I was 4.

[rbnyc]

I’m not an Oprah Winfrey fan, but I was channel surfing and decided to stop on a rebroadcast of the final episode. I came in at a point where she was talking about being sexually abused as a child. She talked about how she felt safe enough with her audience to admit it, but hadn’t let go of the shame of it until she had a child molester on her show who talked about how they profile, manipulate and seduce children and she finally realized it wasn’t her fault. Then she showed a clip from an episode where a number of male survivors of childhood sexual abuse stood together with photographs of how old they were when they were fist abused. Then there was a montage of the men saying, “I was 10,” “I was 8,” “I was 12,” “I was 6,” etc.

As an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I was really moved by the bravery of these men. It made me want to stand up and say, “I was 4.”

I was 4 years old when I was forcibly penetrated and coerced into performing oral sex on a 20-year-old man who was friends with my grandparents. Processing and overcoming this was a very long road, but I am fine. I am really fine.

There wasn’t one moment or one revelation that let me let go of the shame of it, that let me start understanding sex as an expression of love and stop using it as an expression of power, that let me see the beauty and the innocence in myself, and that let me forgive. It was a lot of experiences over a long time.

A long time ago I heard that 1 in 4 girls would be sexually abused before the age of 18. That statistic remains. It hasn’t gotten any better.

So I’m sure that there are many, many people here who are survivors. If anyone wants to stand up with me and have a dialogue, I want to invite that.

Otherwise, I just want to tell you all, I was 4 and I survived. I’m a mom, a musician, a writer, a not-for-profit fundraising executive, an awesome baker and maker of treats and I like myself.

http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6035035/k.8258/Prevent_Child_Sexual_Abuse.htm

[LAGC]

1. ...

:hug:

[rbnyc]

2. *hugs*

:loveya:

[tabasco]

3. Boys get molested too.

Amazing fact.

[rbnyc]

5. Indeed

The statistic is 1 in 6, but I think that boys are less likely to report.

My son is 6. I know he's not immune.

[yesphan]

42. I was molested for years by my pediatrician

Seems he molested many kids for years and years...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1382470/

[rbnyc]

81. Wow

I work at a not-for-profit independent community cinema. I wonder how my Directors would respond if I proposed screening this and having a community form.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

[yesphan]

102. It certainly wouldn't hurt to ask them

I was a bit surprised when I heard about this film(on facebook)and I hope to get to see it someday.
It's hard for me to fathom how this Dr. got away with this for so many years while doing it to so
many children. I always thought it odd, even as a young child, that having a sore throat or ear ache
required the fondling, etc. Back then, the accompanying parent just waited in the lobby. The exam room
was dark except for a small area on the exam table. I remember just staring at the Felix the Cat clock
on the wall while he did his thing.
I think there also had to some sort of collusion amongst his peers to keep it covered up for so long.

[JuniperLea]

4. How horrible...

And how wonderful what you've done with your live.

Do you happen to know what the statistics are for boys being molested? I've known at least one little guy that I feared had been treated badly in that manner... and when I shared my concern with his mother, she went bullistic... when his father came around to see what I'd said that upset his wife so badly, he apologized if her behavior caused me any grief. They moved not long after, and I've been afraid for that "little boy" for over 20 years now.

[rbnyc]

6. So sad...

It's 1 in 6, but I have a feeling it's really more.

[Obamanaut]

13. I posted this response in another thread telling how I came to be a

'non believer', but I think it fits in with your response here also. Sorta.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=439&topic_id=1162578&mesg_id=1162834

[rbnyc]

15. chilling

I'm sorry you went through that.

[JuniperLea]

19. There's a horror film in there somewhere...

It could be cathartic to you as well... this was so chilling to read... my heart goes out to you.

[Obamanaut]

7. I was 9. nt

[rbnyc]

11. ...

:hug:

[elleng]

8. ...

:hug:

[rbnyc]

14. *hugs*

:loveya:

[MineralMan]

9. I'm so sorry that happened to you...

I'm speechless.

Children should always be protected by adults against such assaults on their innocence.

[rbnyc]

12. I am doing my best...

...to protect my son.

