Republican Think Tank Reaction - Seperate facilities for the caucuses

[grantcart]

AP
Washington DC
January 28th

by Dewey Cheetham


Following three days of public relations disasters by the Republicans the Heritage Foundation and other Republican think tanks have started circulating draft proposals that would radically change the way that Congress and the Senate would share space.

The President's manhandling of the Caucus, in front of their own spouses and children, coming after a successful jobs town hall meeting and the President's forceful State of the Union has left Republican leaders scratching their heads and wondering what can be done to limit further damage. One pundit was left saying that "if we don't get in a good day soon I doubt that Scott Brown will even join our caucus".

A senior Republican Senator laid the problem out in detail "while we are alone everything is fine but when you put us in juxtaposition with Democrats it is clear who has lost their mojo". He went on to add "message purity and integration are key to maintaining credibility. You have to start with an integrated truth and maintain a consistent thread. We stand with Genesis, Adam Smith and Ronald Reagan and we know that is the true American way. Our allegience is to a higher Truth than mere facts, facts can simply lead you down the path to Hell."

While still germinating the idea that is gaining the most favor is that the different caucuses would meet by party and not by legislative body. In other words Republican Senators and Congresspeople would meet in one chamber and Democrats in the other. In this scheme the Democratic Congressional Representatives and Senators would be housed in the larger chamber and the Republicans would be housed in the Senate chamber.

"We are getting slaughtered by all of this fact shit and I for one do not intend to take it anymore. Real Americans deserve to have those that really represent their beliefs and homes meet together and not be continually ridiculed by fact checking chimps" was the sentiment of a southern Senator who was quick to add "by calling that guy a chimp I don't mean I believe in evolution".

When it was pointed out that Democrats were unlikely to agree to segregation by party a consultant said that was alright because they could always move their caucuses to Virginia to meet.

[tibbiit]

1. is this from the onion?

Our allegience is to a higher Truth than mere facts, facts can simply lead you down the path to Hell."

this has got to be a joke right?
tib

[cry baby]

2. gc, do you have a link? I'd like to share this.

ah, yes...the onion! I fall for that every time!! I is stoopid!

[dalaigh lllama]

4. I think "Dewey Cheetum" is grantcart's nom de plume

He's shown up here before a time or two. ;)

[gateley]

5. ...

:thumbsup:

And it's always a pleasure to see him!

[Gidney N Cloyd]

7. Aw, sum-bi --

[CTyankee]

24. Car Talk's law firm "Dewey Cheetham and Howe."

Their list of "credits" at the end of their shows always cracks me up...:rofl:

[old mark]

25. Dewey Cheetam is 2/3ds of a law firm, Dewey Cheetam and Howe,

affiliated with an accountant, Whitelipt and Trembling.

The joke names go back to the Marx Brothers, were used by the 3 Stooges and others, notably S. J. Perlman.

Do We Cheat'em - And How!
(Trust me- I'm a lawyer!)

mark

I'm not really a lawyer, either - that's a "joke".

[grantcart]

27. right

[grantcart]

14. Dewey doesn't contribute to the Onion

It has to do with unpaid royalty on previous contributions.

You are free to send at will, you can find his other contributions here:

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/grantcart/218

Considered to be his landmark piece this one comes up second if you google "Lou Dobbs and Trotsky"

Exactly 106 days after Dewey Cheetham published his story on Lou Dobbs father killing Trotsky Dobbs resigns from CNN:

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/grantcart/200

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/grantcart/187

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/grantcart/186

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/grantcart/176

[nxylas]

21. I don't think Dewey really belongs in The Onion

Your Dewey Cheetham stuff has its own voice which is slightly different to The Onion's style, IMO. Just as good, but different.

[elana i am]

17. eh. we're talking about the repug caucus here...

a fucked up in the head, evil posse of lower life forms. it's not hard to assume they are capable of whatever the creative mind can conjure. honest mistake. *g*

[gateley]

3. K&R - from one of Dewey's biggest fans! nt

[cliffordu]

6. Shout out to Dewey my old drinking and ibogaine buddy.

Still has his mojo, I see.

GC - you SHOULD write for the Onion.

:rofl:

[rurallib]

8. had a hard time deciding whether this was real or not

Satirists can barely stay ahead of reality these days.
Good job.

[Clio the Leo]

9. lol @ "In front of their own wives and children!" NT

[grantcart]

10. yes that was my favorite liine too.

[Warren Stupidity]

11. "Our allegience is to a higher Truth than mere facts"

this is parody, right? Please let this be parody?

[grantcart]

12. well if you can't really tell what does that mean?

[mzmolly]

13. A snicker and a kick.

:kick: :rofl: :hi:

[southernyankeebelle]

15. This is silly. If they do this it will mean dividing the country. Don't they realize how bad of an

idea it is.

[grantcart]

16. You should write and tell them your feelings on it

[ClassWarrior]

18. "We stand with Genesis." A British band! So the buying of our government by foreign corporations...

...has begun.

:rofl:

Well played, grantcart.

NGU.

[grantcart]

19. tks

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

20. Seperate but Equal...

... and the Dems accuse them of having no new ideas!

"by calling that guy a chimp I don't mean I believe in evolution".

Thanks, Grantcart -- on point again.

[polmaven]

22. "Republican Think Tank"......

Isn't that an oxymoron?

[OffWithTheirHeads]

23. Republican think tank? What the fuck is that?

One of these?

[old mark]

26. I believe the Republican Think Tank has a flush handle on it.....nt

[ProgressOnTheMove]

28. Hey Republicans President question time by excutive order capeesh. :)

They can't run away that easy, get back here ya hear. Those avoiding the excutive order can take time out in the congress basement.