Unlearning racism

[angee_is_mad]

This article was in my local paper and I wanted to share it. It is the journey of a white woman (who is married to a black man) unlearning racism.
link:
http://www.news-record.com/content/2010/08/02/article/a_journey_toward_unlearning_racism

This part really struck me:
"But for every instance of racism I experienced outwardly, I uncovered another layer of racism inside myself. One of the most humbling moments in my journey of unlearning racism came a few months after Herb moved in with me. He had been living for nearly a year in Florida, and we were so happy to be together again. And I began to notice something. Black people everywhere were smiling at me, even when I was alone. Little kids, adults, old people. They were giving me these warm, open smiles. How could they know? And yet, there it was — a connection that had never been there before.
And then it hit me. They hadn’t changed. I had. For the first time in my life, I was really looking at black people, instead of through them or past them. I was looking for the face of someone I loved. Like many white people, I had been ignoring black people my whole life without really being aware of it. And it filled me with shame."

[Top Cat]

1. I only wish more people would this way..... Not in my lifetime i guess.

[angee_is_mad]

2. It's the elephant in the room

particularly for progressives I feel.

[Top Cat]

22. You're right...

[vaberella]

3. It's the mentality of the peoples I find. Black people tend to be all incompassing.

It's because of the Black rainbow. Black people come in all shapes and sizes and because many of us in the US and in the caribbean are of mixed "racial" lineage we tend to be open to all. This is why biracial people, who are part African descent are sort of automatically welcome. It's why people like Eminem and Vanilla Ice at one point in time had "street cred" or a "Black card"----because we have those people in the family it's common and they are sort of "one of us."

Whites on the other hand seems to always have a flood of White in the family. I hope this doesn't come across separatist or, ~sigh~ I can't find the right word to express it. But because Black and all associated with it has been, in the US, symbolically associated as low or below reproach; many Whites hide from it and/or deny it, and/or ignore it---without realizing it.

Whites have no inkling of who and what Black people are and what they experience on a daily basis. They never will. However, Blacks are forced to live in their own world and the world dominated and invariably have shaped a good part of their lives. There's some resentment, b/c there are those who carry a grudge. But the ultimate thing is understanding of the world they live in. Most of the time when you see some of these race discussions happen---it's many Whites who seem to reach an epiphany on what's going on and the realization of their own lack of understanding---even if they see themselves as open.

For example, when I explained the problems of Black women, their hair and racism and the effects----my friend was sitting there boggled. This same friend was also boggled as to why Whites in the South eat similarly to Blacks in the South and when I asked him who was cooking the meals for the Whites---he had to pause to see how intermingled the two peoples are and yet how one seems to know or understand so little about the other.

Of course none of these things are absolute---and of course there are many factors going on---but I think this is also where there's leads to a break down in conversation----most of what Blacks may say may seem accusatory and attacking; while Whites might want to ignore what their ancestors did or just never think of it in the same way while many Blacks live on the after affects that live on today despite a Black president in office.

[angee_is_mad]

4. Interesting POV

and I agree with a lot of what you said.
it's a shame that in the 21st century race is still the elephant in the room. I wonder if the elderly white couple had not come out in Shirley Sherrod's defense were would she be now?

[vaberella]

9. Good question. That crossed my mind time and again when I thought on that issue.

It would most definitely not have been headline news.

[Jennicut]

8. What you say is very true.

When I was in college, I ended up becoming friends with a very talented artist who was black. He totally accepted me right away as did his friends. But my family and friends was a whole different story. It is such a shame but that judging is still there and this was the mid 1990's. I am happy my 6 year old daughter became friends with the only black girl in her class in kindergarten. The girl was not really making any friends and I am pretty sure it was her race. She said to me, "Mommy, she has no other friends. No one will play with her. I think she needs a friend." Even in 2010, it still happens and parents are the ones that teach children the most when it comes to difference and races.

[vaberella]

10. You are 100% right.

Which taps into the idea that White women influence racism.It's not an idea I wholly subscribe too because I think family is only a small part of it. I know my close friend I mentioned earlier said to me that his family is most definitely racist. Keeping in mind he's from Georgia.. However, for some reason he didn't adopt much of those same views. He did have some issues, but they wouldn't stop him from making friends with someone of another race although his family are against it.

