The Rude Pundit: A Few More Random Observations Regarding the Death of a Rich Terrorist

[meegbear]

1. Chances are that the bin Laden compound raid didn't go down as described. Chances are that it was "just execute the fucker," despite the White House saying that the soldiers were told that they should arrest bin Laden if he surrendered.

2. The Rude Pundit doesn't give a fuck about conspiracies on the left and right that say that bin Laden's been dead for years and they're just now bringing out the body (if so, the timing sucks - the White House could have at least waited until next summer) or that bin Laden's not really dead. If you've got some evidence, pony it up. Otherwise, let's just say the fucker's dead and died the other day. You can come up with all kinds of suspicions (the same date that the U.S. was informed that Hitler was dead? The same date as Bush's "Mission Accomplished" debacle? During Celebrity Apprentice?) but considering the number of Bush administration officials who are going along with the story, it'd have to be a huge fucking conspiracy. Let's just go with the easiest answer.

3. Let's also not overstate bin Laden's importance or, for that matter, al-Qaeda's. At this point, it's sort of like killing Mr. Met and saying that you've defeated the whole team for the season.

4. So sorry to smack down that waterboarding boner that torture advocates have popped by hoping beyond hope that the first piece of information that eventually led to Osama bin Laden's big-ass house. But it wasn't waterboarding of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. Oh, were real life as poetic and plot-driven. Not only has Donald "No, Really, I'm Still Alive" Rumsfeld stated so explicitly, but the timeline on when the information was gathered doesn't jibe with the use of it. In fact, what it seems is that, a few years after being tortured, when he was being treated according to the Geneva Conventions, Mohammed gave up the nickname of the courier. So suck on that, Bush apologists. He's still a war criminal.

5. "I can't go on the roof of my apartment building and smoke a fucking cigarette without a half-dozen neighbors yelling at me," said a friend last night. "So don't tell me there's a big-ass house with barbed wire in the middle of town and no one knows what's going on there." Or, in other words, fuck you, Pakistan.

6. Man, bin Laden was just a pampered pussy. Like every con artist TV preacher, he just lived in a huge house while his followers groveled in the dirt, releasing tapes about jihad and battle while he stayed close to his dialysis machine and his private chef, getting his balls washed daily by his servants. If nothing else crushes the remnants of al-Qaeda, the image of Osama bin Laden sitting on a toilet in his climate-controlled bathroom ought to destroy the spirit of even the most hardened Muslim extremist. Well, that and the fact that all that bin Laden cash just dried up real fast.

7. It's kind of pathetic to see Republicans sputtering, "But, but, Bush...no, Bush good." You know what? Obama sealed the deal. It's like when a lover tells you that you're the best fuck she's ever had. Other lovers laid the groundwork, sure, through their fumbling fucks and their decent fucks. But why should she thank them when you're the one who got her off so damn good?

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