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None of what I am about to say applies to everyone, but you still can not judge whether someone has a virus by how they look or their lifestyle or sexual orientation or apparent robustness:
Someone co-infected with hepatitis C (HCV) for example, is about 400% more likely to transmit HIV, irregardless of HIV viral load. That's what one long term, well conducted study showed. Remember also that one can have an undetectable HIV viral load according to blood sample, yet have a moderate or even high amount of virus in the semen or other bodily fluids (not really saliva or urine, however) so pull out before ejaculating, don't swallow anything, and don't let anyone come inside you to reduce odds of transmission.
You also have to consider that a person on HIV treatment with a low (i.e. under 1500) viral load can still pass on a virus that is resistant to one or more existing medications, as well as a virus that is susceptible.
It's like with many herpesviruses. You may not have any visible sores (cold sores are a herpes virus) but you can still be shedding infectious viral particles. Will you get herpes? Depends on what you're doing, your host factors, the host factors of another person, etc. Prophylaxis with acyclovir is now considered a way to reduce the chances that you could pass on certain herpesviruses during sex if you are chronically infected with herpes.
With needles, the risk factors increase, and defy any calculation. A person may not even have HIV, but sharing needles having sex with someone who uses needles can get you a nasty case of chronic hepatitis. There's a group of like ten bodybuilders at my gym that recently developed illnesses. Sharing needles and drawing out of the same vial got them all cases of HCV and HIV, even though the index case had no viral load for HIV or HCV, and no symptoms at all.
So basically you should really try to use condoms at all times when penetration is involved (oral sex between men is really not a transmission route for HIV unless there is a situation where you shouldn't be putting anything in your mouth to begin with), but you want to find a guy who doesn't have chlamydia or gonnorrhea.
Get to know your sexual partners, discuss history and risks, have fun. Treating each other with honesty and respect is one of the best prevention and reduction of transmission of disease (if you have a chronic infection) we have.
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