In any event, it's interesting you mention parents and I wonder what your thoughts are on this. I remember I was on a Black woman forum and the issue on how racism is "learned" was brought up. And one woman stated that the real "person" to blame in the spread of racism, in particular, generational racism is through the mother. The men tend to be action-oriented while it's the women who tend to spend time with the child. And it's therefore the mother who has the most influence in teaching the child racist behaviour. Therefore, and of course this is in her (this woman's words) basically White women are the influential bodies who teach racism in the household.

[AngryAmish]

11. I don't buy that racism is learned

Now, the particular American form where some people are considered "white" and others "black" and the one drop rule and all that, sure, that is learned.

But the fact is the way our minds work is we categorize things. There is a strong in-group preference. Heck, you can see in this site: We are progressive Democrats. We think Republicans are the "other" and they are despised.

ANyway, I think racism is the default position of mankind. India and the caste system. Tribalism in Africa. Japan and Japanese-ness. NAtional identity and chauvinism in Europe. Jews being hated throughout the world.

Anyway, that is my 2 cents.

[vaberella]

12. That's actually false...it is more so learned.

Most humans are curious and their curiousity over takes anything that deals with categorization. You can't compare the "we are progressive Democrats" to this because we are raised within the same racist nation that created our specific brand of racism and categorizing. In the United States we have categories. Only in the United States do I define myself as Haitian-American, or Black Female, or within the age group 18-65. While in Europe I chose whether I define myself as Haitian or American--although my voice states I'm American and I'm mainly female than Black (more so I'm Female and non-White (as they tend to say in England)). Not to mention in many cultures there was no real categorization except female and male as the only case and nothing to do with height, lineage, or what not. Those things are learned. Even the current treatment of women and children are all aspects learned. For instance the caste system is a twisted form of what it originally meant, the higher level people were sometimes people diplomatically elected by the citizens of the town to represent them and then the Dutch and Brits landed in India and their perversion of the system where now it's more of a colorization system which is a byproduct of racism. So yeah it's learned. You should read Dirks paper/book Castes of Mind: Colonialism and the Making of Modern India.

Tribalism was nothing new in Africa, however it's also well known that many tribes intermarried and knew of one another. Some were more nomadic due to where they lived and some more stagnant because of their technological advancement that has nothing to do with race, that is entirely to do with environmental influence on culture which has made them some what distinct. What is this Japan and Japanese-ness you're speaking of.

National identity and chauvinism in Europe is some what learned actually----but again this is due to the influence and extent of the environmental situation on the people. My knowledge of it is small in comparison to others since I look at the influence of European culture and it's perversion of certain separations into the underlying racist element in separation. It is the man who would build houses and hunt because of their strength within that sort of environment----therefore they became the aggressors and hence were seen as worthwhile. Europe was always known as having savage beasts---but you can contrast that with the Aka tribe in Africa where the Man stays with the babies and the women hunt. However European system is something learned through environmental interaction. It's not something inbred or in their genes. Again if that was the case---people wouldn't have intermingled and inter-racial/cultural (in the US sense of the word use) marriage would be non-existent because of fear of the unknown. While on the contrary---that's been proved false since the moment man could walk.

Racism and prejudices are learned---and as such can be unlearned.

[MellowDem]

16. The vast majority of whites...

don't have many ancestors that owned slaves. Most whites probably don't even know their ancestral history that far back regardless. Many of their more immediate ancestors came over after the Civil War. In that way, it's not even on their radar. The vast majority of whites aren't even aware of their "whiteness" until they are the minority, which seems to be the case in most majority/minority dichotomies. In this way, whites aren't so much ignoring what some of their white ancetors did or ignoring blacks as much as just ignoring the concept of race itself and showing an ignornace of history. The white people I do know and who are also interested in their ancestral history are actually quite proud of their mixed background. If they can go back far enough, most don't have pure European bloodlines, but they seem fine with that. I myself am 1/16th Native American, on account of both my parents being 1/16th themselves, but my blonde hair and blue eyes has people rolling their eyes. Sure, I'm not pure European, but by society's standards, I am "white".

