Yet another bullying suicide - 14yo freshman runs out in front of semi-truck at 3am

[Ruby the Liberal]

He left a suicide note. This after an assembly on bullying that was mocked by the student body. Sent to me by family in the area.

Dammit - this HAS to stop!

MIDDLEBURG — Students at Midd-West High School cried out against bullying Friday as they mourned the loss of a classmate who in the early morning hours walked about 13 miles from his home to Routes 11-15, where he ran in front of a southbound tractor-trailer after leaving a suicide note at his home.

Freshman Brandon Bitner, 14, of Mount Pleasant Mills, ran in front of the truck at 3 a.m. near Liverpool, according to state police at Newport.

The boy’s family discovered him missing at 3:45 a.m., and contacted police.

The road was closed for about three hours after the crash.

There seems to be little doubt in the students’ minds why Bitner did what he did.

“It was because of bullying,” friend Takara Jo Folk wrote in a letter to The Daily Item.

“It was not about race, or gender, but they bullied him for his sexual preferences and the way he dressed. Which,” she said, “they wrongly accused him of.”

Full story: http://dailyitem.com/0100_news/x603547374/Bullied-student-kills-self

[dsc]

1. Honestly this is depressing beyond belief

My professional life revolves around these kind of issues, and it seems they never get better. It is like cleaning out the agean stables but still having the shitting horses doing their thing.

[Ruby the Liberal]

4. DSC, If that were my career, I wouldn't sleep for a month.

I can't imagine the weight you all bear working with these kids - wondering what they aren't telling you, wondering who is at risk and slipping between the cracks.

My heart is breaking for this kid and his family tonight.

What must be going through your mind to hike 13 miles in the middle of the night to the nearest highway to wait for an 18-wheeler to end your life? That was not spur of the moment. I can't even imagine the emotional pain. :cry:

God bless you for standing on that front line and making sure that a safe haven and OPEN and HONEST counseling is available to those who are willing to seek it.

:hug:

[dsc]

honestly I am glad I have several years of sobriety under my belt

I don't think I could have done this in early sobriety. As it is, my eating habits are, well, dreadful. I just hope they are telling me enough for me to know what is and isn't happening.

[Cid_B]

53. Honestly...

I wonder what the number of kids is who are committing suicide based on the attention and sympathy that these people are getting in the media.

In other words.. is there a feeling of "Well, at least I'll be loved/missed/accepted then.. look at that kid on the news..."

[Drale]

2. You know, I'm usually against violence,

but thats seems to be the only language bullies speak. I know I'm my situation, I didn't stop getting bullied until I snapped and broke two peoples arms. How long before we hear about a vigilant mob that beats the shit out of a bully? Bet when it happens the media will try to spin it that the bully was the victim.

[dsc]

3. actually the movie bully

based on a real life story, comes close. A group of three or four friends murder a notorious bully and get lots of help covering up the crime. They are in jail now but still.

[Ruby the Liberal]

6. Reading the ancedotes from his peers in the article I linked

I know I wouldn't shed a tear if the peers of this poor child took the culprits out behind the football field and beat the ever-loving shit out of them. As liberal as I am, I would also applaud the administration for looking the other way while it happened.

Who knows. A message like that could potentially save a life.








Kiddos - IT GETS BETTER. Hang in there. Please. You are our future and we need you. :hug:

[bobbolink]

29. Sadly, I find myself agreeing with the first part of what you said wholeheartedly.

I wish I didn't feel that way, but being an abused wife, and being abused at different times, even including here at DU, I know that many bullies just don't learn.

However, that last part.... the same song being sung by the administration is part of the problem.

It DOESN"T "get better" on its own, and repeating that is what is causing so much despair that youths are taking their own lives. I wish I could wipe that dumb cliche out of peoples' minds!

IT. DOESN'T. GET. BETTER. BECAUSE. WE. SAY. IT DOES.

IT. ONLY. GETS. BETTER. WHEN. WE. MAKE. IT. BETTER.

[Ruby the Liberal]

31. Sis, you can give them hope that it CAN get better or you can send the message

that this is as good as it gets.

Reality (as we see it) is one thing, dashing hopes before they have a chance to manifest is another.

I know you better than this...

[bobbolink]

35. No, that is not what I am saying. WE are their "hope".

It is like being parents... we don't expect kids to be able to handle things that even adults don't handle well.

WE. PROTECT. THEM.

We don't hand out guilt by telling them to handle what is overwhelming to them. We promise them that we will do better, and work to take better care of them. THAT is what they need to hear.

THEN we listen to them.... and weep with them in their despair.

THAT is the only healing way.

NOT the guilt that they are expected to absorb what they can obviously not absorb.

THEY ARE DEPENDING ON US We cannot let them down.

[Ruby the Liberal]

39. THIS ^^^

:applause:

[bobbolink]

43. Then you understand what I was saying?

I appreciate the applause (I don't get it often), but not sure what it means in this context.

I know we want these kids to live, and I know it is crushing to us to hear of each suicide. We want it to stop.

But telling hurt kids to deal with it better, as much as we want it to, isn't going to make it stop.

We have to be the adults, and show them that we are serious about protecting their safety.

[Ruby the Liberal]

47. Yes - just as in the last time you spoke out on this, as a mother

It deserved :applause: then and it deserves :applause: now, sister.

