"Raw hatred may actually help the cause"

[bobbolink]

This is a thought-provoking and painful column by Leonard Pitts.... I don't appreciate his conclusion at the end because I am firmly convinced that MUCH more needs to be done than telling gay kids "It gets better" (barf), but what he brings up is a sad truth....

He is talking about what President John Kennedy said...

Raw hatred may actually help the cause

By Leonard Pitts Jr.
[e-mail]

(edit)
In a meeting at the White House, the president told civil rights leaders they ought not be too hard on Bull Connor. Connor, he said with a grin, “has done as much for civil rights as Abraham Lincoln.”

(edit)
It had previously been possible for segregationists to wrap their cause in dry euphemism. They framed themselves as defenders of constitutional principle — “states’ rights.” They argued that requiring businesses to serve African Americans violated private property rights.

But that footage outraged the world, awakened the nation and hastened civil rights legislation. The president’s point was that none of it would have happened but for Birmingham’s top cop, who punctured dry euphemism with the rawness of his hatred and forced people to finally see.

Every once in awhile, the battle for human rights needs a Bull Connor. The battle against the bullying of gay kids may have just found one.

Read more: http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/10/30/1898766/raw-hatred-may-actually-help-the.html#ixzz149xsby7C

He goes on to report the very ugly words of a homophobe he is likening to Bull Connor. IMO, a column worth reading, even it if makes one throw up.

[Name removed]

1. Deleted message

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[GreenPartyVoter]

2. I was bullied as a kid and "It gets better" was frequently what was offered to me back then too. On

the one hand, now that I am here at this stage of my life I can agree with it. Yes, it does get better. Now instead of people actually taunting me just the echoes remain. (And yes, they are very damaging too but not the same as the live action experience.)

But here is the thing that I have never been able to answer, even now. "What would have helped?" If my kids got bullied today I have no idea how to use my own experiences to guide them through it, or better still put an end to it, and that seems so weird to me. Most of the time one can apply life lessons from previous experiences, but this specific scenario has me stumped. But the more I hear about kids killing themselves over this kind of pain the more I think I need to figure it out, because we have to do something, somehow to fix this.

I hope Mr. Pitts is right about this horrible Clint McCance person, that he becomes the spark that finally sets the blaze and gets people to gather around on the bullying issue.

[bobbolink]

3. "it gets better" is a copout... when what is needed is ACTION!

Kids are looking to us to protect them from what is killing them.

We can do no less.

[GreenPartyVoter]

5. Doh! Post #7 was meant to go here

[GreenPartyVoter]

4. Action, yes, but what is the action? That's where I am stumped. What

do we actually do?

I would love to remove bullies from schools but in my case it would have been half the school. (No, that's not an exaggeration.) TPTB never would have gone for that so what's the alternative? (And please, to anyone out there who intends to volunteer a "Stand up to them. Quit being a victim." Been there, tried that, didn't work.)

[Naturyl]

17. Same was true for me.

Disciplining the bullies would have meant disciplining most of the school. Clearly not in the cards.

They ended up throwing me out instead. It sounds awful but by that point it was a relief.

[awoke_in_2003]

18. We need to start discussing this...

with the kids in school, and let them know that bullying will not be tolerated. Then you need to follow through with definitive actions. We need it out in the opened, not jammed in the closet.

[Uncle Joe]

6. I hope McCance serves the role of a Bull Connor.

Meet Clint McCance. He’s vice president of the Midland School District in Arkansas and he apparently felt put out by a call for people to wear purple as a means of highlighting the bullying problem in the wake of five recent suicides by gay teenagers. So he went on Facebook to vent.

“Seriously they want me to wear purple because five queers committed suicide. The only way im wearin it for them is if they all commit suicide. I cant believe the people of this world have gotten this stupid. We are honoring the fact that they sinned and killed thereselves because of their sin. REALLY PEOPLE.”

Thanks for the thread, bobbolink.

[bobbolink]

7. I warned you it was ugly. Seriously, it is really hard to grasp that there are people who are

this hateful. I hope it wakes up those who think it will all go away by telling kids to "be strong". :puke:

The same thing is happening with homeless people, but there aren't any supportive actions for us.

