please review my New Year's editorial on bringing jobs back to America

[w8liftinglady]

for facts,spelling and punctuation.Thanks,as always!


2011 is upon us. After debating resolutions for myself,I began to wonder what ONE resolution would serve Americans best. After much thought,it occurred to me-if we were to return industry to America,the rest of our dilemmas might fall into place.

Since 2000,The United States has lost over three million factory jobs,over two million customer service jobs and over two million IT jobs. These jobs were shipped to companies in countries who paid their workers less,offered no benefits,and did little to protect their workers(including the employment of children). In exchange,the company heads were able to keep more money,while our average national salaries decreased.

40 years ago,a factory job was a way for a citizen who lacked a college education to support his/her family,buy a home,and save a little for their retirement. This was related directly to labor activities earlier in the 20th Century. Those who went to college were able to make a little more money,have a little nicer house,and save a little more. Company CEOs generally made forty times the salary of their average worker,had nicer houses,and saved more. Hard work was rewarded to people from all walks of life. That has all changed with NAFTA,CAFTA and off shoring.

Corporations have discovered there is a buck to be made by shipping jobs overseas. They have also discovered that it is to their benefit to invest their profits in The Cayman Islands and other foreign countries instead of The United States,to avoid taxes.
PBS produced "Tax Me if You Can:Gimme Shelter" which described this.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/tax/reform/cron.html
As a result,CEOs have seen their salaries inflate to 400 times that of their employees.

Because of this,two percent of Americans became outrageously wealthy,while 98 percent saw their income and benefits decrease. More Americans became unemployed,underemployed,uninsured and uninformed. We remain in perpetual wars because there are no jobs to come home to for the troops and no income to be made on native soil by United States corporations. We can not buy American-made products anymore.We can't afford to educate our children above a high school level without extreme debt-especially middle-class working families. There is no guarantee that a college education will be worth more than the paper it's printed on any more,as these jobs have been exported as well.

I hope the new Congress will examine this closely and work diligently to reverse importation and tax shelters while restoring American manufacturing. It will require commitment from Americans to favor American-made products and a commitment from our government to reward companies who work diligently to keep their jobs in America. We will need to review our manufacturing needs and encourage research and development into new areas that will benefit our nation for generations to come.

This will be a start on the road to recovery in our country.I hope our elected officials agree.

[MrModerate]

1. Few overall comments. (Forgive me, I'm an editor in real life)

• It's way too long for a LTTE. They'll just toss it upon first glance.

• Perhaps as a result of pasting from where you've composed it, the spacing (particularly after commas) has gone to hell. Be careful, because unless it's perfect when submitted, your credibility will suffer.

• "the rest of our dilemmas might fall into place" is a non sequiter. Even if they fall into place, they're still (unresolved) dilemmas.

• Don't rely on others to fact-check. That's the road to hell. You make a lot of broad numerical statements of fact. Check every one with multiple reliable sources. Use "approximately" wherever appropriate.

• Factory jobs aren't just for citizens -- they're for people generally.

• You don't make the logical link between factory jobs and labor activities. I presume you mean that labor activism led to negotiated working conditions in factories that made them suitable (vs inhuman factory conditions previously).

• The college/no college concept is too simplified and not especially accurate (ask any liberal arts graduate!). I'd drop it, because developing it would take too much time/too many words.

• NAFTA, CAFTA, and offshoring (one word) are far from the only culprits in the diminution of factory jobs as a viable career. The way you state it suggests they're the leading (or sole) factors.

• Many papers are iffy about posting links (especially in their paper versions). Make sure you know your target paper's preferences.

• "As a result . . ." introduces another non sequiter. It seems as if you're blaming PBS! Also, as above, the inflation of executive pay is complex and the reasons multifarious. Maybe state it as a fact without attribution -- it's true (check your numbers!) and very straightforward.

• The 2 percent/98 percent is factually untrue. There's a spectrum, and something like the top 8-9 percent of earners (IIRC) have benefited.

• Perpetual wars: again, job losses are inadequate to explain wars. Sometimes some dickwad starts 'em just because he can (cf Bush, George).

• You can't print a college education on paper or anything else. Be careful that your turns of phrase don't turn on you and bite. Be precise.

• "Reverse importation . . ." Say what?