I remember during a discussion with black students about their ancestors, everyone commenting that they were some sort of mix and none were pure African. Except for one girl, who steadfastly maintained that she was pure African. Some other students pointed out that may be the case as far as she knew, but most likely way back she had some mix. But she was pretty obnoxious about it and even got offended at the idea of it, which aggravated the rest of the classroom. Maybe she was just trying to be contrarian, but it definitely showed the kind of mixed background that blacks hold as part of their identity, not to mention a very realistic view of the world and history, compared to those with "pure" bloodlines.

Blacks are much more aware of the majority, considering they generally have to deal with them much more than with other minorities. They also are much more aware of their race because of this. . This can be offputting to whites who rarely think about race at all and they may find it a sort of obsession. Some blacks will try to take their racial awareness and apply it to whites, which can have negative results. Seeing race everywhere and thinking in terms of race often leads to generalizing based on race as a way to simplify things. It's not always done to be offensive, and is often done in jest as well, but to people who are not racially aware and rarely think in terms of race, it can be.

For example, you will rarely hear a white person explain the problems of White women, because they don't even think in that way and "white women" come from a whole huge slew of different backgrounds and ethnicities that are often considered a bigger part of their identity than "white". You're much more likely to hear accounts of "Irish women" or "Polish women". It is not that Black women don't have incredibly diverse backgrounds and ethnicities as well, but race takes a precedence when you're the minority. Black is considered an ethnicity, in a way, where white is not. And such references as "black this" or "Asian that" sets the alarm bells off for many whites who think such terminology is racist.

As for the conversation on race, I think, especially from discussions I've had on here, one of the problems is the idea that blacks or minorities in general are the race experts, and that the "conversation" is really just a one way lecture to teach white people. This idea make sense to a degree, when you consider that blacks are much more aware of race and therefore should be seen as "race experts". But the truth is that blacks just have a different perspective on race, not an expertise in it. And for a good conversation to occur, you need to hear all perspectives and respect the perspectives in order to learn and come to some sort of understanding.

Something else that hurts the conversation is the confusion over what race or racism even are and the confusion of race and class as well. Class is by far the biggest factor that determines one's standard of living in the US. But very few Americans of any race are class aware. So they mix class with something they are much more aware of, race. This is what leads to Asians often being described as "white" because they are successful. And the reason blacks are disproportionally poor is only supposedly because of their race, which some take to mean that racism is the cause of black poverty, while others hold bigoted views as to why that is the case. Since we supposedly live in a society where class doesn't matter, race must be the cause of most inequities in society, whether from racism or from biological inferiority (as some on the right likes to espouse). Of course, if this is the case, Asians and Jews must be superior to Europeans.

What it really comes down to is that people need to be educated about other people, so that they can understand where they are coming from and have empathy with them. The best way to do this is to actually live around and work with others from different backgrounds and races. But that is hard to come by in many parts of the US and requires a person to be willing to step out of their comfort zone and not self-segregate. It also requires being very patient with those who have grown up in very homogenous environments through no fault of their own and just don't know any better.

[JustAnotherGen]

17. Wish we had the option

To rec a single post. My mother (white) always said: Even after I married your father, I was still a white woman married to a black man. When I brought two black children through me and into this universe - I have forever looked at the world through the eyes of black people.

And that is in spite of the fact that she had a construction company owning father who deliberately went out of his way to hire blacks and latinos for foremen, accountants, attorneys, etc. etc. - in Southern California in the 50's and 60's. And it created problems for him, but he didn't care. My mom's parents were waaaaay ahead of their time, and were civil rights activists.

[vaberella]

18. Interesting thing is though..

Many Whites unlike Blacks can trace their family line if they chose too. Blacks in general do not have that option. And I should rephrase this because the issue of racism is not stemming only from those who are slave owners. For instance in New York there and many places in the East Coast there was massive animosity between Blacks and Irish or Italians (this is not to say this is not the case between Whites). And many of the animosity that was carried out by many Irish immigrants (but not only them) in some communities have become generational. That is just an example---slavery was the benchmark of sorts of the creation of the racial hierarchy that has stood the test of times in some ways, however the resulting racism and even color-ism issues have been later acted upon.

