cross and we discussed the situation in Pakistan. I guess I'm fortunate, that I can still connect with my best friends from long ago... Sometimes, you can go home... :)

Several of them are facebaggers, spread the word about the reunion that way, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to join. They have my e-mail address and my phone number... :shrug:

BTW, I'm also in AA. If your old friend ever decides he wants to stop drinking, I recommend it. :hi:

[KansDem]

18. "Sometimes, you can go home... "

In 2007, I looked an old friend I hadn't seen since 1973...

We used to talk nightly on the phone. For six years, until I left for college in 1973.

I "found" her (Google) and stopped by her office to say "hello" (we are living about 1,600 miles apart from each other now--I happened to be in her "neck of the woods" in 2007 and dropped in unexpectedly. Needless to say, she was very surprised!).

She had a "Bill Clinton for President" campaign button on her office bulletin board. I thought, "Hmmm...a Dem?" I commented on it and she said, kinda of passing it off like she didn't know my politics, "Well, you know, I'm a good Democrat..."

Turns out we have very similar political beliefs--almost identical!

We're both married (to other people), but we've been sending e*letters back and forth for almost three years now.

It has been a very-pleasant reacquaintance...:)

Sometimes, you can go home...! :D

[Rhiannon12866]

27. That's a lovely story...

Thanks for sharing it with me. I think that even when you're young and not focused on political issues or core beliefs, you're still drawn to those with similar belief systems and can discern those who are genuinely good at heart. :)

I came late to politics. I always voted, mostly for Democrats, but I was never involved nor followed many issues. It took 9/11 to wake me up. I had a dentist appointment that day and my dentist had the TV overhead tuned to CNN where I watched that second plane hit the tower, over and over and over. I walked out of her office scared witless, was afraid the world was about to end. It was then that I decided that I'd better learn what was happening in the world so I'd never be blindsided again. So I read and subscribed to newsletters and eventually found DU... :)

Since then, politics and what people believe has certainly been an important part of my life. And it's been a real pleasure to discover that those whom I considered my friends seem to think and believe the same things that I do. If they didn't, we would probably no longer be friends. After the 2004 election, I felt sick, couldn't believe that this happened again. And I'd stay up late, e-mailing back and forth with my closest friend, who felt exactly the same way. And I'd often send her DU threads because I knew she'd be interested. In 2005, she replied to me on DU, LOL, joined as a surprise for my birthday. So the next month, for her birthday, I gave her a star... :D

Not only can you go home again, but sometimes you don't have to leave to begin with... :hi:

[KansDem]

33. "I think that even when you're young and not focused on political issues or core beliefs,..."

... you're still drawn to those with similar belief systems and can discern those who are genuinely good at heart.

I believe that's what happened in our case! We weren't "political," per se, but we talked about current events and concerns: family planning, the "population explosion," environmental issues, the Vietnam War, etc., along with the topics usually discussed between late-teeners.

She was always a bit more progressive than I was (she was the only person I knew at the time who actually saw a live performance of "Hair"), and I always marveled at her intellect and grasp of current issues.

But now we write about our reflections on life and muse about the human condition.

I believe our correspondence will make for a nice, delightful trip through our graying years...

[Rhiannon12866]

34. She sounds like a kindred spirit, which is a rare and wonderful find.

I've found that the special thing about old friends is that there's so much that you don't have to explain. They've been there with you and already know. I've been through a lot of changes since I last saw my old friends in 1995, and so have they. But those explanations only took a minute, since they already know who I am. It's very comforting, and I'm determined not to lose touch this time. And I hope that I've made most of the major changes that I'm going to make, LOL. I'm so glad that you found your old friend, too. Those friends who have shared your past are already a part of you that never goes away... :pals:

[abelenkpe]

10. I have hidden

all my right wing friends and relatives. I just don't see their feeds which helps keep the peace. They see my posts and as long as they keep their responses devoid of religious or political commentary I don't delete them. You can always delete someone's comment. Good luck!

[LaydeeBug]

14. Just tell him if he can dish it, he'd better be ready to take it. nt

[proud patriot]

22. +1

[JustAnotherGen]

19. One from college

I flat out removed and blocked him - the Right Wing Hyperbole was soooo over the top.

I'm getting ready to remove and block someone I went to high school with. Her favorite show on T.V. is : Fox News.

And it shows. It's sad too, because she's a teacher. I hate to think of the influence of someone that ignorant on a beautiful young mind.