I wonder how bad it will have to get for homeless people BEFORE there is some concern. After all, even setting us on fire hasn't garnered any outrage.

Prejudice is prejudice and it is all just as ugly. :(

Thanks for posting that clip...... it truly paints the picture of just who that monster is!

[lightningandsnow]

8. "All that is needed for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing."

Sadly, I don't think a lot of people are as outraged over displays of hatred and prejudice as they should be.

We had a freeper (Rob Ford) running for mayor. He's said some really awful, racist, homophobic things, like saying that "Orientals are taking over", and "If you're not gay and not doing needles, you won't get AIDS."

And, yet, he won by a landslide.

My father, a fiscal conservative, said "I can't vote for someone that bigoted". However, other people, many of whom considered themselves not to be racist, many of whom had GLBTQ friends or relatives, looked the other way. A cousin of mine, who considers herself to be supportive of LGBTQ people, praised Ford for being "outspoken and controversial". She voted for him, even though she'd never say some of the stuff he's saying to my face.

I think a lot of privileged people don't care all that much about sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, classism, or other systems of oppression. And even on the rare occasion that they're beaten over the head with it, they often turn away.

I think this article is a little too optimistic.

[bobbolink]

10. "I think this article is a little too optimistic." Could you say more about that?

Is it because you think to cause a backlash, people have to have empathy?

Also, I really agree with your statement about "privileged". I think a "strong middle class" has been highly overrated.... affluence leads to lack of compassion, from what I see, and I have a front-row seat on that issue.

[lightningandsnow]

11. Yeah. I don't think the backlash against bigotry is usually that big.

And people have to have empathy in the first place. I kind of get the impression that while many people find open displays of bigotry distasteful, they seem to (at least with what I saw with our local election) see it more as a sign that someone is tactless and not terribly smart than actually being truly offended by it. And in the rare case where something seen as truly awful happens (such as murder or attempted murder), people are quick to distance themselves from it; after all, how could they be racist or homophobic? They're certainly not running around killing gay or black people.

[bobbolink]

21. Sadly, I agree with you. This isn't the same society that JFK knew, and the columnist is talking

about.

Empathy and compassion have become dirty words, and few people seem to have the spine to stand up to the ugliness on behalf of others. :(

[TheBigotBasher]

9. Homophobic bullying needs to become an expulsion issue.

It needs to be looked at in the same way sexism and racism is.

The problem is though with the likelihood of the Tea Party Republicans winning after a campaign of hate, racism may sadly be back in fashion.

[KittyLover]

12. It can't!

I mean...I know it technically can, but it really SHOULDN'T. Bigotry is a plague. Not matter on blcks, hispanic, homosexuals, the homeless, etc. It's wrong, and should be dealt with swiftly, and harshly. Period.

PS: I did not know you were homeless, bobbolink. For me, that brings a heck of a new light on the issue. We can get second hand knowlege, and information about how it truly is. K&R.

[TheBigotBasher]

13. Agreed

but did you not see a whole Summer of Hate campaign targeting Muslims in America? A level of hate that would have shamed any mainstream politician in any respectable democracy but Republican candidates were happy to share the stage with Neo Nazi skin head thugs from the UK.

If polls are right it appears that the most idiotic and extreme may benefit electorally.

[KittyLover]

14. I did see

the Summer of Shit, (Or S.O.S) and it disappointed me greatly. I tried not to keep very close track of it. That kind of crap should sadden everyone.

[bobbolink]

26. A new light, indeed, Kitty Lover. You will see the amount of ignorance, ridicule and just plain

hatred directed towards homeless people in general by seeing the things that are said to me on this forum.

Its not pleasant nor easy being such a lightening rod, but I have come to see that for every attack, there is usually one more person who "gets it", and sees more clearly what homeless people are up against.

"We can get second hand knowlege, and information about how it truly is." I used to think that was my main value, and for a few, it is. But for many, that knowledge and information is very threatening, and they act accordingly.

