What if I just whipped it out while being screened by TSA?

[AnArmyVeteran]

Would it be considered helping them do their jobs, or would they come down hard on me? Just wondering. Any TSA airport screeners out there?

I'm going to fly next month so any tips or ideas would be appreciated.

(Oh yeah, I'm a male, btw :)

[nadinbrzezinski]

1. Dress comfortably

And demand dinner

:-)

At this point joined boycott

[Skittles]

2. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR JUNK, ARMY VETERAN

SO YOU'RE VOLUNTEERING :rofl:

[cliffordu]

22. I beg to differ.

I WANT TO SEE EVERYBODY'S JUNK.

I'm going to set up a security portal and scanner at the local health club......

[AnArmyVeteran]

24. Dont ya remember the old saying: "One woman's junk is another woman's treasure!"

No one has complained so far :)

Women + My Junk = :loveya:

[avaistheone1]

32. I think that quote is only for yard sale items.

No offense.

[AnArmyVeteran]

35. You hit me 'below the belt' on that one. (ouch)

[Skittles]

38. YOU WANT I SHOULD KICK SOME avaistheone1 ASS, AAV?

I'D DO THAT FOR YOU MY SWEET

[AnArmyVeteran]

39. Thanks! I appreciate that! Kick away...

[TheWatcher]

3. Considering where we are As A Police State, I don't think you'd want to do that.

I laughed at your post, and I get the humor, but the cold reality is something very bad would probably befall you.

These thugs are NOT PLAYING GAMES.

This Joke we are living under Isn't Funny Anymore.

I do thank you for the chuckle in this case though. :)

[WVRICK13]

59. You Are Absolutely Correct

In 1990 a Russian immigrant friend of mine told me that Americans are so complacent that we are in for a big surprise when we have to show travel documents to get on an Interstate highway ramp. He had lived her for three years and noticed the subtleties of our freedom eroding in that short amount of time.

[AnArmyVeteran]

77. Unfortunately, you're right. TSA screeners barely make minimum wage so no telling who they are.

Most of them could be uncaught serial rapists or child molesters. With the opportunity to have complete control over other people and even 'legally' sexually assault them floods of perverts will be applying for TSA screener jobs.

Hell, I wonder if there are any in-depth background checks done to see what kind of people TSA screeners are.

[Xithras]

4. Get a thong and one of those tear-off stripper outfits.

When you decline the scan and they guide you to the hand-search area, just grab your clothes, rip them off, and stand there in nothing but a thong and your socks.

See if they search you then ;)

[Jamastiene]

58. Even better,

take Viagra first and after ripping off the tear-off outfit, put your hands on your hips and say, "Behold! You CAN touch this!"

[meegbear]

5. Give us an update and post photos

[Codeine]

6. Huh huh. "Come down hard on me." Huh huh.

[AnArmyVeteran]

19. Yeah sorry, I had a Beavis & Butthead moment :)

[Codeine]

23. I miss those guys. nt

[AnArmyVeteran]

30. They were so eloquent in expressing what lurks in every normal guy's brains (or other body part).

Now that Mike Judge ended his King of the Hill series I wonder what else he will come up with?

[csziggy]

46. As a friend used to say "He's thinking with the little head instead of the big one!"

And she was usually right. She's also the first person I ever heard use the phrase "testosterone poisoning" to explain the foibles of the men we knew.

[AnArmyVeteran]

53. I learned something today! I never heard "Teststerone Poisoning" before.

As for the other point, my body is just a battleground where my two heads battle for total control :). I am just an innocent bystander, a victim with absolutely zero control : )

[Phoonzang]

7. I'm guessing they'd taser you.

That seems like the standard response to anything out of the ordinary.

[Atman]

14. "Don't tase my junk, bro!"

There are websites for that, if that's what you're into.

.

[lpbk2713]

8. Don't give Larry Craig any ideas.

I haven't heard anything out of him for
a while and that's fine with me.

