Has anyone ever cut off family members?

[CoffeeCat]

I was reading through a thread about a DUer who cut off friends, because
they were bigots and used hateful language against gay people and also
minorities. Another poster said they had cut off family members as well.

I was wondering if others had ever cut out family members (totally or temporarily)
due to differences?

I have cut out most of my family of origin and haven't spoken to them in nearly a
decade. My decision had nothing to do with politics.

At times I feel very alone, because this was such a big decision and one that seems
to be fairly uncommon. I am wondering about other DUers who may have cut off family
members--and how you deal with it.

Whether or not you chose to cut off for reasons regarding beliefs, unresolved
conflicts or other circumstances--it is an emotional roller coaster and usually
not a decision made lightly.

[babylonsister]

1. Yep, both brothers, all because they're faux lovers; we see

eye to eye on nothing.

[Bitwit1234]

48. Closed my facebook page because of the republican asshole relatives.

[Joe Fields]

68. I am getting to that point. What's funny is...

When I've answered their inane teabagger comments, they have cried foul. One teabagger brother wrote me that he started his facebook page for friends and family, and that if there is going to be arguing about politics, then he would have to block me. I told him I don't need lectured and that he and my sister-in-law started this crap, but I can damned sure finish it. I blocked him before he could respond.

[roguevalley]

117. one brother, an uncle can't stand it anymore.

[rucky]

2. I've cut off some freeper/AIPAC lovin' cousins.

But I give my great aunts/uncles a pass. They're up in their 80's so what's the point.

[mmonk]

3. Not cut off.

But certainly spend less time together.

[ScreamingMeemie]

4. I still love him, but he's not my facebook friend anymore. In fact, I had

to block him because he took it to messaging me after I unfriended him.

[Poboy]

5. Yep. Most of my family as a matter of fact.

Neighbors and friends as well. I have had ENOUGH of the BULLSHIT and idiocy.

I may die alone, but fuck it. I will not suffer the bullshit any more.

[monmouth]

6. Lifetime friends and many relatives. Bigots and racists all. ..n/t

[tammywammy]

7. Nope.

For example, my mom is a conservative. She even really likes Sarah Palin. You know what, we just don't discuss it. She knows where I stand, and I know where she stands. There's no need to get into a fight over it.

Plus, there's always plenty of things for the two of us to talk about that doesn't involve politics. And there are things, like when I went to the Obama rally in Dallas a few years ago. I could call her and tell her how great it was, and that's it. There wasn't a "Well, he's ruining the country" just that she was glad that I'm involved.

[CoffeeCat]

15. That sounds very healthy (nt)

[tammywammy]

36. Yeah, a couple of years ago, while we were driving down to see my grandpa (her dad)

It's a 5.5 hr car drive. Anywho, she started to say something about soemthing she saw on Hannity/Limbaugh/some other show and I just said "let's not discuss this."

We dropped it. I love my mom, and while I think her politics is whack (and she probably things the same of mine), there's much more in life than just focusing on politics.

My conservative dad helped me put my Obama sign up in my yard. :)

[Ilsa]

8. Never for political reasons, but I did cut off my

Sister for several years because of her abusive behavior towards me, and her threats to harass my in-laws. It made my parents unhappy at first, but I suspect they wish they had done the same. Cutting her off was good discipline; she learned to behave herself around me. We are civil sisters now.

[ejpoeta]

21. when you get to a certain age, relationships are not required. i would not cut off my family

for political reasons though I may avoid them... I didn't talk to my dad for two years after I left at the age of 16. but my reasons had to do with his behavior. and at some point you have the right to determine how you will allow yourself to be treated. as a child you don't have a choice. but as an adult you do. and we all have to decide whether we will allow people to treat us badly. it's hard to have to walk away from family who are abusive to you... but either they will get their act together or they will end up losing out.

[no_hypocrisy]

9. My cousin cut off his mother (my mother's sister) and is living in a

kind of witness protection program where she has no idea where he is living, his phone number, etc.

Having my own conflicts with her, I don't blame my cousin a bit.

[ejpoeta]

10. i will not cut off my family members. but i will not listen to any racist talk either.

and we avoid politics. especially since my brother is crazy. it has caused us to see each other less though. my husband talks to my brother every day and tells me all kinds of stuff. my brother came over last week and i was tempted to ask him if he had bought food insurance. but i didn't. he has allowed his head to be filled with the glen beck tripe and rush limbaugh. i hope someday he will wake up, but he is still my brother.

[whathehell]

27. Exactly...

My sister and I have two redneck cousins that we practically grew up with and the last time my sister was at one of their houses, she said "I know this is your house, but if you say that word again, I'm leaving".

The "word" being the "n-word". He stopped.

This was before Obama was elected though, and we haven't spoken to either of them since, although my sister tried once and found the phone was disconnected -- odd for this cousin...We really have to check in with them soon...It's very sad that this would divide families...I guess we just can't talk politics at all.

[chillspike]

61. LOL...I have a brother like that.

I just learned my brother is stockpiling incandescent light bulbs because he thinks they will be worth money when they are banned! LMAO

[ejpoeta]

80. LOL. pat is stocking up on canned goods. he was talking about something that was going to be

happening. the cost of everything would skyrocket! he is scaring me, frankly. though knowing he is getting it from glen beck. i told him once that i thought he was smarter than this. and his wife who claimed she was a dem but wasn't going to vote for obama in 2008 and she LOVES sarah palin. uggh. give me a break.

