Had to break off three friendships today.

[Xicano]

All three are long time friends. All three unfortunately are conservative. Anyway, during a conversation over today's election the language they used about gay couples was something I just won't tolerate. I couldn't believe what I was hearing from them. The last straw was when one of them used the Mexican version of the 'N' word (by the way he nor the other two are Mexican).

I just shook my head and calmly told them "I don't know you, and for now on stay out of my sight" then walked away.

I will not be around that kind of filth. Nevertheless I am still bummed out about it. They were long time friends. But some things I will not compromise on.

Thanks DU I just had to vent that out somewhere.

[WillParkinson]

1. It's hard...

But saves sanity in the long run.

I have a Republican friend, but mine is more fiscal conservative and social liberal. He's an exception.

[PatrynXX]

162. dad went so far to the right he alienated his childhood friends

one was so alienated about it he move to Thailand. o_O Thats taking things extreme but he just couldn't take the BS on politics. It was ruining his health. I actually still contact both of dads old friends. o_O One used to babysit me. I know him rather well. He's got a bad heart too :(

strains things.... ahem and they still call a product spicnspan why I have no idea..

[1monster]

196. I had a Republican friend for thirteen years. No more. I don't think she is truly conservative...

She's a reactionary. She reacts just like Pavlov's dogs. A few key words and she turns from an almost reasonable person into a raving teabagging lunatic ready to eviserate anyone who "thinks" differently than she does.

[Delphinus]

2. Thank you for being so strong about this.

May you find others now who can offer you friendship on the level where you are. (Hope that makes sense.) :hug:

[Xicano]

6. Thanks Delphinus.

It makes sense and thank you. I have several other friends from work (fellow longshoremen) who are just as liberal as I am and who are good people. Also friends who we all hang out a lot and travel to Vegas, etc. As a matter of fact I think we have a Vegas trip coming up soon.

Thanks Delphinus


Peace,
Xicano

[I Have A Dream]

96. It doesn't surprise me that you would take a stand on this, Xicano.

You've always been a man of integrity.

:thumbsup:

Thank you for having the courage to defend those who have been victimized for far too long. It is through people like you speaking out that the US will change to the point that this will no longer be considered something that is open for debate in our society.

[jerseygal]

3. Friends don't let friends vote Republican -

They were just acquaintances since you did not share a world view.

[Xicano]

4. Well, I grew up with them from teenage years, we're all mid 40's now.

But I will not associate with that kind of hatred.

Thanks Jerseygal and take care.


Peace,
Xicano

[xchrom]

5. it's not easy to lose a friend. nt

[polichick]

7. I know how it feels, having walked away from Republican friends...

But I'm with you, some things just aren't tolerable.

I like what you said when you walked away - maybe they'll think about it.

[Xicano]

8. Thanks polichick

Yeah its a bummer. To be honest I am not sure what's more of a bummer. My breaking off my friendship with them, or the disgust of hearing them say the things they were saying.

But anyway, I'll leave them to their little twisted view of the world.



Peace,
Xicano

[OneGrassRoot]

9. I'm doing the same with family....

Enough is enough.

:hug:

[Xicano]

10. Ooch OneGrassRoot. I hope you're doing ok.

And thanks for the response, I appreciate it.

:hug:



Peace,
Xicano

[OneGrassRoot]

17. Glenn Beck....

They're all Beck, Limbaugh and Palin fans. 'nuf said. ;)

It will be a relief when the cords are all finally cut, to be honest. The process of doing so isn't fun.

Peace to you as well, Xicano...and more :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Catshrink]

29. Same with me..

I asked them not to send the racist, RW, bullshit emails but they persisted. I said enough!

[OneGrassRoot]

34. ...

:thumbsup:

:hug:

[Hestia]

93. My twin is the same way - little hard to leave him - he always asks "how did you get so liberal?"

[stuckinarut]

112. Most of them never went to college may I add..

Hannity, Beck, and Limbaugh are uneducated loud mouths. I can't stand conservatives who immediately go to the ol' "well if they weren't so lazy..." arguments. They are ad hoc at best. Although people who have never taken a humanities course would see the world in a narrow way I suppose.

I wonder if it is a coincidence that these folks hate public education. Definitely not.

Whenever they say something dumb, just know that they are the spokespeople for a major corporation. Their political analysis is presented by three over hyped high school grads eager to substitute rational, logical arguments in favor of repeated talking points ad nauseum.

Xicano is in the right here for sure.

[pokercat999]

219. never went to college? watch it, your elitism is showing.

Money wise they're doing ok for just high school grads or maybe even dropouts, probably public school at that. I wish I made the multi millions they make per year degree or not. I'm not defending these snakes but you shouldn't assume they are what they are because they lack a degree.

[stuckinarut]

222. Im saying Fox news gives 2 hours a day to High School

Grads with opinions. Crap journalism. Nothing more.

[pokercat999]

223. Hmmm why not just say Fox does opinion, not facts. It's

"Journalists" are know nothings repeating garbage fed to them by corporations with an agenda that is not in the interest of, and will in fact injure or may even destroy the US middle-class.

Your insult to those without a college degree was unwarranted and in my opinion exposes an elitist streak a mile wide. I hope my opinion is wrong and you just typed without thinking the subject through.




not bad for a HS Dropout huh?

[stuckinarut]

224. And I respect your choice. Unfortunately you haven't

thought this through, b/c you didn't finish you HS ed. How would you know anything about basic humanities courses? You wouldn't. It's your attitude that being educated is "elitist". IMO it is a basic requirement for anyone who will be disseminating information to the general public. I have nothing against you for not going to college. But I wouldn't want you operating on me, or giving me financial/political advice. I also don't take the elitist comment seriously because I went to a liberal arts school for my undergrad.

College is where people become well-rounded individuals. Had I not gotten my BA, I would have never known about logical argumentation or peer review..these are classes that are necessary to help individuals learn how to look at information/sources and judge their authenticity or relativeness.

You are confusing 'journalism' with talking points.

[pokercat999]

225. This might break the rules:

Lower your nose about four inches and take a look at those you think are beneath you. I'll leave it there.

[Dont_Bogart_the_Pretzel]

169. The first thing I look for in friends with FF

If they have anything to do with foxnoise, I ignore them.

[demosincebirth]

197. That would be a first clue.

[AlabamaLibrul]

11. Me too. One half of it anyway.

:shrug:

[OneGrassRoot]

21. Half of mine are in Alabama....

;)

The other half in the north. All Beck/Limbaugh/Palin fans.

I feel your pain. :hug:

[queenjane]

13. I tolerate my family only for the sake of my mother

She's 82, and a true liberal, but they're her family and she loves them, though they do disappoint her. Me--I keep my mouth shut for her sake, but only associate with them when I take her to family functions. These people will not be in my future, I can tell you. We can say it's all about "individual opinions", but that's bullshit when it come to things like civil & equal rights, environmental protection, basic health care for everyone, illegal and unnecessary wars. Not everything is subject to "moral relativism".

[Xicano]

16. Exactly

And thanks queenjane. Its a little similar between one of my brothers and myself. He's not crazy conservative, but, he is a little bit conservative. And of course he's still my brother and I love him and visa versa. We both bite our tongue on politics for our mother's sake too.



Peace,
Xicano

[OneGrassRoot]

23. Well said.

I hear you! :hi:

:hug: for you as well this Tuesday morning.

[NoSheep]

62. ditto. but they all know how I feel.

[Dappleganger]

28. It's so hard when it's family...

you have a lot of courage, my friend!

:hug:

[hay rick]

160. It hasn't been a break so much as erosion...

In 2000 I sat in my living room with my brother and told him I thought there was a range of "acceptable" options, but that I considered George Bush to be clearly outside that range. It was a general pronouncement but he understood that my judgment applied to him as well.

We still talk, but not as often, and we both try to avoid bringing up controversial topics. Sadly, the same is true of my relationship with most of my family.

Blood is still blood. I love them all, but I have lost respect for their judgment and values. I imagine they feel the same way about me.