As to the student in your class. It would depend. I'd have to know her background (were you knowledgeable of her background). Not ALL Black people are of "definitive" mixed Ancestry. That mainly goes for Black Americans, South Americans and Caribbean people and basically any peoples of the diaspora towards the New World through slavery and maybe some recently. However, there are Blacks who are for all intents and purposes, "pure" Black African descent----I want to differentiate from some of the Middle Eastern Africans and Afrikaans. If that is the case and she is of first or even second generation Americans it's actually quite possible that she has no White European bloodline. However, for most of us, we are of Mixed lineage and it's not even dealing with it in a historical context it's the fact that we have immediate family who show the variety in the lineage. One of my cousins who's 100% Haitian on both sides has green eyes and blond hair with very dark skin, and others who come out with blue eyes---while green is more popular. Both my mother and father are "biracial" people. So many of us are aware of it, because it's part of our here and now---not something that dates back centuries although there is (especially, as I stated, for those on the New World side) that mixing in our historical background.

I don't understand your comparison of Black relations with other minorities and Whites. Actually there are major issues rarely addressed between Blacks and other minorities----which I can go in detail about which wholly mirror the issues they have with Whites. Whites have actually helped in creating a major rift amongst minorities through religion and social assimilation---however there are issues and Blacks are 100% aware of other minorities. I see what you are saying in how Blacks see things in relation to race---but in the world they live in most things ARE related to race. There are great books to show how the media, and others perceive Blacks that have them respond in such a way. The jest is not really in jest---but a way to deal with it. Many of them are hypersensitive with reason, I live in New York and I am hypersensitive. I think what happens is that there are those who are not aware that in some tones and words they use in the way they speak denote a condescending matter or can be perceived as such by the listener----or that has been my experience.

In regards to ethnicity---that's strange you should say what you did. But I think that shows a nice insight into what little people know. We or some of us as Blacks speak in using Black or White because it is the general terms used in the US. If you speak to Blacks and know them very well you'll notice the difference and how they talk about one another---Ethnicity plays a major role and there is most definitely an hierarchy established in the US by some US peoples. You will here, or in my circle this thing where Black refers to Black Americans, Caribbean refers to those from the Caribbean and Africans. Many Caribbeans will tell you they are not Black, they are Caribbean. And in the US in the circles I've been in there is talk about how the hierarchy places Africans above Caribbeans and both of them above Black Americans. It is the media who generally lumps us together---not us. And when we talk on such issues, it's easier to follow the lumping because it makes it easier for those who are discussing the topic to understand. Which makes it odd for me to hear, since you say for Whites it sets off alarm bells. I can't wrap my head around it. I think this alarm bell thing at the same time they themselves use the lumping (and created the categorizing) in order to class us---is just a way to shut off discussion.

In regards to the perspectives---I fully agree.

As to your statement on race and class I agree. Which is why I stated that Blacks are seen as "symbolically" the bottom tier economically. I do agree that people need to be educated about other people.

[MellowDem]

20. You bring up great points...

Many whites could trace their ancestors if they wanted to, while blacks can not, which explains part of the necessity of using "black" as a stand-in for very diverse backgrounds.

As for the student, I think it was more the idea that while not having access to much of her ancestral history, she was insisting she was pure on lack of evidence, when the statistics were against it. One of her family lines she was able to trace back to a Queen in Africa, which I think is where the idea came from. Though it could very well be true that she only had African bloodlines. It was more the attitude over it that struck me.

I did not mean to come across like I was saying blacks and other minorities don't have issues between each other or are not aware of them. Sorry for the confusing wording.

As for black awareness of race, I realize that this is in response to the majority, not something they do on their own. The media definitely plays a role in trying to define what it means to be black. It is only because race matters for blacks that they have to be aware, and as you say, even be hypersensitive to it. I realize the joking is just a way to deal with it and is not meant to be offensive. But for some whites who rarely even think in terms of race, just talking about, much less joking about race could be racist. You could call it a hypersensitivty in reverse I suppose. Race and racism are one and the same in a way with that kind of logic. Without race, there would be no racism etc. etc. So acknowledging race or talking in racial terms is deemed potentially racist by some. But if you have to deal with the reality of race day in and day out, you quickly can learn that joking about it and acknowledging it are the only ways deal with it. Maybe it's because the relatives of whites who are most open about talking in racial terms among their white relatives are often racist, and maybe this is where that uncomfortability comes from. My bigoted uncle uses the term "white" and "black" by far and away the most. And he is quite comfortable about it too. Many whites have been taught by their parents that race does not matter, in that sense that you shouldn't judge a person by race. But some come away with the idea that aknowledging another person's race is offensive. Why should you notice their race when it's not supposed to matter? The problem is that race still does matter to an extent in our society, though we should act in a way that doesn't judge based on it.