[CoffeeCat]

120. and isn't it interesting...

...that one of the products that Glenn Beck hocks on
his show--is a large line of dehydrated food.

Seriously.

He convinces people that they need to invest in gold, because
Obama will crash the world economy. Now, he's convincing
everyone that we're going to run out of food and that a loaf
of bread will cost $500, because Obama is going to wreck the
rest of the world.

Beck's got ads constantly on his program for this large line
of food that you can keep on shelves for years. On his program,
he tells everyone to stockpile and says that he is doing this
himself. And selling the food during ad time.

What a circus act this man is.

What will his fans do with 600 pounds of dried beef?

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

11. Two words:

Opus.

Dei.

[CoffeeCat]

Are some of your family...

members Opus Dei?

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

26. Yes.

Very few, thankfully.

[CoffeeCat]

33. I'm curious...

How do you know that they are Opus Dei? I thought that organization
was underground?

I can understand. An Opus Dei dynamic wouldn't be just religious
or political differences. There are some dark and chaotic mental issues
running through those people.

[woo me with science]

53. This is true, that some family members are toxic.

When they fall into a recovered memory cult and start accusing everyone around them of child torture in satanic cults, pornography rings, and mind control organizations, it is clear where the toxicity lies.

[Dappleganger]

45. Oh shit...

you can't get much worse than that.

:hug:

[kctim]

12. Nope

Not that petty.

[Poboy]

25. It isn't so 'petty' when even after knowing how you feel, they continue to

throw out bullshit statements and intentionally try to start shit.
The stupid 'fw:' emails that despite your asking to not be sent, continue.
Eating Christmas dinner to fox news talking points, etc.

Fuck that noise.

[kctim]

66. Silliest kind of petty there

I get the "Don't tread on me" and "free health care is my right" BS emails all the time. DELETE!
When I get political questions at dinners, I simply change the subject. HOW ABOUT THE TIGERS!

There is a delete button for email and there is always football around the holidays.

Love of family ALWAYS trumps my personal opinions on politics.

[Poboy]

90. Suffer the fools, I will not. Call me 'petty', and I call you accomodating.

Thats fine. If it works for you, great. I however will NOT put up with the abuse.

[sybylla]

112. Especially when politics is often a tool in a long line of abusive tools

in the dick-headed relative's arsenal.

Belligerents will take any opportunity and use any excuse to abuse or threaten anyone who is viewed as posing a threat to whatever internal balance they are striving for. There's a difference between a simple disagreement with a relative with whom you share so many other things and a disagreement with a relative who takes every opportunity to beat you up psychologically.

[CoffeeCat]

28. I do think it is honorable...

...when family members with opposing views can keep it together. One of the
previous posters who talked about how she and her mother can have civil
conversations--I thought that was pretty cool.

I'd just like to point out that many people, including myself, have no choice
but to cut off family members and it is not a petty decision.

Some people are incredibly toxic.

[kctim]

47. You very clearly said

"My decision had nothing to do with politics"

My response was solely about politics and I should have qualified it by saying something like "Not over politics...not that petty."

It was my fault for not being more clear and I apologize for that.

[CoffeeCat]

49. Oh, no problem...

...thank you for clarifying and for being so kind! :)

We're just having a discussion here, and it's all good.

Again, I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

[seabeyond]

58. my husband has two gay brothers he loves. is it "petty" to insist/demand my brothers not talk filth

about gays, in my husbands home?

[kctim]

74. No it isn't

and again, I was wrong for not clearly stating I was speaking of politics. Coffee said her reasons were not political. Being gay is not political. And there are many many other instances that cause family friction that do not fall into politics.

[seabeyond]

78. thank you for the clarification. our family is close, so we simply insist they be respectful

and i am to them. works for us. but, i had to insist. i wont have my boys growing up in that environment.

[FourScore]

13. Nope. Love 'em enough to accept them.

But then, they've never done anything terrible enough to deserve cutting them off.

My sister cut off some family members for a about a decade. I thought her reasons for it were pretty narrow-minded and self-centered. It was very hurtful and punishing and ugly. Glad it's over.

[AndrewP]

14. My immediate family are all Democrats, so I'm lucky there

My best friend for 15 years and I fell out about 2 years ago, with much of it due to Politics.

Long story short, I'm a liberal and he turned from being a moderate to being a Pat Buchanan voter. When the 2008 race began and he was callling President Obama the "N" word, that wrapped that up for me.

[VMI Dem]

16. Nope.

[demwing]

17. My Father and My Aunt, becasue they are Horribly Racist

My father refuse to go to the beach because black people have sat on the sand (I shit you not) and my Aunt has a black cow she named Niglet.

It breaks my heart, but I can't have these conversations with them anymore. They are both over 70, and will not accept views that were not fed to them by FOX.

[uncommon]

18. Yes.

But only when it is really necessary.

[fascisthunter]

19. had to....

the person is just bad, through and through. You can only do so much and put up with so much until you realize that person is nothing but an emotional spongue and just doesn't give a damn about their family after they try to help. No guilt here...

Then again, it wasn't due to politics, however, she'd make a perfect republican.