On edit - this is what I was referring to - your warm and loving replies to my bully thread: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=389&topic_id=9287844

[bobbolink]

66. Thank you very much, Ruby! We mothers are the ones to be the guides in this!

I'm going to tell you a story of when my son was little... I will make it as brief as I can. The point is to learn to see the world from the eyes of others, rather than to impose *our* view on others.

When my son was about 3... 3 1/2, something like that, he was a very outgoing child, and quite confident. But like a lot of other children (I think it is universal), he developed a fear.... there were wolves in his closet. (When I was a kid, there were alligators under my bed).

One day he came to me, frightened out of his wits, that the wolves were in his closet. He was so young.. there was no point in insisting to him that there weren't wolves... to him there were, and that wasn't going to go away. So, I looked at it from his point of view, and what I realized is that he was very short, and I was much bigger, and he needed to be protected... to KNOW he was safe.

Because he was so scared, I told him firmly to sit on the chair in the living room and let me handle the wolves. I told him NOT to go near his bedroom.. that I would take care of it. I went into the kitchen and got the broom, and reminded him to stay put as I went to his bedroom, where I opened the closet door and smashed around with the broom, yelling at the wolves to get out and leave my son alone. "How *dare* you come in here and scare him!", etc.

When I figured I had made the point, I looked out of his bedroom door and reminded him to stay put, and I swept the "wolves" across his bedroom, and through the living room, and out the door. As I swept them off the porch, I waved the broom in the air and yelled, "And STAY out!"

Then I gathered up my son and sat in the rocking chair with him until I could sense that he felt better, and he went off and played contently in his room.

A few days later, the wolves were back, and I repeated the scene. It happened a few more times but he wasn't as scared... he knew I was going to take care of it.

Finally, one time when I was sweeping the wolves across the living room, I saw there was no fear at all on his face, so I asked him if he wanted to sweep them out the door, and he nodded yes, so I handed him the broom. He yelled at them, and swept them out and waved the broom in the air and yelled "And stay out!"

We did that a few times, and one day I was sitting in the living room reading my organic gardening magazine, and out of the corner of my eye I saw this little figure determinedly stomping into the kitchen. He grabbed the broom, and stomped back into his room, killed the wolves, swept them out, and on the porch, yelled "And STAY out!"

That was the end of the wolves. I have no idea what they symbolized for him, but as he gained strength from knowing I would take care of him, he gradually got to the point where he felt strong enough to take care of them himself.

As mothers, this is our job, and as a society, this is how we need to care for our youth who are being scared literally to death by these bullies. We need to grab our brooms and take care of business.

[ThomCat]

68. Holy shit. That's beautiful.

:loveya:

[bobbolink]

71. The moral of the story is... Don't Mess With A Mother With A Broom!

Thanks, Thom... you wield a broom quite handily, your own self!

:loveya:

[GreenPartyVoter]

69. Wow! What an amazing story. Your son was so empowered.

[mntleo2]

72. Wow

...I had to write even though I am about to catch the bus because getting out the "broom" is something that will make change ~ not just pretending that magically somehow it suddenly "gets better". I do like the campaign and all, but also think it is up to We The People to precipitate change and SPEAK OUT ABOUT THE ISSUE EVERY TIME WE HEAR OR SEE IT.


You know the broom is a great symbol to take up as an icon for change like this. I am thinking of an icon, that works with SO much as a great message for things that needs to be addressed.

Love
Cat

[bobbolink]

74. Thanks for taking the time, Cat! I like the icon idea!

I don't know if you saw my suggestion on the other bullying thread, but I was suggesting that we follow in Candy Lightner's steps, and form "Mothers Against Bullying". The broom as an icon for that would be terrific!

Can we do it?

:hug:

ps..... I'm with you about the "campaign"... it is empty and soulless. Until we look at the world from *their* eyes, we don't have any effect on their perception.

[defendandprotect]

80. Great post, -- 1000% --

[OneGrassRoot]

83. I second that. Very powerful!!! Thank you. :) n/t

[Bluebear]

92. This should be an OP. Beautiful.

[bobbolink]

96. Thank you, Bluebear. It is waaay past time for us to get out our brooms and sweep out the bullies!

There is just NO excuse for us not to mobilize against this!

:pals:

[GrpCaptMandrake]

106. An inspiring account!

How does one address bullying at school when it seems the whole school district favors it? In other words, what do you do when bullying is part of a culture that WANTS to torment people for being "different?"

For my family, it's a reality. My son has been repeatedly attacked and my daughters mercilessly hounded.

[bobbolink]

108. I'm sorry for your children... it MUST stop. How, you ask?

ONce again, I ask you to look at the example of Candy Lightner. When she had the family tragedy that caused her to strike back, drinking and driving was *acceptable* to a large part of the citizenry. She stuck her neck out, banded with other mothers who were pissed enough to stand out, and turned around the whole attitude toward drinking and driving in this country.

I can remember when comedians acting drunk and talking about driving were considered funny. That is no longer the case, and hasn't been for a long time. Candy Lightner changed all that.

As I keep saying, mothers coming together on this can have an effect if they only will.

Thank you for your kind words on my story.. it is bitter sweet, as I fondly remember my child at that age, but he was kidnapped when he was 8, which began the deterioration of my health, leading to my current situation.

[GrpCaptMandrake]

110. Merciful god, that's beyond "bittersweet"

That is a horror, and I grieve for you.

I largely agree with you on the M.A.D.D. analogy, but there has to be a certain quantum of mothers willing to do this.

