Yet more Hell in local paper.."Modern Sodum and Gomorrah"

[w8liftinglady]

feel free to rate and comment at site
http://www.elliscountypress.com/inspirational/10007-days-of-noah-sodom-and-gomorrah-and-america.html

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As touching on the days of Noah, during the time when the sons of God descended from heaven and cohabited with the daughters of men wickedness ruled the known world. Because of this great sin, all the wicked and vile thoughts that could be conceived or imagined by mankind was taking place, vile atrocities, inordinate affections, fallen angels taught mankind how to abort (kill) the unborn babies while yet in the womb, drunkenness, sorceries and witchcraft, cannibalism, adulteries, fornications, men burning with lust toward other men, women burning with lust toward other women, the dyeing of skin (tattoos), coloring of hair with showy colors, painting the eyes (make-up) to beautify the body causing fornication to increase in the land and the wearing of jewelry, does this sound familiar?, all this being but the tip of the iceberg.

[WillParkinson]

1. Ew...

And I just ate.

[FredStembottom]

2. Some fundies are holding your local paper hostage!

Quick! Wrap some fish!

[Manifestor_of_Light]

3. This is typical of what passes for journalism in rural Texas.

We have local papers where I live where they put editorials about this being a Christian nation on the front page as if it were news.

I have already mailed them copies of the Treaty of Tripoli. I don't know if their heads exploded or not.

[DeSwiss]

4. Apparently he went over the allowed word count for his little OP/ED rant....

...and so the last sentence in all that blabbering went like this:

Again, repent, turn from your wicked ways, accept Jesus Christ as the Messiah, be reconciled to God and

Now we'll never know the EXACT formula for getting into heaven. And all because he couldn't count. There's a message in all that somewhere.

- So remember kids, stay in school!

[jmowreader]

5. How in HELL does this work?

We go from tattoos and eye makeup to cannibalism?

So let's go through this list to see just exactly how evil I am...

Wicked and vile thoughts? Check.
Vile atrocities? I've eaten in a few mess halls that were vile and atrocious, but I don't think that's what he means.
Inordinate affections? No, I limit myself to ordinate ones.
That stuff about fallen angels doesn't apply since guys can't get abortions and I've never put anyone in a situation where they needed one.
Drunkenness? Every once in a while, yes.
Sorceries and witchcraft? I thought Hellboy was pretty good; does that count?
Cannibalism? Something tells me they need to let this guy know "eating your wife" doesn't mean what he thinks it does.
Adulteries? Not this week, thanks.
Fornications? Do you mean just plain ordinary sex or something vastly different?
Men burning with lust toward other men/women burning with lust toward other women? Naah...the burning lust I have toward anvils and power tetrodes uses up all the time I have alloted for lusting toward other men.
The dyeing of skin? Yeah, I like those.
Coloring of hair with showy colors? Come on, it's not THAT showy!
Painting the eyes to beautify the body causing fornication to increase in the land? I think this is the first time I've seen eye shadow and cannibalism mentioned in the same sentence. So let me get this straight: if I put on some eye shadow today I'll be cooking up the next-door neighbor tomorrow?
(and) The wearing of jewelry? Most people don't wear that kind of jewelry!

So I'm about half-evil, which is better than the original author who is completely insane.

[Ken Burch]

6. They got cannibals in Ellis County again?

Must be that ol' Leatherface gettin' up to mischief again...

[Webster Green]

7. The first comment is excellent...

jmowreader 24 minutes ago
"So you're saying eye shadow leads directly to cannibalism? That's a stretch..."

Heh! :thumbsup:

[w8liftinglady]

24. I love you guys!

[Taverner]

8. This could be Mad Libs - just incoherent babble

I swear, fundamentalists just make up words and insert them into sentences to look smart.

The Bible is tall tales. Never happened, never COULD happen.

Same with the Koran and any other "holy" book.

And although I personally am an Atheist, I'd be willing to bet that a lot of Theists out there agree with me on that...

[Terra Alta]

9. this theist does agree with you.

The Bible was written by man and is full of man's opinions on things thousands of years ago.. also, if you read what Jesus had to say, he was against the fundamentalists of his day and most likely would be against today's fundies, too.

[Art_from_Ark]

10. With all due respect, this is in the Inspirational section

It is exactly the kind of article one would expect to find in an "Inspirational" section, anywhere in the country.

[Warren DeMontague]

13. Um, really?

That's what qualifies as "inspirational"? Not anywhere I've lived.

[Art_from_Ark]

14. Apparently you've never lived in "Small Town USA""

I was going to edit my post to include a qualifier about small town papers. I've lived in a dozen or so small towns around the country and they've all had newspaper sections like this. Back in the '60s, my hometown newspaper carried a small column called "The Town Parson" that was very similar to this.

[Warren DeMontague]

15. I've lived in very small towns

but the closest I ever came to this sort of Crazy was downstate IL, Henry Hyde country.

I'm not saying I've never seen an inspirational/religious section or even religious right ranting; but this sort of thing would be the exception, not the rule.

[Art_from_Ark]

18. Well, it's been around since at least the '60s

when I started reading newspapers, and I'm sure it was part of newspapers long before that. I have no doubt that you would be able to find plenty of articles like that in newspapers from the 1910s and 1920s, and no doubt from later and earlier times as well. At any rate, I've been exposed to this sort of thing for 40+ years, and I'm not going to get my knickers in a knot over it unless the writers start advocating violence, forced internments, or that sort of thing.

[Warren DeMontague]

19. The dude with the knickers in a knot

is the one complaining about "painted women" and "fornication". One only hopes he doesn't have cable.

[Art_from_Ark]

20. Yeah, I heard all about that back in the '60s and '70s

It's nothing new. I remember my barber ragging on about the "long-haired hippies" and all that back in the early '70s as he was cutting my shoulder-length hair, while displaying a picture of a long-haired Jesus on his wall. I guess I've just learned to ignore it.

[Warren DeMontague]

16. Delete. Dupe.

Apparently, there's an echo in here!

[JVS]

11. Sodum?

[peekaloo]

21. Sodium maybe? what with Lot's wife as a salt pillar and all....

[Blue Owl]

25. So dumb

(the freeptards, that is)

[Warren DeMontague]

12. He must have a lot of time on his hands, now that he's stopped feudin' with the McCoys.

maybe he should take up whittlin'

[depakid]

17. Wow. I'm bookmarking this to show friends and colleagues

who don't always appreciate the benefits of living in a sane and secular country.

I can't even imagine seeing that in any local paper here (even as crude satire).

The writer (and the paper's editor) would laughed right off the continent.

[peekaloo]

22. Not a big fan of Japanese horror films but I'm pretty sure it's spelled Gammera.

:P

[old mark]

23. "...and ,yea, their punctuation became senesless,and their spelling, and their words

rambled with no point nor meaning, and they were surely stupid assholes." Book of Kyle, "the story of sodium and Gemima.

Amen, brother!


mark

[ceile]

26. I think someone still believes in the boogey man

and is missing his blankie....