• Your closing is pretty strong, except that it too is a little fuzzy -- "This will be a start . . ." doesn't have enough specificity from the preceding text for me to know (in a compelling fashion) what "This" is.

One of my teachers many years ago delivered this bit of wisdom: "Writing is actually rewriting." You need a couple of self-edit passes through this letter, IMO.

[w8liftinglady]

2. I'm glad you put a lot of thought into this

since it will be printed in a paper that caters to about 15,000 Republicans and three Democrats,I want to be accurate.Since my brain surgery,I'm not all the time.
a big percentage of my resources are here
http://www.sourcewatch.org/index.php?title=Outsourcing

The 2 percent/98 percent is factually untrue. There's a spectrum, and something like the top 8-9 percent of earners (IIRC) have benefited
My source for the rich/unrich
http://www.factcheck.org/askfactcheck/what_percentage_of_the_us_population_makes.html


"
Perpetual wars: again, job losses are inadequate to explain wars. Sometimes some dickwad starts 'em just because he can (cf Bush, George)."-If you've read any of my stuff,you'd know I have revealed multiple times how these wars have generated profit through corporate greed-Lockheed Martin/Halliburton/Cheney,et al.Unfortunately,stateside demands aren't there.Lockheed employs a lot in my area.

"NAFTA, CAFTA, and offshoring (one word) are far from the only culprits in the diminution of factory jobs as a viable career. The way you state it suggests they're the leading (or sole) factors."
What ARE the other factors?I want to include them,too.

I'll drop the PBS thing.

"You can't print a college education on paper or anything else. Be careful that your turns of phrase don't turn on you and bite. Be precise."
Good Grief...

[MrModerate]

3. Once I've started I find it hard to stop. The writers I edit tell me this, too.

So here are a few responses to the above:

The problem with the 2/98 percent reference is your source specifically discusses who would be excluded in the extension of the Bush tax cuts, according to candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton (and we know how that worked out) -- it says nothing about a similar split between the 2 percent getting richer and the 98 percent getting poorer. I'm afraid you've conflated two (disturbing) trends.

With regard to companies that make money on war, that's undeniable. It's also true that not all of them are devil-spawn; most, in fact, are simply businesses that cater to military requirements. There's a huge argument to be made that wars are almost always stupid and evil, but that's not what you're pursuing here. My note was that you seemed to be saying that people had no choice but to join the military because there were no jobs at home -- and that the result was perpetual war. Which is not untrue per se, but which is only a fraction of the story. By making it sound like it's the predominant factor in perpetual war -- which people will know is an oversimplification -- you reduce your credibility. Perhaps that paragraph should go something like:

While the richest Americans have grown even more wealthy, the rest of us have seen our incomes and benefits shrink. More Americans have become unemployed, underemployed, and uninsured. Our sons and daughters go off to perpetual wars because there are no jobs for them at home -- and those wars are frequently promoted by US companies who make money by supplying the war machine. We can't buy American-made products anymore because America doesn't make them. Working families can't afford to educate their children without plunging into an abyss of debt. And there's no guarantee that a college education is worth the time and effort, because even jobs requiring advanced education have been exported as well.

Other factors that killed factory jobs: a) Competition from countries that work their people like slaves. This isn't offshoring per se, because these countries (China and India in particular) have home-grown industries and educational facilities that make it possible. b) America's loss of primacy over manufacturing technology, and hence a long-held competitive advantage. For a long time we had the best factories in the world. After WWII, we had the *only* factories that hadn't been bombed to flinders compared to many places in Europe and Asia. That's all changed. c) Bad management of industrial sectors. Auto industry anybody? d) Cultural changes in what work Americans consider desirable. Myself, I'd much rather operate a keyboard than a drill press. e) Changes in product mix as the world has moved from primarily hardware and commodities manufacturing (many hands) to electronics manufacturing (fewer hands).

--and the reasons go on and on.

On balance, I'd refine the message to fewer elements and carefully chosen facts. You're going to convince them (to the degree that convincing 15,000 Republicans is even possible) through the passion and logical throughline of your argument rather than through your stats.

[w8liftinglady]

4. oohhh...I like your paragraph!I may reprint it as my own...

and take complete credit for it,of course ;)
Seriously-I get into an arguement with myself when I write,and I appreciate your reigning me in.