Here in West Virginia, something like M.A.D.D. is relatively easy, since it can be approvingly preached from the pulpit, whence comes most folks in this region's sense of morality. Unfortuntately, the same cannot be said of bullying. The Number ONE source of bullying IS the pulpit here, from whence spews an endless font of hatred for gay people. A few years back, before the bullying of my children began, our Attorney General actually launched an anti-bulling program for the schools. It was promptly beaten back by the "Pro-Fambly" churchers who claim that 2000 year old biases are the revealed wisdom of their "god," and for whom abject hatred was held as a "First Amendment right."

At the time my son started being stomped, he was a sixth-grader, with no identifiable sexuality. "Faggot" was merely the vehicle of choice for a culture that needed a word to define its hatred for people it deemed "different." "Dyke" was what was used on my girls because they speak differently, don't attend the local churches and have a different set of values from people around them.

I submit we need a broader means of addressing the problem, at least in places such as where I live, in which the mothers are a major part of the problem.

[bobbolink]

117. Thank you for your empathy... that means so much to me!

I meant that the *story* is bittersweet for me. I love remembering what a really cool kid he was, and how he gave me such great cues of what he needed. He said and did so many really neat things. It is hard, obviously, to remember those things, knowing how it all came to an end.

What was even worse was that so many people said really ugly things... such as "What kind of mother are you to let such a thing happen?" People can be really ugly when confronted with realities that scare them!

You make a very good point.... the difference in the issue makes it harder. I thought my example was good, and I think it has merit, but what yyou said is definitely a factor. I'm guessing there are mothers in your area who would be in agreement, but finding them would be quite the search.

Sounds like this is an issue that would have to gain considerable ground in more reasonable areas. sigh....

In any case, we MUST begin to make big changes in this. Our kids are depending on us, and we are letting them down!

:yourock:

[GrpCaptMandrake]

118. Thank-you.

To be fair, I must admit that the problem lies with my region, not your thesis. This is an effort that should begin in more enlightened areas and push into the hinterlands, places like where I live.

If there is a region of the U.S. that bears a direct comparison to the occupied territories of Palestine, it's probably Appalachia. There's more dysfunction here than in almost any other area of the country, save, perhaps for the Indian nations.

We are in the midst of a human rights calamity that threatens our very existence, and, again, from the pulpits (as well as the "business community") come the steady drumbeat of "Jobs, jobs, jobs!" as if any remunerative work is a direct one-to-one replacement for human dignity and sanctity of health.

It is in that dysfunctional environment that the bigotry and hatred with which I am familiar comes. It is accompanied by cries for the lynching of human rights activists, physical assaults on them and a bought-and-paid-for media that looks the other way.

Still, we are making headway, just as an anti-bullying effort such as you advocate could make headway.

I applaud the gay community for rising to the occasion on this, but I think straight friends must do more, as well. When we let something as filthy as bullying be shunted to the gay "getto," we've already lost.

Thank you very much for your exchange of ideas. I have to sign off for now, as it's an hour to showtime.

[nonconformist]

95. Great story!! Thanks for sharing it!

[maryf]

101. fantastic story!!

Thanks! :hi:

[Tsiyu]

103. What an insightful Mama you are

Got stuck in Chattanooga yesterday and didn't get home til 3 AM, but wanted to tell you how much i love this story, and this very caring way of dealing with a small child's fears.

:thumbsup:

[bobbolink]

111. Thanks, Tsiyu! I appreciate hearing from you.

My point is that we ALL need protecting at times in order to gather our strength together, but this is especially directed towards that "It will get better" wishy-washyness.

Strengthening people is much different from telling them to "be strong". My son taught me that.

[leftynyc]

112. What a great story

Tears in my eyes for understanding he was a child who needed to see someone protecting him until he was bold enough to do it himself. What a lucky kid you have!!!

[bobbolink]

114. Thank you so much for your kind words. The answer is to look at the world through the eyes of the

"Other".

And there are MANY who are "Other".

We CAN learn to do this.

Thank you.

[Rhythm]

54. x 1,000,000..... n/t

[Initech]

7. Seriously. We have such a pro-bully mentality in this country.

It seriously angers me that shit like this happens. Look at our media - Fox News is a bully organization. Rush Limbaugh is a huge fucking bully. Glenn Beck is a huge fucking bully. Look at our leaders - the GOP is nothing but a bully organization. And look at our recent campaign - Meg Whitman wasn't qualified to do shit, but she got on the ballot by slandering - relentlessly - the mere fact that her opponent was "a slight liberal". They only win elections by bullying and demeaning democrats. There are such evil, horrifically evil people in that party. And they're our leaders. If we're going to end bullying, we need to start at the top.

[defendandprotect]

88. Prizing violence -- torture -- wars -- is the new American way .... !!!

Loved your post --

I'd also point to the wars -- behind them lies -- but in front of them the teaching

of new violence and TORTURE -- the teaching that Arab/Muslim lives are insignificant --

only America and its "crusades" matter.

I'd also point to the domination and bullying of male-supremacist religion over

millennia.

THIS is the only way that the right wing can rise -- by violence, stolen elections, lies.

And, so much agree with you about starting at the top --

this is a perfect subject for our Democratic leadership to speak on -- I don't know if

Obama would be up to it -- but I think other Democrats could do it.

We need leadership from the left to stop this.

And an end to the pressure for everyone to be the same -- moving in lockstep.

We have to teach again the value of diversity -- for nature, itself -- and for our

societies. We are a healthier and saner society when everyone is free to be who they are --

NON-VIOLENTLY!!