[geckosfeet]

12. with friends like that....

.... who needs enemas

Cheer up. I have some fundy family that I have not seen in years.

[era veteran]

14. Good, shit like that has to be done, you did right

Shun them, we have got your back

[Xicano]

18. Thanks era veteran

:hi:

[chillspike]

15. Congratulations, ;)

on your new found peace & tranquility. ;)

[Xicano]

22. Thanks chillspike you got me to laugh. :)

:hi:

[Iris]

19. You've gained one friend at least here!

I've had this happen more times than I'd like to admit. Often with no confrontation, just a friendship fading away.

[Xicano]

37. Thank you Iris.

:hug:


Peace,
Xicano

[Uben]

20. Politics change....

I never let politics get in the way of good friendships. I just tell them I don't discuss politics with republicans because I strongly disagree with their views and leave it with that. Life is too short to lose friends over politics. Try getting stranded some night and need a friend. Calling a politician aint gonna get it done! After many years of living in republican hell, I have learned to cope.

I hope you are comfortable with your decision to put politics over friendships. Not saying you are necessarily wrong, I just know I would never do it with a close friend like that. I have life-long friends who are republicans and i would never let my, or their, political beliefs interfere with that relationship. Life's too friggin short for that kinda shit. Of course, you are the best judge of the situation because you know all the particulars

[OneGrassRoot]

26. I know it's not my OP but I wanted to jump in ...

In my case, at least, it's not about politics.

It's about worldview. I am removing people from my life (though wishing them well) who are racists and bigots. Their political ideology is based on a bigoted, hateful worldview.

It's not really about politics at all; that's merely a symptom.

:hi:

[Uben]

38. I don't associate with bigots at all, so....

...the pub friends I have are not like that. They all know I am an adament dem and won't even bring up the subject of politics anymore because they know I won't budge. My wife is a family counselor, and she has taught me a lot about relationships. One has to assess every friendship and put it in it's respective place. I have friends of all colors, sexual orientations and political beliefs. At some point, I deemed their friendship valuable, and i am not willing to let my current political beliefs to stand in the way of that. Bigotry and hate-speech is a deal breaker for me, too, but my friends are not like that. I do not tolerate it.

Like I said, the OP has to determine where he draws the lines. Everyone is different, but we all need good friends.

[Xicano]

31. Thanks Uben

Its not an easy thing to do, and luckily I have other friends plus family to call on. But there are a few things I refuse to compromise on, and, that kind of ugly hatred I will not have as a friend. I don't care if my car broke down in the middle of death valley and they were the only ones I could call. I wouldn't call them. I'd rather stick my thumb out or walk.

Thanks again Uben I appreciate your response. :hi:


Peace,
Xicano

[Uben]

41. Hey !

You know the situation better than anyone, I have just learned through my experiences that sometimes it's better to bite one's tongue rather than bite someone's head off over politics. I'm not a politician and politics do not run my life, but I know where my priorities are. I have to live with republicans because where I live, it's about 90% republican....currently. I could make things difficult by tearing into some of them because I am much more well-read on politics than they are, but I have found it's like arguing with a wall, so why bother. Even knowing my political belliefs, I am accepted in their circles, kinda like the token dem, I guess. My situation is probably not atypical, but I know how to make it work. Never compromise your beliefs with a bigot. On that, we agree!

[axollot]

186. LOL Sounds like we are neighbours haha! I have managed the same thing with about everyone

in my life and also live in a predominantly Conservative district. No Dem challenger in this race in my district. Cliff Stearns is usually quiet doing nothing getting paid because he's a Republican puppet and happy to be one.

The only exception in my life is my sister and I can get along face to face most of the time but regular talk through fb or email NOPE. One or the other gets pissed and blocks the other. My sister is a hard rightie and gets Fundy depending on how fundy her partner/husband is at the time.
She has a great guy now and we still talk routinely but my sister and I have issues.

Cheers
Sandy

[grace0418]

69. Politics is one thing, outright bigotry is another. I have a few conservative friends and we

definitely agree to disagree (and not talk politics). But if either of them started using overtly racist or homophobic speech in conversation with me, that would not be something I could tolerate. First of all, it's mean and just plain wrong, no matter how you vote. Second of all, it would show me that they don't respect ME at all if they think it's okay to talk like that in front of me.

[RobinA]

129. I'm With You

I've got Repug friends and I stopped the idiotic e-mail and engage in political discussion only for the purposes of education and even then they have to bring it up first. For instance when my friend insisted that the major European countries are not democracies and that all their mail is censored by the government. I simply registered a "No" and another "No" and left it at that. I'm not going to get into a stupid argument. The last argument we had was about the never-found weapons of mass destruction hidden in Iraq. I told her before the war started there would be none, she didn't believe me. Once since then after the war started she insisted that they were there and would be found. Needless to say THAT has never been mentioned again. As an atheist I'm well-practiced in keeping my mouth shut for the sake of otherwise important friendships.

[lunasun]

208. When they do not shut up and continue the hate it's emotionally necessary to split

[Heidi]

218. It sounds to me like the OP chose to put human rights and principle over outright bigotry. (nt)

[AspenRose]

24. I'm sorry.

:hug:

[Snotcicles]

25. I have set a high bar for friends, all others are acquaintances. nt

[kevinbgoode]

47. I have done the same thing. . .

and while there are a few "conservative" friends, none of them are anti-gay - after all, they know one. Still, I've found as I've grown older that there is much less drama in life when you limit the people you let be involved with your life. For awhile it seemed more lonely, but it is far more valuable in emotional peace. And I've grown to like and accept myself more and more.

[lunasun]

209. how true!

[mazzarro]

211. +1000

and there is a huge difference between the two!!!!!!!!!

[Dappleganger]

27. That's called tough love...

I sincerely hope that your friends understand one day what it took for you to take a stand. Here's to hoping you find three times that many more people who are more caring than that!

:hi:

[Ikonoklast]

30. Get new ones.

I refuse to associate with people that are closeted bigots, and think that if I share a skin color with them, I'll share their bigoted views.

Guy I went to high school with, and have know for forty years turned insane when Obama got elected.

He writes letter to the editor of the local rag every week about that "Commie Socialist Muslim Kenyan".

I used to see him at my gym every so often, but not since I told him he was a lunatic.

I never even knew how much he hated anyone different from him.

[Xicano]

32. Thanks everybody, its late and I need to get to bed before it starts getting light.

Big day later today - election day.


Peace,
Xicano

[stray cat]

33. I would not give up family or really close friends due to differences in politics

There are some people I will not talk politics or religion with -but I respect them in others area and like them

[Zephie]

35. A former friend of mine tried to accuse me of being racist towards hispanics the other day

He claimed that I had called our lawn guy a mexican and that obviously I was against illegal immigration as a result. When I pointed out that a) I don't talk that way and b) our lawn guy isn't hispanic in the first place (his name is Doug), he called me a liar and went on a tirade about how "liars like me were ruining the country". It was hilarious in a mind boggling way.

[krkaufman]

36. Sorry to hear it, but they're really reinforcing each other these days.

The media is really making them feel empowered.

[lunatica]

39. I've done the same from time to time

My sister suddenly turned into a Born Again Christian and swallowed to whole anti-gay spiel. We had a fight over it and haven't really spoken to each other since. Religious zeal is a disgusting poison to the heart and mind. I've also turned away from people who are blatant bigots and racists.

I realized one day that I was intolerant of intolerance. After that I chose to accept that there are people like that and that it's a simple choice in my life to cease associating with them.

Sometimes you have to do what you know is right. Living a double standard of being friends with people who are cruel and bigots and not being that way yourself is just wrong. You have to draw the line somewhere if you believe in something.

[Exultant Democracy]

59. oh man my sister did the same thing out of the blue. It sucks I'm very worried for my nephews

She even pulled the boys out of a great magnet school they were in to send them to a 2nd tier accredited christian school with about 12 kids per grade.