[TwilightGardener]

20. I have wanted to... and went through times where I did not speak to

certain family members for a few months--but I couldn't do it permanently. So, we're civil, send Christmas gifts/brithday cards, occasional phone calls--that's the extent of it, and it works OK. (edit to add, not due to politics, just personal discord)

[CoffeeCat]

38. I think, if you can...

...find a healthy balance, that's a good thing.

Though you don't cut off--you know their limitations and you don't
hit your head against a wall--trying to make a close relationship
that just won't work.

Sometimes defining the relationship with limited contact--cards, birthday presents, occasional get togethers can provide a new-found appreciation for
the person.

[TwilightGardener]

46. Yes--it's about realizing that you're probably never going to have

the kind of relationship you feel you should have, and then lowering your expectations, turning a blind eye/deaf ear when necessary, and salvaging what you can for the sake of family ties.

[Lil Missy]

22. Yes, but not over politics.

[CoffeeCat]

40. Yup, me too...

It's painful sometimes, isn't it?

I know I did the right thing, but it is hard. I grieve--not for the
loss of those individuals--but for the loss of not having brothers,
sisters, parents, etc.

[Incognitus Czar]

23. I've never cut any...

I've never cut any of my family members off, can't let something as silly as politics get in the way of blood.

I just visit them less often if they turn out to be a dick or something.

If they need help however, I'm always willing to lend a hand. Can't be vindictive forever.

It's probably gonna take something horrific like murder to make me cut a family member off.

[seabeyond]

24. during 2004, hubby told my family NO politics in our house. since our house is the only place

my family meet up, basicaly saying... no politics. i have used it since with brothers.

both are bigots and homophobic, and i shut them up and shut them down fast. tell them i wont listen to that shit, makes me sick.

no

i wont cutt off family. i love them too. in ALL their nonperfection

[CountAllVotes]

29. an assortment of people

Not much family left here but I had to dump a few "friends" because of this crap. Most recently, an old friend I've known for years I've discovered has had her mind poisoned by her husband who lost a load in the stock market - no more "splurges" for them on fancy vacations overseas, nope. She refers to Pres. Obama as "Mr. O" whatever that is intended to mean.

Another one in Tennessee, nothing but a drunk so no big loss there *sigh* of relief.

I don't miss any of these people as I cannot stand racists! They make me SICK :puke:

:kick:

[Mz Pip]

30. I did

and it took me years to do it.

I don't have a large family and a number of years ago I reconnected with a cousin I hadn't been in contact with in years, other than the obligatory Christmas card. Email made more frequent communications possible. It was fine for a while but after 9/11 she started with all the nationalist, anti-Democrats, anti-anyone who disagrees with BushCo. Most of it was BS based on lies. I debunked and provided links and kept up the civility.

When Obama got the nomination I started getting stuff that was downright racist. When he won it got worse. And that was that. I told her to stop sending me that crap and that was the end of the relationship and any contact from there on out. She even stopped sending the silly Maxine jokes.

You may not be able to choose your relatives but you can make the choice about whether or not to associate with them.

So it goes.

[cliffordu]

31. I talk to my sister but haven't talked to my brother in years and my mother

and I haven't spoken in decades.

My family is more shark than mammal..born live, starving and each swims off alone immediately.

We are not good company for each other.

[cliffordu]

32. dupe...

[rubberducky]

34. Yes, when you totally don`t like someone what is the point

of hanging onto a relationship, especially relationships that just make you feel bad.

[cleveramerican]

35. I have learned to keep some distance

I never cut somebody off.
We all get a turn to be stupid.
I let it pass, forgive them.
It seems kind.

[mrs_p]

37. yes, my father

my aunties no longer try to push reconciliation, thank gods. he is a tea-bagger through and through and worships at the alter of the GOP. in fact his holy trinity is ronnie, bush, and bush. also, he is a mean drunk (which he is most of the time) and a violent person. my sister and i had to make the decision to cut him off. sometimes it is hard since i was raised to be a forgiving person - but whenever i have given him another chance, he finds a way to blow it... the whole situation sucks for everyone in the family. however, there has to be a point when we no longer let ourselves be punching bags for others (literally and figuratively).

edit: PS - we make our own families...

[TheKentuckian]

39. No, but we'd get along better if I did LOL

I don't do much backing down nor do they so there are long periods of quiet times after a blow out.

[ThatsMyBarack]

41. Yes....

But not for political reasons....

[Dappleganger]

42. My sister and I don't discuss it...

but we drop 'hints' to each other in areas where we know there are common desires, such as she also wishes for comprehensive health care for everyone (esp. mental health care), and overall less religious overtones in politics. She is also pro-gay marriage which actually surprised me at first, but when I thought about it later realized that she's as caring a person as I am. ;) Her husband is very republican and she is not good with confrontation at all so she doesn't want to rock the boat. I love her husband like a brother but in some things he's just plain stupid. We drop fun hints/hits at each other, give and take and that's as far as it goes.

Dh's family are all good NY democrats except for one brother who's gone tea party, but he doesn't like that brother anyway. Haven't cut off contact, just hid them from our FB feed.