:)

[Initech]

90. Exactly! The war was an end result of bullying and demeaning the Islamic population.

We needed a scapegoat for 9/11. Guess who we picked? Bill Hicks was right when he compared us to Jack Palance in the movie "Shane" throwing the pistol at the sheephearders' feet.

"Pick up the gun!"
"I don't want to mister! You'll shoot me!"
"Pick it up! (shoots) You all saw him! He had a gun!"

That pretty much is an accurate picture of our pro-bully culture.

[Odin2005]

5. UGH! This shit HAS TO STOP!

:(

[Dappleganger]

8. NO!!

:cry: :cry: :cry:

[Terra Alta]

9. Dammit. How many more teens must commit suicide

before the bullying is stopped? It seems a week can't go by without some poor kid taking their life because of bullying... I am angry beyond words. :grr:

[NuclearDem]

10. This has to stop

I'm no fan of vigilantism...but I wouldn't shed a tear for any bully that gets what's coming to them.

Are they EVER going to realize that this shit has consequences? I really hope they feel proud of themselves. Otherwise, I don't know how they get to sleep at night. :mad:

Take em and lock em up in prison. You destroy someone's life like that, you should get the maximum.

[Smarmie Doofus]

11. CHHHheeeezzzz. n/t

[NuclearDem]

12. In fact, you know what makes me even more pissed?

Our friendly neighborhood freeptards have actually been OPPOSING measures to prevent bullying. If you can stand to be on that site for more than 5 minutes, do a search for "bullying"...some of those bastards' comments are just abhorrent.

What the hell is wrong with this country?! :cry:

[dsc]

14. it isn't just them

we passed a bullying bill which enumerated classes of students and dared to include sexual orientation. It got 0, count them 0 GOP votes. In addition it was opposed, with news paper ads, but the Catholic Church and the Southern Baptists. It passed in 2009 and will survive until at least 2013 since Purdue can veto.

[Ruby the Liberal]

16. Are you local to this incident?

If so, I can't even imagine what the community is dealing with right now. I have family near the area, but not close enough to be intimate with the climate. I am so sorry for the loss.

If you are local, this may be an excellent chance to take a leadership role in this - with the Dan Savage It Gets Better Project or thetrevorproject.org or any number of resources that locals may not be aware of that are available to them.

[cbdo2007]

13. Is it the bullying that is causing this sudden rash of suicides or the ability of the people to cope

with the bullying??

Really bullying has been around forever. Usually those of use who are bullied just make friends with the other kids who get picked on and we end up growing up to be normal and probably in most cases, better off than the idiots who use to bully us.

It's just strange that all of a sudden, the way to "cope" with bullying seems to be to kill yourself. I always though of killing the kids bullying me...but never considered killing myself.

Maybe this has to do more with an online youth culture who does not have a "real life" support system of friends/family they can go to? I don't know, but there must be some reason for it to be happening more now that ever before. I even knew a couple of kids who committed suicide when I was a teenager, 20 years ago, and they were both kids who had picked on me.

[dsc]

15. it is harder to escape now

back then, you could move away if it got bad enough. Now even if you do, it will follow you thanks to facebook etc. I went to college about 600 miles from home in large part to escape my past. Now, even that wouldn't have been enough. I would have had to own being gay from the get go at college or risk being unmasked almost immediately. I think it is alot harder now to see an end to the bullying. Imagine thinking that any google search of you will pull up so and so is a faggot, or some horrible video of you.

[Danger Mouse]

23. Cyber bullying is pretty virulent, very intrusive, and it seems to be...

...inescapable for the tormented.

They can bully you everywhere now.

[cbdo2007]

24. It almost seems like "social awkwardness" has flipped.....

It used to be the bullies were socially awkward and were picking on others to lash out...now it's easier for the bullies to be socially accepted due to the ease and impersonality of the interwebs, while those who may very well be socially acceptable in person can be crucified due to the same impersonality and ease that is enabling the bullies.

[Initech]

25. I thank god every day that facebook and youtube didnt exist when I was in high school.

[Danger Mouse]

27. Seriously, the way I used to get picked on? my god. I can only imagine.

[Initech]

41. It's seriously frightening what these kids put up with.

My mom lectures people on the dangers of cyber-bullying and I've seen some of the videos of what these kids go through - and I just do not understand why people behave this way. I really want to know.

[uncommon]

75. Exactly - these kids are reachable ALL THE TIME.

It has to stop.

[Ruby the Liberal]

19. I am not gay, but was bullied as a tween/teen and it lived with me for years.

Here is my memory: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=389&topic_id=9287844

The thing is, back then (1980s) - we could LEAVE. Until the next day, it was over. If the bullying happened on the bus, by the next day it was forgotten, not shared with or witnessed by the whole school (or like today, with social media, the kid's perceived entire universe).

These kids need to understand that JrHi and HS are a closed and forced environment. Once they are done, they are free to go where they want, associate with who they want and study what they want. Until they get to that point, they are locked in with a group not of their choosing and subject to the social norms that the environment subjects them to.

Sorry if you can't see this. For those of us who experienced bullying (LGBTQI or otherwise), it is quite life altering.

[cbdo2007]

21. It's not that I "can't see this"....just trying to understand the kids nowadays.

I was bullied big time as well in high school and it followed me for many years as well. I'd still like to kick a couple of specific guys asses even today for their picking on me. I'm right there with you, got my ass kicked MANY times and was teased relentlessly, so I found other guys who got picked on even more than me so I buddied up with them and made it through.