Welcome to DU! :toast: :party: :bounce: :toast: :party: :bounce: :toast: :party: :bounce: :toast: :party: :bounce: :toast: :party: :bounce:

[HereSince1628]

15. It may get better for some, but it often gets better too late.

People exposed to incessant inescapable bullying are likely to develop cPTSD. Unlike PTSD which results from short term trauma complex PTSD is a consequence of repeated, inescapable tramatic stress.

How long must someone endure traumatic stress to develop this severely disabling mental disorder? Well, that's going to vary by person, but the YEARS of persecution it takes for elementary and high school to end are probably WAY MORE than the minimum.

What does it look like?

Difficulties regulating emotions, including symptoms such as persistent sadness, explosive anger, or covert anger...Changes in self-perception, such as a sense of helplessness, shame, guilt, stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings...Alterations in relations with others, including isolation, distrust, or a repeated desperate searches for a rescuer... DURABLE changes in the victims system of meanings, including a loss of sustaining faith and a sense of hopelessness and despair.

These things DO lead to desperate searches for escape from the persecution, including running away (leading to street life abd all its risks) as well as impulsive risky acts to find emotional relief (drug and alcohol use, risky sex--including prostitution, theft, and assault on percieved threats) or quiet, closeted, episodes of para-suicidal self-harm.

It's common and misguided to say that bullying ends and things always get better. Sometimes it may, but often it doesn't, the ability of cPTSD victims to lead healthy lives are shredded in the process of persecution. And quite obviously, a person doesn't get a chance to grow out of a successful suicide.
For those who escape the torment, to survive and get a chance to 'get better,'psychiatric treatment may always be impossible to access, and a chance at a productive life is ruined.

Whether the bully is a parent, a sibling or a school mate, or an authority figure, the bully cultivates long term pathological personality alterations in the victime which sometimes end in death.

Bullying destroys people.

[Naturyl]

16. Wow, Clint McCance is a vile individual...

With "educators" like him running school districts, is it really any surprise this bullying epidemic goes on and on?

I am not gay, but I experienced severe bullying in school as well and am disabled today partially because of it. I considered suicide frequently.

It does get better, but not in some magical "everything's okay now" way. The healing process is long, hard, and full of setbacks.

What would be far better is for kids not to have to go through such hells to begin with, and for "men" like McCance to find appropriate employment at McDonald's, where his ignorance, bigotry, and hatred can do comparatively little harm.

[Odin2005]

19. You can't compromise with these assholes.

[defendandprotect]

20. k&r

[mntleo2]

22. Like my post-slave elder friends said many years ago, ...

...in many ways being the "powerless" makes you invisible. Being invisible is not always a bad thing because while nobody is noticing, you can get a lot done before the powerful realize the ropes are wound around their ankles.

It is often amazing to me how the Left is so stupid not to work together with this "invisibility" except that THEY never see the "invisible" either.

Cat in Seattle

[bobbolink]

25. "Invisibility" --that is a very powerful thought, Cat! I have reread it a few times, and will

reread it more.

Very simple, and like a lot of things, very profound! There is some real meat in this. May I quote you?

Thanks! :hug:

[blindpig]

23. k&r

[nxylas]

24. I hope he's right

I have a feeling he may be. Even some conservatives are posting anti-homophobic bullying messages on Facebook.

[bliss_eternal]

27. post-election day, kick...

:kick:

to give this an opportunity to be seen by as many as possible. rec'd yesterday.

[bobbolink]

29. Thanks! It is *still* important.

:yourock:

[Jamastiene]

28. I wish some of the gay organizations would

start self defense/exercise centers all over this country. If we cannot get our elected leaders to enforce laws that they make to protect people, then we need to teach kids to defend themselves. Good self defense/exercise centers across the nation could provide a way to instill self confidence and counteract all the hate directed at us. If the kids are coached right, they can learn to defend themselves and have the self esteem and training to fight back. They should not have to take the bullying. If any gay organization did anything like this, it could give kids another outlet and a way to hear an alternative viewpoint. It could keep them from feeling so fucking hated and so fucking alone. We need to do something to counteract all the hatred and negativity directed at them.