[Darth_Kitten]

40. Sorry about you feeling bummed out, but you still did the right thing.

:)

[Name removed]

42. Deleted message

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Scuba]

43. Good on you! It's important that we call out such behavior and tell them it's not OK.

[ProfessionalLeftist]

44. Same here.

Must be something going around.

[AngryAmish]

45. cool story, bro

[antigone382]

134. Or possibly just a kinda sad one.

If he had emerged victoriously from some epic knife fight, or given a "Mr. Smith" style speech before a large crowd of approving independent voters, it might be a little cooler. I'd say walking away from a friendship that becomes ethically intolerable is a pretty normal story for people who have any committment to personal moral consistency. It's the internet and all, but I think I'll reserve "coolness" for those stories that really earn it, and run on the assumption that the rest are just people talking about their lives.

[AngryAmish]

199. Over my lifetime, I find people that speak on the internet almost always tell the truth

It is serious business.

[antigone382]

202. Over my lifetime, I've found that there's no way to verify if a personal story is true or not.

So if their story isn't too over the top, there's no logical reason to imply that they are lying.

And it's spelled "series," dude.

[Tunkamerica]

217. pics or it didn't happen

[The Backlash Cometh]

46. You're very brave.

[Hosnon]

48. I'm less conflicted about this than I am about ideological differences.

I think we all have a duty to push back against that sort of thing. I probably wouldn't end a friendship but I'd put the friend on notice that any future interaction will end immediately if it happens again.

[pipi_k]

49. Hmmm...there's something about this that just doesn't feel right...

Apparently, they've all been long time Conservatives, yet this is the very first time they've ever used offensive language?

If not, then you've managed to "tolerate" it for some time.


If so, then perhaps one or more of them is suffering from some mental handicap that's caused a change in attitude and language that's just now started to come out.

Yet, instead of trying to get some perspective (and answers) on why they speak like that, you just turn and walk away.

Well, that sure taught them, didn't it?

That sure went a long way toward rational discussion and perhaps a bit of social change...

Walk away, call them "filth", and make it someone else's problem.


good show!

[Tsiyu]

87. Huh?

You've never ever in your whole life walked away from a bigot? You always stick around, chat them up, and through your insight and argument change them forever, by making them understand and have compassion deep, deep down in their hearts of hearts?

You must be really amazing, to be able to change the world like that!

The rest of us just don't have your sterling qualities of patience and debate.

Woe is us - and the world because of us :cry:

[ieoeja]

99. Mild bigotry can sometimes be overcome.

But the OP didn't sound like mild bigotry. The only use for serious bigots is as a foil. They undermine their own position.

For instance, I know a guy who puts a lot of emphasis on veterans issues in determining his vote. He will also vote for a veteran before a non-veteran most of the time. So last election I was informing him of Obama's and McCain's rankings by various veterans organizations.

One guy kept claiming Obama did not do any of the things those organizations claimed he did. At first, I argued with him. Then his total irrationality on the subject made me realize something about the man I had never known before. So when he was really good and riled and talking faster than he was thinking, I asked him why he was so certain that Obama did not do the things I claimed he had.

"Because no god damn, fucking nigger ever did no good thing in their life!"

He started backpeddling immediately. But he lost the argument. His bigot friend (him, I already knew about) finally told him to just stop digging.

So I didn't convince him of shit. But it convinced several fence sitters that they could no longer believe anything that guy had to say about Obama.


Unfortunately, now that the cat is out of the bag, he sees no reason to put it back. He has been a raving bigot ever since. For the most part, I avoid being around the man. I find hardcore bigots disgusting. Being around them just pisses me off. And pissed off is a lousy, and unhealthy, way to go through life.

Love the Mexicans though. One thing that will always set him off, usually to the point of getting kicked out of the bar, is playing Mexican music on the juke box. They act like they don't understand, but when he storms (or is thrown) out the door, they get these big smiles on their faces!

[Tsiyu]

180. Bigotry born of ignorance and upbringing can often be overcome

But the bigotry the OP was relating seems the kind born of pure hatred and intentional ignorance.

Funny about the Mexican music. :)

Speaking in another language always gets these types, too. They are so paranoid, they're convinced you must be talking about them.

[lunatica]

108. This post shows you're highly condemning and critical of others based on zero evidence

Talk about the kettle calling the pot black!

[Wounded Bear]

50. Tolerating intolerance is probably the worst form of bigotry...

That passive "You have the right to your opinion" crap only goes so far.

IMO, it's like religion, without freedom from, there is no freedom of. You choose to exercise your right to not have to hear that crap. Good job. If more people would follow your lead, the crazy righties would start to realize just how much of a minority they really are.

[pipi_k]

54. It's even more passive

to just turn around and walk away without at least trying to have a rational discussion on the whole issue.


Granted, some people are just hopeless and will probably never change. But others only have to be shown things from a different perspective to really see how wrong something is.

And that doesn't mean ranting and jumping up and down and being snarky and insulting.

It means being a rational adult.

But, as I see all too often, it's way easier for people to just turn away and make it someone else's problem, or cause a public scene yelling at elderly people, then running back to an online forum to brag about how they really "showed those bigoted bastards" a thing or two.

Yep. Bravery beyond the call of duty, there.

:eyes:

[ieoeja]

105. Maybe you should re-read the OP.

They were having a "conversation" until it reached "the last straw" after which he just couldn't take it anymore.

As you just said, "some people are just hopeless and will probably never change." Sounds like he talked with them until he concluded that about these particular people.

[antigone382]

142. He said he came here to vent, not to brag.

The OP is expressing sadness, not victory. Whether you think he came here to brag is your own opinion. Whether he tried to challenge their beliefs or not is not explicitly stated (though in my opinion, his having an increasingly frustrated conversation with them implies that he did).

Moreover, there are people in this world (for instance, those who have PTSD) who simply cannot handle the emotional intensity of this level of political debate, and thus are not effective at changing people's minds in this way. It is absolutely a powerful statement to walk away from speech and behavior that you find unacceptable, particularly if you state that such behavior is the reason you are walking away. Shunning is a very effective social tool.

Moreover, this just happened today, in the heat of the moment. It's quite possible that later on, after emotions have cooled off a bit, that Xicano or his friends will make an effort to rebuild their friendship. Maybe these three individuals will be surprised enough at their attitudes temporarily dismantling a friendship that they will want to understand why their attitudes are so offensive. If not, then his decision to walk away, and stay away, was right.

[deaniac21]

51. Longtime friends and this is the first time you had ever heard

them speak in this manner. Sounds made up.

[pipi_k]

56. Yeah...that's what struck me too

The "friendships" are either not all that close, or this is not the first time it's happened, and it's been tolerated in the past.

In which case, I think it's rather disingenuous to come here and brag about how it would not be tolerated.

[Dreamer Tatum]

68. Very made up. nt

[ieoeja]

110. I have had long time friends whose bigotry surprised me.

They were just as shocked to discover that I was not a bigot.


That being said, the OP does not say they have never made similiar comments. They may very well have. But today they went over the top. And it reads as though the longer he spoke against the bigotry, the more they ramped it up until they reached the "final straw".

[RobinA]

133. This Particular Post

may be made up, who knows. But what I have found is that it is becoming increasingly OK to mouth bigotry. Not under official circumstances, which is quite the opposite, but in ones own home to friends and family. I have a friend that I've known since 1st grade who was surpised in 2000 that I was voting for Gore. I have been a flaming liberal since I could talk. She had assumed that because my parents (and her parents) were Repugs that I was naturally a Repug. We are 52 years old. They think that liberals are spouse-swapping, drug addicted, welfare queen, Marxists. Certainly no one THEY know is one of those, so all "regular" people must be Repugs.

[NoQuarter]

191. I hear ya.

The election of a black president completely unhinged many in the populace. They just never thought it was in the realm of possibility. Now it's just fine to spew. The near-constant name calling directed at the POTUS is unreal. Communist. Marxist. Socialist. Muslim. Kenyan. All because these folks know they'll be righteously called out if they shout "Nigger."