Yeah, I get what you and the other guy are saying...that with Facebook and the like, it follows them home from school, and can even follow them to other cities. Maybe even they'll end up banning kids from using Facebook altogether at some point in the future for public high school kids - it just adds another level of "cliques" because all these people are "friends" with all these people just cause they recognize their names from their class and it's easy to get connected to certain people this way, or disconnected if people aren't friending you.

[Ruby the Liberal]

28. I didn't mean to put words in your keyboard, and apologize if that was the impression, friend

I am just SOOOOOOO frustrated and angry over these recent suicides that I could spit, and yes, I blame social media for the bullying epidemic going off the charts.

These kids are our future and we are failing in getting the message out to them to hang in there. When harassment assemblies are a joke and/or laughingstock amongst the student body, something is misfiring and in the worse way. Especially when they lead to MORE despair, not relief.

[bobbolink]

36. If you were willing to LISTEN to those who have beenn bullied in the past, you will learn

that for many, it has left them with life-long problems.

This attitude of "get over it" is the basis of the problem, and why it is now such an epidemic.

You will probably attack me for saying this, because it goes against the 'Murkin Rugged Individualism, but you are ignoring a lot of pain that has wrecked lives.

[defendandprotect]

91. Agree with you -- and it is the responsibility of ELDERS to protect these kids .....

President Obama should speak out on this issue -- but he is also being bullied

by a MIC which teaches that there is something wrong with homosexuality!

Too much macho thinking and teaching being resurrected in our society with our

decade long war of cruelty, brutality and TORTURE --

It is also the responsibility of those involved with organized patriarchal religion

to REJECT any message from the pulpits which teaches intolerance for homosexuality.

This is the only way the right wing can rise via violence -- stolen elections, lies.

[bobbolink]

113. Thank you. It definitely IS our responsibility. And we are letting them down.

:cry:

[npk]

51. Learning to cope with life is one of the last things we as humans learn

For some this takes well over 30 years of life experience and for others it can take an entire life. Even then, for some, it is very challenging to make the adjustments. For a child or a teenager this is almost impossible.


Also I find your attitude of "bullying is healthy" to be well beyond callous considering the topic being discussed.

[LisaL]

64. Is there really a rash of suicides? What do statistics say?

Suicide isn't a new phenomena.

[Posteritatis]

104. People like to confuse increased news coverage of something with an actual increase

It's the same thing that leaves everyone falsely convinced that crime's on the rise all the time.

What's going on right now is that people are finally noticing something which has been going on for a long time, and getting shocked out of their previous complacency/denial about it.

[defendandprotect]

89. Increase in bullying seems largely connected to religious teachings re homosexuality.....

Male-supremacist religions have been teaching hatred and intolerance for homosexuals

from their pulpits for millennia!!

However -- these male-supremacist religions now see a rising challenge to their "enemies list."

Wome, homosexuals ... as these groups begin to free themselves the male-supremacist religions

lose power over society. These religions have intensified their bullying against homosexuals.

And, our government still presents anti-homosexuality as the "American way" ---

our MIC teaches that there is something wrong with homosexuality, as well.

Our president is not standing up against the bullying of the MIC to preserve their enemies list,

either!!

Nor is our Congress standing up against the bullying of the MIC to brand homosexuals as unfit

for duty!!

We need change from the TOP ---

and we need change from the parishioners of these male-supremacist religions whenever

they hear intolerance being taught against homosexuals.

[Freddie Stubbs]

116. Is there an actual increase in teen suicides, or just an increase in media attention?

This has been going on for a long time, but it hasn't been getting much attention until recently.

[chill_wind]

17. Oh god. Tragic. When does this stop?

[bobbolink]

38. When we care enough to put a stop to it.

[Rhythm]

18. Unimaginable pain that kid was going through...n/t

[riderinthestorm]

20. Oh gawd NO!! No more! please! nt

:cry:

[Danger Mouse]

22. Not again...

:(

[bobbolink]

26. I think it is time to take a lesson from Candy Lightner--MADD

She spurred a movement to make DUI no longer acceptable.

We must find a way to do the same with bullying!

[Ruby the Liberal]

30. Whoever unrec'd this

I hope you suffer extensive periods of excruciating physical and emotional suffering and die slowly.

Have a nice week. :)

[Catherina]

52. +1 Counter-rec'd n/t

[Recovered Repug]

32. Not trying to minimize the tragedy,

but it should also be remembered that there's a poor truck driver who will spend the rest of his/her life knowing that they killed a kid.

[Ruby the Liberal]

34. No question!

This came up at work as soon as I told my peers about the email.

This man/woman is going to have nightmares the rest of his/her life over this. God bless him/her and give him/her peace about being at the wrong place/time and having to witness this tragedy.

This tragedy goes WAY beyond those involved, family and friends. This speaks to ALL of us.

[Brickbat]

33. Gah, that poor driver. If you're going to kill yourself, don't bring someone else into it.

[Ruby the Liberal]

37. IMO, that shows the despair

and the desperation on finality.

That driver needs our thoughts/light/prayers but that school (and parents) need a swift kick in the (collective) ass.

[bobbolink]

42. Please.... don't..... this deserves compassion. Please....

[proteus_lives]

81. The driver deserves compassion too.

He's going to haunted by this for the rest of his life.

