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Edited on Thu Nov-11-10 03:31 PM by BrklynLiberal
The Manitoba Herald
Canadians: Build a Fence !
by Clive Runnels
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada
in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols
to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party
are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll
soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and
Glenn Beck.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of
sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing
their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,
whose acreage borders North Dakota . The producer was cold, exhausted
and hungry.
"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When
I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show
him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers
that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he
said. "The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so
much that they wouldn't give any milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet
liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons
and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend
for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an
Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single
bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley
Cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives.
Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build
re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic
beer and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the
border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip
to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen
young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration
authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior
citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were
alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The
Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age." an
official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael
Moore movies.
"I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy
just can't support them."
An Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country
need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada,
Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that
the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close
to President Obama said, “We’re going to have some Paul McCartney and
Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species
on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out,” he said.
The Herald will be interested to see if Obama can actually raise Mary
from the dead in time for the concert!
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