Good evening, I'll be your dictator today. Just want to inform you of some of my rules:

[originalpckelly]

1. You must direct quite a large number of hot gay men to me on a regular basis. Well, they don't have to be hot. They do have to be men, on that I won't compromise. :P

2. I will be COMPLETELY corrupted by the rich. Expect me to take bribes. Hey, it's not like that's going to be much of a change from the current system, right? And you know what? You'll never have to worry about those annoying campaign ads ever again! You could get used to this, couldn't you?

3. I will be totally afraid of revolution, so there will be tons of security measures. We'll erect these weird little machines, you could call them pronto scanners, and they will see through your clothes. We'll also allow our security people to have their way with you. I mean, the current system is already doing this, so again this won't be much of a change.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxCRfGtBaZ0

4. You won't have any say in our system, except for elections. The only difference here is that there will be no campaign ads and no dumb debates to keep you from watching your favorite TV shows. We'll even allow the candidates to pay you for voting for them. It's a better method of getting votes that shitting on your opponent. Hey, do you get anything from a negative ad? At least you'll have a couple bucks to show for these elections.

Those elections will exist to give you the appearance of control, that way, you won't get really pissed off and overthrow me. Hey, that's basically what they're for in the current system.

5. As long as I get my money, I get to fly around in a fancy jet, and live in a nice house, I'm cool with just about anything.

6. To protect us from Canadian and Mexican aggression, we will erect walls on both borders to protect us. This will also serve to keep you from trying to get out, ala Berlin Wall. But really, would you like to go to either of those countries?

7. I'm a softie at heart, so we'll actually take care of you medically. You'll also have a job if you want it. And a place to live, and food to eat. It's not going to be that bad. In many ways, having a dictator kind of takes care of everything.

8. We will torture. It will mainly consist of Britney Spears' Hit Me. Oh yeah, that's the original name of that song, it was changed because people thought it would condone domestic violence. They left the whole "Hit me baby one more time..." part in there though. I guess they figured no one would actually know the lyrics to the song.

[baldguy]

1. It's refreshing to have a leader we tells the truth to us.