[bobbolink]

94. That doesn't mean turning hate on the youth.

[proteus_lives]

97. Where's the hate?

It's true. It's sad when people drag other people into their suicides.

It doesn't make the boy's death any less tragic but it's a point worth addressing.

[bobbolink]

99. There is nothing that I could ever say on any thread that would ever satisfy you.

You have made it clear that you enjoy following me around and being oppositional.

Be oppositional by yourself.

Welcome to my ignore list.

:hi:

[proteus_lives]

100. Following?

I don't remember conversing you more then once.

Check your ego at the door.

And you didn't address the point. Ignore is easier, huh?

[raccoon]

62. I thought of that too. The driver will be haunted by that for the rest of his/her life. nt

[LisaL]

63. Sounds like there was nothing the driver could have done to

avoid this.

[Brickbat]

65. I can tell you that doesn't make it any easier.

[fascisthunter]

82. very true.... my sister's teenage friend could deal with her sexuality

and how her family reacted towards her, so she ran out in front of a truck to kill herself. It's tragic all around for everybody.

[bindelh]

40. Sad thing is....

These are the same kids that will be ruling the world we live in one day..

Make room for me on the ice...

[bobbolink]

44. The bullies? Absolutely! And that is why my older friends have been saying for years

that they are glad they are at the end of their lives, because they don't want to end up being at the mercy of the people these bullies will become.

That is such a sad commentary on this nation. One that I don't think we heard before.

[Initech]

46. Today's bullies = tomorrow's republicans

When I was in high school, I found out the asshole who bullied me - his parents were hardcore repukes and were shilling out for Bob Dole's campaign. Go figure. :eyes:

[krabigirl]

50. no, they won't.

[npk]

45. So Columbine High School shootings

Led to zero tolerance across the nation on school violence. If you got into a simple fist fight you were automatically suspended. If you had the misfortune of having a butter knife found in your back pack you got expelled. Yet one child after another has taken their own life, many for the reason of simply being gay or being perceived by their peers as being gay, but no action by the schools. Oh wait I'm sorry they are now holding assemblies. Well there you go. Assemblies will take care of this. I mean if there is one thing bullies in school fear is assemblies. Oh wait they actually mocked the assemblies. But there you go the schools have done their parts. They have held an assembly to tell the kids, "Please don't bully or else we will have to hold another one of these assemblies."

So in conclusion, if you bring a butter knife to school or get caught with a box of Tylenol in your back pack you will at least be suspended and possibly expelled. On the other hand, if you simply harass, intimidate, and/or threaten violence upon another student because he or she is gay, then rest assured the school will take it's time to hold lots of assemblies that promise action but fail to deliver. You know the exact opposite of what they did after Columbine. I guess what we have learned from all this is that if you are a rich, white, mostly good Christian, God fearing type of kid, then schools will act, heck even overreact to protect you almost overnight, if necessary. Thati is as long as you are straight. If not then sorry. No can do.

How about this idea? What if we had a zero tolerance policy on bullying. Something that has long been promised but never delivered. How about when one of these filthy little rich kid trolls bully another student for being gay or for any reason, they are immediately suspended for the first offense and then upon a second offense they are expelled from the entire school district. Let mommy and daddy foot the bill private education, rather than the tax payer. And if they can't afford it oh well. Look on the bright side at least your fucking useless child will still be alive.

[Ruby the Liberal]

48. Sadly, that pretty much sums it up.

God, I hate people sometimes.

[ThomCat]

57. It would require teachers and staff who are willing to see and name bullies.

A hell of a lot of teachers and staff don't want to name anyone. "I didn't see who started anything. I can't say for sure what happened. Leave me out of it." That means that no kid's angry parent can blame them because their kid got in trouble. If they claim they didn't see anything, and if they don't do anything, nobody can claim they did anything wrong. It is a very common way to avoid trouble in a lot of work environments where sticking your neck in any way is always a risk.

But these kids need adults to stick their neck out for them. And schools should be backing up the employees who name the bullies so that they can be punished. Complaining parents cannot always be right, especially when they are the parents of the bully you need to suspend or expel.

How's this for a some rough ideas:

Any employee (teacher or staff) who sees bullying should be allowed and encouraged to name the bullies and report them, and they should be protected for doing so when parents complain about it. They should also, whenever possible, encourage any students who were bullied or witnessed the bullying to file reports too.

The school should back them up with a promise that they are not risking their jobs, any status, or any standing in the school by reporting bullies, no matter who the bullies are or who their parents are. And any students who file reports should have some protection that they won't suffer any form of retaliation from anyone employed by the school either. (How often has a bully been protected by a teacher because s/he was a "favorite?" Or because s/he was related or a friend of the family?)

Schools should follow up on these reports by suspending bullies, a full week each of the first 3 times they get caught, after 3 strikes they get expelled. Gone. No parent can possibly say that this isn't adequate warning or adequate chance to address the problem. No parent can possibly say this is railroading their precious child out of the school because they were "labeled a bully". If a kid got caught 4 times then there is no doubt that he/she really is a bully and has no defense left.

Off the top of my head I bet that's a better reporting and enforcement policy than what what many schools have in place right now for bullying.

What would add or change? What's good? What sucks?

