TSA to Partner with Facebook

[scentopine]

(AP) Washington - TSA has announced a series of bold initiatives aimed at improving the image of their new photo services division. Just in time for the coming holiday rush, TSA plans to offer passengers custom 8x10 prints and an option to have their photos sent in greeting cards to family and friends. In the continuing spirit of government and industry surveillance programs, TSA announced an agreement with Facebook that allows passengers to automatically upload their personal photo to their Facebook account (for a small additional fee).

"We want people to know that we aren't just cruel agents of a corporate sponsored police state, we can be hip and fun. Safety doesn't have to be humiliating", according to unnamed senior White House official. So far, no one has taken advantage of the new service, something which TSA shrugs off. "Based on the popularity of Facebook and the last election, TSA believes these are the services people are demanding. Once people get used to the idea that the government has an obligation to inspect genitals, TSA believes these new services will be extremely popular." President Obama plans to inaugurate the new service by issuing a Holiday Greeting card to his campaign supporters. "There are those on the left who complain and whine about civil liberty, torture, search and seizure and to that I say Merry Fucking Christmas".

[Matariki]

1. Cry or laugh?

I just can't decide.

[scentopine]

2. For the record, I'm crying. The insanity needs to be exposed, USA has gone bat shit crazy. -nt

[Matariki]

4. I'm crying about the bat shit crazy.

But I got a laugh out of your post. Especially the last sentence.

[HCE SuiGeneris]

3. Here's the new logo

[scentopine]

5. Perfect! That about says it all. -nt

[lib2DaBone]

6. Perfect. I can see TSA with Tele-Tubbies as they grope their way into America..

[pipi_k]

7. Um...got a link?

I did a Google search and didn't see anything on this.

Thanks!

[northernlights]

8. satire, pipi, satire....don't feel bad though

I thought it was real at first too...til I got to the last lines.

These days, it's kind of hard to know the real headlines from the Onion. :o

[pipi_k]

15. OK...I did figure it was satire, but didn't see a link

to what I would expect to be the rest of the story on "The Onion".

You're right though... you never can tell


:)

[whistler162]

21. Actually poor attempt at satire!

[scentopine]

11. LOL! -nt

[uppityperson]

9. Very good. Did you write this? I'd like to give proper credit when I send it on.

Good writing

[scentopine]

12. Thanks, and for better or worse, i wrote it :-)

[whistler162]

22. Sadly it isn't good writing.

[nadinbrzezinski]

10. You should look to see if the Onion is hiring

yes I did a search and nada.

[kayakjohnny]

13. Damn, that was pretty good. I saw it as a joke pretty quickly. And a good one at that.

I can see why this would be believable though.

Thanks for your creativity.

(Photo Services Division ... Hahahaha!)

Cheers!

[scentopine]

14. Airport Gift Shops See Growing Sales

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Gifts shops at airports across the nation are reporting a boost in sales of enhancement products. The White House quickly embraced the news, issuing a statement crediting President Obama’s stimulus package for propping up a national economy softened by sagging sales. “We now have a clear picture of President Obama’s hand as he works to expand the nation’s economy,” said White House press secretary Robert Gibbs.

However, Sam Johnson, chief economist at Goldman’s Sack doesn’t agree this signals the recession is over, “It’s a bit of a bust, the picture we see shows a tiny effect on the economy. We believe the administration is feeling around in the dark, searching for anything that feels right, ” according to Mr. Johnson.

Shares of HydroLift, Inc (NASDAQ: LIFT), surged on news of aggressive expansion plans to penetrate the new market. “This is virgin territory for us, we have a good grasp of the technology required”, said Corporate Compliance Officer, Ron Jeremy.

Meanwhile, the White House would not discuss plans to augment the economy with firmer measures. “While the President has nothing to hide, he is not lifting his skirt. He is keeping his hands close to his chest. ”, said Mr. Gibbs.

-typo fixed on edit

[kayakjohnny]

18. Oh lord, you're on a roll....

... stop it. Stop it!

:toast: :fistbump:

[scentopine]

20. OK - one last one.... just because this is so fucking outrageous

New York - While sales in the broader retail sector remain soft, investors are betting travelers will reach for the emerging market of sex organ augmentation products sector (NYSE: SOAP). "Look, if you travel regularly for business, you don't want a bunch of TSA agents cracking up in front of the hottie on your next flight. We can help men and women travel with confidence. We invest heavily in R&D. We can guarantee two cup sizes in 30 days, 20 days if you are a women." said Moe Lester, trade industry spokesman. Mr. Lester credits a successful advertising campaign for his industries strong performance. "Our mail isn't junk. It's about your junk."

Republicans and centrist Democrats were quick to support the genital inspection as a centerpiece of the war on terror. "Next to a predator drone slaughtering 35 people at a wedding reception, the best way to support the troops is to let a TSA agent fondle your testicles. You love your country, we love you back." said Robert Gibbs, White House press secretary. I think this shows our commitment to helping small businesses grow during this difficult economic period.

Shares in SOAP were active up +4 to peak at 7.5 before falling back to 3.5 at the close of the session.

[HCE SuiGeneris]

19. stimulus package

Oh my!


Just added you to my buddy list. This last piece is exceptional :P

[RoccoR5955]

16. And here I thought they were going to partner with

Sexbook, Adult Friend Finder, and Sex Search.

[Fumesucker]

17. Get with the program... That's Happy Fucking Holidays..

Can't forget the War On Christmas now can we?