[Enthusiast]

170. Yeah. I was once challenged at

work with "What, you like ni**ers?" Seriously. Not much I could do, it was almost everyone I worked with.

[cleveramerican]

52. don't throw a true friend overboard.

Recall why you are friends in the first place
people evolve at different speeds.
Maybe one day they will.
A good friend is a rare thing

If they are truly long times friends
I would share my view that they are idiots.
I would then forget the conversation.
I would let a friend off the hook,for saying something stupid.
Its not the first stupid thing either of them ever said.

[CatWoman]

53. *hugs*

:hug:

[Arugula Latte]

55. They're not worth it.

Good for you. Life is too short to put up with creeps like that.

[WCGreen]

57. I've done the same....

It's better for the psyche to stand up and walk away...

[glinda]

58. Sorry for you having to go through that but you do not need friends like that.

[cry baby]

60. I'm sorry. Maybe they will apologize. They need to. nt

[Bucky]

61. When national leaders encourage hatred, this is what happens to the citizens.

It's not an accident that the KKK got revived at the end of the Woodrow Wilson administration. The attitudes of people in power always get un-nuanced and more emotional when they react to the signals the leaders in society send out.

[David Zephyr]

63. Good for you. You will find real friends in time to fill that void. Real friends.

Xicano, I'm an anglo guy, but my companion is Latino and my family is now blessedly mixed.

Many decades ago, I quietly made a resolution that I would never associate with family or friend who used racial slurs. I have excused myself from the table at restaurants and at homes when such language was used. Whether people thought I was self-righteous or not, I didn't care.

Now? Well, I'm so blessed with layers and layers of friends and none, zip, would ever find it in their hearts to even use such dehumanizing words.

You did the right thing.

When they say these words to you, they know what they are saying. What they are doing is insulting not just you, but your family and those you love.

Forget them. They do not deserve a friend like you.

And, as I wrote, you watch, there will be people of quality that will eventually fill their place.

[jp11]

64. Too bad.

Ultimately we have to do what is best for ourselves I feel sad for you losing your old friends and for them losing a voice of 'reason' they might not otherwise hear.

[Lyric]

65. They had as much responsibility for maintaining the friendship as you did.

If they weren't holding up their end (by refraining from saying things that they KNEW would hurt you), then the failure was theirs--not yours.

You didn't end those friendships. They did.

:hug:

[pgodbold]

66. Difficult but thank you. nt

[Shrader]

67. Sorry, I know that's hard.

You hope they'll come around, but really they're so stuck in their ways. And you get to the point where you just can't tolerate it anymore. I've been there.

[HughMoran]

70. K&R - you have my support for your decision

I used to put up with a certain amount of racism and homophobia from Republicans - no more. Even coworkers - I call 'em out immediately on their shit - if they don't smarten up - it's either them or me - I won't hesitate to force out RW bigots from where I work.

[sammytko]

71. I did the same thing

This was an old high school classmate that I reconnected with on Facebook.

They and her hubby and other friends started complaining about people voting and using utility bills as ID. I told her that I as a retired military service member saw nothing wrong with allowing people the freedom to vote.

It got worse and I told her I had to quit cuz it was really stressing me out.

They are super religious and she has turned out to be a little flaky and living in lala land.

I feel that Facebook should just be for light hearted conversations, get well, sympathy etc. No place to bring out your transparent bigoted views.

[nadinbrzezinski]

72. It is hard sometimes

but they have been emboldened...

I did the same two years ago... with a long time friend... he is a self admitted freeper too.

Was funny, he started going over how liberals don't serve... so we calmly suggested a drive to the recruiter... after all my LIBERAL husband is a USN Chief, Retired, and I also served (somewhere else)... so we offered to take him to see the Marines, or the Army Recruiter. I even suggested line infantry or corpsman... if he really has the spine and fortitude, which he should since he is such a hard core conservative... and that his wife would finally get medical care... (Pre existing, you cannot help some folks)...

He started to walk away... so I called him a yellow stripped freeper, and recommended the 101st keyboard Commandos, 502 Company... rather than the actual 101, and Easy Company... after all mom's basement is safe, while the real deal might get him killed. Haven't talked to his coward ass since. And yes, I called him a coward... yellow streak running down his back.

[AspenRose]

76. I don't understand people like that

Clearly Jimmy Carter, Al Gore and John Kerry served. Or does it only count when republicans do it?

[nadinbrzezinski]

77. Only when Republicans do it

what was funny is that the only people in the room who served were us... the rest were talking about it like it was such a wonderful thing... but they would NEVER ever do it.

[ieoeja]

114. Wearing a flag lapel pin was one of Newt Gingrich's all time lows.

As a freshman Representative, Newt noticed almost all the Democrats wearing flag lapel pins, but very few Republicans doing so. When he commented on it, he learned that the flag lapel pin signified the wearer was a military veteran. Most elected Democrats were. Most elected Republicans were not.

Wearing it without being a veteran would essentially be lying about a non-existent military career. Newt chose to do so anyway. And convinced his fellow freshman class to follow suit. Today, of course, the significance of the pin has been lost.


For the record, the percent of veterans for both parties is now about even. The military took a hard Right turn after going all voluntary. At some point we will see a much higher percentage among the Republicans. I expect the significance of the flag lapel pin to be restored once that rolls around.

[MedicalAdmin]

164. Wow. Just wow.

I think I'm in love. You Rock girl.

[AnArmyVeteran]

73. That's okay, you have friends here!

[Codeine]

74. How can your long-time friends be racist homophobes without you knowing it?

Nope, not buying it.

[political_Dem]

75. ....

:hug:

I'm sorry that had to happen. I know that you are hurting, but the victory is that you stuck by your principles. A lot of people can't do that.

However, the value of time is change. Some folks do evolve from their positions.

[DesertFlower]

78. i had a very dear friend -- a lesbian

who during the primary said she didn't want to see a black face in the white house.

[NOLALady]

102. Poor thing.

Well, she should not visit the white house any time soon.

[bobbolink]

103. It is tragic to see prejudice from those who have been on the receiving end.

I am seeing more and more of that in my own experience and it is very startling... and just plain tragic.

IMO, they have to be told it is unacceptable.

[southernyankeebelle]

79. You did the right thing. You will go nuts staying around people like this.

[handmade34]

80. so difficult

I would do the same and know how heartbreaking it is for friends and family to be fighting against those things we hold dear

[bongbong]

81. These "friendships are over" stories

Interesting that so many, relatively speaking, are coming out lately on DU.

I have two close friends who are avowed repigs. Both are socially very liberal. However, both of them ACKNOWLEDGE that repigs cheat to steal elections. But they like the idea of "lower taxes" (which of course won't happen under repigs, but that's another matter)

The good news is that one of them is rethinking his repig-iness ever since Arizona became a Gestapo state (yes, he's Mexican-American)

[calendargirl]

113. Name calling?

I have many close friends of varying beliefs and party affiliations and never would I call them names like Repig and Rethug because of their political ideology. I think it's sad that so many of you have such a narrow world view and would discard good people, loyal and longtime FRIENDS over their political beliefs. Ugly.

[IowaRevolutionary]

120. The above post makes a logical error

If they are repugs, they are ipso facto not good people.

[calendargirl]

124. So let me get this straight...

Are ALL Republicans "Repugs" or is there some faction of Republicans to whom that title is bestowed?

[bongbong]

156. Pretty obvious

It's pretty obvious whom I consider repigs. In both friends' cases, they would laugh their asses off at being called repigs. You should probably read my post before responding to it.

[newspeak]

200. actually, there were some republicans I once had respect for

however, since Little Boots, Darth Cheney and the war profiteering buddies came into office. I have little respect for the crop of PNAC neo-cons; therefore, they are repukes or repugs. I mean those real republicans like, Chaffee, Snowe and other moderates--I believe the neo-cons have attempted to throw them under the bus, too reasonable. Now the repug party has recreated themselves (after ruining this country-one of the worst job creation records and an 89% deficit increase under Little Boots and more wealth disparity)(oh, and please don't forget that the Hedge fund-mortgage scam happened under BUSH-not obama)-anyway the repugs have recreated themselves into the teabagger movement. Where do you think the funding for the movement comes from? Better look at which repugs and corporations fund the teabagger movement. And of course, with a little PR help, it seems the teabaggers always get coverage for their events, and some stations even tell you where you can join the movement. Such a grassroots movement--NOT!!!