:loveya:

[MineralMan]

16. I have no doubt about that at all.

I'm pulling for you and yours.

[rbnyc]

17. Thanks.

I sometimes have nightmares that it happens to him. Something changes in his eyes and it can't be undone. It's horrible.

He's such a wonderful boy.

[rbnyc]

10. This is the video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyCd4iW7T2Y

[JohnnyLib2]

18. Nice to see such a strong survivor statement.

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[rbnyc]

21. Thank you. (nt)

[Brickbat]

20. You're in my thoughts and I thank you for speaking out.

K&R.

[rbnyc]

22. Thank you. (nt)

[Odin2005]

23. !!!!!!!

:hug:

[rbnyc]

28. Hi Oden!

:loveya:

[BlueIris]

24. Good for you (and other survivors) for posting.

Banish the shame, all.

[rbnyc]

27. yes

banish it

:hug:

[irisblue]

25. thank you

i believe you. i respect and honor your survival. your strength is an example to me. your honesty is appreciated. (hugs)

[rbnyc]

26. thanks so much

for such thoughtful words.

[CoffeeCat]

29. You are amazing...

...and what my therapist calls, "resilient". He identifies some survivors as inherently "resilient". They
manage to process, remain strong and live very productive lives.

I am so happy for you, and so glad that you are living a terrific life. Sexual abuse, especially when it
happens when you are so young, wrecks havoc. I know it's a long, difficult road full of ups and downs--that
never really ends--but you are thriving and living a wonderful life. That's a testament to your strength.

I was sexually abused as a child as well.

I'm doing very well. I'm a mom to two very lovely, sweet and smart little girls who are in elementary school. I have
a terrific husband. I'm a PR person and I work out of my home part time--and the rest of the time I'm a mom!
I'm also a painter, a baker and a flower connoisseur. I have more than 20 pots of flowers that I baby and
nurture all summer long.

I saw that clip on Oprah today. It was amazing. I also gained immense understanding of my own innocence from
learning about perpetrators. My therapist also treats perpetrators, and I learned a great deal about them
from his insight. They are insidious beyond repair. I've heard firsthand what they say to each other in
group therapy, and how distorted their beliefs are. Truly, it wasn't our fault. We couldn't
have prevented what happened. We were innocent.

Thank you for your post. I haven't talked about this in a while. Like many have said--silence only
helps the perpetrators. We shouldn't have shame. Our stories are important. So thank you for allowing
me to tell mine.

I wish you the VERY best in your life! :) :hug:

[rbnyc]

33. Your reply...

...is why I posted this. Thank you so much for talking about your experiences. It sounds like we have a lot in common, actually.

Funny you would mention resilience. I was a subject in someone's doctoral thesis on resilience. I wish I would have read the final paper. I wonder what contributes to resilience.

[bobbolink]

60. There's something about that that makes me uncomfortable.

Someone who isn't as "resilient" is somehow.... what? Flawed?

This is the kind of thing that can be so devastating to someone who is already hurting.

Its why I don't like Oprah.. she always says "If I could do it, so can everyone." She doesn't bother to point out that at every turn, she had people there for her.

Others don't have that.

I really don't like this dividing victims into these kinds of categories. Life is painful enough without that.

[rbnyc]

73. That;s a REALLY good point.

I will never be able to use that language without thinking of it in this way again. Thank you so much.

[bobbolink]

75. Thank you very much for listening. We are ALL in this together, and it doesn't serve

*any* of us well to divide us into groups of "successful" and "unsuccessful".

I don't want to see any sisters (or brothers) left behind in this way.

:pals: :grouphug:

[CoffeeCat]

63. About resillience...

I asked my therapist about that too. I wondered why I had survived so well and was able to
thrive. I have had a tough time, and I still have my bad days--but I'm high functioning, and it
sounds like you are too.

My therapist said that resilience is a combination of personality traits. I got the impression
that it was genetic. Also, so many factors contribute to how an abuse survivor recovers. In
my case, the abuse was so traumatic, that I blocked a lot of it out. I had delayed recall and
remembered previously forgotten chunks of it, until I was in my 30's. I think my brain did an
excellent job of preserving my sanity until I was able to process safely.

