How do you deal with this?

[digonswine]

No one I know is like me-they think stupid shit, believe nonsense, appreciate inanity, act like everyone is against them, and are generally dumbfucks. I want to get along with others. I feel the pull to be one of them. But they seem to have deal-breaker character flaws. I'm not a prick. I'm an introverted opinionated dickhead in my own right. Sometimes, because I'm timid, I tolerate dumbfuckery just to get along. So the question is--how do I be assertive and still be on speaking terms with everyone? I want to be cowardly and brave at the same time. How do I be right and not be a dick? Be constructive, if possible.

[Broderick]

1. Honestly

the phrase legend in your own mind comes to me, just kidding. If you view people frustratingly like puppets on a string, you will get frustrated when the puppets don't do what you want them to do all the time. Quit being a puppetmaster I tell folks, and direct traffic if you can when given the opportunity. Acceptance of others is a rewarding thing and gives you more power to change minds.

[MineralMan]

2. Well, that was a complete waste of 30 seconds.

I'm not sure anyone cares about your personal assessment of yourself and the world around you.

Unrecommended.

[digonswine]

8. I'm sure no one does.

[snagglepuss]

18. I don't understand the level of snark you are getting on this thread.

I can only surmise that the snarky ones on this thread are extroverts with zero insight regarding unique challenges faced by introverts. Being not only an introvert but also what is now termed as 'highly sensitive', I can completely relate to your dilemma. In certain situations like work environments I often go along to get along when I am with people I really don't respect - and respect isn't a matter of education, political leaning or position but whether someone is intelligent and has a sense of humor. I also pick up people's insecurities so I adjust myself accordingly.

I know people who can be completely forthright with anyone, anywhere and not raise anyones hackles and I stand in awe.

[Fire1]

9. LOL!!! Ditto! LOL!!! n/t

[digonswine]

19. I can see that-

I was a bit inebriated and don't know exactly what I was getting at. It's not that big of a deal.

[seabeyond]

3. when they say something stupid, i throw on a huge ole smile, correct them and change the

subject to something pleasant to give them a little grace at their foolishness. if they chose to come back to the subject, i am there.

i live in panhandle of texas. no one agrees with me on anything. but once i explain, they agree with me on everything. but still... vote repug and are anti choice ect...

i do it respectfully

everyone still likes me

looks forward to me being around because i am the token liberal

[Lost-in-FL]

4. I think this is the wrong forum to ask such question.

The place is full of people with those same fun personalities. Enjoy life... be a dick. You will feel right at home. :hi:


BTW... you made the first step to make things better for you. You acknowledge your own flaws. Congrats!

[Curmudgeoness]

5. I am a dickette, so I can't be of much help to you.

But the first thing you have to understand is that you will never like or be liked by everyone. I find that if I just make a rational statement to a stupid comment which lets them know that I don't appreciate it, they tend to stop saying those things to me. But it doesn't make me the most popular in their silly crowd. That, also, is something that does not matter.

[virgogal]

6. You seem young,just wait a while and you'll figure it out.

[digonswine]

10. I'm not young-there's nothing to figure out,

just whining

[AndyTiedye]

15. Can You Move?

If the people around you are like that, you need to find different people.
If that is not possible locally, perhaps it is time to move somewhere else.

[LiberalLoner]

7. Try to find the good in others around you. Try to see if you can't find

some common ground on which to agree.

I have lots of friends with political beliefs or religious beliefs I myself don't believe in. And sometimes it's pretty hard to stay quiet when they say things I find insulting. But if you want to have friends, sometimes you just have to put up with things.

Most people aren't really complete assholes (child molesters and serial killers exempted.) A lot of times people come to ideas that are different from yours because they've had different experiences in life. If you take the time to find out what led them to have the beliefs they hold, it might lead to better understanding.

What's making it especially hard these days is that each political affiliation has not only its own set of views, but its own set of facts. When two people can't even agree on the basic facts, there's not much hope of coming to an agreement.

I really don't know where things are headed in our country but I read about people killing cops and soldiers and threatening to assassinate politicians and I think this isn't a good direction.

Ah hell, I'll be honest. I have acquaintances more than friends. In order to have a friend I'd have to open up and be honest about how I think about things and feel about things and since I'm a liberal in a world full of conservatives I have to just keep my mouth shut and laugh with everyone else at the jokes I find offensive.

[Liberal_in_LA]

11. You can't both speak up and be on speaking terms with everyone.

In my opinion. You can't be everyone's friend

[TransitJohn]

12. Have you thought about trying crack?

[LiberalLoner]

14. Not sure which is more disturbing, the fingernails or the crack pipe...

Anyway thanks for making me laugh.

[JVS]

16. Nothing like a nice, relaxing smoke of crack.

[The Straight Story]

13. If the worst you have to endure is people thinking you are a dick for your beliefs/ideals

than count yourself lucky.

Many others have faced much worse.

I get a ton of people who don't agree with me, label me, think I am a jerk....

BUT - to answer your question (how do I be assertive and still be on speaking terms with everyone?) talk to them and try to see their view, ask them to explain it, try to explain why you think your view is more consistent/accurate, and agree to disagree on some things with them but be willing to have an open mind.

TRY to see their side. Example ( - I know many anti-abortion people, they see it as murder, believe a woman has a choice to not have sex and should be responsible before having sex, etc and so on. These same people are all about freedom and having the freedom to make choices in one's own life on many other things.

It comes down to something called a value judgement. Your body, your choice - something which I apply to the right to have an abortion and the right to be able to own a bar that allows smoking (because no one is forcing you to go there). I get hell from the right and left on both (called a liberal and libertarian at the same time....) but I feel the position is consistent with the core values both sides (right/left) claim to hold.

If the worse I face is people being pissed at me, labeling me, than I am one lucky guy (personally, I have a ton of other things in life that bother me deeply and try not to often get upset over what others say - hard to do at times, especially on bad nights).

State your case - examine the core values, see how those values apply to other things ---- and be open enough to change your position if someone can show you how yours does not fit (or at the very least, be open enough to listen and see how you might be wrong and go re-evaluate your position)

[Fozzledick]

17. "Act like a dumbfuck and they'll treat you like an equal."

[raccoon]

20. You're vague about all this. I suggest you get more specific, and write to Dear Abby. nt