Both my sister and I blocked our father from our FB feeds and profile (so he can't even find us). It's not just political, but she mentioned a year ago that he'd gone off the deep end and she refuses to discuss politics w/him at all. Right now I won't talk to him on the phone due to other stuff, but do send him cards and notes to keep him up on how the family is doing. He never writes back but that's nothing new.

My husband is a disgusted moderate republican who is upset that the crazies have take over here in FL. I didn't ask who he voted for this morning but it wouldn't surprise me if he voted for Alex Sink (D) for gov as he's made a number of complimentary comments about her. He probably did vote for Crist as he detests Rubio, too. He is registered IDP and tends to vote all over the place.

BTW, I don't do well with bigoted and asshole relatives so there's a whole side of my dad's family who don't even know I'm around, lol!

[sufrommich]

43. No. nt

[Ganja Ninja]

44. Yes I have and it's been over 2 decades for me.

It just boiled down to what's best for me. It really just became a dreaded chore to even talk over the phone. So I asked myself who's fault is that and why keep the relationship going?

In the end you have to decide what's in your best interests. Dealing with it isn't a problem if you know you've made the right decision.

[Nye Bevan]

55. "Let's not talk politics. How are the kids?"

One possible alternative to 20 years of estrangement....

[Ganja Ninja]

63. It didn't have anything to do with politics. n/t

[CoffeeCat]

81. That's incredibly true...

I see your "cutting off" was due to non-political issues, as was mine.

That's true what you said--it's not a problem if you know you've made
the right decision. I cut off specific family members and I hear through
others in the community that additional family members aren't speaking
to them now, either.

It's sad, but it's validating. It was hard to be the first to break free,
but I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm a family gal, with two kids and a great husband--and I grieve sometimes
that I was raised by people who are too toxic to be near my children. However,
I am confident that I made the right decision.

[Gold Metal Flake]

50. Yes.

Family is optional. Never let anyone guilt trip you into thinking otherwise.

If you are not safe around members of your family, get away.

Get away, get safe, then build a new family.

[CoffeeCat]

85. Thank you...

...and that's exactly what I've done.

I consider myself the matriarch of a new family--one that
is healthy and loving.

I've got a wonderful husband, two great kids, loads of friends
that are close family--and a full life.

Things have never been better.

I would never have had all of this, had I not changed my life and cut out
people who did not deserve to be in my life.

Thanks for the validation. :)

[Gold Metal Flake]

89. You are a strong person to have broken the chain.

And you are setting an excellent example of personal strength to your kids. Best wishes to you and your family.
:pals: :toast:

[Nye Bevan]

51. Am I the only DUer who doesn't even know which way some family members vote?

There are many things to talk about other than politics. But it seems that many DUers don't realize that. Blatant bigotry is one thing, but cutting off family members because they watch Fox or like Palin is just wrong.

[cry baby]

52. No - I wouldn't do that, but everyone is different. I'm sorry you feel alone. =(

[deaniac21]

54. When serious things happen in life, family is all you can really

count on. I would never desert any of my family members. You don't have to like 'em but you do have to love 'em.

[chillspike]

56. I think what happens is THEY cut us off emotionally first

I think having a Republican, conservative or extreme free market mentality leaves you predisposed to creating artificial lines between others and yourself because those lines make you feel better about yourself. They unconsciously like competing with others, especially when they feel they are in the "stronger" position and the social-dawinistic nature of conservative ideology helps them reinforce their illusion of superiority. In other words, reinforces their belief that they are "winning the game". What they don't understand is they are really the only ones playing that game. So just by accepting social-darwinistic philosophy via conservative ideology, you have already cut yourself off from other people and any later physical loss of contact is only physical. They had long since ceased being "there".

I still see my brother and Dad every day and am on the same speaking terms I've been with them since forever, but there is not really an exchange of emotional currency since we have split political ways. There is just nothing there you can work with.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

57. My father and I did not speak for 4 months

it started off on political differences, and escalated into many other issues.

[Iggo]

59. Oh yes.

Nothing so dramatic as to require a "You're dead to me!" declaration. But yeah, there's a few I'm done with for life.

[krabigirl]

60. No, but my very neocon father and i have gotten into a few heated arguments.

But no, never enough to not talk to him.

Now as for friends...yes. Recently a life-long friend just converted to very fundamentalist conservative southern Baptist Christianity. She would not stop constantly trying to either convert me or talk down about my lack of faith. I let that friendship go.

[TwilightGardener]

65. Agree on letting go of friends--I can't do it to family, but I have ended

friendships when I've found out that they've become teabaggy wackadoodles (and are nothing like the fun open-minded people I remembered from high school and college).

[newspeak]

70. I haven't cut off my uncle

he's like the black sheep of the family. He came to visit last month, and I told myself don't talk politics. Well, he started spouting the crazy right wing shite, told me I should listen to Beck because he tells the truth. I told him Beck's statements are so over the top and factless-that he panders to your emotions and prejudices. Told him that one of the gravest insults was when Beck started using Niemoller's quote-misusing for the banks-that Niemoller was talking about people who actually were murdered. That was so obscene. So, I shut him up when I said that he listens to "mo-mo boy" and he asked me what did I mean--I told him "you know Beck is Mormon and he uses that BS like he's the prophet closest to Smith." Well, my uncle does not like mormons--it shut him up. I guess I was pandering to his prejudices, also.