So those reasonable, pro-people, good business ethics republicans I respect-but the lying, betraying (brewster-jennings, no WMD), corporate owned, deregulating, mammon loving, faux holier than thou hypocrites, I really have no use or respect for.

[Enthusiast]

171. Racists and intolerant

bigots are not good people.

[ieoeja]

119. Which taxes are they concerned about?

If it is the federal income tax, you might remind them that the federal income tax has been decreased 10 times since 1985 and raised only once. The single increase was signed into law by the first President Bush (who was also responsible for most of the cuts as annual cuts were part of that same increase).

Democrats never met a tax they liked, except on income.
Republicans never met a tax they didn't like, except on income.

Personally, I don't get the big opposition to taxing income. When I retire, and have less income...

... I will still have the same house, so I don't like property taxes,
... I will still have to spend the same amount on food, so I don't like sales taxes,
... I will still have to drive, so I don't like vehicle excise taxes and toll roads.

There is one, and only one, tax pegged to my ability to actually pay the fucking thing. So tax my income. PLEASE! And leave the rest alone!

[bongbong]

157. It's all about the Benjamins

For them it is just the generic idea that repigs are "better" on taxes than Democrats. Nothing specific, just the nebulous (and well-proven false) idea that repigs are good on reducing taxes.

[Bluenorthwest]

82. Thanks

That's all. Just thanks.

[pasto76]

83. have had to do the same sometimes

I guess what would be the sad part is that they are so concerned with being "right" and sticking to the party message rather than a friendship.

Money is they started talking about what a liberal pussy you are a few minutes after.

[Mad_Dem_X]

84. You did the right thing

Good for you for standing up against hateful language. I've had to do it a few times myself, with people I know.

Doing the right thing doesn't always feel good.

[RoccoR5955]

85. I forsee that you will gain 300 more BETTER friends. n/t

[Beavker]

86. I live in Nebraska.

Though there are some open minded folk here, I've garnered few friends in the 5+ years I've been here. Just a different mentality that is hard to over come if you realy give a shit about something other than your next BBQ or who just got the biggest SUV.

Kudos to you.

[AndrewP]

152. LOL. Same here in Western Minnesota. n/t

[MedicalAdmin]

167. No shit. I live in MN 6th - Bachmann! Yuk!

I'm surrounded by white bigots, most of whom go bugfuck nuts about our modest Somali population, not
To mention the prez. It's all about the next church potluck, 4 wheeler, fishin boat, or knocked up underaged girlfriend who they met on a'church retreat. To meet a reined here you must be born here, in there church or married to their sister.

And they vote for Bachmann - yuk!

[Ken Burch]

88. I admire your strength, and it really sucked that your friends made you do that.

You deserve BETTER friends than that.

[bobbolink]

89. I think a lot of us are finding out just how conflict-avoidant we are.

Its uncomfortable and for many of us, we question if *we* are the ones at fault.

But, like my thread yesterday, Enough Is Enough, and the line has to be drawn, or we aren't fully-functioning people.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x9435541

In the case of the conservatives, it has become easier for me. If you are voting for my death, then I have no use for you. And don't bother to try to explain how you "care" about me, if you are voting for those who want to make my life even more impossible.

See.... there is an up-side to being desparately poor..... it makes some choices easier. ^_^

Thank you for your courage to stand up for what is right, and thank you for posting about it.... its something we all need to talk about.

[Naturyl]

122. The trouble there is that we don't have a party that isn't voting for our deaths.

I support Democrats because they usually at least want a kinder, gentler death for me.

[bobbolink]

131. AFter all these years of being a strong activist, that just isn't enough anymore.

I don't want to die more slowly... if I am going to be left to die, I want it to be a quick one.

And there were some yesterday saying much the same thing.

Politics means GIVING to those whose votes you court.

Letting us die and then saying its our DUTy to vote... no..... politics doesn't work that way.

I respect if your mileage differs... we are all on our own, and therefore all thinking differently, but that is how it is for me and for many others.... and our numbers are growing. Their loss.

[Naturyl]

145. I hear you

And feel pretty much the same.

[Ken Burch]

90. Here's a little They Might Be Giants, in tribute to your courage in doing this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4_COOh4VXw

[madmax]

91. It may be painful now but, you will be fine

I lost a friend of 20 years because I would not let her get away with the lies she spouted about Obama during the Presidential campaign. I could have respected her for voting McCain if she hadn't crossed the line.

It's been over 2 years and we haven't seen or spoken to each other and I'm fine as I'm sure she is as well. I've moved on.

[EmeraldCityGrl]

92. Been there and it hurts. One thing that the Teabagger

"movement" has done is give these racists the false security to come out of the closet and publicly
spew the hate they have been spewing privately for years. NOW they can be identified and held
accountable.

[kgnu_fan]

94. You will find friends whenever you follow your own heart!

You have to be your own best friend, first, right?.....Whenever I am in a spot like yours, I tell myself, I will not abandon myself...

[BanTheGOP]

95. No sympathy here!!

I have NO SYMPATHY for you. ANYONE who has REPUBLICAN friends should SERIOUSLY CONSIDER their OWN leanings in the FIRST PLACE!!

EVERY republican I know is the ENEMY to me. EVERY republican I know wants to DESTROY me, DESTROY my children, and DESTROY my planet.

HOW THE F**K CAN YOU EVEN CONSIDER BEING FRIENDS WITH THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE???

I may say, "Wow, you stupid klutz...you FINALLY SEE THE LIGHT?" I'll go ahead and do that. But if you have to even CONSIDER having ANY FEELINGS other than ABSOLUTE HATRED for ANY republican, then you are NOT a true progressive and someone who had better do some serious self-evaluation.

[Marengo]

100. Defining a peron entirely through a political lens is neither healthy or productive.

It's just as destructive as doing do so using race or religion as the measure, both to you and society.

Oh, and somehow I doubt that "EVERY republican I know wants to DESTROY me, DESTROY my children, and DESTROY my planet.". Really, that's a bit overdone. Some do, I'm sure, but such sociopathy can be found in most political movements. Judging from your rhetoric, I would dare say you wish to "destroy" them.

[BanTheGOP]

101. If a "republican" were a decent person...

...he wouldn't be a republican, now, would he??

Call a spade a spade, please...

[calendargirl]

117. Gross

Just gross. It frightens me that so many people see things as black or white around here. I can't believe you take yourself seriously. When an EMT comes to save your life or a selfless volunteer serves you up a bowl of soup at the food bank, do you convince yourself they mustn't be Republicans?

[pipi_k]

190. yeah, where are people's principles...

when it comes to their lives and/or safety?


Republicans give blood. If someone needs blood during an operation, does he specify that it can't be Republican blood? Do people needing organ donations get all creeped out imagining that their kidney or liver or cornea might have come from a (GASP!!!) Republican?


The firefighter who comes to rescue a person's ass from a burning house...oh I can see it now..."Excuse me, but are you a Democrat or Republican? Oh, really? Republican? Well then, just leave me here on the fifth floor to burn to death. I have my PRINCIPLES, you know!"


Do parents insist their children be placed in classrooms where the teachers are Democrats?


No, of course not. Principles are just as vulnerable to being cherry-picked as anything else in life. And they often are.

[mntleo2]

221. They probably aren't Republicans, Hon

...most Republicans are so busy thinking about themselves, they have little time for anyone else. In my almost 60 years of living it has been proven over and over this is true. You see few if any Republicans at the soup kitchen, but you do see them waving signs with idiots like Glen Beck. They are not smart people, they are knee jerk nimrods.