[Myrina]

9. +10

:rofl:

[AnArmyVeteran]

33. Aren't people safe from the Larry Craig even while in an x-ray machine?

I wish he would just stay in restrooms.

[awoke_in_2003]

41. he's been busy...

taking tap dancing lessons :)

[uppityperson]

10. would the come down hard? It probably depends.

:rofl:

[charlie]

11. Smoked kielbasa

Tased in the 'nads, IOW.

[Lucky 13]

12. If I were a guy...

...I would totally get a raging erection and then go up to be "searched".

Surprise!

[AnArmyVeteran]

25. He'd be sure to get beaten!

[Cirque du So-What]

13. I would expect a different outcome from this woman's ordeal

EVV Airport Stripper Won't Face Jail Time

No jail time for the woman who took her clothes off at Evansville Regional Airport.

Eliane Aguillaume of Paris pleaded guilty Friday to resisting arrest and public indecency. This after authorities say she exposed her breasts during the passenger screening process.

Prosecutors dropped a third offense of disorderly conduct, which would have been a federal offense.

Aguillaume will not serve any jail time. She paid $2 in fines and is now headed back to Paris.

http://www.14wfie.com/Global/story.asp?S=989555

She was originally charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest & indecent exposure. Courts generally look more favorably upon bared breasts than they do when willies are involved.

[Divernan]

15. She's French & knows how to protest!

After taking off her shirt and bra, she threw herself on the floor and refused to get up! If the French Govt. pulled this kind of crap at Orly or Charles de Gaulle Airport, the floor would be solid with half naked French citizens.

[Cirque du So-What]

16. I suffer from 'Gallic envy' where protests are concerned

If only Americans would express their indignation with the same joie de vivre as the French!

[readmoreoften]

26. +1

[AnArmyVeteran]

31. That's sexism! :)

[DireStrike]

17. Is it ok if you say you are declining the scan because you want the pat down?

Can I demand the pat-down officer be of a specific gender?

What if I dance and wiggle and squeal and moan at (in)appropriate moments?

What if I go to the bathroom and splash some water from the sink on my crotch? Or from the toilet?

What if I wear a kilt and no underwear? Or just have a strategically placed hole in my jeans?

[AnArmyVeteran]

27. LOL, screenings are going to be turned into huge jokes.

I don't think it's against the law to moan and cry out while being fondled by a screener.

YouTube is going to need a separate category for TSA pat down videos!

[awoke_in_2003]

42. Could you imagine the look...

on the frisker if you quietly whispered (but loud enough for him to hear)- "Ooh yeah, right there. A little slower baby"

[Caretha]

61. What if we all just do a Meg Ryan

during the pat down.

"Best fake orgasm ever"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nNhOH4Y0bI

[Ichingcarpenter]

18. whipped it good

you must whip it
before the cream sits out too long
you must whip it
when something's going wrong
you must whip it

now whip it
into shape
shape it up
get straight
go forward

move ahead
try to detect it
it's not too late
to whip it
whip it good

[backscatter712]

20. Fly in a kilt. Full regimental.

If they ask, just say you're making their jobs easier for them...

[Matariki]

21. A happy TSA photo for you. Enjoy.

[somone]

28. Perfect time for gaseous emission

[awoke_in_2003]

71. what the fuck are we becoming? nt

[veganlush]

29. wow. n/t.

[rug]

34. If you weren't circimcised before, you'd be circumcised after.

[AnArmyVeteran]

36. Ouch! Do TSA screeners carry machetes? They'd need one :)

[mrs_p]

37. you would likely be charged with

sexual harassment or indecent exposure or something along those lines. while i don't want to be felt up by TSA employees, as far as i've heard, they aren't trying to look at our privates - just grope them.

[awoke_in_2003]

43. well, that makes me feel better. nt

[TorchTheWitch]

55. the scanners are for looking at your privates

The "pat-down" is for groping them. They want to do both.

[unkachuck]

40. "What if I just whipped it out..."

....what if the TSA screeners point and laugh?....it could be a humbling moment....