[LoZoccolo]

62. self-delete

[dgibby]

64. Yep!

I cut off a brother and sister-in-law. Caught them lying one time too many. Had no contact with them for 10 years. When he died, she started calling and leaving nasty messages on my answering machine. Of course, she was knee-walking drunk at the time. Needless to say, I didn't pick up or return any of her calls.

Don't know what pisses me off more: being lied to or someone thinking I'm so stupid that I won't know they're lying!

[TBF]

67. No - but I live far away so it's not like I have to really deal

with them.

I do keep in touch with the ones I like on facebook.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

69. My aunt gave me a commercial for Jesus.

When I called her to tell her my mother died. My mom was her older sister. Auntie told me I "should believe" and I told her that Mom, Dad and Grandmother were all atheists when they died and didn't think there was a heaven or an afterlife, and they were cool about it. She was shocked and just horrified. She would have been happier had they been terrified of going to hell, I presume. She was a Methodist.

Auntie said "When you have a funeral, I want to be there". I was so pissed about her speech about Christianity that I did not have a funeral for my mother, because I didn't want to have to invite her. I had mom cremated and she's in a box in the closet.

There are other relatives I've stopped talking to because of severe mood swings. I can't handle that.

[pipi_k]

71. Been on both sides of it...

First time was nearly 30 years ago when I accused a BIL of molesting my daughter and a couple of other little girls. He plead "guilty" and went to jail for what I didn't think was a long enough time. My family basically stopped speaking to me for a long time because I wouldn't lie for him like they did.

Fast forward a number of years and we're all mainly on speaking terms again.

A few years ago I ended up disowning a different sister and her husband because they are alcoholics/cocaine addicts with a penchant for showing porn movies of themselves to visitors, whether those visitors want to see them or not. I don't care what they do in their home, but I didn't want them being in my home with god-knows-what kind of illegal drugs on them.


I have never disowned friends or family over political differences.


I've dealt with it by having other family ties...the first time, it was the family of a guy I was living with. They became my surrogate family.

Now I do have some family members back in my life, but I also have in-laws.

"Family" doesn't mean they have to be blood relatives. ;)

[CoffeeCat]

98. Dysfunctional families...

...often punish the members who don't play along. They'll vilify
you, attack you, call you names and tell everyone how crazy you are.

Consider those attacks a badge of courage.

You did the right thing by refusing to keep such horrible "secrets."

I was attacked too, and now I've got other family members coming forward
and validating my courage and my experience.

Their house of cards is falling. The truth always surfaces, no matter
how much they squawk and protest when their lies are initially exposed.

Best of luck to you.

[dixiegrrrrl]

72. Yep, well over 20 years ago.

I have a few long term non-biological "family" people in my life, it has been helpful.

Never bought into the "blood is thicker than water" BS.

[Autumn]

73. No, never. I have a lot of republican relatives,

we respect each other. Love comes first.

[stray cat]

75. Yes but never for something like politics

[Robyn66]

76. I have

My father is a HUGE tea-bagger and I have ex friends that I had forever that i have had to cut off because of politics.

My father is a major racist and refers to the president as "That "N"" and rants against the Democrats constantly. It became so bad we couldn't have conversations that he didn't start without screaming against the Dem's so I just shut him out of my life.

Our college friends would send me anti Dem and Obama crazy e-mails and when I asked them very politely to stop sending inaccurate and inflammatory e-mails they got pissed and basically stopped talking to ME and I didn't pursue making up.

Unfortunately, that is how things are now. You cant just disagree, these people make it personal and are completely intolerant.

[Javaman]

77. Yup. My sister.

she turned right wing nut when moron* was appointed.

Now, she's finally back to our side, but I still can't get past her bizarre bullshit for 8 long miserable years.

I finally had to ask her, "now that you are all pissed off again at the right, where were you during morons* reign of terror?" she didn't have an answer and looked very embarrassed.

I let it drop.

While I am happy she finally got a clue again, I can never forgive her for helping flush our country down the toilet.

[H2O Man]

79. Yes.

I have some family members who live about 5 miles from me, who I have not spoken to in about a decade. They are unhealthy people, who pose risks to my children's well-being.

My wife's parents and brothers live about 12 miles away. They cut her off several times, most recently for over ten years. They also cut off all contact with our daughters. About two years ago, when my wife was very sick, I contacted them. Now they talk to her and our daughters. They attend some "family gatherings," but my sons and I are not invited.

In my extended family, the issues involve mental illness, substance abuse, violence, and greed. In my wife's, there is a "family secret" that everyone knows but pretends isn't real (her father is a sex offender who has never had any consequence).

My wife has issues with her family's hostility towards her. I find that not having contact with my mother, a sister & brother-in-law, and a brother, makes my life far less stressful and much more pleasant. I have a good relationship with one sister and one brother. (My father died in '95, which I believe was the only way he -- as a strict Catholic -- saw as a way out of a terrible marriage.)

I have never, as an adult, experienced a single moment of wishing things were different. They are not different, and I accept that, and deal with the reality of it.

[cbdo2007]

82. Not cut out completely - but definitely limited contact with both parents at this point.

Just various issues, but I havent' cut them out completely. You just have to learn to accept certain things about certain people, but I only see instances of actual abuse as being reason to completely remove them from your life completely.

