How To Spot A rapist

[apples and oranges]

Posted to help the women of DU. I don't have a link as it was an email forward:

A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what
they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting
facts:

1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They
are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other
hairstyle that can easily be grabbed . They are also likely to go after
a woman with long hair . Women with short hair are not common targets.

2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women
who's clothing is easy to remove quickly . Many of them carry scissors
around specifically to cut clothing.

3) They also look for women on their cell phone ,searching through their
purse, ordoing other activities while walking because they are off-guard
and can be easily overpowered.

4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5:
00a.m. and 8:30a.m.

5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery
store parking lots . Number two: is office parking lots/garages. Number
three: is public restrooms.

6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman
and quickly move her to another location where they don't have to worry
about getting caught.

7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year
sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged
because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going
after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas , or
other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the
attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys
you're not worth it.

10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following
behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or
stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question , like what
time is it, or make general small talk: 'I can't believe it is so cold
out here,' 'we're in for a bad winter.' Now you've seen their face and
could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.

11) If someone is coming toward you , hold out your hands in front of
you and yell STOP or STAY BACK! Most of the rapists this man talked to
said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would
not be afraid to fight back .
Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it
and carries it with him wherever he goes) , yell I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and
holding it out will be a deterrent.

13) If someone grabs you , you can't beat them with strength but you can
byoutsmarting them If you are grabbed around the waist from behind,
pinch the attacker either under the
arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in the upperinner thigh VERY VERY
HARD . One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the
underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset
she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed
stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand
it - it hurts.

14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN . I know from a
particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is
extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make
him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our
instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of
trouble. Start causing trouble and he's out of there.

15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers
and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down
on them as possible . The instructor did it to me without using much
pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

16) Of course the things we always hear still apply.Always be aware of
your surroundings , take someone with you if you can and if you see any
odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts!!!

You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if
the guy really was trouble.

1 . Tip from Tae Kwon Do : The elbow is the strongest point on your
body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans . If a robber asks
for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM . Toss it away from
you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or
purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE
OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back
tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy.
The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved
lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating,
working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list,
etc.) DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the
perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun
to your head, and tell you where to go.

AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

a. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF,
repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into
anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is
in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car
crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body
in a remote location.

5 . A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot or parking
garage:

A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side
floor, and in the back seat.

B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the
passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them
into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the
passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car,
you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a
guard/policeman to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than
dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are
horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is
especially true at NIGHT!)

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS
RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times.
And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, preferably
in a zigzag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP! It may get
you raped or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking,
well-educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting
women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked 'for help' into
his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next
victim.

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a
crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the
police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told
her 'Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.'

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a
window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get
run over. The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way,
whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.' He told her that they think a
serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of
their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have
not verified it , but have had several calls by women saying that they
hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.

[indimuse]

1. THANK YOU FOE THE POST!!

Very informative~Shared on Facebook already! ;)

[moriah]

8. Share the Snopes debunkings of the bad advice in them, too.

Seriously, there is some bad advice in both.

[REP]

34. No shit. This is a great compendium of bullshit.

This the sort if thing elderly, easily frightened aunts forward in mass emails.

[rosesaylavee]

48. Sweet.

I am not elderly (yet) but did just send the link to my niece before I read your post. :rofl:

[uppityperson]

56. I am glad so many DUers see this as the bad advice and inaccurate "facts" that it is

too late to unrec though

[iamjoy]

2. Most of This is Hogwash

the best advice is to be aware of your surroundings.

While some attackers will capitulate if the woman fights back, others will make it worse as a result of the resistance...

[moriah]

3. Snopes debunkings of both articles

http://www.snopes.com/crime/prevent/rape.asp

http://www.snopes.com/crime/prevent/ninetips.asp

Discussing the good and bad points of the advice. Including that the crying baby thing isn't real.

[AmandaMae]

26. +1 most of this is bullshit

[REP]

37. Thank you for posting the Snopes links, which have GOOD and USEFUL information

Especially the point about there being no good answer about fighting back; the 'you can fight him off' myth has led to much misery in many victims of rape. Sometimes, fighting back leds to death or more torture. There is no one good answer except: do what it takes to survive.

[prole_for_peace]

4. " Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line up...

you lose your appeal as a target"

Or they could just KILL you!! Being able to identify someone is not a sure-fire way to not get attacked.