Denial, I've learned--is a gift. And who knows how it kicks in and why it kicks in for some
and not others. My ability to pretty much suspend reality, as a survival mechanism--seemed
to really help.

That's interesting that you were part of thesis on resilience. That would have been interesting
to read the conclusions the writer drew!

Thank you again for bringing up this topic. The sexual abuse of children is an epidemic in this
country; an epidemic that no one wants to discuss. It's also very misunderstood and mis-characterized
in the media and that bothers me. The focus is usually on stranger sex abuse/abductions, as the media
spotlights those cases (Elizabeth Smart). However, most sexual predators are well known to the victim
and they're average everyday people--the accountant down the street or the coworker in the cubicle
next to you. No one seems to want to face this. I am bothered most by that--because it helps the
perpetrators hide and it also makes it hard for survivors to come forward and be believed.

And you're doing a lot by bringing up the issue and sharing your own story. :)

[MedicalAdmin]

68. Resilience is a label ...

It describes a non standardized set of reasons why an individual survives and is able to thrive after a tragedy or insult. Like many labels, it is mearly meant to describe the outcome and not the process. I look at it as a way of shrugging the professional shoulders and admitting that they really don't know why someone survived and thrived while acknowledging that they did. As labels go it is pretty neutral. JMO.

Thanks everyone for sharing. While not an abuse victim I know more than a few people who have survived and a few who have been able to thrive.


Sigh.:cry:

[raccoon]

30. Thanks for posting. I'm so glad you are doing well now and it sounds like

the abuse doesn't haunt you now and diminish the quality of your life.


:hug: :yourock:

[rbnyc]

34. thank you...

you also rock.

:hi:

[Kurovski]

31. K&R. (nt)

[Phentex]

32. I have family members who said the same thing...

one was an Oprah watcher, the other happened by on that particular episode. It was life changing for many people.

My heart goes out to you.

[RedCloud]

35. I was about 6.

A stepfather seemed to like to grab my thing and pull on it. Also got my sister too. Mom divorced the pervert once she found out. I got over it once I knew he was out of the picture. Sis never did. She was three years older and has stayed traumatized her whole life.

[bobbolink]

66. My sympathies for your sister.

These things are so horrendous. :cry:

:grouphug:

[Snoutport]

86. Hey Red

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad to hear you are doing ok about it. Strength to ya, man...and some for your sister. Maybe she's on her own path and will get there too.

[RedCloud]

100. Thanks to both for your kind words which I am sure are well sent for all who suffered.

Life doesn't always give us a kind path.

My sister probably needed counseling when she was a kid.

[rbnyc]

105. Thanks for telling.

So many people have experiences like this. I'm glad you were able to get over it. I'm sorry it was so much harder for your sister.

[kag]

36. I was five.

And I blocked it out of my memory until I got to be about thirty, then the memories started coming back. He was my best friend's older brother, a teenager at the time, and he used to babysit me and my brothers. It didn't happen often (at least I don't think it did), but I began remembering how he would go with me to the bathroom, and when he would "pull up my pants" I remember it hurting, and then the memories started coming back.

I am sure it had an effect on my relationships with men. I played the victim for years. I think what saved me was my brothers, and their examples of what "real men" behave like, and how they behave with regard to their wives and daughters. (My father wasn't abusive, just absent and clueless. Mom passed away when I was sixteen.)

I was lucky enough to meet and marry a man with integrity, kindness, intelligence, and a great sense of humor, and I credit my brothers with giving me the sense and courage I needed to say "yes" to him when he proposed.

I still remember the pain I felt when I was five, but I know now that not all men are abusive like my babysitter or negligent like my father. Some are good, smart, funny, generous people. And I think most of them hang out here on DU.

;)

[rbnyc]

106. I agree we have a lot of good ones here at DU.

And I'm glad you found a good one in your own life.

Sometimes, an old memory comes over me and I just have to breathe it our. Especially reading this thread, images and feelings come back. Im just notice them and let them go. It's sad that so many people built so many terrible mamories for so many other people.

