Etiquette

[hyphenate]

First of all, I will assume that DUers are amongst the most polite and mannerly people we could ever know. But there are so many people out there that have absolutely no sense of politeness or a generally empathic attitude toward other people.

I think that some people just don't feel like they have the time to be polite, as they have such busy schedules. But how much does it take to wish someone a good day, especially someone who has helped you out, or to say "thank you?" The truth is, people who help you are human beings as well, and they might like a wish from someone to brighten their day in such a manner.

I probably don't know half the amount of etiquette needed for a proper formal dinner, like the difference between forks, which side the tea cup goes on, what things are looked at askance, but I don't think I'm likely to participate in a state dinner regardless, but I can smile and make conversation with just about everyone, and that amount of manners is a wonderful thing.

Yesterday, as I was going to the vet with my kitty Delenn, the paratransit picked up a second passenger, an older man who lived in assistant living. Until he was dropped off at his destination, he talked with me. He was from the Ukraine, who had escaped from the country when it was still part of the Soviet Union 20 years ago. We talked about how, even now, there are many people in horrible conditions, and many of them growing hungrier every day. If we think we've got it bad here, any Russian, Ukrainian, or other such person would gladly switch places.

One thing I noticed about many people on the right is their general lack of curiosity and narrow-mindedness. They don't want anyone to make inroads into their lives, they can't and won't tolerate change in their lives that could shake them up. It's that part of their nature which I think cripples them. If you are European, you are able to quite freely go to a different country which might only be as far as Boston is to New York. And this country doesn't speak your language, so you need to have passing knowledge of that language. There is a cosmopolitan feeling in European, while the US doesn't have that feeling. Our closest neighbor speaks the same language as we do, and our southern neighbor is often treated like shit from the US.

Manners are a great thing to have. They take away the perceived haughtiness that some people have, and they make living a little nicer. Who can get angry at someone who has wished you a good day?

[FSogol]

1. K & R. n/t

[hyphenate]

2. Thank you! eom

[blondeatlast]

3. Indeed; very well said, Hyphenate. I tend to lose my manners here

and feel horrible afterwards; however, I'm quite pleasant and polite in real life.

Thanks for a great reminder--and I so hope you and dear Delenn are doing well!

[hyphenate]

8. Thank you!

I've had times when I've strayed from common courtesy myself online too. Since I don't get out very much, I try to remember that many impressions determine right up front whether you will be remembered with some sense of likeability or whether you were the person "from hell."

Tomorrow, Delenn goes back to the vet for a second x-ray, and an ear cleaning. Then next Tuesday, she goes to Radiocat. The new vet has worked with them many times, she said, and all good reports. My friend Steve will have earned his dinner out after all the driving I'm going to put him through!

[safeinOhio]

4. Remember this

It cost nothing to be nice.
:-)

[hyphenate]

9. Exactly that!

I think being able to be cordial is sometimes a feat for some people. But it certainly does help in many situations. And it certainly lowers your blood pressure as well. :-)

[apocalypsehow]

5. Anonymity tends to bring out the ugly in people: I just got told yesterday that because of the color

of my daughter's hair, she should be treated as a second-class citizen (that was the gist of it). Ugly stuff.

K & R.

[hyphenate]

10. I think that's certainly true--we can

trivialize our connections to people online, but as I know firsthand, these people are members of your family, that you invite into your life, not anonymous screennames you just argue with online.

I think that a lot of it begins with how we treat real people. And that's because we're trying to understand where our online life fits into our entire world. We spend more time with our computers talking with people we have never met than with Uncle Fred at a family Thanksgiving dinner. And yet, it's the world beyond our keyboards that truly offers us daily inspiration, because listening to that old windbag Fred reminds us why we can choose our friends, but not the members of our families.

Baby boomers and those older have been part of two very different worlds--we knew what it was like before the technology boom, and we are still slightly shell shocked with the advances that have dictated the growth of instantaneous communications. I remember when some people would be totally afraid of using the computer because they were sure it was going to crash.

But now, just about everybody operates one, and certainly those under a certain age never knew what it was like to not have that technology. And the kids have been able to reconcile their real lives with their cyber lives, but they also don't have the social lives that most of us established long before the 'net.

But I think a few lessons between parents and their kids could re-introduce some traditional manners to the next generation, and could possibly keep civility going for years to come. Otherwise, we're going to have a bunch of self-absorbed geniuses around with no social etiquette at all.

[handmade34]

6. nice post

Almost everday I am reminded of this very thing. I go into different neighborhoods everyday for my work and I meet all different kinds of people in passing. Today I was walking through some of the roughest neighborhoods in the Bronx (one was where the horrific sexual assault took place a couple of weeks ago). I try to acknowledge everyone I pass and say something positive. I stop and chat with the young man trying to get a dollar from me and I tell the young woman I pass what a beautiful smile she has and I stop and joke with a couple of old women sitting on their stoop... Funny how I find this so much easier to do in a place like the Bronx rather than the gated community in Dallas... but I do it still. :-)

[hyphenate]

11. It's true

Having actual face to face relations with people makes a big difference in many ways. It keeps things personal, and for most of us, that enhances our relationships with people.

[Uncle Joe]

7. Kicked and recommended.

Thanks for the thread, hyphenate.:thumbsup:

[hyphenate]

12. You're welcome.

I just know how I feel when I get a pleasant response from people. It certainly means a lot to me.