[demmiblue]

5. I thought this post was supposed to be about how to spot a rapist.

:shrug:

[pipi_k]

12. I did too....not how to escape from one...

although I'll say this...as much as some of that advice might be unhelpful or even dangerous, there IS one thing I'll agree with...

If someone jumps into my car and wants me to drive away, you bet your ass I'm going to gun it and hit the nearest stationary object. And probably not entirely on purpose, either. I'd be so shit scared it would probably happen anyway.

[mia]

6. Thank you!

Good to be reminded.

[bemildred]

7. Seems more like a "How to do it" guide. nt

[myrna minx]

9. Thank you . K&R n/t

[Jim__]

10. "Speed into anything," is really bad advice.

You really don't want to speed into an occupied car or across a sidewalk endangering the general public. Be aware enough to speed into something where you are unlikely to kill an innocent bystander.

[REP]

38. If the attacker is in the passenger seat, there's an airbag there, too

Drive to the police station - fast and erratically.

[demwing]

11. Many horrible pieces of advice here

Factual errors, and stuff that is simply made up. THe Snopes articles posted earlier address the errors, I urge everyone to please read them.

[badtoworse]

13. I am a strong supporter of RKBA

There are strong opinions on both sides of this issue, but I believe a trained, armed woman is much less vulnerable.

I would suggest that women educate themselves on the pros and cons of carrying a weapon. If you are comfortable with the responsibility, consider getting a concealed carry permit if you live in a state with reasonable gun laws.

I do not have the expertise to quote statistics and cite gun laws in various states, but there are are some very well informed people in the Guns Forum at DU. There are also people with strong opinions on the other side of the issue. If you are open to the idea of arming yourself, that would be a good place to start.

[mrcheerful]

16. The only way that would work is if you walked around with your gun in your hand cocked and ready to

go. You have to have time to drop everything your carrying and pull your gun while the attacker attacks because attacks are not predictable nor is everyone you don't know an attacker. Weapons are only useful if you have attentions to use them, in emergency situations where you are caught off guard they can be more hazardous to you then helpful because if the attacker gets his hands on the weapon you just made a bad situation worse. Few attackers yell they are going to attack you before hand.

And pulling a gun on anyone that approaches you can lead you to a meeting with a judge, which would happen more times then meeting up with an attacker. I have lived and played in some of my city's worst area's and have only been jumped once which was because I let my guard down by focusing on one guy while 2 others came up behind me and clubbed me in the back of the head. That is the nature of attacks they are not predictable nor is there any way to prevent one from happening any more then it is to prevent a accident with you car. All you can do is not put yourself in harms way and be aware of everything around you.

[badtoworse]

17. This would make interesting discussion in the Guns Forum...

and people who are more informed than I am would certainly comment. I don't have a concealed carry permit because they are very difficult to get in my state. I believe however, that if you are in a threatening situation, you should have your weapon concealed, but be ready to draw and use it. Why not post this question there and see what the experts say?

I'll agree that if you are taken completely by surprise, you may be unable to use any form of self defense (mace, gun, knife, etc.). That said, guns do save people from assailants all the time. If you live in a dangerous environment, I believe you are safer if you are armed, provided you have had the proper training and are truly ready to shoot someone if necessary to protect yourself.

[Pavulon]

23. I carry and my wife who is an e med doc carries

the logic is simple. Using a firearm is like knowing how to drive a manual transmission. You may never need it, but it does not hurt to know how.

The first step is mental. Are you willing to forget everything you think you know about guns and relearn, go for it. Most of what people think they know is horse shit.

If you cannot get over the gun being a gun, OC spray is very effective in MOST situations. Knives are not a great options.

It takes about 1.5 seconds to draw and fire a handgun that is concealed. It is perfectly legal to draw a handgun to stop a situation without firing. HOWEVER it is generally a good idea for that situation to have warranted use of lethal force.

There are lots of good training resources out there. Taking the time to learn how the laws, think about the situation where you may need a weapon, and then becoming proficient are responsible choices.

[HipChick]

14. Best defence?

It's hard for them to argue with my glock..:shrug:

[shireen]

15. unfortunately, it's not easy to impossible to get a concealed weapon permit in many states

You can't even own an assembled loaded gun in Washington DC!