[slackmaster]

83. Yes, my aunt. She absconded with a bunch of money that I was supposed to inherit.

I sent her cartons of cigarettes for Christmas for a few years, then kind of forgot about it.

[Cleita]

84. Yes. Toxic friends and relatives really have had no place

in my life. I respect their right to have their own opinions even when they differ from mine and I don't hold that against them, but when their actions affect me and my peace of mind, I regretfully put a big distance between them and me.

[ismnotwasm]

86. Yes

For more than bigotry, the ones I'm thinking of are out of their rabbit-assed minds, and hate-filled bigotry is one of the symptoms. I've come to terms--as the saying is--with it because I tried for many years to do my part, and keep my side of the street clean, not perfectly by any means, but enough to choose my own path.

I ultimately decided abusive and destructive attitudes and language is nothing I want to be around, and I don't care what the blood relation is. It hurts like an old wound does, a kind of ache, but I know I made the right decision. And who knows what the future will bring?

[Obamanaut]

87. Yes, but not because of politics. Other stuff. nt

[Jokerman]

88. I've distanced myself from family, but not over politics.

Oddly enough, one of the only family members I get along with is a libertarian who attended at least one tea-bagger rally. We clash on politics but overall we have a good relationship.

[Lebam in LA]

91. My sister cut me off

Said she hated me because I am a commie, socialist, facist stinkin librul. Christmas this year is really going to suck for me. The rest of the family thinks we are both to blame so they just make time to see us separately.

[mike_c]

92. I haven't spoken to most of my family in decades...

...and have no reason to begin now. No sense of loss whatsoever, frankly. They're all deeply conservative, fundamentalist xtians of the worst stripe-- I'm referring to my immediate family. We have virtually nothing in common except some shared personal history, and not much of that favors any sort of continued relationship, so there just isn't one.

[CoffeeCat]

106. Incredible that you are so resolute...

...and I find that interesting.

I absolutely believe I made the right decision to cut off. However, I
do feel a sense of loss.

That's what I struggle with. I would love to have a sister to shop
with and babble on the phone with. I would love to have a mom and
a dad to be grandparents to my children. While I wouldn't allow any
of these people near myself or my children, I grieve the loss of
being denied those pleasures, in the general sense.

However, I do feel immensely grateful and happy with everything
I do have now. I consider it a blessing that I was able to
escape, as well.

I admire your ability to be so pragmatic about not having them
in your life.

[mike_c]

113. I think perhaps it's easier for me because there wasn't any precipitating event...

...or I didn't ever really wake up one morning and say to myself "I'm never going to talk to those people again!"

Instead, we simply stopped talking and drifted apart. Most of them live on the east coast and I live on the other side of the country, so casual encounters simply never happen. We share so few things in common that there were few reasons to visit, even back when I still lived in the east. My family was always very dysfunctional. I left home at 15, spent a few years living with friends and their families, and then simply moved away and began my own life. Not your typical nuclear family in the Leave-It-To-Beaver sense.

I don't see myself as resolute so much as simply happy with my circumstances, even if I can't really take full credit for the way they turned out.

[SteppingRazor]

93. Never. And I'm one of the very few liberals in my family.

My parents and almost all of my aunts and uncles are registered Republicans. You learn to live and let live. One of my aunts is big into the Tea Party and loves Glenn Beck. We try not to talk about politics too much, though she sometimes insists. And my dad watches nothing but Fox News and sports. I suppose the fact that I don't get to see the family very much makes that easier -- there's a lot to talk about when I see them that doesn't involve current events. But even if they lived down the street, I mean, they're my parents. Grandparents to my newborn son. How could I cut them off? Aside from truly beyond the pale behavior (abuse, etc.), I just can't see how I'd ever cut out family. Blood's thicker than water and all that. And if I can get my dad to change the channel from Fox News to a football game, well then, we're all OK.

[defendandprotect]

94. If it's a question of preserving your own sanity, you have to do it -- !!

If it's not a terribly disruptive situation, sometimes you can live with it?

[ladywnch]

95. I cut loose one of my cousins

she is a "Rush is Right" clown and all that goes with it. I'm fortunate that most of my family (including my 95 y/o grandma) is strong, staunch liberal dems. I haven't had any contact with her in YEARS. My mother MADE me invite the cousin to my wedding because even though my grandmother can't stand that particular granddaughter, she IS family so ............. but once grams is gone.......so is the cousin!

[hootinholler]

96. Does my Ex Wife count?

But that wasn't political in nature, nor was bigotry involved ;)

I had a spirited discussion when my uncle misread my Bush/Cheated sticker, lol.

-Hoot

[TwentyFive]

97. My rule is ask myself these questions...

1. Do I like spending time with them?
2. Do they try to be helpful to me in some way?
3. How do I feel after spending time with them?
4. Do they treat me with respect?

My point is....Cut off the ones who are abusive, selfish or mean toward you. I'm not talking about the occasional mistake...but a repeated pattern of behavior. Be especially careful of jealous relatives...they claim to love you, but act to undermine you. If you do well, they tear you down. If you fail, they wallow in it. If THEY do well, they compare their victory to your failure. Cut these people off totally...and don't look back.

The second type are the seriously flawed...the drunks, bigots, christian fundies, republicans, sour pusses, etc. Limit contact as appropriate...cut off if bad.