My mother taught me years ago, "Never trust a Republican" and after years of trying to come to different terms than that, I have come to the conclusion she was right. I do not see all Republicans as evil anymore ~ but I DO see them as a bunch of self-centered idiots who seem to think it is just fine to make laws and force their agendas on everyone else in spite of the fact it usually makes things worse. They go to church and think this is all they need to do for the world ~ while their minister rides around in private jets living in mansions spewing "Jayzuz" as if he was a Wall Street billionaire. Most of the "morals" they impose on the rest of us are merely a way to impose unreasonable fears and use those fears to pretend "imminent danger" when in fact there is nothing there ~ and then profit from it off the backs of innocents.

Nope you seldom see a Republican at the soup kitchen, or the emergency room (unless they make lots of money from it), or the breadline (unless it is a tax break). But you DO see them lining up with their hand out for whatever freebie (including not paying taxes) that they can get off some money-making scheme that does little for anyone but themselves and their highfalutin buddies without realizing those highfalutin buddies are leeching off of everyone including them. This is WHY they are not very smart people who think their morals are so wonderful when in fact they are hypocrites and fear mongers who are sucking the sweat and blood off of everyone else.

Just sayin' ...

Cat in Seattle

[IowaRevolutionary]

125. +6,000,000

I made the same point elsewhere in this thread. Fuck all repugs.

[pipi_k]

140. So sad...

so very sad that people can actually believe a whole political party is full of nothing but scum bags, thieves, and murderers.

The opposite of that, of course, is that Democrats are ALL Saints. Every last one of us. Right?

Bullshit.

[BanTheGOP]

161. Of course I don't think that all democrats are saints!

Joe Liberman comes to mind.

But you miss my point.

I have always maintained that, by virtue of their policies, the republicans are NOT democratic-process oriented, but ONLY exist to control the vast majority of people and wealth while destroying the planet. Therefore, ANYONE associated with that party is, at best, an ignorant fool. In reality, most republicans are criminal in their demeanor and attitude, and to be friends with anyone who thinks like that is unconscionable. Pure and simple.

[pipi_k]

182. Well there are just as many ignorant fools on this side of the aisle, too.

It's just not so easy to see if one is immersed in the ignorance and denial. Way easier to accuse another group of being ignorant fools.

Anyway, the underlying message I'm getting here is that ALL Republicans are ignorant fools but only SOME Democrats are ignorant fools.


got it...

[calendargirl]

115. +1 nt

[Binka]

216. Love The Newbs With No Profile Cheering Other Newbs

Do you guys play some sort of tag team? Don't reply you are already on ignore.

[Enthusiast]

174. They want to change

the fabric of the nation to one of fascism. They might be too stupid and misinformed to know it but it's a fact.

[Codeine]

106. trolololo nt

[IowaRevolutionary]

121. Amen. Repugs are disgusting, full stop. (nt)

[crim son]

97. I'm sorry, Xicano.

Maybe they spoke in the heat of the moment and will find it in their hearts to apologize, but I don't think you did the wrong thing; I'm guessing you suddenly realized that you have fundamental differences in values and the realization immediately did serious damage to your longtime connection. Been there, done that. With some people I have maintained polite contact, but I don't seek it out.

[FunkyLeprechaun]

98. Unfortunately, some of my friends and I are connected through one issue

Deafness.

It's ironic that my family fought a former Congressman to introduce deaf students to mainstream education and my deaf Republican friends are so anti-Democrat. It pisses me off so much but I try to do little things to get them to change their minds.

[Lifelong Protester]

104. I know how you feel, this happened to me after the 2004

election. Folks I had thought were friends turned out to be so unwavering in their ultra-conservative views. They dropped me after I let my true feelings known about W.
And yes, it hurt. Took me a whild to get over it. I mean, we were on an 'exchange gifts for holidays' basis.

But be consoled. Truly you (and I, as I found out) are better off without friends like that. You will heal, but don't be suprised at how much it stings. First you wonder, "How could I have not seen this coming?" and then you feel like a dope for hanging on to a friendship that long that was probably doomed from the start.

Stay strong! Keep it real! Thanks for stepping up, that was courageous and tough.

[BetsysGhost]

107. How horrid!

I can't imagine finding out after a lifetime that not just one but 3 friends were actually vile racist homphobes. I feel so bad for you.
Good luck in healing.

[jsgindc]

109. I too split ways 5 years ago

when the N-word was used.
Friend of 20 years.

Actually, Haven't really given it much thought. Didn't need the negative vibe in my life.

[Blasphemer]

111. Sometimes you just have to eliminate toxic people from your life

People who use hate speech and show no desire to enlighten themselves are toxic. I had to end a friendship with a non-conservative friend who, despite being liberal and openminded on most issues, used derogative terms for gay people and refused to stop even after I explained how offensive they were. There's nothing wrong with having a zero tolerance policy towards hate even if it means ending friendships or family relationships.

[bobbolink]

130. Exactly! Disrespecting boundaries and toxic language isn't something that makes life possible...

it is DEATH.

Those of us who have been abused know that.

Sadly, the Dems seem to be determined to act like abused wives and keep taking the toxicity. :(

[BrklynLiberal]

116. You are brave and smart. I have some ex-friends with whom I cut ties over politics.

It is sad to think that there are people for whom we care/d, that can harbor such horrific ideas.
We do have to cut ourselves off from those that drain us...

I am glad that at least I do not have to deal with such crap from family members, as do some DUers. THAT is really sad.

[txaslftist]

126. You cut friends over POLITICS?!?!

Sheesh.

Politics ain't that important, at least not to us little folk.

And in the Greater Depression that's around the bend, you are gonna need all the friends you can get.

[BrklynLiberal]

132. I could never count people with those beliefs as friends...

People who would not help their neighbor in need are not on my list of those I need as friends.

Nowadays, I consider political views to be near the top of the list of things I consider when deciding what people I want in my life.

[txaslftist]

135. Waaay way at the bottom of my list.

peoples' political beliefs can change, and usually do.

If someone has your back, that's a friend. Pubbie friend, Tea Party friend, Commie friend, Libertarian friend, whatever.

If you can count on them when the chips are down, don't give 'em up.

If you can't count on 'em, they ain't friends anyway.

[BrklynLiberal]

137. Different strokes for different folks.

Never met a repuke who I could trust with my life....or even with my car.

[txaslftist]

139. Exactly.

and you never know. Time might come you need a friend. Best to have all of 'em you can get.

[AlinPA]

155. Same here. Dropped 3 long-time acqaintances due to their ugly politics. It's a long story,

but it involves emails that scream "miss him yet?" with pictures of Reagan and Bush and others that are trash.

[BrklynLiberal]

173. Politics HAS become an important factor in decidng who you want in your life.

[depakid]

178. This is long past having become a character issue

Who want to be around bigoted, dishonest often hypocritical and willfully ignorant people?

And what are the chances that such persons would stab you in the back?

Pretty high I would imagine.

[Naturyl]

118. Good for you.

Friendship is important but it can't become a situation where you are part and party to someone's vile bigotry.

There's a time to cut ties and it sounds like this was that time.

[toledoman1962]

128. All you can do is pray....

that one day they will understand

[txaslftist]

123. If they didn't know you well enough to know what would offend...

they weren't really that good of friends anyway.

[MissDeeds]

127. You showed class by your restraint

It would have been tempting to utter a few choice words of your own. I broke with some of my relatives during the Bush regime, one was an aunt who I loved like a mother, the others were two cousins and a nephews. To me, it's all about values and principles. I will not align myself with people who are driven by hatred and intolerance.

I know it hurts now, and will for a long time, but you have stood by what you believe in and did it with grace. I hope others will come into your life to fill the void.


:hug:

[budkin]

136. Good for you... those aren't "friends"

[ckimmy57]

138. So sorry

But thank you for standing up to the bigots. My hubby has a conservative "friend" and my hubby asked him once what he would do if his son came home and told him he was gay. The friend replied that he would get his son a lobotomy and if that did not work disown him....the man was dead SERIOUS. My husband and him argue all the time about conservative/liberal views and I just don't know why he continues to be friends with him..:shrug:

[zenprole]

141. WIT FAIL

If you're ready to cashier such small-minded people, why not take the risk to drop a thought bomb into their lives? Without a full transcript I can't be more specific but you had several options.