Your discussion on ethnicity is very interesting. Even among blacks, I know there are heirarchies, some even based on skin color. Whites generally find it much safer to talk in terms of ethnicity, because then you are making references based on culture, not skin color. There is some confusion when it comes to the term "black" because it refers to skin color but also could refer to culture. Not to mention those whites who talk of whites in terms of "white culture" are often white supremacists. You don't see whites wearing shirts saying "white pride" in a socially acceptable manner. But you will see them wearing "Irish pride" shirts, and these are deemed socially acceptable. Some see this as unfair as to why blacks can refer to race in such a way and not be seen as racist, but this stems from a misunderstanding of what "black" stands for.

Maybe this is why some whites are so sensitive to talking about race. They never have to think about or talk about race, but when they do hear about it from their peers or relatives, it is in a racist or bigoted manner. And for those who identify as "white" primarily, they are usually the white supremacists of the world. And if you grow up in an all white environment, that may be all you are exposed to in terms of race.

One of the most interesting things I've seen when talking about race with some students, we were watching a video where college students discuss race. At one point, a white girl is asked how she feels about being white, and she has a real hard time answering, since she has never really thought in terms of "being white". She responds haltingly, by saying she guess she feels lucky and blessed, but doesn't feel "proud" to be white. This resulted in quite a reaction from the students in the (real) class, who thought she seemed racist. In the same video, a Latina girl is asked about her background, and she said very confidently "to be Latina is to be beautiful", which got no reaction at all from the class. For many whites, the reactions would have been exactly reversed. One shouldn't be proud of one's race, much less think just because you are of a certain race you are beautiful. That seems racist. Meanwhile, saying you are lucky and blessed to be white is an aknowledgement of white privilege. It is like saying you are lucky or blessed to be born to rich parents. But the black students took her tone differently and feel that she means she is lucky and blessed to be white because of a belief of white superiority. Just one example of some very different perspectives of the same things.

[Kweli4Real]

21. I hope you don't take offense, but ...

It seems that your Black awareness/white unawareness dichotomy is pretty much the definition of white priviledge/white supremacy. You are not aware of that which you take for granted.

You mention that you see where in discussion Blacks are seen as experts on the topic of race and offer that Black people have no particular expertise; just a different perspective. I would submit that in most of the discussions on race you witness the Black folks are having an entirely different conversation than the white folks are having. The Black folks are discussing the effects that racism has on our person, our lives, our worlds - something we ARE experts in; whereas, the white folks are having a generic conversation about how racism affects your/their world - something that, as members of the majority, is irrelevant -, or more aggravating, how Black folks should view racism's affect on Black folks - something in which you/they, have no expertise.

[MellowDem]

23. I won't take offense...

I had disagreements with some on here on this, so I know others will see it differently. I understand that blacks have a perspective that whites never can. That does not make them experts on race though, or imply that the conversation should be one way. I'm not sure how that is an example of white privilege/white supremacy. It is a difference of opinion though.

In my opinion, it's hard to have a discussion about something as abstract as race where one person's perspective is deemed relevant and the other's irrelevant. Basically, to me race is an abstract concept and something that a person can't be an "expert" in. It's like being an expert in morality, or happiness and sadness, or something as abstract as that. Your complaint mainly seems to be that whites are telling blacks how they should view racism's effects. I've never seen this in a conversation about race, but I could see how that would be aggravating. Whites in general are going to see race and racism differently from blacks because of their different perspectives. I think it is important for whites to be able to explain why they see it the way they do so that there is some understanding of their perspective and a conversation can happen. Obviously, if the tone of their opinion is that blacks and everyone else should think this way also, or that this is how others percieve it, then that won't be helpful, no matter the conversation. Basically, no one can tell another person what their perspective is. Everyone is an "expert" on their perspective. If you're going to have a conversation on how race and racism are percieved by whites and blacks, then everyone's perspective is equally relevant and needed to gain understanding.