[_ed_]

18. THIS IS COMPLETELY WRONG

Do not follow any of this advice. None of this nonsense is factual. This crap has been debunked a million times. I think this is almost 10 years old.

[Madam Mossfern]

19. Horrible!

What a great way to make rape victims think that it was their own fault.
I am appalled at this article.

[Codeine]

20. Why on EARTH do people think it makes sense

to post forwarded emails to a discussion board? I thought this shit died with WebTV and AOL.

[Hello_Kitty]

21. You are statistically far more likely to be raped by someone you know than a stranger. eom

[IMATB]

52. Yes

Sometimes they come knocking at your door, might be someone you know very well.

Or thought you knew. I carry pepper spray. It doesn't help you if it's in your purse either.

[Pavulon]

22. Lots of bad advice mixed in with some good advice..

In order of priority. Be situationally aware. This is obvious in a parking deck, not so obvious while you are out drinking with your friends. Its a lifestyle, pay attention.
Be in control of yourself, or be with someone who is in control.
Dont interact with people you dont know in strange places. People asking for money for gas, if a situation feels wrong, leave. Fast.
All men want sex. Some are willing to take sex if you will not participate. Even people you know.
If you are ROBBED, give up your shit. Always. I carry and will still give up my wallet, even if I had the perfect opportunity to draw. I may draw but will not do so unless I have to.
If you are ATTACKED in any way, fight like your life depends on it. If you end up in a car, someones apartment, etc, you are in deep shit.
Fuck a fair fight. If you have OC use it, if you have a gun fire it. Once someone goes hands on with a female its a lethal event.

Karate, car keys, judo, are not realistic for most people. If you need a force multiplier use OC or a handgun 9mm or bigger.
If you own a gun, learn how to use it. Owning it does not make you killed anymore than owning a guitar makes you jimmy hendrix.


My advice from my wife (who works in e med and sees rape / trauma victims) to college age cousins (who do the same dumb shit I did)


Shit happens to well off kids (and women) too.
Lock your doors, lock you car, pay attention.

[hlthe2b]

24. I honestly think the best deterrent for many women ....

who have to go out alone at night (beyond being aware and cautious about selection of route, location, lighted parking spot, etc.) is a good sized dog in the back seat. I have been approached (probably quite innocently) numerous times by those who just immediately turn around when my dog starts to bark. Most dogs are notoriously territorial in the car--even the most mild mannered Labrador will bark and appear as a threat.

[Pavulon]

25. A dog never hurts..

the best thing and prerequisite to all other methods is paying attention. Not texting, messing with an ipod, or generally being distracted. Be aware and look aware.

A dog at the house of any kind that barks is worth his weight in gold.

[pipi_k]

35. You're not kidding...

I have two female German Shepherds.

Last week we were going out someplace and Mr P came out of the bedroom with a different hat on.


OMG. The dogs barked and got all vicious because they didn't recognize him at first and would have attacked him if I hadn't told them it was their "Daddy" and everything was OK.


I feel perfectly safe in my home with my dogs.


I also know how to shoot pretty well...

:7

[tblue37]

30. What is this "OC" everyone keeps referring to? nt

[Kali]

41. open carry, I'm pretty sure

like in a holster that is in plain view

[Zebedeo]

43. Oleoresin capsicum

"pepper spray"

[Kali]

50. d'oh!

shoulda read more of the thread - OP was such bullshit I saw that most posters knew and was skimming - figured the discussion had included guns and OC was related to that...:blush:

[tblue37]

51. I don't think most people would know that, so it seems an unnecesarily obscure

abbreviation, don't you think?

[Pavulon]

47. An organic pepper based chemical used by police and civilians

as less lethal way to stop an attack. Older chemicals were based on CS which is a tear gas formula.

[Odin2005]

27. The vast majority of rapes are aquatence rapes, not a stranger grabbing a woman off the street.

[Madam Mossfern]

28. I don't think that those

who have been raped by strangers would be very comforted by that.

[BlueIris]

33. Thanks. I mentioned that, too.

Also, according to something I read (source: FBI) there are only three motives for rape: power, (45% of all reported rapes) anger, (40% of all reported rapes) and sadism (5% of all reported rapes). I don't really see a way that any of these tips (or most others I see people passing around for the possible victims to "protect themselves" with address those facts. I doubt there's a reliable way to "spot a rapist," really.

[felix_numinous]

29. The Gift of Fear, by Galvin DeBecker

should be required reading for all young women. It is one of the best books on this subject.