[BanzaiBonnie]

37. I have four daughters

When I learned those statistics I realized that one of my four daughters had been sexually molested. She was five. The man was a neighbor. Years earlier, when I first saw this person on my front walkway, I had the most horrid feeling of dread. It felt like this person would destroy our family. I told my husband, then and there not to allow that man in our house.

He told me that I was being silly. He told me I was predujudiced because the guy was poor and down on his luck. He told me I was being silly.

And to prove him wrong, I allowed this man in our home. My husband made befriended him and tried to help him out. I ignored my gut instinct.

Years went by and when I was preoccupied with being pregnant, he invited the five year old over to see the new kittens at his house, which was just aorund the corner from ours.
She began drawing frightening pictures of monsters. Dark and hideous. I thought it was jealousy over the coming baby. I didn't see it at all. She kept it secret for four more years.

That event shaped every other in my daughters life. She's over thirty now and is beginning to crawl out from under the shadow of her monster.

Ignore your gut instincts at your peril or the peril of your family. I will never again ignore my feelings of danger and warning. But what a price my daughter paid.

[rbnyc]

107. Yes, you have to trust your gut instincts.

I was just screaming this to my in-laws the other night. There is a man who is an acquaintance of the new girlfriend of my husband's uncle who has been trying to insinuate himself into the family and I don't trust him. I have asked that we all agree to make sure he is NEVER alone with my son or niece. I will not have him my home at all. I was accused of being an elitist and prejudiced against him because he is not very intelligent or well-educated or culturally exposed. That's not it. There's something about him, and I have no reason to trust him and one-adult to one-child situations should be avoided whenever possible anyway.

I said, at the dinner table (only adults present) this is how I was molested when I was 4. The wrong person was given access to me in my grandparents' home, and no one was watching and no one thought that it would happen. I know you can't do a background check on every person you let into the house, but what do your instincts tell you about this man? What does your gut say? Are you going to put your grandchildren at risk because you're afraid to look like a snob. Be a snob. You have to follow your gut instincts. Mine tell me to keep him away from the kids and you are going to cooperate with me.

Anyway, they are pretty used to me holding my own and they acquiesced. My father-in-law told me later that he was glad, that he had actually felt a kind of sick feeling having him near the kids, and he's relieved that we've drawn lines.

[madmom]

38. I don't remember how old I was,7 or 8, but I do remember an uncle "hiding" behind his

bedroom door, upstairs where the bathroom was. When I came out he would come up behind me and catch me and put his hand down my pants. It was always dark, maybe that is why I don't like dark places now. Come to think of it, it might be the reason I can go all day without going to the bathroom if need be, I have a bladder the size of the Grand Canyon.
I've tried to forget it, I've moved on, he is dead now. I have talked with my daughter about such things though.

Stay strong rbnyc:hug:

[FarLeftFist]

39. Was this person ever brought to justice?

For what he has done to you or possibly by another person he may have done that to? Have you seen this person at a point later in life? Does your family know? Grandparents? Feel free to not answer if you want. So sorry to hear about this. As a parent of a young child myself (2 1/2 yr old boy) things like this make my blood boil. So glad you survived this, physically and mentally.

[rbnyc]

74. I don't know what happened to him.

I didn't tell until I was in 5th grade and by that time, my family was in terrible turmoil. My parents were divorced, both drug and alcohol addicted and my mother was mentally ill. Nothing was done. I don't even know his last name, and my grandparents died a long time ago.

I do know that something horrible happened in his life. He had a baby who was killed in a terrible accident. And I know the woman he had a baby with was friends with my grandma for many years.

I hope this was a unique situation and that I was the only one.

[FarLeftFist]

94. You're an inspiration for many others

To emerge from such trials and tribulations and be so strong about it says so much about the human spirit. Thanks for sharing your story with us, it may help more people than we'll ever know.