If the lousy government won't enforce the damn laws and DEMAND that schools have zero tolerance for bullying, then dammit, we need to fight for our own people and give them the tools to fight for themselves as well.

I've had it with the way gay people are treated in this country. I've had it with the way women are treated in this country. I've had it with the way people who live in poverty are treated in this country. I've had it with the way homeless people are treated in this country. I've had it with the way kids are treated in this country.

Come to think of it:
I've had it with the way the average everyday people are treated in this country.

Why does our government bother to go through the pretense of creating laws if they never plan to enforce them? Why do we pretend to believe them when they say this or that should solve the problem?

[bobbolink]

30. Are you familiar with Model Mugging? It is quite impressive to watch!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Model_Mugging

You are absolutely right, that gay organizations could organize around this, and create some real alternatives.

I also wish that gay organizations would take homelessness seriously.... especially given the prevalence of so many gay youth on the streets!

"I've had it with the way gay people are treated in this country. I've had it with the way women are treated in this country. I've had it with the way people who live in poverty are treated in this country. I've had it with the way homeless people are treated in this country. I've had it with the way kids are treated in this country."

I am SOOO with you on this, and would be really honored to work with you on ideas along these lines! This sort of solidarity is the ONLY thing which will bring about REAL change!

:yourock:

[maryf]

31. Kick

Error: you can only recommend threads which were started in the past 24 hours sorry I missed this Bobbie, this is a bad week for meetings, tutoring, etc. Great OP! :yourock:

[tom_paine]

32. In today's Corporate/RW Fusion Media? Bull Connors would be a HERO!

How? By easily exploiting the RW Authoritarian propaganda template we have seen so very successful for so long at 100% impervious to any debunking (just as Goebbels originally designed it 80 years ago, when it was in a very primitive form, unlike today).

1) Minimize exposure of populace to the actual footage of Connor's actions. Use Corporate and Republico-Confederate power to cave the Corporate-owned press. Massive grassroots astroturfing campaigns to the Corporate-owned Media, where one Bushie emailing 10 complaints from 10 different e-mails carries the weight of 1000 real-live "commie pinko liberals".

2) Use RW Disinformation network to counteract even the small effect public awareness of Connor's atrocities has caused, using standard marketing and advertising techniques designed to make un-self-aware people buy stuff they don't need or even want.

3) Mobilize all corners of the RW authoritarian propaganda machine, including their coordinated network of Lying Blast E-mails, which marketing research has discovered is incredibly more effective that traditional forms of advertising/misinformation. Because of the natural, subconscious trust that people have for their friends, by fooling a single person and getting them to forward a false piece of information as gospel, an entire network of hundreds, perhaps even thousands of people can be inculcated with RW propaganda, even if it is 100% false.

4) Use corrupt local Republico-KKK-Confederate Law Enforcement in tandem with RW Authoritarian Propaganda Ops. Combine effort with Federal Republico-Confederate Power to legitimize the idea that Connor's victims were terrorists who deserved what they got. Make arrests of liberals, protesters, and Negroes under Patriot Act to further legitimize PsyOp. Use corrupt network of Republico-Confederate judges and US Attorneys (paging Leura Canary) to make sure Connors is not prosecuted (or if he is, then a phony, weak, just-for-show Republico-Confederate investigation of itself while continuously hammering Connor's victims, whether the charges stick or not. This will keep the story, complete with RW Propaganda Framing Points, at the fore while lending it a patina of legality and legitimacy.

As with all successful RW authoritarian propaganda, just sit back and let it bake for a few months, then DING! Bull Connors with a MINIMUM 35% approval rating. More probably, since as always, the rest of the Corporate Media will obediently follow the lead of RW Propagandists.

Sad, but tell me where I am missing something or where I have made a single stretch of the imagination, given the reality of the past 40 years, and especially the last 15.

Today, Bull Connors, even if he did EXACTLY what he did (in the name of National Security, of course), would be a fully legitimized RW Republican HERO of the Teabaggers and most Republicans.