[AnArmyVeteran]

49. They would need a bigger X-Ray machine!

Smartass :)

[madinmaryland]

44. Lots of laughter would ensue!

:rofl:

[MiddleFingerMom]

45. "What if I just whipped it out while being screened by TSA?"

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:evilgrin:
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Why should THEY be any different from the rest of society as a, you know... whole?
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[Quantess]

47. If you are NOT selected for the intimate pat-down,

you should start whining loudly that they hurt your feelings. "Aren't you going to touch my junk?! I feel ripped off!" Then act really sad.

[McCamy Taylor]

48. If passengers began to act "turned on" by these exams, they would probably stop.

Especially if it was guys pretending to react to guys and women pretending to react to women.

[AnArmyVeteran]

51. Exactly! Things are going to get interesting.

Just saying: I bet there will be a lot of porn movies released with 'stories' about getting screened at airports.

If people started moaning and crying out "Oh God!" over and over again those pat down areas are going to draw large crowds. That makes me wonder now, do Islamic terrorists cry out "Oh Muhammad!" when they are having sex?

[kentuck]

50. Be careful. You'll shoot your eye out...

:-)

[AnArmyVeteran]

52. LOL, I'll wear goggles...

[leeroysphitz]

54. Don't "whip it out" that would be uncouth. Just take a Viagra before you get there.

[Oilwellian]

56. There's always the airy kilt

It's much easier that way. ;)

[Jamastiene]

57. I thought about suggesting all male flyers take some Viagra

before going to the airport. They wouldn't have to touch it if it was already standing at full attention and waving at them, would they?

Man enters security checkpoint and is told to strip.

Man drops drawers and says, "Behold! I give the TSA the full attention it so desires. Can ya see under there pretty good now? Or do you still need to grope a little while? Mind taking care of that while you are down there, sugar?"

The worst they can do in that situation is laugh or realize their job is to fondle weenie for a living...minus some nice fishnets and a miniskirt.

What?
:shrug:

[formercia]

66. Be sure to tie a flag to the pole

preferably, a yellow 'Don't tread on me' variety.

[OneGrassRoot]

60. OMG, this and the Babs/Palin threads are priceless. n/t

[Fla_Democrat]

62. You would be arrested for indecent exposure

Placed on a sex offenders registry.

:smoke:

[Ichingcarpenter]

64. But what if he had a Fig Leaf too?

Would that be OK?

You know what fig leaves mean....

Especially if you are from Florida.

[Balbus]

63. Would anybody notice?

[barbtries]

65. i'm a 55-year-old woman

my fantasy is saying, "can't i have a man? it's been so long since i've been touched by a man..."

[Sparkly]

69. ha!!!

:rofl:

[AnArmyVeteran]

72. Now with TSA you can get all the fondling you want!

[barbtries]

73. yeah but

same sex - i don't roll that way. :(

[AnArmyVeteran]

79. Yeah you're right, at least we should get to choose which sex to fondle us :)

[LisaL]

81. They really should offer passengers a choice.

I am sure some men would also prefer their pat downs to be done by women.

[political_Dem]

67. K and R for the comedy alone.

:rofl:

[NotThisTime]

70. I have to agree... why not just ask for a patdown while wearing a bikini? It's not public nudity...

[AnArmyVeteran]

76. Great idea! Next time I'll fly with a burqa on and a thong underneath.

I'll be well within the law and still be able to make a mockery out of the idiotic system at TSA. Oh yeah, I'm a male but as a joke I can still wear a burqa.

[hootinholler]

68. I'm thinking trenchcoat n/t

[BlueIris]

74. Sounds to me like that's the kind of thing that might get you invited

to those special TSA "party rooms."

[Initech]

75. I think you'd get more strange looks if you asked for the happy ending.

:evilgrin:

[LWolf]

78. I'm thinking that kilts need to spread from a small niche to a global mainstay. nt

[MilesColtrane]

80. You'd be the talk of the TSA congnescenti...

"AnArmyVeteran took IT out."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1Vm8VLj5dQ