[KitSileya]

40. Thanks for sharing.

I think it is so important that not only these experiences be voiced, but also that it is possible to lead full, fruitful lives afterwards. So often there's an expectation (reinforced by media - L&O-SVU, anyone?) that once you've experienced rape, sexual abuse, or molestation you'll never be right again - it becomes the defining characteristic of your life, your personality, your choices. To a certain extent I think it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't want anyone to misunderstand me here, of course these are shattering experiences that have far-reaching consequences for most, but the idea that this damages you and that that damage can never be repaired irks me so much. You become different, perhaps, than how you would have been, and it lays a burden on your soul that takes time and effort to work thru and which should never, never be laid on anyone, but there is hope.

I was in middle school when a classmate, his friend and his brother held me on their laps and touched me inappropriately. For me, however, the worst was that my father walked right by and did nothing, because he thought it was play - I was laughing a lot and he didn't think anything but horseplay was happening. I am incredibly ticklish, you see.

[Plucketeer]

41. +1 nt

[Forkboy]

43. I can't even wrap my head around what happened to you.

And I'm not sure the mentality behind such a thing is something I want to understand anyways.

The fact that you were able to go from that horrible experience to the person you are today is amazing. I think of the scars my own childhood left on me, and yet I never went through anything even remotely as bad as what you dealt with, but I still struggle with it. The way you've dealt with this shows me an inner strength that I only wish I possessed. You damn well should like yourself! :)

[rbnyc]

76. Hi Forkboy.

So good to see you and thnanks for such kind and supportive words.

:hi:

[bigwillq]

44. Great post.

K and R

:hi:

:hug:

Thanks for sharing.

[rbnyc]

108. Hi.

Good to see you.

Part of me wants to let this thread sink. But part of me is so in awe of the people who came forward, I want to say something.

Anyway, it's good to see you, as always.

[OneGrassRoot]

45. I was 6....

:grouphug:

:hug:


Edit to add: And I am also fine now.

More :hug: :hug: :hug:

[rbnyc]

109. Standing with you...

...and holding your hand.

:loveya:

Glad you are ok.

[bobbolink]

46. Thank you so much for bring this to light. Thank you for the link, and I would add another one:

http://www.missamericabyday.com/

This has come up with me recently, as a young woman confided in me being abused (raped, is the word) by her grandfather. It is always an honor when someone confides something like this, and I feel like DU is honored by your post. I hope you put it in your journal!

Also, locally, someone who works at a local business I frequent was fired for sexual harrassment of a co-worker. The support for that worker came through her labor union!

ALL of this is tied into the use of sexual slurs. It must STOP.

Thank you..... I am glad to know you, like Marilyn Van Derbur, were able to work through it. I trust you had the support you needed... so many don't.

We are honored and indebted to you for your generous sharing of your own experience.

Much happiness to you! :hug:

[rbnyc]

110. Thanks for link.

And thanks for everything.

[bongbong]

47. Terrible Tale

My heart goes out to all the survivors here. One of the best first person accounts of an extreme reaction to abuse is the book "When Rabbit Howls". I was reminded of this book from a post on this thread about a stepfather's abuse. There are a surprising amount of men who like to date single mothers - and some of those are doing it mainly for one (extremely evil) reason. It's YA thing to worry about if you're a single mother on the dating scene.

[rbnyc]

111. I never heard of the book.

I will check it out.

[WilliamPitt]

48. (((HUG)))

:hug:

[rbnyc]

112. Hey Pitt!

Hugs back. You are always such a source of love and knowledge and everything good here on DU. It's really great to get a hug from you in this thread.

[colorado_ufo]

49. And you are a most special person, as well!

You have helped a great many people by writing this.

[av8rdave]

50. So sorry for what was done to you...but so happy about your recovery

I know it had to have been a long, difficult road.

I'm fortunate in that neither I nor my children have had to endure what you have. But I too have seen the 1 in 4 ratio you cited, and it's alarming.

Thanks for talking about your successful outcome. I am aware that there are others who haven't yet been able to overcome the trauma.

[cullen7282]

51. I was 6

It continued until I was 8

[Snoutport]

87. I'm sorry cullen

I hope you are doing OK.

Sending good energy your way.

[cullen7282]

97. Thank you

I am fine. Had some very wild teenage years when my self esteem wasn't so good but I have come to terms with it and I am a very strong adult now.

