|
To the tune of "Modern Major General"
by Mark Keller, c. 1979
If reading SF epics tends to make you feel adventury
We've wargames from a thousand lands, from each and every century:
In alleyways of Lankhmar follow Fafh' and Mouser's lechery,
Or take a walk with Frodo, but beware of Gollum's treachery!
Become a Starship Trooper and you'll mash the Bugs quite properly,
Or mortgage half the universe while playing Space Monopoly;
Fight dragons that are green and brown and golden and vermilion
With heroes from the Conan books and from the Silmarillion.
From World War Two we have a game, the Yanks against the Germans where
The Fallschirmjaeger panzerfaust at unsuspecting Shermans there;
Or you can play Diplomacy, where double-crosses skewer ya,
Or start a little World War Three and atom-bomb Manchuria!
BRIDGE: Or travel into paratime, the histories that might a' been;
Have Cromwell fighting Romans, or Lord Kalvan leading Arrakeen
The Minutemen of Washington are meeting Omar's Saracens
And Rommel fights at Waterloo, and other weird comparisons.
If CRT is just a mass of puzzling cuniform,
We have some model soldiers you can paint in gaudy uniform;
If you esteem the horse and hold the infantry in low regard,
We have the dashing cavalry of Stuart, Lee, and Beauregard.
The ancient king Sennacherib's nine hundred iron chariots,
And here's a train of wagons from King Arthur's commisariat.
A Cossack with his saber raised to smite the proletariat,
And here's a Western cowboy chasing Indians with a lariat.
The armies of Napoleon, the mighty Guard Imperial,
The surgeons who treat cannon wounds or illnesses venereal;
With cataphracts and cuirasseurs and light dragoons and skirmishers,
And Bonaparte's own battle tent, with model Empire furniture.
BRIDGE: If naval wars you like to wage, then to this pile just lend your eyes,
We've model ships of every age, from galleons to the Enterprise.
And little plastic fighter planes, a Sopwith or a Harrier--
Buy ninety model Phantom Jets and fly them from a carrier!
We've model planes and model trains and model knights like Galahad,
For D&D and S&S and PBI and Stalingrad;
We've models that are animal and vegetable and mineral,
And here's a little model of a modern Major General!
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