[npk]

98. That would be a good start

I agree with everything you said, including that many teachers feel less than compelled to intervene because of retribution from parents or even from the bullies themselves. That is why I think that this has to be an iron clad policy set by each and every school district. If you outline the policy and make it clear that it's not a teachers subjective call that is getting he/she suspended or expelled then there is less room for parents to try and intimidate the teachers and other staff in these schools. The problem as I see it right now, is that very few schools have such a zero tolerance policy in place. Instead they leave it in the discretion of the teacher. And if you leave it in the discretion of the teacher, solely, to report the problem and handle the problem, then the teacher is in most cases going to refrain from taking any action.

All kids in every school around the country need to understand that the zero tolerance policy is in affect for all types of bullying and harassment. They may not like it, but if their parents understand that policy from the start, then going forward there is less chance of there being lawsuits or complaints or any kind of retribution taken against the school staff or the teachers in the classroom.

Teachers should be free to teach, without having to deal with this shit on an everyday basis. And kids should be free to learn in a safe environment. I'm not saying that you will eliminate all disturbances or arguments. I mean kids are always going to have problems with other kids, but a strong zero tolerance policy on all types of harassment will send a message that these bullies have to change their behavior or they will be expelled from the school district. I think eventually this would have the positive effect that zero tolerance on school fighting and gangs that we saw in the mid to late 90's. It will be difficult on the teachers and staff in the beginning, but like all bullies if you hold your ground and stick to your guns they will back down. Right now the bullies feel that their will be no consequences to their actions and that is why they continue to mock these assemblies which only talk about the problem, without doing any thing to actually stop the problem.

Schools should follow up on these reports by suspending bullies, a full week each of the first 3 times they get caught, after 3 strikes they get expelled. Gone. No parent can possibly say that this isn't adequate warning or adequate chance to address the problem. No parent can possibly say this is railroading their precious child out of the school because they were "labeled a bully". If a kid got caught 4 times then there is no doubt that he/she really is a bully and has no defense left.

That is a very good policy.

[6000eliot]

49. But "religious" people have a right to bully gay kids, don't they?

[xchrom]

55. a sad recommend. nt

[lostnfound]

56. Classrooms segregated by age help breed pathologies

Rightwing media and the anti-gay cults are the more direct cause here, I'm sure, to the recent tragedies like this.
But I don't think the school environment helps either, as its basic structure is arranged to classify, sort, label and magnify differences among those of the same age. Thee paralyzing fear that most middle-school through high-school kids have of being seen as "different" from the others in their class is near universal. Enforced homogeneity is an essential characteristic of traditional classroom environments.
Would like to see statistics on the suicide rates and bulling problems among Montessori kids, for example, who have a constant reminder within their classroom that there is a past, a present and a future; a feeling of progress and development as they move from being learners one year to be teachers the next; tangible growth in a social domain, not just a static hierarchy of "popular" and "outcast" that often persists year after year.

[ThomCat]

58. I think you are right.

Having kids mix across age ranges helps all of those kids.

Younger kids can learn from the older ones, and look up to the older ones. They get to have role models. And protectors if necessary.

Older kids get the experience of being tutors, and mentors. They get the experience of helping the younger kids, and being responsible for the younger kids.

In typical classrooms were every kid is the same age, they never get these kinds of benefits. If it could be done, it would be a good thing.

[Evasporque]

59. So tragic...for one so beautiful...

Brandon Bitner

Our society is a cess-pool that allows the bigotry, hate and violence to go overlooked.

Parents need to focus on what makes young people special and nurture their diversity...

I am so devestated...I know how close I came to the same fate so long ago...I had no choice but to acquiesce to the cultural norm in the rural state I grew up in...or die...either by my own hand or others...

Where are the caring adults??

Where are the parents??

Why do we let so many children slip away into oblivion?

[melm00se]

60. Bullying has been around

for as long as I can remember but until recently I don't remember kids killing themselves (or dying).

has the bullying become more intense or something else?

[defendandprotect]

87. There are degrees of bullying and with the rise of the right, it has increased....

The right wing prizes violence in any form -- a mirror reflection of themselves.

Also, take a look at our TVs and the violence -- and ask what it is teaching our youth?

PLUS the wars we have going for almost a decade now -- teaching a new era of violence

and TORTURE!!

[Posteritatis]

105. More intense, and you're seeing it make national headlines

If I was in school in, say, the sixties or seventies in Maine, I very strongly doubt I'd hear about a bullied kid who committed suicide in New York state, never mind California or British Columbia. Nowadays it's easier for people to see something which has been going on for a very long time - and the conditions which made that easier also make the bullying itself easier.

[Evasporque]

61. Not to say this young person was gay or trans....

I can only reflect on my own experiences...given a picture of the young person with well defined female eye makeup and lipstick...described as "emo"...I would certainly say this young person was experimenting with gender roles. Goth, Punk and EMO are all counter-cultural youth movements that espouse androgyny and make direct challenges to normative gender roles.

Youth choose to participate in such movements for a variety of reasons...part to fit in and be accepted to some group or to be allowed to experiment with gender and sexuality within' a culturally recognized and accepted group.

What goes through the mind of any individual leading up to a suicide will never be known...but from my own experience at that age I would certainly state that there was a great desire to not have to take on the gender role prescribed by cultural norms. I ultimately adopted a punk persona and for a time found some solace there...but by then I was already out of high school and far away from my home environment.

I deeply mourn the losses to our young people...no teen should be driven to commit suicide, we all wish that they would find themselves in a safe and protective environment...unfortunately sometimes the pain and anguish can go beyond what any can imagine.

The loss to us all is so great when a young person's life is cut short...by any reason accident, war, suicide, murder, disease....

