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Edited on Sat Nov-12-11 06:28 PM by NOMOREDRUGWAR
Candidates will stick to their standard speeches:
Cain: 9-9-9, and also make sure people understand my approach to problem solving: make sure you're working on the right problem. This is my answer for everything, and people in Washington are obviously morons who enjoy working on the wrong problem. I will fix that.
Santorum: I stood up for the family goshdarnit. I know our economy sucks and lots of people are out of work, but we have to FOCUS ON THE FAMILY.
Gingrich: I'm a problem-solver. I won't let the biased beltway media that I used to suck up to get in my way of talking about issues, and I won't attack other candidates because I am a man of integrity (ha).
Paul: I will cut everything and pull us out of everything. End the Fed. The Fed is responsible for everything from earthquakes to the death of Michael Jackson.
Bachmann: I know that I've never run a successful company or even been a successful congressperson, but I am a consistent conservative whackjkob. I may have failed at every legislative effort that I've ever attempted, but consistency has to count for something! I was there, bearing the slings and arrows from the left. You can count on me to never change my mind on issues because consistency matters more to me than being correct.
Huntsman: I know I'm not going to win this nomination, but I'm just in here to troll and make other Republicans look nuts in comparison, and I'm succeeding in that respect.
Perry: I may not be good at debates, but I'm good at creating jobs, especially government and minimum wage jobs.
Romney: I make John Kerry look like the most consistent candidate ever, but that's okay, because the media will probably be complicit in covering up my 174 flip-flops, unlike John Kerry's one. Anyway, look I turned around the Olympics by throwing the homeless out of Salt Lake City, and I threw a lot of people out of work at Bain Capital, but that's okay. I support a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage but I won't call homosexuality a sin because I don't want to offend the middle of the road voters that I'm going to have to win in order to win the White House. That, despite the fact that supporting such a constitutional amendment is just as likely to offend their sensibilities.
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