Serious questions to DU members with children

[ampad]

Do you hear your kids friends use the F word or say the word gay as a slur?

This recent Palin mess is very disturbing to me. What is even more disturbing is that many here state that the F word and saying the word gay as a slur is common amongst young people. My oldest child is 9yrs old and has already been taught that certain words should never come out of her mouth. She knows that you do not use the word gay as a slur. I am having a hard time understanding how in the year 2010 some kids think that certain terms are acceptable.

I know that some say that Willow is a kid and that she should not be attacked, that she should learn a lesson. However, I feel that the negativity coming her way is the lesson that she needs to learn. She needs to learn that certain terms and phrases evoke strong feelings. It is apparent that her mother has not taught her this.

I will say one thing. I am not without bias on this issue. I will never forget the first time I was called the N word. That was an experience that will stay with me forever. Ask anyone who has been called out of their name due to sexuality and race and I am sure they will tell you the same.

I am not saying that the kid needs to be attacked. All I am saying is that she needs to witness how her words impact people.

[sharp_stick]

1. When I was 16

growing up in a rural area I threw them both around pretty freely. Never in front of my parents mind you but when it was just me and a bunch of friends we did.

Back then we didn't have facebook or other means to permanently imprint our stupidity on the world though.

[hedgehog]

2. It's a measure of my age that when I hear the phrase "f-word"

I think of f*ck, not f****t!

[Drale]

3. The old saying is true

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. The kid usually are allot like there parents, I know I am, and Sarah Palin is one of the worst role models in this country right now.

[cbayer]

4. The use of the word gay as a slur was extremely pervasive when my kids were

growing up. Although they were careful using curse words around adults, the word gay was used completely thoughtlessly.

After failing to get them to understand why this was wrong, they finally got it. Our extended family included large numbers of GLBT friends. It was when these men and women, whom they deeply respected, had serious conversations with them that they stopped. They moved to on telling their friends to stop.

I've had the same issue with the word retarded, which seems even harder to eradicate.


:hi:

[sufrommich]

5. My 13 year old niece knows that "that's gay" is hurtful and

doesn't use it,I 've seen her tell other kids not to use it.The "f" word doesn't really bother me, that's just a cuss word, not aimed at any group.

[REP]

14. Not that F word; the one that also means a small bundle of sticks.

[Obamanaut]

6. There are members, presumably adults, of this site who throw around

the 'f word' quite freely. With all the letters, with no asterisks, in various forms even. It has become part of every day conversation for many people.

Edited to add: I just scrolled down the first page of GD and found 'fuck' on a subject line.

[w8liftinglady]

7. I will not allow derogatory speech in my house,and have explained why to the kids

that being said...
my kids have used both varieties of the "f" word...usually when talking to friends on the football team.
NEVER the "n" word

[walldude]

8. My youngest used "Gay" as an insult once

while we were in the car. I immediately put a stop to that. He's only 12 and I don't think he knew any better, just something he picked up at school. I'm pretty sure my oldest is gay although he hasn't come out yet, so I made sure that was the first and last time.

Oh and as far as Willow is concerned the context in which she used those words shows she meant them as slurs, knew they were slurs and was happy to use them. What I find disgusting is instead of Palin and her ilk just saying yeah she's a kid and she screwed up, they are trying to defend her. Gimme a break.



I'm funny with my kids. although we don't use any "slurs" in my house when the kids are home they are free to cuss up a storm. In my mind they are just words, fuck is just a word, shit is just a word, it's how you use them that makes them what they are. Richard Pryor could make cussing sound like beautiful poetry.

So my kids get their share of cussing at home and when they go out they know that people outside the house don't always see words the way we do so they know to keep the swearing to themselves. It works out pretty good.

[JoePhilly]

10. Bull Shit!!!

:sarcasm:

Ok, sorry ... could not resist ...

I have a very similar view with my kids, (17, 11, and 9) ... and it goes back to George Carlin's 7 words you can't say on television. His argument is as true now as it was then ... words are only words ... no word is so evil it can not be said ... what is good or bad, or evil, is what the INTENT of the usage was. So no word is bad when standing alone, what makes a word "bad" is the intent that was used, which meaning was intended.

I don't want my kids to fear any word. But I do want, and expect from them, is that they understand the word and the meaning of its use in various situations.

[Arkansas Granny]

9. We had a lot of LGBT friends at our house when my kids were growing up.

They learned from early on that those words were not be used, just like the N word was not to be used. It was offensive and hurtful to people that they loved and who loved them. It wasn't a problem.

[SoCalDem]

11. I raised three sons

They knew from an early age that swearing was not tolerated at home. We did not swear at them or in front of them (or really anywhere), and we expected them to behave accordingly.

When I did hear them going at it with each other (when they were little), I made them apologize and then hug each other. I also reminded them that one day, the 3 of them would be all that was left of this family, so they better figure out a way to get along, or they would end up as bitter, lonely old men that no one wanted to have around:)

Everyone I meet who has ever met them, has always told me what "nice boys" they are/were, so it must have worked out.

[woodsprite]

12. My daughter and son don't talk like that, but my daughter's friend does.

Even to her mom at time - F'in this, F'in that, along with gay, fa*, etc. Her posts on Facebook are littered with the same language. The best I can figure is that she likes to shock people. She is really a mixed up kid with a WAY overprotective mother. She's been in treatment for attempting suicide. She's usually very respectful around me, maybe because I talk to her like an adult. She's been in a same-sex relationship for awhile, which ticked her mom off big time.

As an immature 10yo who follows the classroom rules implicitly and is heavily involved in music, my son gets called some of those names in school by jerky kids. It bothers me because one of the kids used to be his friend, and still wants to be friends, but only when these other kids aren't around. Everything is very black/white to him - you treat everyone as you'd want to be treated no matter how they treat you. Just because skin, hair, eye colors, ableness are different doesn't make them bad - it's makes them different and differences are what makes the world an interesting place. Name-calling has been reported to the teacher, but truthfully those kids don't care what punishment they get, and their parents don't care either.

I'm a little worried what he's going to encounter in middle school next year where he'll be both one of the youngest and one of the smallest in class (unless he does some major growing over the summer).

[xloadiex]

13. My Sons

My sons are ages 31, 27, and 23 and to this day will not swear in front of me, nor at 52 do I swear in front of my mother. It's called respect. I taught it to my boys when they were very young as my parents did with me.

From the time all 3 of my boys were little guys, my husband and I took them to the pride parade every June. We explained to them it was a celebration of life and being able to love someone. They never questioned it because we never made it out to be something out of the ordinary. I never once heard them use a slur of any kind. Again, it boils down to respect. Many parents seem to be too afraid of offending their kids and having their kids not like them.

[ampad]

15. Thank you for the repsone everyone

My children are young which is why I think I do not have that problem. For the record I was talking about the Fa** gay slur not the FU.