[LittleGirl]

52. I don't remember how old I was

9? 10? 11? then later when I was 14, 15, 16, 17, 18. Well, you get the idea.

I just remember the touching started to happen multiple times, by multiple boys, guys and men.

I recently realized that one of the daughters of a man I was in a relationship with asked me when 'my first time was' and I was so shocked by the question that I wouldn't answer it. I was in total denial back then. I couldn't talk about it because it wasn't a pleasant experience for me. My first time wasn't about love and caring and sharing. It was forcing me to do things I had no idea about or why I was being forced to do it. It damaged many of my relationships until the one I am in now with my husband. He understands me and loves me for who I am. Damaged and all.

You can only imagine my reluctance when I go through airport security and they want to pat me down! Don't freaking touch me!

[MedicalAdmin]

69. I used to work maximum and supermax security.

As you can imagine there were some seriously evil SOB's housed there. We are not talking about someone who lit up a joint, we are talking about the worst of the worst (mixed in with a large portion of people who just screwed up and were paying the price for their loss of control.

At any rate one of the units I worked on for a while was where they put all the sexual predators and molesters. It was, er, an eye opening experience and one I would rather NEVER repeat. *shudder*

Having said that I once asked one of the molesters who had requested NEVER to be released about his crimes and he told me that predators can "smell their prey" and that in his opinion guys like him will NEVER stop. And he didn't want to re-offend so he was suing (and threatening to break any law if he had to the second he was released to get back in) to be committed. It was kinda strange and kinda hopeful and seriously creepy.

I guess what I am saying is to trust your instincts. I can tell you that the best staff in max security learn to pay attention to their feelings and act on them. Better safe than sorry and when you are dealing with your kids then that counts at least double. On the other hand pyschopaths are VERY good at mimicing normal behavior and blending in.

FYI - some of the best staff were the women. We had one guard there who could spot an inmate with contraband from about a city block away.

[Withywindle]

53. K & R

:hug:

[lupinella]

54. Thank You.

Fellow survivor - just wanted to say thanks for this thread because if people don't talk about sexual abuse then society cannot deal with the problem.

[catzies]

55. I was ten. By my soon-to-be-stepbrother. He started before my dad married his mom.

It lasted for 6 years.

When the parents found, out, they blamed me.

I was "the slut who seduced her son." AT TEN?!?!?!?!

They kicked me out -- 3,000 miles across the country out. I was never invited back. Nothing ever really healed, it just got pushed into the past. To his dying day, may father never wanted to hear my side of the story.

Almost everyone involved now is dead. I survived.

:hug:

[ZombieHorde]

57. Fucked up. This is the reason I never told anyone when I was molested. nt

[ZombieHorde]

56. I was six or seven. I wasn't ashamed, but I thought I would get into trouble if I told anyone. nt

[Maraya1969]

58. I was 17. And I am still embarassed to say that I let it happen when I should have

known better. Oh God I am still blaming myself. I'm crying now because I don't know why.


I was having horrible panic attacks and the man who molested me was my minister. I got to the point that I thought he was the only one who could save me from going completely insane. I went on a cruise during that time and the only way I could get on the ship was to remind myself that if I had a panic attack I could call him ship to shore.

I don't know how to get over this. I thought I had but obviously not.

[knitter4democracy]

65. He was a predator. It was not your fault. Not in any way.

He didn't just molest you; he fucked with your mind, too. He did it deliberately and knew what he was doing. It's called abuse and gaslighting, and what he did to you was wrong, wrong, evil, and wrong.

You were nowhere near at fault. It is not your fault. You can hold your head high because you were young, he was in a trusted position of power, and you had no one protecting you from that rat bastard.

Call your area sexual assault services number. In my county, therapy is free, and there's no time limit. They have specialized therapists who can help you heal and stop blaming yourself.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Maraya1969]

70. Thank you so much. I'm going to copy and keep your post in my documents. And I will talk about

it with my therapist. :hug:

[knitter4democracy]

71. It was my honor.

You are a survivor, a strong person who made it through a horrific experience. You are to be commended, not judged and definitely not blamed.

