"Dear Red States", a letter from the Blue

[Sonoman]

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/80714812.html

I'm all for it.

Sonoman

[DonCoquixote]

1. What would you say

To the progressives in the "Red" states that have been busting humps trying to fight the Dixiecrats?

Also, are you prepared to deport the GOP in your states, some of whom have ben royal pains (like Bachmann, Romeny and Christie, all of whom are YOURS!)

[Curmudgeoness]

2. I am sure that immigrants will be welcome in Blue USA. nt

[RC]

8. There will be brain scans to make sure they are Liberal and not

Sociopaths or worse, Psychopaths.

Check out the Sept/Oct 2010 edition of 'Scientific American' article on page 22, "Inside the Mind of a Psychopath" or goto
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=inside-the-mind-of-a-psychopath
Take note of the comments section of #10. cimmaryn in reply to Grimm Cild 07:20 PM 8/24/10

[Curmudgeoness]

11. Cool, I hope I pass the test. nt

[RC]

15. TEST - Sarah Palin is

1. A political genius
2. A knob

Answer___________

[Curmudgeoness]

30. LOL, well, at least I have a 50/50 chance of getting it right.

Although I did just recently tell a pollster from the College Republicans that the person I wanted to see on the ticket for president in 2012 was Sarah Palin, I have to say "a knob" is being very kind to her.

[Kalyke]

19. Ever think we don't want to live in cold land?

And some of us don't want to live in rocky beach, plastic surgery land, either.

[Curmudgeoness]

31. I can appreciate that. I hate cold, although Canada is looking better

every day.

[bullimiami]

3. That they will be welcomed to their new homes with open arms?

[Ruby the Liberal]

4. We say, "come with us" and yes, I am for deportation.

Utopia! Join us!

:D

[Sonoman]

7. I say they all move out here.

Prop 19 is going to pass next time and we will all have a ball.

I would imagine the goppers would all move to Bakersfield, or something.

Hell, I just posted that as a lark. I live in Sonoma, so I don't have to worry about a thing.

Come to think of it, maybe we would just kick the fuckers out. Just like old Hilda kicked Whitman's ass out of our Tuesday Night Farmers Market a couple of weeks ago.

Sonoman

[Kalyke]

20. I happen to think California is ugly.

I live in Tennessee. We kick your ass in beauty - unless you LIKE ugly ass rocky beaches.

That said - I don't smoke Mary Jane - don't give two shits about that issue. Couldn't care less.

I don't WANT to live there. I WANT better media.

[Sonoman]

23. Yosimite.

Big Sur

Humboldt.

Mr Nice (google it).

Music.

You got what you get.

Sonoman

[Kalyke]

25. I have

Mount LeConte

The Chimneys

Four Seasons (a REAL fall - which is the fucking BEST)

Music (Knoxville, TN has one of the BEST underground music scenes in the country).

I got all that... I just need some BLUE.

[Sonoman]

27. I know your beautiful State

And I know the music.

I was just posting some old, tired thing.

But we could play some BLUES.

If you are up to it...

Sonoman

[orleans]

22. i'd be happy to deport the gop

we can start with my congressional rep.

[nadinbrzezinski]

5. It is STILL funny as shit

six years later.

[apocalypsehow]

6. Lame the first time I saw it circulated back in 2004. It basically takes the same position Southern

slaveholders did in 1860: we don't like the outcome of a democratic election, so we're going to take our marbles and go home.

Secession is illegal & unconstitutional, BTW.

[Jester Messiah]

21. Lighten up, Francis.

In any case, if the options are "semi-amicable separation" or "civil war 2", what's your preferred outcome?

[apocalypsehow]

24. I would prefer the former, I must confess. The idea of a second actual Civil War is horrific to me,

given what I know about the bloody history of the first one.

So, you're right: I'd rather see a "semi-amicable separation" than the alternative.

[movonne]

9. Id this could only be...I'm already here...

[mkultra]

10. Dear blue states

We are really sorry.



Signed, Oklahoma.

[Permanut]

12. Now wait just a darn minute...

You mean to tell me Jonah WASN'T swallowed by a whale? What's next? The earth goes around the sun?

[Sonoman]

13. Well, I don't know about that.

I'll get back to you, later.

Sonoman

[Naturyl]

14. No longer accurate, sadly

Maine and NH are either going or already gone. New England as a solid blue block is done for.

[kelly1mm]

16. Or if you break it down by congressional district or county you might

not have much true blue left (or true red for that matter). Since the 2010 elections were midterms, it is truely shocking to see how much real estate is red - even in "blue states" after Tuesday. I fear with the upcoming redistricting this may be a 10 year set back. We cannot be a majority party if confined into thin strips along the coasts with other spots around major inland cities.

[BolivarianHero]

26. You don't know what you're talking about...

New Hampshire was never solidly blue. It's going blue over time, which would not surprise me, but there will be some regressions. much as there was when Vermont went from being a libertarian Republican state to a relatively progressive state, it will take time and it won't be a linear process.