[w8liftinglady]

9. OK, my new and improved...I hope

2011 is upon us. After debating resolutions for myself,I began to wonder what ONE resolution would serve Americans best. After much thought,it occurred to me-if we were to return industry to America, the rest of our dilemmas might fall into place.

Since 2000, The United States has lost millions of factory jobs, customer service jobs, and information technology jobs. These jobs were shipped to companies in countries who paid their workers less, offered no benefits, and did little to protect their workers(including the employment of children). In exchange, the company heads were able to keep more money, while our average national salaries decreased.

40 years ago,a factory job was a way for a citizen who lacked a college education to support his/her family, buy a home, and save a little for their retirement. Those who went to college were able to make a little more money, have a little nicer house, and save a little more. Company CEOs generally made forty times the salary of their average worker, had nicer houses, and saved more. Hard work was rewarded to people from all walks of life. That has all changed with NAFTA, CAFTA and off shoring.

Corporations have discovered there is a buck to be made by shipping jobs overseas. They have also discovered that it is to their benefit to invest their profits in The Cayman Islands and other foreign countries instead of The United States to avoid taxes.

As a result, CEOs have seen their salaries inflate to 400 times that of their employees.
While the richest Americans have accumulated more wealth,the rest of the nation have seen their incomes and benefits shrink. More Americans have become unemployed, underemployed, and uninsured. Our sons and daughters go off to perpetual wars because there are no jobs for them at home -- and those wars are frequently promoted by companies who make money by supplying the war machine. We can't buy American-made products anymore because America doesn't make them. Working families can't afford to educate their children without plunging into a sea of debt. There's no guarantee that a college education is worth the time and effort, because even jobs requiring a college education have been exported as well.

I hope the new Congress will examine this closely and work diligently to reduce importation practices and tax shelter favoritism. I hope Congress focuses on American manufacturing. It will require commitment from Americans to favor American-made products and a commitment from our government to reward companies who work diligently to keep their jobs in America. We will need to review our manufacturing needs and encourage research and development into new areas that will benefit our nation for generations to come.

This will be a start on the road to recovery in our country.I hope our elected officials agree.

[MrModerate]

15. I'd say: "the rest of our dilemmas might suddenly become more manageable." n/t

[Hannah Bell]

5. non-sequitur

[MrModerate]

6. No wonder it kept showing up in the spell checker. Dang! n/t

[Obamanaut]

7. Spaces and punctuation. They go together. nt

[w8liftinglady]

8. for some reason,I always screw that up.I'm trying!

[Obamanaut]

10. Now that you are aware of the problem, you can fix it. Proof read all

your writings, it only takes a moment.

[OneGrassRoot]

11. K&R n/t

[w8liftinglady]

12. lol...hopefully,they'll print it the same day they print Hutchison rebuttal I wrote

[w8liftinglady]

13. and,then maybe I better call in sick to work the next day nahhh_i'll blame the brain

[OneGrassRoot]

14. ...

Girl, you simply rock!

:yourock:

:hug:

[bluestate10]

16. You should emphasize what we as consumers do, and demand

the elected officials review the tax status of companies that refuse to offshore work for favorable tax policy initiatives.

I take issue that we can find american made products. Use the string "USA manufactured products" and do a google or yahoo search. You will find that there are many companies that only manufacture in the USA and are proud of that. There are also sites that have listings of companies that manufacture only in the United States, by product.

[w8liftinglady]

17. actually,I wrote an editorial last month with that as the subject

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/w8liftinglady/109

That being said...try finding these things in Ellis County,Texas.Go to WalMart,target..hell,Macy's and find American-made clothing or supplies.I go out of my way to buy American.Why is it the exception and not the rule?

[sweetapogee]

18. my 2 cents

As far as content and writing ability it is skillfully done, bravo! You are asking for comments, so for what is is worth when I read this OP ED, I'm looking for a specific direction that I'm not getting that. You correctly identify the chief complaint and throw out a few band aids to attempt a cure. What you have is good and of course all accurate but it needs a finish, a goal, a positive outcome. It's like reading part 1 of a four part series. Take what you have and expound on it. Make your case, knowing that based on what you have crafted already you have the skill....so roll up your sleeves and do it!

[w8liftinglady]

19. Thanks! Just getting the attention of the sheep will be a major accomplishment.

If they comment,I will expand,like you have suggested. PLEASE help me when that time comes....