This is a continuation of this thread:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x9504488Lover Boy woke-up not longer after I posted. He had his usual cup of coffee and then kissed me and said he had some work to do. He grabbed this massive sledge hammer from his work truck and headed down the road.
I'll admit I was in denial/disbelief for several minutes but when I couldn't take not knowing what he was up to I jumped into our truck (this thing is huge and I hate driving it) and went after him.
Just as I thought he was walking up to the refrigerator and he took a running swing at it with the hammer. I yelled at him to stop but he was just brutal on this thing. I knew he was strong but it was freaky watching the hammer sink through the sides of the fridge. And he was pretty loud and vulgar too. He was cursing it at the top of his lungs. Like when the door popped off the hinges he screamed at it, "you fucking whore, you don't even have beer in you!"
Mind you this is about 8am on a Sunday morning in a quiet farming community.
Two trucks had stopped on the side of the road and the owner of the farm the fridge was on came up to the fence. Embarrassed. Mortified. Scared. I hate just writing about it.
I ran to him and told him I was sorry. Was it his refrigerator? No, someone just dumped it the day before. He asked what all the commotion was about. I didn't want to say but I did. He put his hand on my shoulder and told me to let Lover Boy have his fun.
Well, LB could see the stares he was drawing so he came over and said he was sorry.
Not long after the sheriff pulled up and said someone had called.
LB stepped up and told the cop he was busting up the refrigerator.
But then the farmer told the cop he had asked LB to move the fridge and LB was just having some fun before he did and everything was OK. He and the cop knew each other on a first name basis. The cop asked if he was sure and the farmer said yes with a laugh and waved him off.
The cop left.
Me and LB just started gushing thank-yous. He told LB he still had to take the fridge down to the dump so they loaded it into the truck. We drove down to the dump and LB was very apologetic but he said he really, really, REALLY felt better. I just cuddled up beside him on the seat. I honestly don't know what to say at times like this. You don't want to be judgmental or condescending or sound stupid. So I just cuddled.
We went and got breakfast after that and as we were leaving he said he was feeling sleepy. So when we got home I--er--"put him to sleep."
While he was asleep I went and tried a new recipe for apple cobbler. An hour later he was awake and the cobbler was out of the oven. He wrapped his arms me and told me how good it smelled (I'm getting better at cooking!). I told him I was glad he looked forward to eating it, "now go get dressed." using my most commanding voice. I'm not ordinarily a very forceful person so he was on notice and he knew it.
Long story short (too late, right?): We took the cobbler over to the farmer's house.
My God, what beautiful people. They asked us in and we all introduced ourselves and started gushing with the thank-yous again. The husband waved LB over and showed him pictures of himself in uniform. He had been an officer.
The wife took me to another room saying there was no need for us women to here all the boy talk.
I wasn't ready for what came next.
She said her husband served 3 years in Vietnam until the army wouldn't let him take any more deployments. He had kept volunteering because he didn't want to come back to the states. They had almost divorced. When he did get back he would wake up screaming. He had started drinking the whole nine yards.
She looked at me and said, "the man you love is locked in a world where you will never be a part of it and it kills you to see him fighting and dying every day."
I just burst into tears. I'm in tears now. She just held me. I know I've written about this before but she was the first person I've met face-to-face who knows. The way I'll never know what LB is going through until it is you you just can't know. But she knew and I just sobbed in her arms.
When i finally pulled myself together she told me he did get better. Every now and again he has dreams but he has paid her back a thousand times including 4 beautiful children. She showed me their pictures. The youngest had joined the army just after high school. He was killed in Ramadi.
We cried together some more.
When we pulled ourselves together we peeked through the door and apparently the guys had had a good cry of their own so we shut the door and gave them some more time. By the time we came out they were back to being tough guys again.
We said our good-byes and they thanked me for the cobbler. They said we could come back to talk anytime.
Me and LB talked a lot. We're still going to counseling and we know we have work to do but I don't feel so alone now. LB wants to know if I'm going to make another cobbler.
I had to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening/reading.
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