I've cut a few relatives and friends off in my day. Afterward, I've wondered what took me so long!!! Don't worry about being lonely...there are 4 billion people on the planet. I'm sure you can find a few friends...lol. If you want to meet more people, then move to a big city. Many more single people in a big city. Join a group...SPCA, Toastmasters, Atheist, Unitarians, Democrats, Al Anon, Alumni clubs, Socialists, Planned Parenthood, sports, hobbies, etc...tons and tons of places to volunteer and/or work to share you talents. Around the holidays...there are always big groups of 'orphans' that get together to share a meal, party and good times.

[Lisa0825]

99. I barely know my neices and nephew because I had to cut my ex-SIL out of my life.

She was truly mentally ill, had insane mood swings involving imagining that people were acting against her, prone to violence, a compulsive liar, etc. My brother took years to finally get out of the marriage, but I got away from her sooner. Sadly, I couldn't have my neices in my wedding because their mom had threatened to get revenge on me for some imagined wrong. The kids are all grown now, but I was not a part of their lives for so long that I barely know them. They just seem like people I'd pass on a street. It is sad that I don't relate to them. I do try some, but I think in the back of my head, I am still afraid that getting to close to them will end up resulting in their mom attacking me again.

[EFerrari]

102. Almost exact same here.

I cut her off for her abusiveness to my mom. My brother divorced her about five years later. I was very close to the girls when they were small, they're strangers now. It's a shame. But I've never regretted getting that horribly negative influence out of my life and in that respect anyway, my brother is much happier now.

[AspenRose]

100. Not yet

We are pretty respectful. There are some friends on my husband's stepmom's side of the family I've sort of gotten into it with, over the stupid Facebook Patrick Swayze/Farrah Fawcett/kill Obama "prayer." The mom in the family thought that joke was hella funny, so I confronted her about it, as she is employed by a national "Christian" right-wing family ministry and told her she couldn't possibly find that acceptable as a professing Christian.

She apologized, but hasn't spoken to me since. Fine with me. Shake the dust from my feet and move on.

My stepmother-in-law's mother has also circulated stupid emails that I promptly trash. When it's really over-the-top, I respond with a "reply all." Since doing that I've noticed she doesn't send them to me as much as she used to. And my stepmother-in-law has a brother-in-law who worships Rush. It wouldn't be so bad except we vacation with these people every summer. So I only see them once a year, maybe twice if we visit them for the holidays, and there are other sane moderates or liberals in the family to hang around with if it gets to be too much.

I also have a friend from college I've severely limited my contact with, as she wants Texas to secede from the Union (www.texassecede.org if you want to see the trainwreck) and joined "O.B.A.M.A. - One Big Ass Mistake, America" on Facebook. :dunce:

There are other reasons I'm cutting her loose...she's self-centered and never asks about me or my family...it's always about her 24/7, and it's all drama, all the time. People like that are exhausting to be around.

[madmom]

101. Yes, ALL of my in-laws, but it was religion not politics. I'm a heathen ya see!

[JNelson6563]

103. Estranged from my mom for about 17 years now.

My choice. My brothers are both still alive and we have regular enough contact. All the others that were my favorites (aunts, uncles, etc.) have died and I seem to have lost touch with the rest.

While it can be a bit lonely during difficult times I do not regret or reconsider my decision.

Julie

[LibraLiz1973]

104. Yes.

My uncle and his 3 sons- one who I was very close to growing up, another who I took care of every day for 2 years and was very very close to.

It's a difficult decision & sometimes I miss what he/they USED to be, but then I remember
what they have become and I know the right decision was made.

I think it has been harder on my mother, because in essence she lost her brother.
She also says that as tough as it is, it was the right thing.

[jp11]

105. I have with some but not 'officially'

and I will do so in the future more 'officially', meaning I haven't spelled it out or said it and at some point I will explain it.

I don't see keeping myself tied to 'family' members who have shown they don't care about me or other members of the family until they need something or who take advantage of me and other family members. To me this is nothing more than a form of an abusive relationship, and I see no reason to maintain it.

[Jennicut]

107. My parents are very conservative but I decided a long time ago to be the bigger person

and simply agree to disagree with them. They are misguided. They are not overly nasty people and have done an awful lot to help out me and my husband and my friends. They even let my brother's best friend in high school stay with them for the summer when he was kicked out of his house. The fact that they vote the way they do confuses me because in everyday life they are decent people. I think it was their parents that always voted Republican and they simply stuck with that.

[cynatnite]

108. Relationships are just too complicated...

My mother is as RW fundie as they come. She probably believes she is a tea party type and she has some bigotry that unsettles me. I love her a lot and our relationship is more important than politics.

[sybylla]

109. Cut off is maybe not the right word - but definitely have distanced myself from many

For a variety of reasons from simple differences to dreadful psychological issues, there are probably half a dozen people between my husband's family and mine that we have distanced ourselves from. It's not particularly lonely as we have lots of friends and close relations with other members of the family. Plus, it incises the bullshit from your life which cuts stress and frustration from always trying to keep the peace.

We haven't officially cut anyone off, we just avoid the psychos as much as possible (usually always except for major family events) and don't sweat if we do something to piss them off when we do encounter them.

It's a bitch, but you don't get to pick your family. Sometimes, for your own health and well-being, cutting someone off is for the best - for everyone involved.