:hug:

[irisblue]

83. totally true you were not at fault, in any way, shape, or form.

please believe us, and that. HE was wrong. period. you were still a kid, and there was no way, shape, form, or possibility you were in the wrong.

[rbnyc]

78. Thank you for talking about it.

It takes as long as it takes. There's no set time line for recovery, and in a way, it you are recovering forever. Sometimes when I see I am still having trouble getting over my car accident almost 8 years ago, I get mad at myself and can't believe I'm not over it yet. You have to let yourself off the hook.

:hug:

[Snoutport]

84. I wonder how many people you just inspired to feel stronger about being molested.

You are very brave Maraya!

Thank you for sharing. I hope getting it out gives you strength and some peace.


Good luck on your healing process. It is a bumpy road but one day you will wake up and all that will be your past. It won't have that same power over you. Healing always sucks cause...well, because you are hurt.

Probably every person reading your post wants t

[CoffeeCat]

95. Sweetie...my molesters did the same thing to me...

You were only 17 years old. This man was a minister. He held a position of power
over you and was someone that you trusted. He knew this. He knew it very well.

Do you see that he used his authority as a minister and the trust and respect that
society demands that we give these people--in order to manipulate you and sexually
abuse you?

I know it's hard to see it. You feel as if you could have done something differently
or should have said something or acted differently. That is putting ALL of the
responsibility on you, the victim. In reality, this minister should have NEVER, EVER
initiated any sexual contact with you. Do you know that this behavior he did is
illegal? Ministers, therapists and teachers are not allowed to initiate sexual
acts or behavior with minors and people who seek their advice. The law recognizes
that ministers, teachers, therapists have power over individuals and people can
be hurt.

Please don't blame yourself. This minister is to blame. These types are master
manipulators and they are very skilled at getting you to doubt yourself and blame
yourself. That's how they keep you quiet.

One of my offenders was a police officer. I did nothing and said nothing. In fact,
I trusted him. That's natural. What he did to me was not natural and was an abuse
of authority and power. What happened to me is similar what happened to you.

It wasn't your fault.

[DevonRex]

59. I was 11 or 12.

I've always thought I was 12. But now I think I was 11. I didn't tell anyone.

[Snoutport]

88. you have now...

I hope it feels good.

Power to you Devon. :0)

[libmom74]

61. 2 1/2

I don't remember but I guess after my grandparents had me removed from my mother and her boyfriends house they had me examined and knew something was wrong and I was able after therapy to basically tell enough for them to know. Between that and physical evidence the was guy convicted. I'm fine now too for the most part, I have some issues with depression and I sometimes wonder if the anxiety attacks that I have when my son sleeps over at his cousins or best friends house are because of the abuse, I also think it's why I'm so overprotective of him. I tried therapy once as an adult but it started to bring back some memories and them I just felt angry all the time so I quit but it took nearly a year for the anger to go away (or be buried?) so I think for me it's better to not know.

[Snoutport]

89. ...

Hugs libmom, you'll tackle it when you are ready. Just make sure you have a good way to vent the anger...cause dang right you should be mad!

My mom and I are real close and she had some issues to work through too. Once she did the panic attacks went away. I wish you a good journey as you work it out.

:0)

[Whisp]

62. more than 70% of prostitutes were sexually abused as children

and I'm sure that would carry over into the porn industry as well.

these poor souls separate themselves from their bodies - they did it to survive their childhood nightmares and continue to do it.

I can't see pornography as a victimless form of entertainment - I will see these people as children, hurting children that will never get over it. I can never see that as entertaining or sexual liberation of any kind. It is taking advantage of someone else's heartache

[whathehell]

67. Yes...I've read even higher percentages, but more than 70% is huge.

and it does render prostitution far from "victimless".

[bobbolink]

80. You bring up an EXCELLENT point. It is a good reason for not judging others.

Thank you, thank you!

I hope many others read your post and think deeply on it! :applause:

[notadmblnd]

64. Can't remember the age. It was a step father.

I was 3 when my mother married him. I was 11 when he died. After that (13) it was a friends brother. I was staying overnight at her house and was woken by inappropriate touching. After that 18 or 19, an uncle made inappropriate advances.