One young life...has ended and we go on trying to understand why...and one of the things we always acknowledge is our culture and society still does not widely include our differences and diversity.

We as a whole still marginalize and persecute differences as being some sort of "attack" on the wider society.

Without diversity, life's rich pageant will become nothing more than a sad parade of misery and conformity.

Given the direction our political direction is heading I see things getting substantially worse for the most vulnerable in our society.

[fascisthunter]

67. gawd dammit! I wish I knew this kid

maybe I could've helped him.... I blame bullying on the parents of those kids. They learned that behavior more so at home to want to inflict the same garbage on other kids.

Thom Hartmann spoke recently of a study that shows what happens to the brain through certain stages of life, and when there is violence early on in a kid's life, that info gets stored permanently and then get expressed throughout that kids life.

Anyone who think child abuse is good for toughening up their kids, needs to have the brains examined, because they are creating monsters in society.

[GreenPartyVoter]

70. Oh no!

:cry:

[uncommon]

73. How many more have to die before we realize we have a HUGE cultural problem here?

The amount of hatred and intolerance we are accepting from our fellow citizens, of all ages, is completely out of hand.

[Name removed]

76. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[slackmaster]

84. Anyone who got caught, today, doing things I personally did about bullying would go to prison

:argh:

I'm 52 years old. Laws and school policies have changed a lot since I was a teenager.

[defendandprotect]

93. Agree ... but Democrats have been "BULLIED" by Repugs in increasing aggressiveness....

where have Dems been standing up to it?

The battle by male-supremacist religions to continue to hold onto their right to

teach intolerance and hatred for homosexuals is not ceasing --

And those ideas continue to carry thru within our socieities -- it's is we can

all understand relayed as a fight for masculinity -- but a maleness based on violence.

That's also the message being sent by the decade long war -- and "support our troops" --

though it is all based on lies for oil, power, wealth --

We've raised the most cruel and brutal army ever -- practicing TORTURE -- and killing

brown people who are dismissed as "collateral."

This is a new opportunity to teach machismo -- and the message the kids could be getting

is very powerfully anit-homosexual and very powerfully that maleness is about violence

and aggression.

What's that old saying ....

"Male's question everything they say and do, based on whether or not it will make them

look weak" -- ???

[AlienGirl]

109. How old are you? I'm in my late 30s and was relentlessly bullied

I was bullied constantly from first grade until I graduated from high school. Since I was much smaller than the other kids, and some of the worst bullies were children of the teachers in my school, there really was no way to stand up to it. Teachers and school personnel mostly ignored the problem (except for a few who encouraged the bullies: my high-school English teacher let students submit poetry insulting me as an assignment). I had the misfortune of being short, unattractive, bright, and an Aspie. I thought about suicide as preferable to the living hell I was in many, many times. I can't imagine things are any better for kids now than they were for me.

Incidentally, years later, most of the kids who picked on me apologized.

Tucker

[Name removed]

115. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Concordia]

77. Why is this a surprise to people?

Look around at the social climate that kids are being raised in nowadays. Look at what conversations they're subjected to at the dinner tables, what they hear blaring on TVs or from their own schoolteachers. The "I've got mine, so fuck you" mentality is not exclusive to the childrens' parents: where do you think these kids are learning these behaviors?

This is a problem that can ONLY be solved from the top down, not with the kids themselves. They can listen to an assembly at school, and then go right into a classroom where a teacher will tell them all about how evil so and so group is. Or their church will tell them who to hate. Or their parents will make sure they learn the "value" of homophobia and racism.

[TK421]

78. There's a glut of this disgusting behavior....sad, there doesn't seem to

be an end in sight since there are so many people who teach their kids that it is just normal to tease and harass kids like this

Disgusting...we are seeing far too much of this and nothing seems to be getting done about it

[felix_numinous]

79. This is so sad.

I agree upthread that it is up to us to protect the most vulnerable, and for us to teach that it is a noble virtue to do so. It is so tragic these kids feel that alone they have no one to turn to!!

I have seen too much glorification of predatory behavior in games and stories, and have always believed that this has a direct effect on society, especially kids raised on it. This culture of abuse and domination by those who have consolidated wealth and influence has manifested in our youth, and the worst part is that that predatory behavior is being rewarded, people in our society are getting away with it--which just encourages more violence to thrive. Kids learn also from people who COULD do something to help them and do nothing, and that is the saddest lesson of all.

[felix_numinous]

85. I wanted to add

that I need to step up a bit in my own life, that very often the words I write are for me also :)

[defendandprotect]

86. We have too much teaching of violence and the prizing of violence in America....

and our now almost decade wars are not a small part of this growing

return to insane violence --

And wherever hatred and intolerance for homosexuals is being preached from the

altars of churches anywhere in America, it should be stopped -- if not by the

Church itself, then the parishioners must stand against it!

[niyad]

102. kicked, too late to rec

[Xenotime]

107. We shuld reach out to these people to see what the problem is.

[tsparker78]

119. This is heartbreaking

I work with younger people everyday, and nothing is sadder than hearing about all the lost potential that results in a suicide. Adolescence, as we all know, is such a hard time in life, and I must wonder where these kids support systems were.

[Dont_Bogart_the_Pretzel]

120. Sorry for the loss but the truck driver gonna lose some sleep on this.

Sometimes when big trucks hit deer, they keep trucking, I'm glad he stopped... little late, but he did stop.