In this sense, white's perspectives about race are not irrelevant at all. They are just as relevant as any other perspective on race if your goal is to have a conversation about it. I think saying white's perspectives are irrelevant makes conversation impossible. Then it's not a conversation, it is a one way lecture. I do think that one can be better equipped to handle such conversations if one already has been exposed to many other perspectives and is aware of race in society. But a person's race doesn't automatically mean that they are more equipped or less equipped, and assuming as much just on appearances can be damaging.

You must also realize that anymore, many whites are not the majority in the communities they live in. Many whites will have unique perspectives you might not expect.

I think lectures on race can be good things. I've seen lectures given on race by blacks and their experiences with it. It is a great way to learn their perspectives and see it in a different way and realize new things about it. But it is not a conversation.

[laugle]

25. Well said........

Lecture vs. civil discussion; that's always been a tough debate on this forum. I guess that's why we continue to not have a real and productive discussion about race in America.

[Kweli4Real]

28. I'll Repeat ...

"I understand that blacks have a perspective that whites never can. That does not make them experts on race though, or imply that the conversation should be one way. I'm not sure how that is an example of white privilege/white supremacy."

Because when Black Folks are discussing race, we are not talking about "an abstract concept", we are talking about something that has very real and concrete; the effects of which we face and deal with on a daily basis. So again, when Black folks and white folks discuss race, we are having completely different conversations.

[MellowDem]

29. Happiness and sadness are very real things...

but they definitely aren't concrete. Race is an idea, an ideology, a social phenomenon. Something abstract can be very real. But it is not concrete. Actually, according to the experts, that is the scientists who look at race as a concrete thing, that is as skin tone, race doesn't exist as a biological reality. So according to scientists, the "experts", race is not a concrete thing. It is abstract. Your experiences with and feelings about race are abstract as well. Don't take abstract to mean they are not real. They are very real. But race is not something one can be an "expert" in.

Here are the first 4 definitions of abstract as defined by dictionary.com:

1. thought of apart from concrete realities, specific objects, or actual instances: an abstract idea.
2. expressing a quality or characteristic apart from any specific object or instance: such as justice, poverty, and speed.
3. theoretical; not applied or practical: abstract science.
4. difficult to understand; abstruse: abstract speculations.

I think you are confusing "different conversations" for "different perspectives". Your description is that of how you percieve race and how some white person percieves race. If you can listen to their perspectives and they to yours, there can be understanding made. It's the same conversation, just different perspectives.

[SunsetDreams]

5. That story is powerful, thank you for sharing

It really brings it home. I am bookmarking that one, and going to share it with others.

[akbacchus_BC]

6. It's a start to stemming racism!

[akbacchus_BC]

7. Angee, sorry for not saying this earlier, people of colour have a golden

rule, if your eyes and the other person's eyes make four, you automatically acknowledge their presence.

That does not happen in North America, some people look at you even though you say hi and look off! Not all North Americans are like that, some are really nice people and they get up and give you a seat and hold doors for one, so it is not a broad brush smear.

We just have to continue to cross barriers but not to suck up!

[AspenRose]

13. That's a great article.

[Blue_Tires]

14. KICK

[Brewman_Jax]

15. K&R

Like any problem, once it's been acknowledged as a problem, it can be dealt with. It's just that too many don't want to acknowledge it as a problem.

[Hutzpa]

19. K&R

Whatelse is there to say but appreciate the unlearning of Racism.

Thanks for sharing.

[Fire1]

24. She shouldn't be too hard on herself. I've been ignoring white

people my whole life without really being aware of it!

[Karenina]

26. You've got to be taught

Matthew Morrison is my favorite modern interpreter. I'm always happy to see the truth spoken or sung or demonstrated...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwK8HyAbFZA

[HipChick]

27. a black friend told me, if her white co-workers saw her outside of work

they completely ignored her, or pretended to look the other way...or cross the street

While the focus is on white v black...I've observed worst tensions between blacks and asians..