1. Really, W? One of the worst
stories you have about your drinking is, as you told Matt Lauer, "So I'm drunk at the dinner table at Mother and Dad's house in Maine. And my brothers and sister are there. Laura's there. And I'm sitting next to a beautiful woman, friend of Mother and Dad's, and I said to her out loud, 'What is sex like after 50?'" 'Cause that's a really pussy story. For the Rude Pundit, that'd be one of his more delightful drunken tales, an anecdote that would provoke more of an "Oh, you scamp" than utter horror, but maybe whilst canoodling with the Yankee scions at the Kennebunkport compound, that's what outrages people.
But, seriously, there's gotta be some dark shit in there, where you're eyeballs deep in a pile of Bolivian blow in some rathole motel in Nuevo Laredo, cutting yourself with the shattered remains of a bottle of Jack Daniels you just polished off, getting your asshole eaten out by an old Mexican whore while jacking off on a picture of your mom, screaming, "I got your pearl necklace, Mother, I got it right here." That's a fuckin' drinking story.
2. Speaking of your Moms, that story about the fetus in a jar, about how Bar miscarried when you were a teenager and showed you the remains? No matter how you frame it, it's some sick ass shit. You can say, "No question it that affected me, my philosophy that we should respect life," or about how it showed your mother trusted you, but maybe, just maybe, it's that kind of demented parenting that actually drove you to drink. Indeed, much of the book seems like you're still trying to please Mother and Pater.
What is it with these conservatives and their fetus fetish? Rick Santorum had his kids fondle their mom's miscarried fetus. And now we've got the Ball jar Bush baby. Yeah, it's a sad occasion. But what does it teach the kids except, oh, fuck, that's dead.
3. You say that a rapper dissing you was "one of the most disgusting moments in my Presidency" and that you told your wife that it was the worst point of your time in office. For someone who pranced around saying that the American people and their "polls" can suck your balls, you have pretty thin skin when it comes to Kanye West. And in your book, as Lauer pointed out, you say regarding sending federal troops into New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, "How's it going to look if a Republican President usurps the authority of a Democratic governor and declares an insurrection in a largely African American city?" You respond to Lauer with, "Yeah, it wouldn't have gone down. It would have just been like kerosene on a fire," that the troops might have gone into "what appeared to be a very violent situation."
Except, like everything else in your disgrace of a presidency, you were wrong. The Rude Pundit's pretty sure that the mostly black people who were stranded on the I-10 overpass or abandoned at the Superdome wouldn't have questioned whose helicopters were evacuating them. You're offended by the notion that Kanye West implied you're racist. Your defense is that violent black people wouldn't have been able to handle a conservative white man saving them. You know what? It probably just sounds better to go with what Kanye said.
4. You
write about 9/11, "We were going to find out who did this, and kick their ass." How'd that work out?
5. Fuck you. Fuck your bullshit justifications. We were there. Some of us know what really happened. So fuck your impenetrable clusterfuck rationalizing, your tautology of excuses. You're pissed that Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction, but you doesn't regret the war. You actually come across convinced of your lies, and now your former employees are out there making sure that you are remembered as the guy who took tough, decisive action when it was necessary. And even if that's true, taking action doesn't mean that you did the right thing. You can firmly say, "Here's the road we're traveling on." Doesn't mean that it ain't the road to the mine field and sodomy pit. The failure to admit that is the damnation we all have to deal with. But your lackeys want us all to just get over it and move on.
Yesterday, Dr. William Petit, whose family was tortured and murdered,
spoke quite movingly to the media when one of the men who committed the crimes was sentenced to death. This man who has suffered more than any of us could imagine was asked about gaining closure through the sentence. Perhaps it's too soon to use his words as metaphor for something larger, but something Petit said sticks in the Rude Pundit's mind as he thinks about post-Bush America. He said, "(T)here's never closure. There's a hole, you know. The way I've imagined it straight through, it's a hole with jagged edges and over time the edges may smooth out a little bit, but the hole in your heart and the hole in your soul is still there. So there's never closure."
You can smooth those edges, W. The hole you left, though, well, we'll all be long gone before we see if it ever closes.
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