Judge for yourself, and sometimes turning your back is the only thing to do, but openings like this can be a lot of fun and sometimes bear unexpectedly good results. Don't worry, there will me more opportunities.

[bobburgster]

143. Kudos to you!

You made a very difficult decision. You deserve a huge round of applause! Things might actually change if everyone reacted that way.

[hyphenate]

144. I've been there, too

Best friend, over 20 years, became fundie and voted R. Then she met a fellow "christian" in Kentucky and went south to join him. Married him the minute she got there. I believe she went bonkers after her mother died.

I told her if she married him, I was saying goodbye. And that was that. I miss her a lot, but I don't want to associate with someone who has gone against everything I stand for and who arrogantly thinks being a fundie is somehow better than my beliefs and way of thinking.

It also appears she has become estranged from one of her two brothers, something she was heading for when I told her off. That action in particular made me call my own brother, who I hadn't talked with for quite some time. Since then, we've been going good.

But look at it this way: their way of thinking is going out. There are scores of young people who haven't got the prejudices many of us had growing up, and through them, there will be a renewed spirit of cooperation sometime down the line. Some people can't take the light of day shining on their deepest thoughts of hatred or bigotry, and that's a good thing.

[Kajsa]

146. Thank you for being strong in a

very difficult situation!!

I had to break off my emotional ties with
my brother, a rabid RWinger who unfortunately
has brainwashed our 91 yr. old mom to be a
Faux News junkie!

I don't discuss politics with either one of them-
I can't- it's useless, like talking to a wall.
And it hurts like hell, my mom was a vivacious,
intelligent woman who has traveled around the
world and was anything but narrow minded before.
She still has sparks of sanity, i.e. she thinks Glenn
Beck is an idiot!

:hug: :hi:

[jennied]

147. This is why I don't like talking politics with my conservative friends.

I love them too much to become angry at them and end the friendship. Although, I don't think any of them would offend gays or mexicans.

[lyonn]

148. Had the same thing happen to me during the 2008 elections

Some very close friends had us over for a birthday party and just before we left began talking about Obama being president and she started her rant by saying she is not prejudice but, ranted stuff about blacks taking over the airports by gettin preferential treatment, etc.. This was a couple that was highly educated. I left there feeling like I never really knew them. It hurts. Why not have a civil discussion? it doesn't happen that way anymore it seems. So I only talk politics if I know they are on our side and we figured out there are about 3 or 4 of them that we are friends with. Sad huh?

[Hepburn]

149. Yep...

...I had a neighbor that was a mega bigot. She made racist remarks to my friend, who is from Puerto Rico, who has a bi-racial child when these two were standing in my driveway. The bigot died a few months ago and I have to honestly say that I did not feel one bit of sorrow that such an evil woman passed on. She made those racist remarks to a 13 year old girl and then when confronted about what she had said, called the child a "fucking lying bitch" to her face.

The world is better off without trash like that...and IMO you are better off without those asshats. Sorry for your loss...but I still think you are better off.

JMHO

[closeupready]

150. I don't blame you.

If they attempt to apologize, though, try to listen and be fair - are they going through something bad, like illness or divorce or something? Things like that can twist people's minds, make them do and say things they would never do otherwise, just to piss other people off, and spread their acute misery.

But if not, you're better off cutting such garbage out of your life, IMHO.

[Zax2me]

151. You never heard this from them before?

So,they were long term friends, and just today decided to be racist creeps?
Surely you saw this coming...

[Forrest Greene]

153. You're Not Alone

I've done that, too, sort of. Not as decisively, nor with as long-standing a friend, as you, but it still genuinely hurts & brings sorrow. "He's too different from us," they said about Obama in 2008 (we're White.) Obvious code words. Haven't seen them since, don't intend to until the U.S.'s current crazy calms down some. Maybe I could then get through a visit without returning anger & deadly insults.

Remaining a decent person doesn't come cheap.

[gateley]

154. I'm sorry. You deserve to be around people like yourself who respect our fellow

human beings and care about everyone. :hug:

[tomg]

158. That is a rough one.

I have been able to keep conservative friends. In fact, one friend I lost contact with for years and reconnected with a few years ago is a conservative and we have had some heartfelt talks of late. In fact, I had dinner tonight ( right now i am in Italy for a few months - voted absentee Dem all the way) with one ( who is also over on a short trip - don'r know if she voted) and we did not discuss the election (well, not enough to drive either of us nuts). But bigots,homophobes, racists and the like are a whole different category, and I have lost more than a few former friends when I actually listened to what they were really espousing. It is tough to have to have to go through it. I am sorry.

[RagAss]

159. No loss...Flush three times and move on !

[mnhtnbb]

163. I "unfriended" my old HS boyfriend on fb because of his 'like'

for the Catholic Church position on gays.

Enough. Just enough. My oldest son is gay. He is due every right and freedom
that any 'straight' son is due. So just f*ck you and your Catholic Church. You are NOT
my friend.

Edit to add I graduated HS in 1969!

[LaPera]

165. All three are republicans & all three vote & agree with the disgusting republican ideology.

Republicans are intolerant, regressive, hateful, homophobic, racist, greedy, lying selfish elitist. This is FACT! 'Conservative' or GOP is too nice a word or acronym for the slimy republicans, (that they love to hide behind).

I won't allow republicans into my life - I'm better off for it and so is everyone else I choose to associate with.

[IntimidatingEyebrows]

166. It sucks walking away from long time friends..

But congratulations, it shows you won't tolerate their filth~

It's even harder when your entire family is conservative though, because you can't just walk away from a family. I try my best to tolerate everyone and be respectful though.

[Enthusiast]

168. I understand completely.

Their sensibilities have been coarsened by listening to Limbaugh and watching Fox News.

[Swede Atlanta]

172. My regrets for you......

I had the same thing happen in 2008 when a long-time friend of mine revealed her love for Satan Palin. I told her we needed to part company because we no longer shared the same values of dignity for all persons, equal opportunity for all. She was shocked but has not tried to contact me.

[classof56]

175. Sadly, this has happened with a cousin of mine.

I finally screwed up the fortitude to refute with facts the falsehood-filled e-mails she continued to send me. One of more recent ones, I copied and pasted the truth about the lies, mentioned a few things I was concerned about (wealthiest 1% getting tax breaks at the expense of our social security, etc.), ended my message with a prayer calling for peace, and clicked "reply all". My cousin sent me a blistering response pointing out I didn't know what I was talking about. That was quickly followed by another lie-filled message having to do with social security, easily fact-checked if anyone took the time, so I once more copied/pasted the truth, told her how much I cared about her and haven't heard since. I suspect I'm off her holiday letter list. Sad, but as you said, there are things we can no longer compromise on. I'm sick of the hatred, the total lack of compassion, the "Obama is evil" crap--have put up with that too long and won't do it anymore. Friends and family are valuable, but seems clear in my case and yours, they do not value us.

Good for you and courage!

[ampad]

176. Sorry that you had to do that

But you are a better person for it. Sorry I do not buy the idea that a decent person can be friends with hateful people. I had to cut a friend off a couple of weeks ago. Her hate speech towards the gay community left me speechless. I had no idea she felt that way and I have known this woman for over five years. While discussing DADT she went off on some of the most hateful speech that I think I have ever heard. I just cannot tolerate that type of energy around me. I hope you can replace those two friends with decent people.

[femrap]

177. Be glad you can walk away

from them....I have these kind of idiots in my family. I no longer go to family events...that is how much I can't stand their stupidity, cruelty, and lack of compassion.

Maybe they'll think about what you said and come to some kind of 'enlightenment.'