[BlueIris]

32. More than a few young males should be required to read it, too.

Women aren't the only victims of crime out there.

Some great tips and insights from DeBecker, which I've actually used in real life:

1) Beware dark humor. If you're making jokes about a bad situation, it's probably bad enough that you should cut it out of your life ASAP.

2) Never talk yourself into trusting anyone. You either trust someone or you don't and if you don't you probably shouldn't.

3) Never cave to blackmail. It's better to just face up to whatever leverage the blackmailer has against you than it is to cave to hostage tactics or ransom demands.

4) 50% of all child abuse victims grow up to be criminals. I add that one not so much as a source of advice, just as a grim statistic about the toll childhood abuse takes on our society.

[pipi_k]

36. Yep, I've read it...great book.... n/t

[Sugarcoated]

46. My husband bought that for me last week

I read the forward and put it down . . . I'm going to pick it back up!

[BlueIris]

31. Some okay tips in there, I guess, a lot of stuff I think would be ineffective, pointless or wrong.

As in incorrect. Like that goddamned pepper spray line. I carried pepper spray for five years and never pepper sprayed anyone but myself (by accident...twice). Know what I found out? WORTHLESS. Didn't really sting, burned a lot but not so badly that I was even disoriented, let alone incapacitated. And I was able to recover pretty quickly--as in, ten to fifteen seconds quickly. Didn't see how it would stop someone intent on raping or killing me so I didn't even bother to replace it.

Oh, and don't even get me started on those "self defense" tips. If you haven't had a class, they're not likely to actually help you.

Finally, the OP promotes the myth that the majority of all rapes are stranger rapes. Almost all rape or sexual assault is committed by an acquaintance, friend or family member of the victim.

[Blecht]

39. Why all the recommendations for a post containing "information" that has been thoroughly debunked?

Much of this is dangerous and could get somebody killed.

[Freetradesucks]

40. I did not see anything about the

"lustful" look in their eyes. Or the color of their skin.....

[ZombieHorde]

42. Recommended. nt

[NoSheep]

44. What a bunch of BULLSHIT. This is insulting. Go watch Nancy Grace

her show is filled with this kind of shit.

[NuclearDem]

45. I found one

[Le Taz Hot]

49. PLEASE BE CAREFUL ABOUT #8

The one where you're supposed to put up a fight is not automatically correct. I was in this situation and, as long as I stayed calm, he didn't use the knife. I started to struggle just a little bit and it made him even crazier so, to try to save my own life, I had no choice but to stay calm and take what I had to take in order to stay alive. Now, if he would have started stabbing/slashing/cutting, I would have turned into a hellcat.

This is it. There's no RIGHT way to survive a rape. Your primary goal is to keep alive and as intact as possible. One rapist may be discouraged if you put up a fight but another will be antagonized by it and get more violent. And you literally have mere seconds to decide what the right way to handle it is.

Btw, rape only carries a 3-5 year sentence. That makes me literally ill.

[Dorian Gray]

58. This is very important

what may rile up one attacker may deter another. You have no way of knowing unless you find yourself in the situation, so to go in with a preconceived notion that fighting will save the day can be dangerous.

I also agree that a 3-5 year sentence for rape is woefully negligent toward our society. It's not the proper punishment or deterent that it should be.

[athenasatanjesus]

53. Don't walk alone in the middle of the night,head down wearing skimpy outfits and headphones.

You'd be surprised at how many young girls would need this advice.

[mentalsolstice]

54. I'm a volunteer for a local SANE clinic.

I'm sure the OP was well-intended, but I can tell you the only way to prevent being raped is to not exist. To suggest otherwise, sends a message that the victim is to blame. We always tell potential victims and survivors the best thing to do is assess the situation and do whatever it takes to survive...in many cases that may mean giving up without a fight. No two situations are ever the same, what works for one woman (or man) would not work for another.

[Prophet 451]

57. What is "SANE"?

Forgive the dumb Brit but I've not heard that acronym before and Wiki was no use.

[Quantess]

55. Too late to unrecommend.

Good advice mixed with lousy & worthless advice.

[uncommon]

60. Likewise. Although I don't think there is good advice here.

[uncommon]

59. You're still here?

How about writing an OP teaching men how to stop being rapists instead of expecting women to avoid being raped.

Ugh.