Maine only went :puke: for governor because a weak Democratic candidate split the prgoressive vote and allowed a :puke: to win. Dems still swept the two Congressional seats, anti-conservtive candidates won about 62% of the gubernatorial vote, and the two :puke: Senators are popular moderates and the GOPissants will not hold those seats when they retire.

The :puke:s were slaughtered in VT, RI, MA, and CT.

[brentspeak]

17. Wisconsin is no longer a blue state

Besides replacing Feingold's Senate seat with an arch-conservative, Republicans also won the Governer's mansion and now control both chambers of the Wisconsin state legislature. And Obama's popularity in Wisconsin has completely plummeted: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/05/us/politics/05feingold.html?src=twrhp

[Kalyke]

18. Sigh

[Blue_In_AK]

28. You couldn't get me to move away from Alaska for all the money in the world

no matter how crazy our politics. Some of the best progressives in the country live here. They fight harder because they haven't become complacent like the Dems in the blue states. I would guess that's true for the Democrats in the south, as well.

[Balbus]

29. Dear blue states....

Fuck you!

[Jamastiene]

32. Has it occured to you that there are usually

anywhere between 30 to 40% Democrats in "red" states? Are you telling us you basically hate us too?

I find the south bashing to be inaccurate. There are a lot of LIBERAL Democrats in the south. We just don't have that much power down here. If you think you can do better, by all means, come on down next election and help us get more liberal Democrats elected down here.

Elaine Marshall sure could have used a little help from the national Democratic Party this time around. Burr ads on TV were 10 to her 1. Even thought she lost, the did damn well in such a "conservative" state. Too bad she didn't have any support from the national Democratic Party. She might could have won.

But, by all means, if bashing us makes you feel better, get it out of your system. Just remember that you are bashing many people who do not fit your stereotype of the south, people who are liberals and sick and tired of being lumped in with the people we don't like down here either.

And if it's civil war you want, you damn Yankees need to learn how to cook some decent food. Personally, I would be for a nonviolent "civil war" over food that didn't stop until you had real southern cooking classes in every city in every state in the "blue" states. Damn, add some flavor to all that stuff you cook up there.

While you are at it, lower the damn rent prices, would you? I looked into leaving NC ages ago but was stopped at every turn by the price of rent in "blue" cities. Can you beat my $350 a month for 12 years to own 2/3 acre of land AND a home in a nice neighborhood that I love? .

AND...(you had to know that was coming, right?)

even after you do that, there is one more logical AND I want to add to the list...

There is one more I want you to see if you can just TRY to beat; find the lower rent prices AND better food/restaurants in one single area AND in that same single area find a place that has a vast expanse of wilderness like the Pee Dee Wildlife Refuge. If you can manage that, then we'll talk.

One thing you should know though, here in Richmond County, NC, we vote blue and we vote blue consistently...AND we have good food AND we have lower rent prices AND we have the Pee Dee Wildlife Refuge AND my neighborhood, although an old neighborhood, is still forested enough that we see everything from falcons to eagles to owls to rare species of lizards and snakes and insects and plenty more critters I would not trade for a million dollars.

I might have 5 more years to go on my mortgage, but I've already fallen so in love with this place and my "jungle" in the backyard so much that I would do anything to keep it...and keep it right where it is. This is practically sacred ground to me at this point. It might be in the very imperfect south, but dammit, it's home and it has all the wonder and amazement and adventure and beauty and affordability and good food I require to live.

Beat that! Then, we'll talk.

[Terra Alta]

35. Thank you!!

I get so sick of South-bashing on DU, especially after how hard I've worked to get Democratic candidates elected here. I love NC and would never leave it... I live in Stanly County which has to be the most redneck county in the state but even here I've found plenty of progressives. There are many, many progressive Democrats in the red states and this red state bashing really needs to stop.

[IDemo]

33. -

http://www.democraticunderground.com/forums/rules_detailed.html

Do not post messages that are bigoted against (or grossly insensitive toward) any person or group of people based on their race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, religion, lack of religion, disability, physical characteristics, or region of residence.

[Arkana]

34. Not sure having Eliot Spitzer's a point of pride anymore.

[Terra Alta]

36. Unrec.

Please don't disparage those of us who do live in red states and have worked our butts off to get Democratic candidates elected here.

[Yo_Mama]

37. Very dated

And not helpful, either.

Wisconsin and Michigan are more on the red side now, Illinois shifted more to the red, and there are more red pockets in the NE. NJ is getting redder by the minute. It's probably their property taxes.

I presume this will wave back substantially in the next election, but who knows?

In any case, it is still not helpful. Winners think and plan and reach out. This, IMO, is just a loser's way of making him- or herself feel better. And it really does not make me feel better to realize how much "blue" territory was lost this time.