[The Backlash Cometh]

110. Yes, as much as one could when you have a spouse who doesn't

share your political convictions.

[AmandaMae]

111. I'm tempted to.

it bothers me knowing some people in my family have such hateful viewpoints. Even if they don't express them, I find it hard to distract myself and just 'not talk politics'. Sure, it's possible to be around people like that without getting into a fight, but for me, there's no chance of real closeness with them.

[clyrc]

114. My crazy ass brother cut me off

The only reason I care is that I have a little niece or nephew I wish I could get to know... Ok that is a lie, I do care and I can't, for the life of me, understand why he hates me so much when he was the one who put the rest of the family through hell. I don't think of him all the time, but when I do it makes me sad.

[bobbolink]

115. Yes, and quite some time ago. It is painful for all of us who come to this point, and there are

many of us.

It is why I object to so much of the concentration on "families" during campaigns.

Many of us do NOT have a family that is anywhere near healthy.

It would be unhealthy to continue any relationship that repeatedly steps over your boundaries.

[felix_numinous]

116. Yes, for toxic rage

I cannot tolerate and do not accept in my life. It took 10 years to make the decision, but I am better for it.

Wow reading this thread makes me wonder how many families have suffered because of hate propaganda? Think about that, they are breaking up families.

[Roon]

118. I haven't cut off any people, and I have a lot of friends and family

that are conservative. I am hardcore into politics but I keep a cool head and i am very cordial when debating with them. With some people, sometimes it's just best not to discuss politics at all.

Take my great-uncle who was a right wing ditto-head. My mother and I were discussing the colorado aids walk once and my uncle just had to open his yap about why he would never donate for the cause. Pissed me off of course, but from then on, i never talked politics with him. He did live long enough to see obama get elected though. :evilgrin:

[marions ghost]

119. Some of my Repuglican relatives

are now voting for moderate Dems to try to squeeze out the Teabags. Serves em right--as long as the neanderthal right was a fringe element they were happy to get the votes.

They seem to expect approval for their willingness to cross vote, but I can't give that. The damage has been done long ago. I do not trust these people. Some of the elders are dying off and the younger ones appear to be more enlightened. These are close blood relatives, but I feel as alienated from them as if we had emerged in totally different cultures.

My dad always said the bullies and selfish people become Republicans. The good-hearted, unselfish people become Democrats. We have been scarred by the close association, I'm sad to say. We just give them the Big Cheese and avoid them as much as possible.

[xiamiam]

121. ok..i have..for political reasons and also because of the core

i love her..but i dont like her..i dont like that she listens to fox and rush and thinks they've got a handle on things..life is short and i wouldnt choose friends who think like her so i just avoid her..in the 2004 election, she told me that her vote cancelled mine..i tried for a very long time as she is my oldest living relative and my moms sister..but something is askew in her value system which gives me the creeps

[HuckleB]

122. No. I've been very lucky, overall.

But, uh, I might be a bit too tolerant. Ah, well, still, I think other issues are the real reason family members cut each other off, most of the time. But what do I know? :shrug:

[Naturyl]

123. Unofficially, yes

I haven't sent anyone a "notice" that they are cut off, but I've hidden some GOP family member's Facebook updates and there are others I haven't spoken with for many years.

It's not something I worry about at all. I am ready and willing to cut ugly-minded people out of my life without a second thought. Life's too short to give them any time or energy.

[Generic Brad]

124. Regretfully, yes

There was a toxic mix of religion, politics, and racism that finally got me to my breaking point. I was in danger of losing my loving wife over making excuses for their abhorrent behavior. What began as a self imposed cooling off period escalated when it turned into unsubstantiated smears, lies and condemnations. I am no longer welcome over things I never said or did. Their loss.

[cordelia]

125. No

[Raine]

126. My extended family father's side (uncles, aunts, counsins) do not discuss politics

we agree to disagree and I'm glad because we differ but are close as a family. The extended family has been a great comfort to me when my father died and I really do love them. My mother's family we cut off because of some personal stuff involving her abuse as a child. We have had no communication with them for 30 plus years. It's a sad situation, I would recommend trying to get along if at all possible. I often wonder since my mother's death about my aunt and cousins on that side but don't even know where they are.

[phylny]

127. My wonderful Republican husband of 30 years is cut off indefinitely.

Unless that's not quite what you meant ;)

[frogmarch]

128. Mr. froggy and I cut off

one of his sisters and her husband because they are racists and we have two adoptive grandsons, one of whom is biracial and the other African American. We refuse to cast pearls before swine. We love our grandchildren with all our hearts and won't tolerate KKK types in our lives.

The racism issue is the last straw. It's not the only problem we have with his sister and her husband.

[bettyellen]

129. yes, I have a cousin and aunt who are totally machavellian and lie about everything all the time

everything has to go their way, or they start big trouble trying to divide and conquer everyone else by spreading lies. Total control freaks, I had to change my phone and email to be rid of them.
Once and a while I'll see them and they want to pretend none of the very awful things happened the way they did. I keep my distance and make it clear I prefer them to do the same.
I don't miss them one whit, never have, They are vicious people.

[trayfoot]

130. No, but I did some hefty

lobbying to get them on the Dem side! Fortunately, I succeeded!