The den is hushed and chill as a light blanket of snow has been silently falling for most of the evening. The glow from the monitor is providing the only light for the room; the rest of the house is dark. Two beady red lights glow from the nearby electric oil room radiator, the only heat left in the house.
Upon returning from my
TESTRUN down to Los Angeles and back, I found a number of discouraging and disappointing situations, such as the main heat being on the fritz with temperatures heading down to the low 20s for daily highs. Nonetheless, still aglow with the general enjoyment of having traveled anywhere for the first time in decades, I set those issues aside; stiff upper lip and all. My mind was abuzz with so much I wanted to blog about: the conversations I'd had with friends and strangers along the way, the situations good and uncomfortable, ideas on solutions to logistics that remained unresolved, and solutions to issues that were stumbled upon during the short journey.
I returned home just in time to watch the last fifteen minutes of the Rally to Restore Sanity, and a political forum I frequent was a buzz with joy and comradery about the rally. During my travel, I had found that much of what Jon Stewart had said seemed to be true. I had many conversations about potentially heated issues with folks whose opinions were quite offset from mine without so much as a hint of animosity. There was no name calling directly to each other or to political or pundit personalities; a lot of truncating, like "Obama" instead of "President Obama" or "Repub" instead of "Republican," but all in all quite sane. No one's mind was immediately changed, but thoughts were provoked, reality rather than talking points seemed to rule. This was pretty much what I had heard Jon say, average folks are tired of hyped up hyperbole, we can talk sensibly about these issues, we nearly all agree as to which are really important, ....
I posted one
JOURNAL about this in the initial excitement I was feeling, with that "yeah, yeah, I totally get it, I just lived that!," but it was short lived. The false equivalency argument began to dominate most conversations on-line and elsewhere. Apparently since I'd only caught the last little bit, I missed the direct comparison of Keith Olbermann to folks at FNC. Briefly, I can't see this issue in black and white, it's firmly rooted in grey. From a journalistic standpoint, meaning that facts are checked and information vetted, there's no comparison at all, complete opposites. The evening crew (and I do mean exclusively the evening crew) at MSNBC provide facts, not innuendo, not conspiracy-style circle jerks, and no outright lies. However, from a hype standpoint, there are some similarities that I think do fit into what Jon was commenting about. Similarities such as the amount of time and energy spent on diss'ing the other side rather than discussing the issues, the hype given to relatively silly situations in the scheme of things, the willingness to let guests who typically agree with the pundit speak nearly without interruption while those that disagree are interrupted and spoken over. These types of things are similar on all the punditry stations. My final evaluation is simply that Jon was the wrong person to hold that rally. As a comedian, he also does much of what he's criticizing, though as a comedian, it could be construed as a different venue, which he certainly attempts to do. Problem is, there are no personalities that fall into the sane, reasonable, journalistic style that a rally like this would require to avoid controversy. Hundreds of discussions were taking place, perhaps I thought to myself, more blogging about the sane conversations I'd had would be better timed in a few days, and I gently slid them to the back burner.
I reached across and pulled to the fore the issue of how to locate and document the newly, episodic homeless after finding that they seem to prefer a certain amount of
INVISIBILITY. I racked my brain trying to determine whether to broaden the scope of my journey or narrow it. One idea was to put up craigslist ads for women in my age bracket that have been unemployed for one to two years who would be willing to allow me to follow them on and off through out the next year; documenting 12-20 women as I loop-de-loop my way round and round the US, returning on each loop to record progress or regress as the case may be. I've also considered upgrading this idea, if you will. What if the documentations were utilized to actually help these women. I know I personally have a problem donating to organizations, I much prefer donating directly to an individual. Panhandlers, though, have a reputation for spending any cash offered on their addictions. Add to that, many of the newly homeless or about to be homeless are not likely to panhandle, and the problem becomes, how can help be offered directly to one person in need in a way that isn't likely to be subverted? I propose that once the series of women are chosen and documentation begun, a wish list for each could be started to include things like gascards, gift certificates for grocers, eyeglasses, pet supplies (so those with a pet to fight off depression can keep their pet), department or clothing stores, and the like. Kind of like the Christian Childrens Fund where you can watch their progress, and better yet determine when and if you desire to assist as well as how you desire to assist. Clearly this idea is fairly well thought out, not so much with the broader concept.
A much broader idea was to get connected with one of the unemployed groups springing up around the country, or perhaps more than one, and document their events, rallies, and protests, as well as any union strikes or employment related uprisings, mass lay-offs, and plant closures. Of course, should the economy actually pick up, I could also record plant re-openings and such. My equipment is more suited to this type of recording if I want to use it all, though of course the camcorder can be utilized alone. As you can see, this idea is not fully developed, and all thoughts about this concept, my future, the future of my project, and quite sincerely the future of this nation came crashing down around my ass if not lower before I was able to develop a more detailed plan.
Wednesday, the day after the mid-term elections, President Obama announced a renewed effort to get along with Republicans and the not-gonna-happen tax cuts for the filthy rich became the not-going-to-be-permanent tax cuts for the filthy rich. My heart sank, depression and anger and righteous indignation overwhelmed me. "I don't matter! These women I imagine documenting and helping don't matter! The unemployed don't matter! The homeless don't matter! WHAT THE FUCK!" has been raging through my head now for two and a half weeks, I succumbed, I collapsed, I caved....
The den is hushed and chill as a light blanket of snow has been silently falling for most of the evening. The glow from the monitor is providing the only light for the room; the rest of the house is dark. Two beady red lights glow from the nearby electric oil room radiator, the only heat left in the house, and I can hear only one thing.
"I caved, I caved, I caved...," echoing in my mind, reverberating down my spine. No, nope, can't do it, won't do it. I can't be furious at someone else for caving, and then cave in retaliation. Where are those damned boot straps, I need to pull myself up by them, RIGHT NOW!
So, I'm getting back on track. The date for the foreclosure sale on my home is mid-March, so I have some time there, though I have no idea what to do with the things that won't be coming on the journey with me. I could probably afford a storage unit for a year, but I can't afford the moving truck to move the few things I want to keep, mainly very heavy, large equipment from my analog photo lab, we're talking 3/4 ton equipment, not U-Haul-able. I'll also have to file for bankruptcy in here somewhere, but I am not sure the best timing for that. The videos I've done for my friend's new product in Los Angeles are stalled waiting for him and his partner to provide their preferred audio which requires me to stay near the internet so I can jump on those and get them finished as soon as possible. Therefore, once again I shall shed the level of depression and anger that be-stilled forward motion on my project (though I intend to hand on to my righteous indignation, because it is righteous) and use these days of waiting to set up a plan and be ready to get a move on.
Though I believe my angst and emotions, going into homelessness, will be a valuable asset to the documentary, I will have to learn a way to not become so emotionally overwhelmed that I crumple into a ball of stagnant despair. Wish me strength and tenacity.
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