[NICO9000]

179. I had the same experience in 2003

Right around the time Iraq was invaded. A friend of over 20 years sent around a vile e-mail making fun of Rachel Corrie, the woman who was bulldozed while acting as a human shield. His lack of basic human decency for such a tragedy pissed me off greatly and i let him have it. He fancies himself a Christian, but would go on and on about how Jesus was actually a "warrior" rather than the Prince of Peace and I couldn't take anymore nonsense from him. My wife and I both decided the guy had really become not a nice person and definitely someone we no longer wanted around us. He was always kind of an interesting weirdo, but the crazy RW views got worse as we all got older. He'll still call us once or twice a year and my wife will catch up with him, but I really have no need to ever speak to him again.

[kooth]

181. Breaking Off Friendships ...

Right on! I have had to do this all of my adult life. But it's worth it to stand up for what's right! Perhaps your friends can change their ways and see that we are all (all people, all races) in this together!

[GarH]

183. re breaking off friendships

All my closest friends are Democrats. Sure makes it a lot
easier.

[mwrguy]

184. Mexican N-word?

Do you mean a Mexican word that means n*****, or a racial slur equal to the n word that they called a Mexican person?

[begin_within]

189. Maybe it was

Nopalitos!



Que deliciosa la ensalada de nopalitos!

[mwrguy]

193. Damn, that looks good

[Kerrytravelers]

185. We did that in 2008.

Someone began with the homophobic slurs. We asked them to leave to not contact us again. He called and called and we simply ignored him and changed our phone number.

Best thing we ever did.

[begin_within]

187. I still have one Freeper friend...

I made friends with him based on a common hobby and didn't get to know more about him and his political views until 3 or 4 years into the friendship. I've known him 19 years now, and I never ended the friendship, but it's very limited. If he talks politics or anything close to it I simply shut up and he realizes he hit a dead end in the conversation. I don't even discuss current news with him because I know that will inevitably lead to politics and thus a bad end to the conversation.

So it makes the friendship very limited. It's almost like a piece of a friendship. It's odd because he is polite and rather apolitical when talking with me now, but I see his "updates" on Yahoo whenever he posts a comment on some news story and the amount of hate and nastiness he shows on those is amazing, compared to how polite he is when talking to me. It's like 2 personalities, the nasty, spiteful, hateful right-winger one and the normal, everyday personality which is actually enjoyable because he's humorous and a good conversationalist. Weird.

[DailyGrind51]

188. I actually crossed ideological swords with a former boss and employment reference!

He is an unapologetic "tea-bagger"!:puke:

[lonestarnot]

192. Yeah, I know how dat feels. Fuck 'em.

[glitch]

194. Hopefully your words and action will snap them out of whatever hell hole they're in.

But you sure don't have to join them in it, even as a dissenter. Good for you for being honest, they may actually learn from it.

[sam sarrha]

195. i play Multiplayer, Bad Company2, i looked a long time to find a clan with decent people who didn't

obsess about defamating gays/blacks/etc.. i gave up for a long time, i just joined open running games, no Teamspeak..

i did find a great group.. =TOG= ..The Older Gamers... lots of Australians, good attitudes, no disparaging comments about other peoples.. i'm 62, i play for the mental exercise, problem solving and i'm highly competitive..
. i started playing in 1999 in Crimson Skies... i was =SAS= Black_Rain, our clan didn't cuss, put others down, we were friends.. i played evenings in the League for 5 years. i still miss the friendships i made there. i was living in West Texas, from the Seattle Area.. i didn't fit in, for reasons you illistrated

what i am saying is your problem is epidemic, shared and suffered by many. in all walks of life. i feel it will take another generation or 2 before things change, unless there are more people like you.. Thank you for taking another chip out of the hate and bigotry in America.:fistbump:

[Fire1]

198. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm really ambivalent about returning to

the nail shop where I've been going for years. I tried my best to convince them to vote for a democratic governor but to no avail. Some of these folks were dyed in the wool democrats. I just don't have much to say to them.

[beforeyoureyes]

201. I live in a very liberal little bubble, so I am lucky

[shanti2]

203. My family has always been Democratic

and it hurts us all that my brother has become a Republican
supporter. Our grandparents on both sides had always told us
that the Democrats would always look after us but the GOP
wouldn't. Both suffered during the Depression and remembered
all that FDR did to help them.  One of my sisters has become
Democrat after several years of voting GOP. Once my brother
went GOP my Mom who is 80 told him to not stop by every day
for lunch as he always did. She is still a Democratic
supporter and was so fed up with my brother's change.  We grew
up being told that the Democrats cared about the little guy
and the GOP didn't and I see no reason to change my views at
this time. Yesterday I got a phone call from President Obama
reminding me to vote and there was no way that I wouldn't do
so today. I have always been a Proud Yellow Dog Democrat and
refuse to be embarrassed over this.

[ZombieHorde]

204. Lame. Sorry your sad. Recommended. nt

[bertman]

205. Sometimes principles take priority over 'friendships'. Rec.

[lunasun]

206. I have had to do the same after/ before Obama was elected = could not take the hate

I did not know was there in friends until a liberal biracial candidate/president appeared.

They were all white,Christian backgrounds and hetero and I could understand that they didn't see it from other's perspective and tried to understand where the hate came from but hey, why think I would see it thier way too???

That was the most insulting - thinking I would not mind what they said and then also when would I be included?

And people who were not religious (Christian in name only) all of a sudden were very concerned about religion because ya know that Obama is really .......and one was having a married affair but all of a sudden Christian religion was very important to stop this Muslim gay loving prochoice black guy uuugh
I never turned back and couldn't associate with them
Now 2 years later I don't have to hear anything hateful this election( except via rovbocalls +TV/radio).

You are better off and after cleaning out the room you then have space for new friends who are not haters !!!

[vduhr]

207. This may be a sad insight into things to come....

Considering the fact that your ex-friends have not said something like this to you before tells me that they have been encouraged to bring out their hatred into the open. They have listened to politicians from the right saying racists things for the past 2 years and now those politicians have been "rewarded" by being elected. Hang on folks, it's going to be a bumpy ride and we may not survive. We are already seing signs of being dragged backwards.

[wakemewhenitsover]

210. That is a sad thing, but what else could you do?

[Goldstein1984]

212. People of conscience have to make these kinds of choices

Sometimes the views people express are true moral evils, and we cannot in good conscience simply agree to disagree and continue a dialogue.

[Don Draper]

213. I don't mind having conservative friends

As long as they are cool and respectful. However, it sounds like you are better off without these biggots.

[anachro1]

214. I hear and feel your story

A few years back I had a once liberal uncle who somehow mysteriously became a Limbaugh spouting asshat who kept sending me anti-John Kerry (at the time) garbage that Limbaugh was spouting. I have no patience for unoriginal chatter. I'd rather hear what he personally thinks, not what Rush tells him to think.

I politely told him we disagreed and how I want to not receive such propaganda. He persisted. Again, I asked him to please leave me out of those mailings.
At the next offense, I hit REPLY ALL to the 3 dozen or so fellow recipients of this email and introduced myself.

I said that I was this man's nephew and stated that I had asked him not to send me such propaganda, and clearly he had missed the emails I've been sending him regarding this issue. I then asked anyone reading this to please pas the message along.

He got pissed and has not spoken with me since.

Good for everyone involved. Never liked him much ayway.

[BobTheSubgenius]

215. Perhaps I have a character flaw...

...or was not brought up with strong family values, but I have believed since I was young that you owe no one love and loyalty simply because of an accident of birth. One probably starts there, but people can "earn" their way out of your life.

I might give some people the benefit of the doubt - at least for a while - because we are related, and be polite to them when thrown together at family events (few and far between now), but I freely admit to not even liking some of my relatives and am totally happy to not associate with them. In fact, there are a couple I actively dislike.

Blood might be blood, but disagreeable is disagreeable. I'm not going to diminish my life just to assuage them.

I COMPLETELY agree with the stand you have taken, Xicano, bit I find it a bit hard to completely relate to. I can't see myself getting to a place of friendship with people like that, and I think you're well rid of them.

[Umbral]

220. Why the fuck would I want to associate with Republicans?

If you don't understand the stakes, you don't understand the argument.