Archaeologists Unearth Lousiest Civilization Ever

[Fumesucker]

MANAUS, BRAZIL— Archaeologists working in a remote section of the Amazon Rainforest announced Tuesday that they have discovered the ancient remnants of what they claimed may be the lousiest civilization in human history.

According to Dr. Ronald Farber, a professor from the University of Minnesota who is leading the excavation, the "half-assed" culture existed from about 450 B.C. until 220 B.C., when it abruptly disappeared—an event he said was "honestly no big loss" for our understanding of human culture.

"From what we've unearthed so far, it appears this pre-Columbian civilization was pretty much just copying what other, more superior groups nearby were doing—albeit to a much shittier degree," Farber said. "They sucked. You should see the useless mess of a calendar these dumbasses came up with."

"Uh, hello?" he added. "Did these nimrods even try observing and recording the positions of the constellations in the sky right above their freaking heads?"

<snip>

http://www.theonion.com/articles/archaeologists-unearth-lousiest-civilization-ever,18049/

[TheManInTheMac]

1. Nobody does it better than the Onion. n/t

[T Wolf]

2. I thought it was going to be about the disaster that hit North America in the late 20th -

early 21st centuries.

Now that was a lousy "civilization."

Wonder what ever happened to it...

[blondeatlast]

10. Same thought here. nt

[mike r]

3. Very significant finding

LOL.

[bvar22]

4. Thank You.

The laughs were much appreciated on this rather glum morning.
:toast:

I couldn't help but think that this is exactly what the archeologists will be saying when they uncover the USA a thousand years from now.

[asjr]

5. I always get my best laugh of the day when

I go to DU.

[Paper Roses]

6. I wish I looked down at the 'onion' link first.My first reading was

very "who the heck are you to judge" type reaction.

[gkhouston]

9. I was expecting an unusually high number of body lice.

:rofl: So always look for... the Onion label...

[The Backlash Cometh]

7. I wanted it to be true.

[tavalon]

8. Thanks

I needed that laugh.

[soleiri]

11. Reading the headline

My first thought was, Wasilla?

then I felt really guilty.

[Tsiyu]

12. Did they find nitcombs made of gold

and lots of larkspur and cave drawings of humans picking through one another's hair?


I love the onion and the bit made me laugh, but dialup prevents a full perusal.

but thanks for that

:)