I don't think there are many females that grow up without some form of sexual abuse occurring. I always understood that it wasn't my fault. My sister blames my mother to this day (yes, her too) for not being strong enough to take care of us on her own.

my mother asked us once why we didn't tell her- we didn't tell her because she wouldn't have believed us, Besides, she needed someone to take care of her and her kids. Our real father bailed when I was 6mo old and got away without ever paying a dime in child support. That's who I blame, the man that walked out on his obligations.

[LittleGirl]

98. My Mother was abused

and she tried to tell me about it about 7 yrs ago, but I didn't want to know the details. She was crying hysterically so I told her to stop. I held her and asked her to get some therapy but she is 78 now and would never consider it. My sister was molested by my oldest brother. She's a functioning alcoholic and tea partier so we don't talk much anymore. She's so damn mean that I can't be around her. Like Oprah taught us, her negative energy gives me the willies.

So, all three of the women in my family have been abused. ALL OF THEM.

Shoots that 1 in 4 stat to hell.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

72. and yet --

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x1172968


seems there are 2 DU's . . .

I like this one better.

K and R
for you


I hope Oprah sees your thread and not mine. I wish Oprah all the best.

[rbnyc]

77. Wow!

There are so many amazing replies in this thread. I read a few at work and wanted to respond, but instead I worked - imagine that.

;-)

I have to put G to bed soon, but there are so many folks I want to talk to here.

You are all amazing people!

:loveya:

[Chorophyll]

79. You write a pretty good DU OP, too.

Not a skill to underestimate. :hi: :hug:

[rbnyc]

93. thank you

:hi:

[Voice for Peace]

82. I was about age 6 through age 10

seriously damaging; it has taken much hard work to heal.

[Snoutport]

90. Hey V 4 P

Hugs from afar and some good energy. I'm glad you are healing. :0)

[ejpoeta]

85. didn't oprah or someone on her show once say that you were abused or you don't know

because you could have been abused and have no memory of it. that is a scary thought.

[Snoutport]

91. heya rbnyc

I didn't mean to take over your thread. This post is one of the most touching I have read on here and so many people were sharing I just had to respond to them. Just to try to send a hug their way. One for you too.

Very moving post. So much strength in so many people.

[rbnyc]

92. No takeover...adding.

Please, I still have so much I want to say to so many. I keep stopping in between mom duties and other nightly business. I will write more in the morning. Everyone who stands up in this thread deserves to be acknowledged, and we are a community.

:loveya:

[TK421]

96. sorry to hear this happened to you...this post took some major guts

I hope this motherfucker gets what he deserves, because if that were to happen to my kid....

[cate94]

99. 13

I've written and deleted this post three times.

I was 13. My Dad had just died.
My neighbor asked me inside to talk about babysitting his kids.

I never told because I thought it was my fault.
Later I realized he was abusing his kids. And then he abused a younger girl who lived next door to us. After he had abused me.

I wish I had someone I trusted enough to tell at the time, but my Mom turned into someone else after my Dad died. My oldest brother came home from the Army crazy and mean. There were landmines everywhere.

I survived. I struggle but I survived.

[rbnyc]

101. I was just coming to post...

...another general post to everyone that I'm sorry I have personally responded to each brave person who stepped up in this thread. Each person deserves my support, appreciation and thoughtful audience. Then I read your post. I'm not saying that your struggle is deeper or greater than any other, but I was so moved by your story. Thank you for sharing it, even though it was hard.

There are so many people here I want to say something to.

I will be back.

[cate94]

103. So many stories are far worse

than mine. But I wanted to say something. It didn't feel right to be silent after many of the brave posts on this thread.

Thank you for posting your story and starting the discussion.

[Poll_Blind]

104. Just coming by and kicking this again, because it's worth it.

PB

[Tikki]

113. You are such a strong person..

I've admired your perseverance. And you do have the heart of a survivor.

<3

Hugs to your sweet family.

Tikki

[rbnyc]

114. Hi Tikki

The thing about strength is that you kind of notice it in retrospect. During the hard times when you are actually being strong, you often don't feel that way.

:loveya:

Thanks for always being so supportive of me.