[Saphire]

20. I did the same...as long as she thought I was just like her, everything

was fine. It wasn't until she realized I was Atheist that she started to post a bunch of religious crap on my page. I deleted her as a friend. 40 years down the drain.

BTW, this "good" Catholic has been married 2 times, had an abortion and had an affair with her step-son....and I'm the one going to hell?

[adoraz]

21. Its sad when people lose friends because of politics

Maybe I'm off base here, but from your post I gathered that your friend posts conservative facebook entries, while you post liberal entries?

If you are going to post politics yourself, you shouldn't be offended when someone else posts politics from a different view point. Personally, I think both the far left and right are crazy. I'm liberal, but a lot more moderate than most people here. I disagree when people post conservative posts (mostly anti-Obama), but certainly not enough to break off a friendship. Politics should never be taken that seriously.

People write stupid stuff ALL THE TIME of Facebook. A lot of it I don't agree with. A lot of it is just pointless stuff that I don't care about (example, a friend going to the mall). No big deal though, it is their account, so I just don't read their entries. I barely use the news feed on facebook anyways, since 90% of it doesn't interest me.

Sorry, but it just seems hypocritical to post politics yourself and be offended by someone else posting them. Just seems close minded.

To your credit though, I don't know how bad his entries were. If they were, for example, hate speech, then I would certainly understand a lot more. If it was something like anti-Obama messages, then I wouldn't understand.

[hyphenate]

26. Not so much that

on this particular situation. This friend used to be a Dem, and even helped out on John Kerry's campaign in 2004.

He's changed. This is why I feel it's because he's gotten to be influenced by the alcoholism. I also suspect intolerance contributes to it. It shouldn't matter, but I've found intolerance is fueling a lot of people across the country, and who would rather hire a politician who is against their interests than one who is of a different color and FOR their interests.

[JerseygirlCT]

23. You know you don't need to tell him

that you're blocking him from your feed.

Just block it. No drama - his posts just go away.

[GoCubsGo]

24. I just hit "unfriend"

I do that if it's not a close friend. Don't need people like that in my life. Especially since it was some of their ilk who turned my life into complete,utter shit.

[Lisa0825]

25. I wish no one from my HS had ever found me.

3/4 of them are wingers, so I have them on a "no religion" and "no politics" list so that when I post something negative about religion or anything political, I can easily exclude them from seeing it. I know that if they DO see it, they will just snark at me, and life's too short to waste my time on that BS.

I don't want to outright delete them because there are a few I like, and if I delete the others and keep them, they'll realize it by seeing me posting in our mutual friends' threads. So I just ignore or hide them and block them from seeing posts, but I still end up seeing comments in friends threads sometimes.

[Sugarcoated]

28. I was getting over the top rants from my wingnut brother

so I put his postings on ignore for my news feed. He bugged me and bugged me to join, so I finally do, and all he posts is RW propoganda, hardly any friendly chit chat stuff. Then, I notice he unfriended me and my daughter. That's okay with me, I'm in touch with lots of old friends and, luckily, very little politics is ever brought up. It's not what I'm there for.

[Quantess]

29. Luckily, most of my facebook friends lean left.

For me, the worst facebook posts are "Just finished watching TV and I'm going to bed now", and photos of half-eaten food. By far, the photos of half-eaten food are the worst.

[hyphenate]

32. I think I'm blessed in some ways

I found some good old friends, and now, good new friends. Most of them are liberals, and most of those who are religious are still progressives, not idiots of the fundie type.

Since I've been making friends with many new people, I do tend to keep some things more private, but not much. I've been online for over 20 years, and I've never worried about a whole lot of privacy in the past. So my posts are public, and there is a good amount of info that isn't private, either. (With my credit score, I don't worry too much about identity theft, either!)

I look at FB as a blog for the most part, and so it serves that function for me. Except finally, I have more people looking at it!

People like my "friend" are just not common in my experience.

[hyphenate]

30. An addendum

My friend Steve, who goes back to the old days, and is a mutual friend, laughed when I told him about this today. Steve has had to deal more with this guy far more than I have, and found it amusing that I told him off. So I gather it's not likely to cause much of a stir.

I guess I can live with it, then.

[JCMach1]

31. Why tell them? Do they ask if you want the propaganda?

Just mute them and keep them as a friend. I had to do that with several rabid relatives.